Originally posted by SyntheticPerception
reply to post by NewAgeMan
My "life" or should I say "inner" happiness has improved drastically after my psychosis and fall into what society call "madness". It was a long dark
road.. but boy was it worth it.
Same here, I wouldn't give it up for anything.
You and I are kindred spirits, and I'm so happy to discover another person who's been through the ringer and come out the other end with flying
colors. We did what was necessary to survive, spiritually, including if need be a type of death and resurrection experience, with all the other
elements of the hero's journey including all manner of spiritual attack, but something got us through it, something more powerful than any of it, no
matter what we might have gone through. I call it Grace.
The thing with grace though is that having tasted it a person wants more and more and the ego wants to direct it and own it and feel the power of it.
It's like getting passive aggressive with God himself who's forced to both pull away while constructing one of those circus catchnets under the
If there's one thing, or two, that I've learned in the process it's that "there is a God" (Carl Jung), that "God's compulsion is our liberation" (C.S.
Lewis), and that God is actually, in the final analysis the funniest being in the whole universe and then some.
To encounter the living God, is to fall down to the ground in a heap of crying laughter enough to bust a gut, and it's the knowledge of an actual
experience, a recognition of a fundamental absurdity regarding all our prior conceptions, about ourselves, others, the whole world and the nature of
the cosmos, including our place in it. When the scales fall from the eyes, then any truly SANE person, any reasonable person is forced by the mere
slightest contact with universal intelligence, to burst out in maniacal laughter, possibly even to the point of both crying and laughing at the same
time - something certain to appear utterly insane by any outwardly "normal" person, but in truth their evaluation and dismissal is based on nothing
more or less than the fear of incomprehension and of a lack of understanding regarding something that they know, deep down, they too will eventually
have to confront, if they are to ever feel alive and freely self expressed ever again. To them your laughter is perhaps the gravest and MOST insane
thing they've ever heard, while for you, having willingly gone insane (and into sanity) their incredulousness relative to you is even FUNNIER, as if
God has no limit as to the potential humor of increased understanding that's available.
There is also the sense of having been "overcome" but not by a malevolent force, only an inconquerable love filled with understanding and thus real
self knowledge, and at least for me, through the tears and laughter my exclamation was one of - How did he know?! When you're there in the heap of
epiphany, time is over, and thus, everything, absolutely everything right across the entire spectrum of all being and becoming led to this one
singular end of time moment of utter hilarity, and joy, and liberation, even untouchability, because as St. Paul (once Saul - that's funny too, just
like God to so punk such a chosen individual) said - "if God is thus for us in this manner, then who or what can stand against us?!"
During the darkest period of my plunge into psychosis, if not outright demonic possession or at the very least spiritual attack, a couple of things
got me through it.
One was the 23rd Psalm
"The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want" etc
and a little mantra that I developed, because it was if I was being used a conduit for a spiritual hijacking and thus spiritual robbery
"All the treasure is in Jesus Christ and the treasure is his love."
Basically I "narked out" the attacker time and time to my own higher power of my own understanding, and it worked, and in the final analysis worked
People who are intuitive who meet me now they say that they can tell that I've overcome something very real and perhaps even dangerous.
One guy, just someone I met at a Macs Convenience store, took one look at me, this was when I was being released from hospital last year (post
Christmas meltdown), and he said "You are a very influencial person, aren't you?" I said, yes I guess I am. He could tell. That was in my "untouchable
phase" when I was really on the pink cloud, and to be honest I want it back and admire you for stating that you have an inner happiness not otherwise
possible had you not gone through the "dark night of the soul". Then again, I never or very rarely feel lonely any more, and for the most part my
good-willed good-natured, playfulness is my dominent experience and even when I'm not so happy, which happens, it's my dominant "constitution". Why?
Because I cannot forget what I went through and what it meant and what I learned and discovered as a result.
It's like searching the everywhere for the buried treasure, for years and years and then finally finding it, and dumbfounded and excited about finding
that one most important thing, immediately reburying it (marking it's location) and selling everything you own (all conceptions and prior "reality
filters") to buy up the whole field!
Jesus knew. He knew it ALL. That's something else that I discovered. It's all been done for all the right reasons and God has already done for us what
we could not, of ourselves, do for ourselves alone.
It's very precious, like a wealthy merchant in search of find pearls who, on finding the most prescious pearl of all time immediately and without
hesitation sells everything he owns (and he was wealthy) just to have that pearl!
Jesus. Not only wise but very very funny!
edit on 1-12-2012 by NewAgeMan because: edit