I cannot handle this

This is my first post on ATS- I couldn't in good conscience read through your thread and not share my thoughts... reading your responses has been inspiring to me... Its clear that the amount of strength and compassion inside of you is TREMENDOUS- not many could handle it all and still be treading water, swimming, reaching out for help, advice, or just a listening ear. It takes a great person to be in the place you are. The day to day stresses of getting by are alone, enough to break some. Just the amount of emotional stress of ones own self is enough to make some run and hide. Add to that the stress caused by wanting-internally NEEDING- to HELP those you love, worrying about their emotions right beside your own- I know from experience this is a trait that is much less common than some might believe. Its one thing to feel sympathetic, even somewhat empathetic- its a whole 'nother ballgame when you truly FEEL their emotion as if is your own. Sometimes while we want to, wish we had the ability, to walk away- well, for some of us it just isn't possible... And there can be regrets later, those times we know separation of self is necessary, yet we stay. They say 'everything happens for a reason' Yeah well why the hell cant we know the reason while its happening?! I've come to believe more often than not, that is exactly life's purpose in giving you this extreme struggle- maybe you are learning lessons about yourself that will someday make you look back with gratitude- lessons that will someday help someone else go through a trial that they otherwise wouldn't- or couldn't. And most importantly, giving LOVE and unconditional support where and when it is needed most. While you might not know it now, you are doing so much more than you think- you are shining light into the dark at a time when a lot we see is black... and in the end, you will not have to wonder "what if" but maybe "oh well".. and I've learned the oh wells are a helluva lot easier than the what ifs... because guilt can turn into a worse evil than money You'll get thru it of course- the thing you are gaining might not be visible but in fighting your battle you are helping so many others fight their own. As stated in an earlier post, the things we lack make us thankful for those we don't. Thank you for reminding me that taking care of my grandmother as lung cancer- and life- have beaten her down, as hard as it is to see and live, putting another's well-being next to, or ahead of our own, gives us just as much as it gives them. Right now you and I both can say we are the smile on a face that would otherwise have none. And that makes me smile. =) thank you

To the OP, do you have a PayPal account? I'm unemployed and broke myself but if it doesn't offend you, I'd like to throw 5 bucks your way. If you don't have an account, it's very easy to set up.

reply to post by mydarlia


I am so very sorry for you and yours! I realize that there are times in life when everything seems to happen at once. Sometimes it's best to accept that there is a higher power working against you and there is only so much you can do to bring relief! Life is a test of our will to survive and to have faith! Please don't lose either! Reward will come if not in this life then the next! God bless you and yours!

Originally posted by mydarlia
Well let me see, my mother is pacing the house agitated because of her pain pills for her cancer , she can't get the rest she needs. My older brother is starting to go blind from Multiple Sclerosis, dad has a giant lump the size of a raised quarter on his wrist due to him picking at his skin. My younger brother has a lump in his back from working too much....I'm sorry, this is hard for me to grasp anymore.

The other half of my family keeps saying "pray to our oh Merciful God"..I might offend a few people but I'm praying "oh Merciless God please don't look upon thee and smite me.

I just don't get it, my family is literally falling apart, we are pretty much using "borrowed" internet, but on the bright side I did ask our neighbor first, she didn't mind so I am thankful for that.

The power bill is over due, the rented washing machine is getting taken by Sunday, the Gas bill is overdue, ramen noodles have become dear friends and to top things off I stepped out of the car and got a shoe full off water.

What in the name of whatever did I do to have my whole life thrown into this state of disarray?

My dad told me he has been thinking of doing Illegal things to make money for the house..I told him if he does I am leaving and taking the power bill with me.

I know desperation can make people do dumb things but I can't protect this whole family, if I believed in curses I would swear we are cursed

Sorry it is just beginning to really wear me down, and everyone says be strong, we are one step away from losing our home, one step away from no food, and one step away from no gas or power..and at this time I learned mom does not have any money for burial arrangements if the worse does happen.

What happens in situations like this? do they just burn the body? do they hold it somewhere? so much on my mind and all you guys get to deal with me, I am sorry, thank you for allowing me to vent yet again.

Ahhh, I wave the bull sh!t flag.

You authored a thread back on Nov 14th, 2011 where you said your mom was dead. You said the number 1621 kept coming up in your life but you moved out of your old house - that had too many bad memories because your mom passed there.... Now she's got Cancer?

I think you've got bigger problems than health issues.... you've got a zombie with cancer living in your house.

Why? Why you want people to feed you garbage sympathy?

Here's the post referred to above.

Originally posted by mydarlia
Okay this number has been surfacing constantly in my life since I moved out of my house 6 years ago in Illinois, I now live in California, but the number seems to have followed me.

(example) I see if added up by mistake when my dog ran over the keyboard the number was there, when I look at newspapers it is there, the credit union my fiance uses that's the address...

I never liked my old house and am rather happy to be gone..too many bad memories (mom passed away there)

reply to post by Alekto


Thank you but I will never take money from someone who could use that money themselves, that would make me feel like i was robbing you and i won't do that..i want you to get something small for yourself or put that five into savings,

reply to post by schuyler


yes this is my fiances mom, but she is like my mom, my own mom wasn't that nice and I have no real living family, but my fiances mom adopted me like i am one of them, I know it is hard to understand but I call them my mom and dad, and they love me and I love them more then I ever loved my birth family.

I did not want to get into all little details but it's fine, not a lot of people could understand this I think.

But for all purposes she is my true mom, i bonded with her, I love her and I feel everything I would feel if my own mom was alive.

I also wanted to add an edit, I know that there a lot of bad jokes about how people hate their mother in laws and I can actually understand that, but for me, no, after my birth mom died, I was alone for about 2 years on my own, then I met my fiance..first thing his mom did was walk over and give me a giant hug.

She didn't know me, i could of been evil, but she took one look at me and so did his dad and we have had a special bond ever since.

So I am sorry if a few of you might be thinking "ohh a juicy lie for us to sink our teeth into but no, not this time and not from me, and on a side note that damn 1621 number still pops up daily, so I gave up wondering about things that were just annoying.

Originally posted by Night Star
To all the posters telling the OP to stop feeling sorry for their self...
The Op is going through a lot right now and it is normal to feel sorry for yourself or overwhelmed. It is perfectly normal and to be expected. Have some damned compassion please.

I have compassion...and I wanted to give them a kick in the pants...sometimes tough love is necessary...they did enough feeling sorry...now they need to take action.

www.californiacrc.org...

This website might be a way for you to get started with finding help in your community. I know that government help is tremendously difficult in obtaining, but if you are able to go to a community resource center you might be able to find people who can offer advice or even monetary help.

I noticed that you live in California and this site has several locations across the state. By showing up to a meeting, and presenting your problems in a forum, which has been established to help, you may be able to find opportunities for helping to make life a bit easier.

Best wishes for your family.

Originally posted by Night Star

Originally posted by pbasonuk
You should pray to God and thank him for sending you Jesus.....


Because he would much rather look after a family who clearly sit on their fat arses all day not trying to work than 1000's of children dying every day all over the world because they are starving.

Sorry, no sympathy from me. Stop praying to a 'God' who isnt going to help you EVER and get off your arse and try and provide which is there if you look for it.

The OP is doing everything he/she can to help the family. How dare you post such a cold hearted reply to a fellow member who is suffering and struggling!

edit on 29-11-2012 by Night Star because: (no reason given)

this !! and you know why, i almost had the same, except for the adopted part, my mom died 11 years ago (feels like yesterday still) on lung and breast cancer, my mother in law died of bladder cancer, my daughter of 21 has melas and leighs disease, my son, who is gay (im 100% proud of him) but it had the struggle connected with it also he has adhd pdd nos and tourettes and alot of other stuff going on
ow and i got borderline

so i can relate to the poor sucker (hehe didnt mean to offend), and hope the guy stands tall and spends time with his family, he'll be proud some day of the things he is doing

kudos to him, and a hello to his mom for me ^^

Now I'm confused. So the Mom that has cancer is really your fiances Mom who you feel a bond with? Are the brothers that you keep mentioning your fiances brothers?? And the Dad is your fiances Dad??

reply to post by Night Star


Yes but as I said these are my true family now, I know it will be a little hard for people to understand and I really didn't think anything of that, but another poster made a point and i feel if i do not address it then people here will be all like is she for real?

and yes i am for real.

Originally posted by mydarlia
reply to post by schuyler

 

yes this is my fiances mom, but she is like my mom, my own mom wasn't that nice and I have no real living family, but my fiances mom adopted me like i am one of them, I know it is hard to understand but I call them my mom and dad, and they love me and I love them more then I ever loved my birth family.

I did not want to get into all little details but it's fine, not a lot of people could understand this I think.

But for all purposes she is my true mom, i bonded with her, I love her and I feel everything I would feel if my own mom was alive.

Oh, dear. Perhaps it is to your credit that you've taken a compassionate interest in your fiance's family. But the bottom line is that things aren't quite the way you laid them out initially. Here we all thought you were discussing your own nuclear family, your own siblings. I have a feeling some of the advice you have received on this thread may have been a little different had we understood the family dynamics a little better, such as, for example, your fiance's role here.

You misled us.

The Creator helps those who help themselves. There are lots of healing foods growing wild and free in California.
Aloe vera, marshmallow, malva, dandelion, etc., Google wild edible foods. No matter what healing protocol you
try to heal from any dis-ease Enzymes and Probitics are the workers. They make everything happen. Belief and
being positive is also HUGE. The body thinks what you are thinking is REAL. A HOME , no matter how small and
dingy is more important than a HOUSE. And clothes can be washed in the tub and hung to dry. Focus on the SOLUTION not the PROBLEM. This makes things more positive and you feel better about yourself. Become more
self-sufficient and fears lessen.


running with the wolves

reply to post by schuyler


Hmm really? I did not think i was being misleading, these are my true and only family now, but I am sorry if this is how it seems, as my own mom is dead, i never knew my dad, I knew his name but seems he died in Florida last year.

a "nuclear" family as it is called in my case meant nothing really, my grandfather usually took care of me, kept me from being abused by my mother and pretty much gave me my sense of values.

I now feel bad, it was never my intention to mislead, and if there is anything I can explain to make it easier for everyone then please tell me.

No matter what, I am still considered their family so what can I say? because i honestly consider them my true family.

Didn't you think that we would still have sympathy and compassion had you have been honest? I feel that you should have been honest from the beginning. Still, my heart goes out to you and the dificulties of the family that you have chosen as your own.

reply to post by Night Star


See? that's the problem, to me I am being honest, I don't say hello Mrs, or call her by her first name, I say hi mom, and I mean it, to me there is no thought of anything except she is my mom, I mean when I die I will be buried in their cemetery, even though there was a section for me in my old hometown thanks to my grandfather.

The point is she might not be a mom and family by blood but I would donate my organs to any of them in a heart beat if ever needed, I would so whatever it takes to protect them and watch out for them and I love them no matter what.

There are some people who can't even say that about their own true "blood" families so again, what can I say?

You notice i am not running away or running to make a brand new account, or anything that I actually find annoying myself.

But I am sorry again, it wasn't misleading in my eyes but I won't change my wording for anyone on here, these are my TRUE mom and dad and family, they are not related by blood, they are related though love, caring, compassion and true family values.

I am going to call our power company to try and get an extension in paying our bill and i will be back to listen and possibly to get yelled at.

reply to post by mydarlia


Well, I got a 26 day extension on our power bill, anything helps, but then Aarons rentals came by wanting the money for our washer, always something

Originally posted by mydarlia
reply to post by schuyler

 

Hmm really? I did not think i was being misleading, these are my true and only family now, but I am sorry if this is how it seems, as my own mom is dead, i never knew my dad, I knew his name but seems he died in Florida last year.

a "nuclear" family as it is called in my case meant nothing really, my grandfather usually took care of me, kept me from being abused by my mother and pretty much gave me my sense of values.

I now feel bad, it was never my intention to mislead, and if there is anything I can explain to make it easier for everyone then please tell me.

No matter what, I am still considered their family so what can I say? because i honestly consider them my true family.

But you are not. You have nowhere near the clout your fiance should have if he actually steps up to the plate and does his job. You can't tell the ne'erdowell brother to get a job or get out. You can't demand your father-in-law to be get any job at all. You don't have the clout and you have no legal standing whatsoever. Your fiance does, and it's really his issue. Hopefully he and your fiance's parents have done the responsible thing in terms of durable rights of attorney, health care and all that, something you shouldn't even be involved in. He's the one who has to figure out the limit of his responsibility and take care of business--or not--his choice, not really yours. You see what I mean? You are not really in the position you led us to believe you were in.