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Another Insight Into Depression: The Holidays

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posted on Nov, 23 2012 @ 12:30 PM
reply to post by Hefficide

Eat more potatoes, I can go into very complicated particulars but it's easier to say just eat more...Don't forget to put real butter on them too.

posted on Nov, 23 2012 @ 12:45 PM
Thank you for what has to be the most mature posting I've seen on ATS yet.

I'm almost certainly going to get a lot of guff for this, but I'm going to say it anyway- personally, I believe EVERYONE has mental issues of some sort, and I'm not saying it as an insult. Every single one of us is a product of our experiences and upbringing, since our personalities come from how we deal with our every day lives. Every single one of us has seen or done things that stick with us for as long as we live and affect how we behave, how we see ourselves, and which will cause problems in how we relate to others and as part of society.

For instance, someone who was heavily picked on in school will always have a tiny bit of doubt about their self worth regardless of how successful they become. A police officer who sees nothing each day but the sick and evil things people do to each other...and let's face it, we never call the cops to say "everything is all right so have a nice day"...will eventually become jaded about human nature. A doctor who was unable to save a child's life can't help but be haunted by the feeling that he failed the child and the parents. In my case, it was just something as ridiculously simple as being the youngest of three children, and when I say youngest I mean a difference of seven and nine years in age. They were learning how to drive at the same time I was still glueing model cars together, and the age difference created a chasm between myself and them we have never really overcome.

All I will say is that regardles of what problems you have, somewhere out there, there's someone who has even worse problems than you do, and on this thanksgiving day you should be thankful you're not them. You're not a single mother in a North Korean prison being forced to watch your newborn baby being torn apart by guard dogs because your baby was the child of a South Korean man, are you?

North Korean Defectors- escaping the reign of Kim Jong Il

posted on Nov, 23 2012 @ 01:13 PM
reply to post by Mijamija

About 4 years ago I had to go visit my dad....not something I wanted to do, but I had to for practical purposes. My anxiety was threw the roof. At one point I found myself crying underneath the bed, frozen in fear of comming out from under it


Had to reply to this before I finish the thread:

It was within the first year and a half of my longest (and continuing) stretch of sobriety, I don't remember the exact month any more. I was driving to work, and I pulled over. I felt frozen with fear and started crying, God how I hoped nobody could see me! I was hit with what some people define as the acronym of being SOBER - Son Of a B*ch, Everything is Real!

It was the first time in over a decade that I actually understood that hey, this is reality now, I have to deal with it, and I can't hide anymore. I don't want to hide anymore. And with that growth, and with that first faltering step into a very unclear, dangerous, and painful future there will be tears.

Please, don't feel alone in such overwhelming emotion. There are others who can at least relate, and there is always hope.

It is not how many times do I try and fail.

It is how many times do I pick myself back up again after the umpteenth failure to try again.

There are good people out there that know how to help, and by that I mean they really know how to listen. It's amazing how when you can give voice to something very painful, very powerful, and tell it like it is for what it is, to someone who will just truly listen to you, well, it's like you take away at least some of its power to hurt you anymore. Not that it won't ever hurt again, but it won't hurt as bad. And you can at least begin the process of owning it, and not letting it own you anymore. The things we don't name are the things that have the most power over us, that's my experience anyway. YMMV.

Best, heartfelt wishes to everyone. We are not alone, though it can be very hard to connect at times. No one is alone in their "dysfunction", whatever that is, right?

posted on Nov, 23 2012 @ 01:36 PM
reply to post by Hefficide

Again, before finishing the thread, (yah I have issues with compulsion) medication can work. Let me tell you, the me on meds v. the me off them is the difference between a me I like and a me I do not.
Point being, there is a huge difference between taking the right things and not.

And if people find that a medication is not working for you, or a dosage, well, that's why you see a psychiatrist. Tell them, or call them/they're message service/nurse so they can adjust things.

There were times when I'd feel like well, sh*t, they've tried xyz, now we're moved on to Aa, this HAS to work because there aren't any other options, so I better try and convince myself it's working ---

This is B.S.! There are always other options. If something is not working tell your doctor and it can be worked out.

Like Heff said, sometimes dosages need to change. Mine sometimes go up, sometimes down, then back up again.

Frankly I've started to just leave thinking about all that sh*t to the Docs, it's their job and I just get a headache wondering about it.

There's nothing wrong with something suddenly not working with your medications. Things need adjusting sometimes. Or changing. Find yourself a psychiatrist you can trust. Otherwise, it just won't work. I've switched a few times, and now have had one that I do trust.

Just my opinion, truly I am not a pharm rep lmao.

posted on Nov, 23 2012 @ 01:54 PM
Great post by the OP and the others that followed as well. I was never that keen on Christmas (the Thanksgiving equivalent in Canada), even as a child, although I enjoyed Christmas dinner. Several decades of "life" did not improve the situation. Fundamentally the substitution of material values for honesty in spiritual values settled in my stomach like a measure of gall that just kept getting bigger, year by year.

By the time I reached my mid fifties, I would start to get a knot in my stomach in October, in anticipation of Christmas.

Now, I am much happier because I no longer participate, except to exchange gifts with my mother.

I like the darkest time of the year. I like the stillness of it. I don't fight it with festivals. I like to synchronize my emotional life with the rest of nature and use the darkest, deadest, slowest and deepest time of the year to take the weight off my emotional infrastructure and just be, like a ghost. It feels wonderful. Soon nature stirs and like the rest of nature, I stir and begin to move on, into the new year.

posted on Nov, 23 2012 @ 01:59 PM
Well said Hefficide....unfortunately I know all to well about your claims of depression and the struggles that come with. Oddly enough I was quite excited to see a main headline post about depression on ATS's homepage. You see I have been coping with the recent death of my father, it has been two years now, considering I really have no family, I know the meaning of an empty house and a solitary lifestyle. He died on the 21st of November 2010 which made my past few days and the week leading up to it feel like a blurry hell. I got into a rut of doing nothing but laying in bed over sleeping and totally messing up my sleep pattern and missing work. I was motivated by my mother and girlfriend to go get medical attention. I was always reluctant and avoided the advice until just recently I drove myself to the nearby hospital facility and succumbed to the forces of depression. I waited and finally got a one on one appointment with a Doc after all was said and done he prescribed me on a daily regiment of Fluoxetine.
DOES anyone here have any valuable information or personal experience that I should know about when usin Fluoxetine? (Prozac) I would have much rather opted for medical marijuana. This would cure my depression and borderline OCD. Yes THC is a downer but it will not hurt you in the ways pharmaceuticals can. Believe me a good strain plus a vaporizer can melt away any fatigue/depression/funk you may be experiencing.

posted on Nov, 23 2012 @ 02:57 PM
Heff, the holidays can be difficult for all of us. It's either the hype and demand to buy stuff for people that they may not want or need, or it's to do stuff like cooking, baking, having parties, planning dinners and activities, tree shopping and school plays and Christmas pageants. I personally love going to the Catholic Church on Christmas Eve and sometimes even shopping at the Catholic store. Well that was in my last location as the Mary Queen of the Universe has a beautiful shop filled with so many things of spiritual nature, and even a special garden statue section too. It was the first place I ever saw a pregnant Mother Mary! The Church itself is really nice and has a giant creche every Christmas and a shrine to Mother Mary, lovely pillars and such.
This is not fun for the seculars, however.
Anyway, I do love the music, the decorations, the warm cozy lights, the silly snowman yard thing I have. It can be depressing for lonely people or stressful for people with too much to do.
I wish you happy holidays and no stress, have fun with the family and don't sweat the small stuff. Be grateful for family and friends in this tough time. Many people are struggling just to make ends meet and it could be a time when we are all just grateful we have turkey dinner. Christmas is really about celebrating Christ, again which is no fun for seculars, but Christ is in all our hearts, including those who are bipolar. It matters not what the outer conditions are, as long as we realize our humanity and accept the Higher Self in everybody.

posted on Nov, 23 2012 @ 03:17 PM
reply to post by Hefficide

My father used to be such a party pooper during the holidays but he finally worked out his demons and does not act all weird during the holidays.

even though the "holidays" specifically christmas is supposed to be a christian holiday it really isn't and has taken a different form of its own.

It is so twisted by other influences and commercialized that I do not even like it.

However most holidays should be taken in a different manner by many. taking this attitude made it easier for me to accept many things i disagree with and its a more adult way of looking at it. Instead of pointing out what is wrong with some holidays I understand that they are just an excuse to bring friends and family together... even the ones you do not like.

when the holidays come about I really do not do it for myself but i do it for the sake of the children and the women who always want a reason to bring everyone together and have family time. The "holidays" are a good excuse to bring everyone together and chances are people will not bail out of it as much.

I am sorry to hear you have mental issues and I do understand your plight since i suffer from seasonal depression and for a while that coupled in with my outlook of holidays in general used to make me a very unpleasant and unhappy person this time of year.

I hope you were joking about your mother because exactly what you described during judgement is exactly what happened when adam and eve were kicked out of the garden. Instead of taking responsibility for their sin they pointed the finger
Your trump card should be Jesus not blaming your mother, but I think that was just a joke.



posted on Nov, 23 2012 @ 06:21 PM
From what I understand, depression during the holidays is due to two primary causes:

1) Family relations and misunderstandings.

2) Lack of sunlight which the human body needs to process vitamins (ie vitamin D etc.) and for basic energy.

Many children today are not getting enough sunlight while they are distracted with video games which are often of a negative nature emphasizing death, destruction and other anti-social traits. That was not by accident.

I understand one should get at least an hour of sunlight every day in every season.
Try it. You may be surprised.
edit on 23-11-2012 by Bluemoonsine because: (no reason given)

posted on Nov, 23 2012 @ 06:33 PM
Thanks for the post Heff, it is threads like this that makes ATS addictive.
The best way for me to deal with depression during the holidays is to avoid family and any thoughts about past holidays. My story is pretty disturbing, but it has a positive ending.

I have ADHD, dyslexia, PTSD, Bi-polar disorder, severely cross-eyed until my 21st year, and legally blind without my glasses until I was 50. But these disabilities are easier to deal with then the emotional trauma that I suffered as a child. My parents were always fighting during the holidays. I mean beating each other up, breaking mirrors, throwing furniture, shooting guns. Merry Fricken Christmas! Eat your heart out Jerry Springer, you will never be able to top my family. Then only time I was ever touched was during beatings with a stick at least twice a week as a child. My parents taught by hate and fear with only negative touching. My twin sister committed suicide because of this crap.

When EVERYONE tells you that you are stupid and funny looking, it tends to affect you a bit. I escaped my parents the week of my high school graduation. I have since been discovering why my family is full of so many losers. I feel bad for family, especially my two daughters as they have been passed my genes.

All is not lost for me though. In spite of emotional and physical problems, I am a MENSA member who graduated from one of the best schools in the country at age 43 as a late bloomer and had better grades than many who had a perfect score on their SATs. I was not diagnosed with dyslexia until my senior year so I was not branded disabled and had no special help.

I figure if I can pull myself out of the pits of hell, others can too. Good luck and happy holidays to those that celebrate.

posted on Nov, 23 2012 @ 06:34 PM
reply to post by Bluemoonsine

You're referring to Seasonal Affective Disorder I believe. This is a depression that some people get during the winter months, but are fine through the other four seasons.

My depression is not seasonal in nature and, bluntly put, even now doctors haven't the foggiest clue as to what the root cause is. They've got theories galore, but nothing definitive. For example one highly regarded PHD concluded that I have these problems because I was born left handed but forced to learn to be right handed as a child - by a teacher who had a religious belief that left handed people were evil.

I realize that sounds bizarre at first. But when you think about it - in learning to be right handed I actually had to force an inversion of my left and right brains and their primary functions - thus I, theoretically, now use my "logical" mind to deal with intuitive issues, and my intuitive mind to deal with the logical.

Then there is the possibility that the depression is a function or result of my PTSD, which began when I had a cardiac arrest and emergency open heart surgery at the age of 18. Long, long story. Google Wolfe Parkinson White Syndrome ( for the curious ). At the time this was a death sentence. A time bomb. I walked around literally with the capacity to die at any moment from the age of 13-14 until I was 28 and science finally caught up with my problem and a cure was developed using outpatient catheter surgery.

Or maybe it was my alcoholic and abusive father who was a veteran of both the Korean and Vietnam wars and who had way more issues than I will ( knock wood ) ever had.

Or the mother who let her monster of a husband be a monster - and to this day insists he was a good man....


Given all that. I tend to think of myself as far more sane than I have a right to be. A little unpredictable depression or panic attacks makes perfect sense to me. And, in my case, medication helps - as long as I take it in very, very small doses. Both the antidepressant and the antianxiety meds I am on are prescribed that way at my request. It's like walking a tightrope dosage wise. A little bit too little and it all falls apart - a little bit too much and the same result.

Add this to the fact that body chemistry and tolerance levels change on a nearly daily basis and...

Well, I think everyone sees where it heads.

This is the third or fourth thread I have done on the topic of depression and I do them for three reasons. One, they are a bit cathartic for me. Two, they help explain some of the comments I make in threads to those who bother reading what I write. Then third, and most importantly, they allow others a safe place to open up and discuss their own experiences and situations. This allows catharsis for them as well.

I realize that I've over replied to your post - a lot of it was just in general and not directed to you.


posted on Nov, 23 2012 @ 07:42 PM
reply to post by Bluemoonsine

It's interesting that you mention SAD (seasonal affective disorder.) I actually have reverse-SAD, which believe it or not, is a real thing evidently lol.

Evidently it affects less than 1% of the population. The more sunny and bright it is, the worse I feel. That's one reason I welcome dreary, rainy weather that comes with winter (on top of the other reasons I mentioned in my earlier post.) But it's a double edged sword because the Holidays are accompanied by depression regardless.

edit on 11/23/2012 by AceWombat04 because: (no reason given)

posted on Nov, 23 2012 @ 07:43 PM

Originally posted by MichiganSwampBuck
I've had a problem with the holidays for many years now. The basic reason is not having the money to make it a good holiday for myself and my loved ones. I used to feel huge guilt having to choose between paying my bills through out the winter or providing holiday gifts and outings. The guilt and frustration about not being able to get ahead enough to have a good holiday season leads to depression, resentment, self loathing and anger.

The best way for me to deal with the holidays is to stop caring about them. I have to stop caring that I have no money now or in the future. Sure there is always tomorrow, just not a "real" future. So I'll struggle on for maybe another 20 years and then it will probably be some stranger's problem what to do with my lifeless body. The most I can hope for my future is that I don't have much in the way of personal property left for anyone to have to deal with it when I die.

Sound depressing? I call this being realistic. Happy Holidays everyone.

This is truly sad, because the things which make you feel bad are not necessary, but whatever expectations you've dealt with have left you feeling like they are important. You can enjoy the holidays without piles of gifts, or outings, etc., but, unfortunately, that requires the people around you to participate in an old-fashioned holiday as well. Cozying up together, watching a movie, having hot chocolate, and conversing. People have, unfortunately lost the art of, or will to just be together, and enjoy each other's company.

That said, if you are unable to change your financial situation, maybe you should change what you do for the holidays. It doesn't need to cost a dime - again, assuming you have good people to share the time with you.

Best wishes.

posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 01:52 AM
reply to post by Hefficide

I've learned to just not go to these "functions" that I don't wish to attend. If I don't want to see family on the holiday, I simply don't go. I don't feel the need to explain my actions to anyone. I never understood why people put on these fake smiles to sit through things they don't want to. If you're not comfortable being somewhere, just leave or don't go at all. If it bothers you or bores you, stay home.

Basically, I don't understand why people care so much about what other people think of them.

posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 05:04 AM
You're talking about me. But I decided I'm not going to those gatherings anymore.

I've always been the most socially inept person I have known, finally lost touch with familly except for my sisters and parents.
I am now unemployed.
I have lived the last 10 years alone...

I'm pretty sure my circle of friends would be bigger if I was in jail.

Not sure what the f... i'm doing here...

posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 06:53 AM
Thanks Hef I too have PTSD
It is a silent disability that is so easily dismissed as something we should just Man up and get over .
I hope you had a great thanks giving day ( yes even us down under folks know what that is
) .

posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 07:12 AM

Originally posted by Ketsa
You're talking about me. But I decided I'm not going to those gatherings anymore.

I've always been the most socially inept person I have known, finally lost touch with familly except for my sisters and parents.
I am now unemployed.
I have lived the last 10 years alone...

I'm pretty sure my circle of friends would be bigger if I was in jail.

Not sure what the f... i'm doing here...

If it helps one iota... you just described me more or less. I live with my mother at the age of 31, am only in touch with her and my father, am unemployed, and have only one close friend I speak with regularly. And zero that I actually see outside of the internet. Like you, I chalk this up to social ineptitude (or anxiety in my case,) and it can be much more lonely and isolating than I think many people not in the same predicament realize.

But hey... you're not alone. (Sorry for the cliched attempt at comfort, but it's true at its core nevertheless.) If you ever want to talk about anything, drop me a line. Peace.

posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 07:28 AM
reply to post by Hefficide

Thanks Heff for that post it was a very heart felt and honest read,I`ve been struggling for years now with depression and at times its been very servere,I don`t like to talk about it but seeing how upfront and honest you are about your personal issues and adding to that the thoughtfulness toward others that struggle with similar or worse forced my hand to reply.

Big thumbs up from me Heff

And much blessings to all,especially over the holiday season and my thoughts and prayers go out to those who are suffering through difficult times.

posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 07:40 AM
reply to post by Hefficide

This is the first time I actually connected with you.

This came straight from the heart and wasn't accompanied by overproduced semantic masturbation.

What happened to you that caused the PTSD?

posted on Nov, 24 2012 @ 08:23 AM
reply to post by Hefficide

just..... weird.....

are you really me in a different body or something?

This is kinda creepy that we have so many little details in common with only minor changes....

My head is kinda spinnin .....

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