posted on Nov, 22 2012 @ 07:52 PM
A beautiful and well timed topic.
As you say, "mental illness" is common in its myriad forms, so it should be expected that there is a broad cross-section of people suffering right
here on ATS as well to one degree or another. And when you couple that with the so called "winter blues" that a lot of people suffer, it may be
extremely beneficial for people to just be that much more sensitive and compassionate to one another this season. After all, it's supposed to be a
time of kindness anyway, right? (In theory.)
I've been pretty open in the past here about my Asperger's, social anxiety, and occasional depression. This year has been tough because my mother
was very ill from the start of the year until quite recently. It was horrifying and overwhelming for a lot of different reasons I won't go into, and
I'm still dealing with a ton of anxiety and intermittent depression as a result. It's only now that things have calmed down, and it doesn't feel at
all like "The Holidays" yet. And she's still going to be dealing with this condition for the rest of her life (and, without elaborating, so will
I... which is fine, I love my mom and would do anything for her, but, well... it is hard.)
Right when all that was starting, a dear friend (and ex lover from years past) of mine finally found her soul mate and got married, which was
wonderful and I remain quite happy for her. But as you can imagine, we went from talking almost daily to almost never talking, right as I needed
someone to talk to. Then my father, who I hadn't seen in 20 years (since I was 11 or 12... I'm 31 now) came to visit, and was very frail and ill
which was startling because my memories of him are as a strong and young man. And then more recently my phone service provider told me had to curtail
my phone usage because my supposedly Unlimited Long Distance Calling is actually quite limited, so that my best friend (a different friend) and I
can't talk much anymore.
And on and on and on. So as you can imagine, I'm not looking forward to this Winter. (Except for the rain. Rain always calms and soothes me. It's a
facet of my Asperger's. When it rains, all anxiety and fear evaporates, because suddenly stimuli in all directions becomes similar.) It doesn't feel
like a joyous time, and I keep having wave after wave of difficult memories.
So, I can relate to a degree, though in an entirely different context, to this sense of looming "Holiday" anxiety and sadness. I want it to be the
same magical, festive experience it used to be. But it just isn't, and I dread the juxtaposition of nostalgic memories and that realization as the
days grow shorter. We will, I'm sure, get through such feelings. And I know others suffer far worse. But these feelings can be a tough nut to crack,
and some kindness from others does indeed go a long way.
Like you Heff, I wish you and everyone nothing but the best. And hey, if anyone ever wants or needs a friendly ear... I'm around. Shoot me a PM. I'm
told I'm a decent listener, and I don't judge. Peace.