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A "Friend-Sexual"

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posted on Nov, 21 2012 @ 04:35 AM
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I'm not asexual, homosexual, or anything special. I have no hormone imbalance and I am simply straight.

I am a 19 year old girl who is engaged to my freaking amazing fiance, also 19, who I love with all my heart.

Also, this is strictly between me and you ATS, I will be telling NO ONE in my inner circle this.

I have a friend from middle school who is currently a good friend of mine, and my fiance. We both love him a lot. He has some anger issues, but he's an amazing friend to us.

So, I'm gonna explain an odd feeling I'm experiencing, and I'd like to know if I'm alone in this.

Our friend has many of the same issues as me, like anger, and he also draws anime and makes his own stories... just like me. He and I relate a lot. I think I understand him better than he thinks I do.

For some reason, something about him, be it his chemistry, emotions, personality, whatever, I just have some huge, mad urge to be really close to him.

I am not attracted to him sexually. Not one bit. I could never see us dating or anything.

I couldn't be happier with my fiance.

Still, I am attracted to him in a way I can't really explain. I almost feel like I need him for something, or some reason. God knows why.

He's been through a lot of things that I've been through (unfavorable family drama, attending special and/or alternative schools and being jumped, those kinds of things). Perhaps it's because we've experienced similar things and have a lot in common that I feel an odd connection with him.

My best friend tells me all the time, "You have a weird connection with him. I feel like one day you guys (me and my fiance) are just gonna run off with him and abandon us."

I have a strange pull towards him, like I want nothing more than to be close to him... but not in a romantic way at all. It's a very odd feeling.

It's not the first time I've had this feeling. It happens pretty rarely, but it's happened before. I'll get the strangest urge, and think "I really want to be around that person. I want to be by their side and never leave."

Since I was a little kid, I've been obsessed with the idea of friendship. I liked the idea of romance too, but I didn't think I was good enough to play in the romance games (I was wrong!)


I always wanted friends who were closer than family... and he's one of the people who I really click with.

Is it odd to have an obsession over simply being someone's friend?

I understand people being obsessed in a romantic sense, but friendship...?





posted on Nov, 21 2012 @ 04:48 AM
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edit on 21-11-2012 by SarnholeOntarable because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 21 2012 @ 04:51 AM
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Sounds like you have a thing for the person but don't want to admit it to yourself. And if this kind of feeling is mirrored by them you really need to reconsider the situation; just because you tell yourself you are in love with the friendship, doesn't mean the other person doesn't have stronger feelings.



posted on Nov, 21 2012 @ 04:53 AM
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Originally posted by boncho
Sounds like you have a thing for the person but don't want to admit it to yourself. And if this kind of feeling is mirrored by them you really need to reconsider the situation; just because you tell yourself you are in love with the friendship, doesn't mean the other person doesn't have stronger feelings.


I don't have any desire to date him at all.

Even if I had never met my fiance, I couldn't date him. There's something particular about him that is a HUGE deal breaker for me.

I feel more like a long lost sister to him.



posted on Nov, 21 2012 @ 04:57 AM
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Originally posted by SarnholeOntarable

edit on 21-11-2012 by SarnholeOntarable because: (no reason given)


What?



posted on Nov, 21 2012 @ 05:39 AM
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reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX
 




Sounds like you have a thing for the person but don't want to admit it to yourself.

I'm with Boncho on this one.
Based on the information you've given us, I would come to the same conclusion.
If this persists, then you will end up leaving your fiance.
This happens all the time, don't worry about it, it's part of the school of life.



posted on Nov, 21 2012 @ 06:03 AM
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It's an energetic thing XxNightAngelusxX..
Commonality between two people makes that energetic
connection more apparent and does "not" mean they want to be
intimate. As long as your honest with the most important
person to be honest with(yourself), all is good!!
I could say much more on this but have to go to work.
Be well!!



posted on Nov, 21 2012 @ 06:25 AM
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Originally posted by ParaSpy2012
reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX
 




Sounds like you have a thing for the person but don't want to admit it to yourself.

I'm with Boncho on this one.
Based on the information you've given us, I would come to the same conclusion.
If this persists, then you will end up leaving your fiance.
This happens all the time, don't worry about it, it's part of the school of life.


Dont listen to this. I know exactly what you are going through. My wife and I had the same thing going with one of our female friends.

It's natural. Play with it a little. Ask your husband if hes willing to go open relationship, and by that I mean you two share the person. It happens, trust me.

Dont listen to people who say you should leave your husband for him, screw that labeling nonsense. Screw what society wants, go with what your heart wants.



posted on Nov, 21 2012 @ 06:31 AM
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reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX
 


you told us the reasons you feel connected to this guy.

now tell us the reasons you would not have a romantic relation with him.

your fiance might be pretty understanding. but at some point he will want you to stop this attention your giving to this guy friend of yours. maybe even separating him from your lives all together. are you ready to do this for your fiance? one day you may have to choose. if you can't leave your guy friend for your fiance, then you may not love your fiance as much as you think you do. friendships are nice but your spouse should come first. your spouse is more than a friend, a spouse becomes your family. if being close with other guys is who you are and important to you, then you will need to be with someone who is okay with that part of you. this is a tall order to fill. most men are territorial with their women. men can see right through the games of other men. just like the way women know when other women are gaming. from what you described in your post, this guy is gaming you. he is laying the foundation for a future relation with you. working your nurturing side to get you to be his girl. if this is true, then you're in for a rough go.



i look forward to reading your reasons why you would not have a romantic relation with this guy.




edit on 21-11-2012 by subfab because: removed some text that did not contribute to my post.



posted on Nov, 21 2012 @ 06:36 AM
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Do you think he is an attractive looking guy?

If so, you want him, but you just can't explain his je ne sais quoi.

Attraction is not a choice.



posted on Nov, 21 2012 @ 06:41 AM
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I've only had a romantic relationship once, but I have had a lot of different best friends that I've hung out with on a daily basis. I find friendship to be amazing, because you get to share interests, do hobbies together, etc. Romance isn't as exciting for me, especially if the girl doesn't have the same interests and we can't be friends as well. I'm also interested in staying with my friends for a very long time.

I'm much more interested in an intellectual connection than sex, but if I can find a girl I'm intellectually connected with who thinks of me in that way (which hasn't happened yet) I would like sex.
edit on 21-11-2012 by darkbake because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 21 2012 @ 07:02 AM
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reply to post by WiindWalker
 


You tell her not to listen to my post and you post this;


Ask your husband if hes willing to go open relationship, and by that I mean you two share the person.

I don't know if I should laugh or ask for an invite, to the orgy.

ETA: It's her fiance, not her husband, and if you read her OP correctly it states she's straight.
It should be me telling her not to listen to you.
But everyone's got the right to their own opinion.
edit on 21-11-2012 by ParaSpy2012 because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 21 2012 @ 07:48 AM
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reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX
 


I fully understand what you are talking about, ignore the cynics and enjoy your friendship!

I too have had and do still have a couple of people in my life that I share this same bond with! I have not been romantically involved with any of them and never had casual sex with any of them but they are integral parts of my life and I feel there is a piece of my family missing when one of them is away for a while, not that it matters because somehow we always link up again at some point and the friendship continues as though we had never been apart!

Enjoy these types of friendship to their fullest, they are some of the most important people and relationships you will ever have!



posted on Nov, 21 2012 @ 07:55 AM
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reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX
 


Well it seem like he has many common things with you than your fiance. I have friends with different quality, there are friends i will go to clubs with but not play games with and vice versa.

I think you would have actually liked him or dated him if you didn't have a bf or fiance already.


Anyway tread carefully, when 2 people of opposite sex have common footing, things develop without you noticing. You have your fiance also involved in this.

Ah and nice Levy(Revy) from Black Lagoon.
edit on 11/21/2012 by luciddream because: (no reason given)

edit on 11/21/2012 by luciddream because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 21 2012 @ 10:33 AM
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reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX
 


You wouldn't consider this an issue if it was a female friend, so why be sexist about it? You can enjoy a close bond with someone of the opposite sex without it being sexual. If you were both men it would be considered a "Bro-mance".



posted on Nov, 21 2012 @ 10:56 AM
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Maybe he's like a brother to you? I had a friend years ago like that who has since moved away with a wife, and we all lost touch with him.

He was like one of us girls (but he wasn't gay).

We were very close, but anything sexual would have been gross.

Sweetest guy ever, although very, very lacking in the looks department.


Still, he was like a brother. I wouldn't mind seeing him again.



posted on Nov, 21 2012 @ 11:15 AM
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Originally posted by wiser3
reply to post by XxNightAngelusxX
 


I fully understand what you are talking about, ignore the cynics and enjoy your friendship!

I too have had and do still have a couple of people in my life that I share this same bond with! I have not been romantically involved with any of them and never had casual sex with any of them but they are integral parts of my life and I feel there is a piece of my family missing when one of them is away for a while, not that it matters because somehow we always link up again at some point and the friendship continues as though we had never been apart!

Enjoy these types of friendship to their fullest, they are some of the most important people and relationships you will ever have!



I couldnt agree more! I'm *cough* 'a bit' older than you,
and I've been blessed to have this type of friendship as well...with both males and females. People that you just click so well with and understand and relate to on a completely different level than others. I should add that I wouldnt dream of having any type of sexual relationship with any of them. I often wonder if these are people that I may have shared some past life experience with. Who knows. I do know that these can be the very best of friendships and should be treasured as you dont find that every day.

My spiritual beliefs are that people come into your life because there's some lesson to be learned...for both of you. Some spiritual path you're intended to walk together. Sometimes the lesson pops up early and is obvious, other times its more subtle. For instance, one of these wonderful friends of mine I only came across because he married a friend of mine. My husband and I would socialize with them and he was the furthest thing from 'my type' as he could be. Picture Rocky Balboa and Arnold Schwarzenegger mingled together... rough and tough exterior, nothing special to look at and worn hard, lol. He became one of those friends for me. The two of us would stay up long hours into the night talking about everything under the sun. Mary and I were the best of friends, but her Rick was something special and I 'got' him. Enjoyed every moment we talked or could see eachother. After 6 years of a beautiful friendship, the lesson became clear to me, of why exaclty this person had come into my life. Rick was diagnosed with cancer throughout his body and told it was terminal.. He shared with me how frightened he was to die...something he could never admit to his wife. And we talked about it, a lot. I'd send him books I thought would help or answer some question for him. Told him what I'd seen, heard and read, what I believed and why. He hung on every word I said, read all he could and it truly did seem to answer whatever it was he needed to hear. We lost him just 4 months after he was diagnosed, but I think, or like to think anyway, that he was more prepared to let go of this physical body we borrow for a short time....and not nearly as frightened as he would of been.

Anyway, for what its worth, thats my thoughts on it. Enjoy the wonderful connection you feel with him and nurture that friendship while you have it. Hopefully your fiance will continue to understand and be supportive of it.

~Lu



posted on Nov, 21 2012 @ 12:10 PM
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one thing everyone seems to be ignoring is the title of the thread has the word sexual in it.

why not something like "my male BFF" or "my platonic friend"

why the title " a 'friend-sexual' "?



posted on Nov, 21 2012 @ 12:18 PM
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Originally posted by ParaSpy2012
reply to post by WiindWalker
 


You tell her not to listen to my post and you post this;


Ask your husband if hes willing to go open relationship, and by that I mean you two share the person.

I don't know if I should laugh or ask for an invite, to the orgy.

ETA: It's her fiance, not her husband, and if you read her OP correctly it states she's straight.
It should be me telling her not to listen to you.
But everyone's got the right to their own opinion.
edit on 21-11-2012 by ParaSpy2012 because: (no reason given)


Just because shes straight doesnt mean that she isnt bi-curious. And him being a fiancee has nothing to do with human nature. So your points are mute kind sir.



posted on Nov, 21 2012 @ 12:40 PM
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Originally posted by subfab
one thing everyone seems to be ignoring is the title of the thread has the word sexual in it.

why not something like "my male BFF" or "my platonic friend"

why the title " a 'friend-sexual' "?



Yep, exactly what I was thinking!

If it wasn't for your fiance, would you go ahead and have a relationship with this guy?



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