reply to post by fictitious
I am sorry for your families loss and your husband's impending loss. In the last 7 years, I have lost all of my elders and many friends. I have
presided over two dozen funerals as our families representative. When a family member dies, we drink, play poker and recite all the worst stories
about the dear departed, we are Irish. I lost the love of my life a year ago, the day before my birthday she passed away after an apparently long bout
with disease. I was confused that she should be gone and that I would never get the chance to see her again. As much as I loved her and as much as I
have never felt as loved as she made me feel, I am not alone, merely separated for a moment. I still spend time with friends and family, that is not
being alone. As for the love of my life, she took as much as she could and then her time was up here.
For what it is worth, I have looked death straight in the eye and a little further. Sitting in a chair, calm with the doctor taking my blood pressure
it was 180 over 150. That is considered a Hypertensive Emergency and was normal for me for awhile. In and out of hospitals, I have been told so many
times that I should dead that I lost count. That was me on a good day, a constant emergency. LOL. When the doctor told me I should be dead just
sitting there, I looked him in the eye and told him that I least I looked really good. Not long after that, my wife decided to cheat on me, I was
dealing with two of my children's drug addictions (one prescription and the other not). The stress was only increased by all the deaths and work, work
is a very high stress job. One day, riding in my car, I began to go into arrest, my blood pressure had spiked way beyond 180 over 150, I could feel it
as it happened and the doctors had told me what to watch for.
In the middle of the desert, 70 miles away from any hospital at least, I pulled over and waited to die. I never felt alone. The last minutes are more
about looking at who and what you were. I have almost died a number of times from different things, poisoned twice by accident alone. None of my
previous encounters with these things ever really felt real. I don't think I explained that well. Most of my brushes with death happened so quick that
there was not really any thinking about it much. The last one, the one I wrote about was quite calm. It ended with me looking forward to leaving this
place and forgiving everyone who ever harmed me. I do not fear death and stopped taking my high pressure pills as they were beginning to destroy my
organs, a side effect I had been warned about. Sorry I am so long winded.
I do not cherish every day, I would be lying if I said I did. We all die and I do not fear it at all. Pain I would not like; but, death is guaranteed
and nothing to be feared. I had a Near Death Experience and I didn't want to come back; but, knew it was the right thing for me to do. While I believe
we are united with those we love after death, I believe what is important is what we do here on earth. I would hate to be reunited with my love and
have to tell her that I stopped being the best me I could be, I would be ashamed of myself and wish to be the man she always saw in me since we were
When I was young, I was a cold hearted machine, no discernible emotion. Logic without empathy, she saw only the unselfishness and counted it as love
for others, my type of love. I absolutely would not be the man I am today if she had not broke my shell and showed me tenderness. She is never apart
from me because she helped me to become me. She is part of me. We never die alone and we are never left alone, their memory is part of us and my
touchstone is Julia. Peace.
Edit: You got a flag and a star because you are pretty. Enjoy what you have and don't worry. Enjoy the love you have while you have it.
edit on 14-11-2012 by AQuestion because: I am not sure why, I had a bit more to say.