Friend Commited Suicide

Originally posted by digitalbluco
Sorry for your loss, as I have lost quite a few people the past few years myself.

(not a proper place, just some rambling below, choose to read or not)
Sometimes seeing things too clearly can be so overwhelming that the thought processes of others seem quite meaningless, it's as if you are without feeling/emotions, but not in a sad way. It's hard to explain, but this is what I've found to be the closest.

Depressive realism is the proposition that people with depression actually have a more accurate perception of reality, specifically that they are less affected by positive illusions of illusory superiority, the locus of control and optimism bias. The concept refers to people with borderline or moderate depression.

en.wikipedia.org...

That is quite interesting, but I think people with depression that see things too clearly actually feel things more deeply. Well, for me anyway. I'm on a med for anxiety but not mild depression as I have had problems with side affects.

Originally posted by Expat888
sincere condolences on the passing of your friend.... always hard outliving the people around us .... the physical body is gone but their spirit is always with us... they live on in our hearts and memories...

So very true and no one can ever take that away from us. Thank you!

Originally posted by andy06shake
My best friend of 33 years committed suicide on the 7th of March this year. He allways seemed to be really happy and the life and soul of the party. My sincere condolences to you!

IMHO its the world we live in today that causes so many poor people to end it.

edit on 14-11-2012 by andy06shake because: (no reason given)

Losing a 'best' friend and especially one of so many years has to be devestating. I am so sorry to hear this. Yes, the world we live in today is nothing at all like the one I was growing up in. Everything is too fast paced and chaotic and crazy and...whatever.

Originally posted by Kapablanka
From the Hagakure, regarding giri, page 95

Lord Naoshige once said, “There is nothing felt quite so deeply as giri. There are times when someone like a cousin dies and it is not a matter of shedding tears. But we may hear of someone who lived fifty or a hundred years ago, of whom we know nothing and who has no family ties with us whatsoever, and yet from a sense of giri shed tears.”

Today would be one of those times.

Beautiful. Thank you!

Originally posted by Vespa51
reply to post by Night Star

 

I commiserate with you.....such a shock. My friend, mother of two small children, did the same thing. No warning beforehand. You keep wondering if you could have done something to help.

The reply below yours by Dark Ghost was a good one. So sad that a mother of two small children took her life. I am so sorry. No one can know for sure why people do the things they do. Even if you could have helped, it may have just been a temporary fix.

Usually, when people are at a stage where they still may be helped, they will reach out somehow to others. If they do not, it is because they are at a stage where their minds are made up and they don't want help. What they want is for their deep suffering and turmoil to end. I'm sure this woman knew that people would have helped if she had wanted it. Don't blame yourself. She made her choice and is no longer suffering. Keep being there for your friend with your love and support. I am sure it is appreciated more than words could ever say.

Originally posted by chasingbrahman
I'm so terribly sorry for your - and the world's - loss. How lucky each of you were to enrich each others' lives while penpals. We all quietly grieve in our own way when learning someone chose to leave this world on their own terms. It's an odd mix of deep sadness and hope that the one we've lost has found respite.

Thank you! Yes we were lucky to have enriched each others lives for a time. I am sure he has found his peace now.

Originally posted by Thunder heart woman
reply to post by Night Star

 

I am so sorry for the loss of your friend.

Thank you so much!

Originally posted by wrkn4livn
reply to post by LoneCloudHopper2

 

I wonder about these types of therapies. are we treating the symptom or the person. Is it due to advances in medicine that these types of conditions are being more often discovered or is the change a result of diet? In my day, depression was treated by talking it out, not just popping a pill. with the extreme profits being reaped by drug companies it makes me wonder.

There are different types of depression. With some, talking it out is all that is needed, but with a chemical imbalance or whatever this isn't enough. I realize the extreme profits being made by drug companies and that some doctors are pill pushers, but we do still have concerned and compassionate people in the field who genuinely care about their patients.

Originally posted by mysterioustranger
reply to post by Night Star

 

Thanks for the kind words. Should you ever need to vent...U2U.

PS When you think about it....maybe our part in their lives was to survive to tell their stories. .and we are doing that...

Peace

Awww, thank you so much!

Originally posted by mysterioustranger
reply to post by mysterioustranger

 

PS Night Star? I am 1/2 Cherokee...and my given name means... "Morning Star". Now THERES a coincidence for you!!

From one Star to another, Hello! Nice to meet you!

Originally posted by trouble4fun

I am sorry for your loss, now a days so many people feel they have no future, I sometimes find myself questioning my purpose as well. Having children I chose to keep looking for what that is everyday.. .i have faith, I just simply can't reason with the way life has more downs than ups. I absorb all the happy things as much as i can, i try to focus on them when times are really low, but still always end up with feelings of dread and dispair. I have no mental illnesses, just live in this world. Remember your friend by the happy moments you shared.
we all live on through those that loved and knew us

I know what you mean about life having more downs than ups!! I don't have any mental disorders either andI feel the dread and dispair too. My anti-anxiety pill helps, but life really is a challenge at times. Take one day at a time and hold those kids close. I really do understand!!

Originally posted by ~widowmaker~
reply to post by Night Star

 

i believe that our energy and particles that make us up, breaks up into bagillions of pieces and gets used in the creation of something new with a little bit of you in it ^^ i dont believe we come back as ourselves, and even if we did, most wouldnt know it anyways till to late, not like i remember anything from my past life and are learning from mistakes, because ive made a ton of mistakes in life and continue to. well could just be i dont learn from mistakes but i try to hehe ^^

LOL! If there is reincarnation, I refuse to come back here. If they make me, I'll be kicking and screaming the whole way!

I think we have souls and our souls live on.

Originally posted by felonius
reply to post by Night Star

 

Warning.. Be prepared to be PISSED in the near future.

just sayin.

4 years ago, my little brother offed himself when he found out his wife was a serial shagger.
Their son, my nephew, has neurological issues steming from a doctors F'up during birth. He requires a nurse to help during the day. They could easily afford it. We'll, the nurses we're ready to play doctor while my brother was at work during the day.

Long story short, about 4 days to christmas and a day or so after our mothers birthday, he ate a .45 bullet.

I had no idea about what was up. I felt that had I known, I could have done something. If I had "read the signs" and acted. Yeah. I had some guilt issues.

woulda, coulds, shouldas.

Suicide victims (to me) deserve pretty much nothing but ire. Your friend (being he was on meds), made a conscious choice and knew the outcome. In his case, I can give a pass. If your chemistry is fouled, you cant think right and therefore your incapable of "right" thinking.

Dont be surprised though if you get mad as hell about it. Its pretty normal. Above all, dont feed the guilt with the "W, C, S"'s. You'll just get deeper and be more miserable.

Words are pretty weak but they're really all I have from my experience. It sucks. Plain and simple.

Suiciders (as in murderers), rarely consider others. Its reallly rather narcissistic.

How very tragic. I am so very sorry! I don't blame myself or play the what have, could have, should have game. Please don't feel guilty for what happened. That's what sucks when people take their own lives, others are left behind wondering what if.

I know you say that suiciders rarely consider others, but often they do. They do know they will cause grief for their loved ones left behind and don't want to cause them pain, yet their own emotional pain is too deep to bear. When one loses all hope and there is no longer any light in their darkest hour, there is nothing that anyone can say or do to change things. It is their choice to be released and to finally find their peace. We can only support and nurture those left behind.

There are however people who are considering suicide that can be saved. These people will reach out somehow to someone and that is when we can do everything in our power to help. Sometimes people just need a different perspective, someone who will listen and be there for them, someone who will validate their feelings, give them options and resources on how to turn their lives around and stick by them every step of the way.

I have helped a few myself. One is one of my dearest friends who was sexually abused as a child. Another is a young man I met here whos mind was already made up and he was going to kill himself. He is now re-married and has a beautiful baby girl.

My thoughts are with you and everyone else close to your friend.

Depression is a living hell. For 15 years (since my late teens) I've dealt with this beast, but I am lucky it hasn't escalated to the point of suicidal thoughts. The most important thing for people who suffer from depression to do is get help and not let it spiral out of control (much harder to do than to write, I assure you).

I truly empathize with those who choose this route because it is thought of as selfish and cowardly. In some cases it is, but the vast majority of victims are so sick that death seems less painful than continuing living. Just think about that for a moment.

Nightstar, My next door neighbors 13 yr old son committed suicide June 25th of this year. Right next door, out in the woods behind their house. It really shocked the neighborhood. Had a profound effect on myself. I know you ask for answers. They arent any. At least they arent any that work. I just being a neighbor had to talk to some one.

I contacted my local suicide prevention agency and volunteered some time. I want ever regret that move. It helped me in many ways. Not saying it will help you, but at a time like this it can't hurt. Good luck, OYM1262

I always wish I knew what to say to make things better for someone who's lost a friend.
Nothing ever seems to be the right thing.
If I did know what to say, I'd say it again and again and again.

Originally posted by TheFriendlyGreek
My thoughts are with you and everyone else close to your friend.

Depression is a living hell. For 15 years (since my late teens) I've dealt with this beast, but I am lucky it hasn't escalated to the point of suicidal thoughts. The most important thing for people who suffer from depression to do is get help and not let it spiral out of control (much harder to do than to write, I assure you).

I truly empathize with those who choose this route because it is thought of as selfish and cowardly. In some cases it is, but the vast majority of victims are so sick that death seems less painful than continuing living. Just think about that for a moment.

Thank you!
I don't see anyone who commits suicide as cowardly. You're right, many do see them as cowardly, but all I can see is the courage it must take to go so far.

I wish you peace. Depresssion in this day and age is actually common. We live in such a hectic and chaotic and sometimes cruel world. So many people are suffering for one reason or another or many reasons combined.

Originally posted by openyourmind1262
Nightstar, My next door neighbors 13 yr old son committed suicide June 25th of this year. Right next door, out in the woods behind their house. It really shocked the neighborhood. Had a profound effect on myself. I know you ask for answers. They arent any. At least they arent any that work. I just being a neighbor had to talk to some one.

I contacted my local suicide prevention agency and volunteered some time. I want ever regret that move. It helped me in many ways. Not saying it will help you, but at a time like this it can't hurt. Good luck, OYM1262

So sad to hear of those so young taking their lives. I am so sorry for the loss of your neighbor. Kudos to you for volunteering and making a difference in other people's lives!

Originally posted by badgerprints

I always wish I knew what to say to make things better for someone who's lost a friend.
Nothing ever seems to be the right thing.
If I did know what to say, I'd say it again and again and again.

Awwww, so sweet! Sometimes you don't have to say much at all. Just knowing that someone is here for me and others going through difficulties is enough. Thank you!!

reply to post by Night Star


Thanku for sharing your story..

This topic hits close to home 4 me.. I believe that many people who are depressed in Life crave a release from the burden of living and conforming in a World that they feel genuinely detached from.. There can be many reasons why people find themselves clouded by thoughtz of guilt, loneliness, detachment and overwhelming pressure to conform.. Why do so many choose this route..? I liken it to pressing the 'reset button'.. Perhaps we get another chance to get thingz right..? No one 'really' knows where we go when we end it all.. Hopefully your friend has passed-on to his 'next chapter', and something more positive than his experience in the twilight of his years..

"Value every moment, because Life comes n goes in the blink of an eye" - Druovanni Defoe