Can't beat em, join em., page 4

reply to post by kawika

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I hear ya, bro. My advice.

1. Get yourself laid off. This should be easy as we drop into the next recession. That will qualify you for two friggin' YEARS of unemployment. It's not like the old days of 30 weeks plus a 9 week extension. It's a whopping 100 weeks, baby!

2. Be sure to check out your state's Medicaid program for health insurance. Being unemployed should qualify you easily.

3. Check out Section 8 housing. Of course, you'll have to live with the riff-raff, but hey! We'll all be riff raff before this is over.

4. Cook up a disability. If your back doesn't hurt, develop an acronym disease like ADHD or PTSD. Nobody knows what those mean anyway. Apply for disability, but do it early because it sometimes takes awhile.

5. If you're female, get pregnant. This is easy, then expect the government to be your husband. Kick out the male in your life. Who needs 'em when you've got a Sugar Daddy like Obama. You'll get welfare (Pick a blue state for better benefits) AFDC, and food stamps. Your take home pay will be better than lots of chumps who are still stupid enough to have jobs.

6. Pretend to be "trying" by applying for Pell grants and go back to school. be sure not to take anything that would actually qualify you for a job, like engineering or nursing. Those are too hard for stupid people anyway. Pick English or sociology. You don't really have to do anything to get those degrees, plus they don't qualify you for anything. Don't worry about paying back the loans. Without a job you won't have to.

7. Get pregnant again. More babies means more bucks with no downside. You'll be able to teach them the "trade" so in your golden years you'll be able to live off the welfare from your grandkids.

8. Apply for social security as soon as you can, i.e.: If you've worked for 40 quarters before you got inspired to join the dems. If you apply early as opposed to late the break even point is at age 78 or so. You want to milk the system thoroughly before it dies.

9. Be sure to blame the Bankers and Big Oil for all your problems. Just keep quiet about Big Government. It's there to help you.

Apply these well-meaning concepts and you, too, can put your feet up and let someone else do the driving. It's the American Way! Of course sooner or later you'll be running out of other people's money, but hopefully you'll be dead first.

Originally posted by kawika
reply to post by PurpleChiten

---

I am going away for the weekend.

You kids play nice.

PurpleChiten is in charge...

WOOOOT WOOOT! I'm in charge!!!

Now ya'll line up and let's get this thang in order!

Get your Obama phone here

www.freegovernmentcellphones.net...

Who qualifies for a free cell phone?
Low-income? Medicaid? Food Stamps? Section 8 Housing?
School Lunch Program? Energy Assistance? SSI? SSDI?

If you just landed on this page from a search, you should first read, Free Government Cell Phones?, and at the end of that article there is a link that will bring you back to this page.



There are a few rules and restrictions to the Lifeline phone service and not everyone qualifies for this free phone from the government, but many people do. Sadly, with the economy as it is, millions more qualify each year.

How do you qualify for your own free cell phone and up to 250 minutes each and every month? It’s really quick and we’ll show you how. And like we said, if you do quality, there’s absolutely no cost to you for the phone or the service.

Although cell phone companies verify your information, send out the phone, and manage your account, this is a federal government-sponsored and regulated program, so the eligibility requirements are very similar from company to company. Please be aware that there may be small differences depending on the state in which you live, but those differences are pretty minor.

With that in mind, there are two ways to qualify for a free cell phone from the government:

(1) You already participate in another state or federal assistance program. This is the part that varies from state to state, but you most likely qualify if you are participating in programs such as food stamps (SNAP), public housing assistance, Medicaid, Section 8 housing, Supplemental Security Income, various Home Energy Assistance Programs, National School Lunch and other programs.

OR

(2) Your household income is at or below 135% to 150% (according to your state) of the Federal Poverty Guidelines:

The default is 135%, but it is 150% for Arizona, Florida, Michigan, Nevada, New Jersey, Ohio, Rhode Island andTexas.

2011 Federal Poverty Guidelines X 135%

Poverty levels multiplied by the 135% that the Lifeline program uses in most states.

Size of
Family Unit

48 Contiguous
States and D.C.

Alaska

Hawaii

1

$14,702

$18,360

$16,929

2

19.859

24,813

22,856

3

25,016

31,266

28,782

4

30,173

37,719

34,709

5

35,330

44,172

40,635

6

40,487

50,625

46,562

7

45,644

57,078

52,488

8

50,801

63,531

58,415

For each additional
person, add

5,157

6,453

5,927

AND

(3) Only one Lifeline account allowed per household.

(4) You must have a valid United States mailing address. (Sorry, post office boxes are not acceptable because your cell phone must be mailed to a valid street address.)

If you do not qualify for a free government cell phone, what do you do? Your next best option is a cheap prepaid cell phone.

NEXT STEP: How do I get my government phone?

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