Identity Crisis

This will be a long post so please bare with me, I will try to give a too long did not read section but for all purposes it is best to read through. I will try and condense or at least snip out what will not be needed to reach a conclusion.

Over the past few days I have been feeling a sense of identity loss an example in which I did not feel as if myself anymore and taking a look upon my life it seems I am always the one to help and never the one to be helped. The one to be targeted and never do the targeting; not in a sense of confrontation but more so in lines of perhaps having answers or helping others. Due to this I have slowly begun to think that I have no time for myself no time to really get to know ME as a person, an individual and has left me with quite a hole. To make matters worse I have been on ADHD medication called Focalin XR 10 MG (Which is the lowest dosage and gives you the most "Freedom" if one can call it that.). Not to mention a Antidepressant (I sadly do not have the name of it as I sit here and write this out); Both of which do not cause a reaction with one another.

Though the medication may or may not have something to do with this dilemma I figured it is best to tell of the mind-altering substances that I am currently on to help in an evaluation. While both do cause some problems it is no worse than what has been happening recently; at work it seems the good or the better I do the more annoyed and upset the managers seem to be. The task of helping customers now has become such a chore that each person helped is ensured to add 10 seconds to the time of conference I will undoubtedly receive. While the antidepressant helps me from dropping to an extreme point of letting my life slip through my fingers it does not stop the rock of the world from falling upon my back. Overtime this has slowly built up and thus have arrived at the point I am today. In desperate need of understanding and perhaps guidance.

This particular week has been no different from the others in which has been revealed in the paragraph(s) above, it has gone to a point that I choose not to even go into work today and merely decided to take meditation back up. Listening go instrumental Post-Rock and contemplating on my life it lead to an inner monologue in which the thought as to whether I was merely insane talking(rather thinking) to myself or perhaps the soul in which previous lives have been lived. Over the course of this meditation several things have been revealed the first of which is to ween myself off of the ADHD meditation as it causes more harm than good given what it has done in the past (Which is why I am on the antidepressant). Second was to embrace more of the body as I had done once before when in martial arts; as while my mind is strong given that I graduated college with a BA in Philosophy the mind feels dislodged from the body; the course of action to this is quite difficult and some light if possible will need to be shed on this. Third is a return to meditation. Ever since I graduated back in May and began to work full-time the anger of my childhood that has become amplified due to become an adult has returned, my patience has been tested and I began to find no pleasure in things I once did. With the action and return to those three things the identity that was once lost or perhaps will be found would be returned.

The question I propose at hand would perhaps be two fold: The first of which is would this even be a possible to help combat this problem I have trapped myself in, and second if not would there be another way? I know there is perhaps a lot more information that can perhaps be needed and I would gladly reveal it if given the okay by the moderators. One thing I will say is that my typing and mental skills have certainly gotten much better since meditating the ADHD medication seemed to simply sap my energy away and put my mind on a crutch.

( P. S. - If this is in the wrong department please feel free to move it )
(( P.P. S - I know this post feels a bit jumbled at times but as stated previously I was trying to cut out what wasn't needed while trying to keep track of the things that would be relevant ))

I was hesitant to post here at first cause I myself can't relate but I do have a family member which has experienced severe issues after he had an identity crisis. Mostly extreme levels of anxiety which of course leads to other issues, but he has managed to steer clear of any medication prescribed to him thus far.

My theory is these medications only serve as substitute or crutch but doesn't solve the issue. What he needs to do is some soul searching and maybe see a psychologist with the ability to view his life from another perspective. That way he would get better feedback and maybe resolve the issues which has lead him down this path.

He does however keep the antidepressants close by for when things really start becoming uncontrollable.

Self-doubt is a mother... and I think people underestimate its effects on person. It'll destroy you and make it impossible to function in the world.

In saying that, I think you are on the right path by seeking outside guidance and doing some soul searching.

I hope someone comes a long and give you the answers you require.

Best of luck to you

reply to post by DariusHames


Thank you for taking the time to respond though it really means a lot to me. I do have a counselor to talk to but it is never as in depth as what I have typed and most of the time it usually falls on a day in which my mind was always on other matters and something to which I posted doesn't come to mind. I figure though this would be at least a good way to keep it in check as well as to keep it fresh for the next meeting. Once again thank you for the reply.

reply to post by MystiqueAgent


Well we all gotta work for our daily bread,,, its been that way since man was not yet man,,, a lot of people hate their jobs but one has to work to survive......

besides that,, It seems you need a "creative/constructive/energy releasing" activity in your free time maybe,,,

perhaps your work is very stressful, and this is carrying over into your life and even your perception of yourself..,
meditation and music sounds good to attempt to calm yourself when you are not working.,.,

one thing I think is an ongoing problem with folks is not expending the massive quantities of energy they consume,,
of course eating is one of the most important things one does in life ( especially eating well/healthfully),, but when all that energy just sits in you and is not burned to "work out" or build your body,, it may have semi/subtle destructive consequences,,, maybe in the form of mental stress, anxiety, anxiousness,, your sub conscious mind bothering you,,anything,,,

my best advice would be take things slow and easy,, analyze your self and situation,, know thy self,, you are on your own team,, you are the one who has been with you every step of the way,, getting out of bed every morning and wiling your self to proceed throughout your day,, this is the living of life, and something we all do,, from every little girl and boy to every man and women.,..

wish the best of luck to you,, but you shouldnt rely on luck,, so i wish the best of understanding and implementation of comprehension towards success and prosperity...

id be more then happy to continue talking about what/if any problems you are going through here or u2u,,, philosophy,, your job,, etc....

reply to post by ImaFungi


Thank you and yeah some days the energy just sits there and I guess at times I miss the mind wrenching philosophical classes I took while in school. I found that once that stopped to almost everything else seemed to slowly grind to a halt. So yeah I can see the creative processes needing a release, perhaps I could pick up drawing once more or finish the mountains of books I have on my kindle as well.

The workload itself is not stressful but the people encountered seem to make it so from time to time. The act of not being confrontational or at least violent becomes harder with each passing day. Even though while I work I do listen to my own music that being Post-Rock which is mainly melodic and "soft" at times it's still hard to stay in a peaceful zone at least for very long; also two days off from work certainly doesn't help all that much either.

Ah thank you perhaps I will from time then, I know since I didn't go to work today I decided to listen to calming music, read a few things around the web and just meditate here and there.

reply to post by MystiqueAgent


Well my family member has also taken to writing as a way of occupying his mind. Maybe keep a journal with you at all times and write your thoughts in it. When you re-read what you have written it could also serve as a means of seeing things in a different light/perspective.

Or as you've said putting it in a thread. Could help release some of those emotions

reply to post by DariusHames


That is true over the years I did have a few journals but only one or two pages were ever used. I've wrote a lot for fun just creative writing stuff which I bet helped in some ways over the years just as well perhaps a bit more than the journal as it gave personality to the emotions and helped me understand. May have to pick that up to but the problem I see from trying to pick up all this is finding the time due to working which kind of puts me in this dilemma again, unless I try to find a few moments to write at work.

reply to post by MystiqueAgent


"the act of not being confrontational or at least violent becomes harder with each day"

does that mean you have the urges to be confrontational and violent?
i seriously recommend if thats the case going to a gym,, or starting an exercise routine,,
this may seriously change your life for the completely better,,
jogging,, running, biking,, simple exercises you can do in your room,,or join a gym....
you ill be converting your stored energy to improving your body,, and in turn your body and mind will reward you with feeling great and being worry free,, whats there to worry about when you feel good? what more can the universe ask of you then to be healthy with the body you have which is what you are?
dont be violent persey,, but you will be taking your pent up aggression out in a constructive and worthwhile manner,,
if you still have urge to wax philosophical,,, join philosophy forums,, or start writing your own thoughts down as to build a personal philosophy of your own,, if not to simply ( complexly) pour your mind on paper to analyze what you think,, and then follow all logical conclusions of why what you think is right or wrong,, and ..... yea..

Originally posted by MystiqueAgent
reply to post by DariusHames

 

That is true over the years I did have a few journals but only one or two pages were ever used. I've wrote a lot for fun just creative writing stuff which I bet helped in some ways over the years just as well perhaps a bit more than the journal as it gave personality to the emotions and helped me understand. May have to pick that up to but the problem I see from trying to pick up all this is finding the time due to working which kind of puts me in this dilemma again, unless I try to find a few moments to write at work.

whats your line of work if you dont mind me asking?

i dont think trying to do personal things during work time is a good idea,,

reply to post by ImaFungi


Yeah at some points and that's usually when I come home and try to do a few things to tire myself out but usually end up just feeling so lethargic that I just plop myself down in a chair or on my bed and slowly fall asleep or at least try to. I do have some leg and ankle weights that I did buy so that I can put on when I come home or at least out and about. That way I would be exercising some what but not fully; but that has yet to help a lot as need be.

Right now Photo specialist most of my clients are generally the elderly who I really have no qualms with what so ever as they are just a lovely bunch. The regulars I have come to know are nice and friendly its just every so often there will be some just demanding, pushy and the lot and while I am under an obligation not to confront them the want to do so is rather hard to resist.

Originally posted by MystiqueAgent
reply to post by ImaFungi

 

Yeah at some points and that's usually when I come home and try to do a few things to tire myself out but usually end up just feeling so lethargic that I just plop myself down in a chair or on my bed and slowly fall asleep or at least try to. I do have some leg and ankle weights that I did buy so that I can put on when I come home or at least out and about. That way I would be exercising some what but not fully; but that has yet to help a lot as need be.

Right now Photo specialist most of my clients are generally the elderly who I really have no qualms with what so ever as they are just a lovely bunch. The regulars I have come to know are nice and friendly its just every so often there will be some just demanding, pushy and the lot and while I am under an obligation not to confront them the want to do so is rather hard to resist.

nice!! you majored in philosophy in college? thats impressive... did you also study photography or is it a hobby?

reply to post by ImaFungi


Sorry had to take myself a nap. But alas no I have not I did a lot of artwork though ever since Kindergarten I've been drawing and looking at proportions. My father on the other hand does a lot of photography and I help him every now and again taking pictures at events and things if given that I have the time.

Hmmm...you mentioned about your childhood.... Are you having dreams about your childhood? If so, I am afraid your past childhood issues haven't been resolved. Your current identity is no longer sufficient enough to contain your repressed childhood emotional feeling.

reply to post by ChiForce


Hmm to be honest my childhood was not that bad it was quite enjoyable up until I moved to Ohio back in the 6th grade. Then everything became bland and stale. I had friends but they weren't the same as the ones that I left back in my old state of South Carolina. I also have rarely been remembering my dreams as of late so on that part I can't really comment sad to say.

Originally posted by MystiqueAgent
reply to post by ChiForce

 

Hmm to be honest my childhood was not that bad it was quite enjoyable up until I moved to Ohio back in the 6th grade. Then everything became bland and stale. I had friends but they weren't the same as the ones that I left back in my old state of South Carolina. I also have rarely been remembering my dreams as of late so on that part I can't really comment sad to say.

Well, then, I think it is just an emotional phase thing. After all, you are a philosophy major. Unfortunately, a Liberal Art major isn't fitting too well in these days and ages. I think if you wait long enough, things should get better. Sometimes, we are just lost in this world.

reply to post by ChiForce


Certainly perhaps a way of having to get up and do the same job over and over and one that I didn't like while attending college; certainly has been a negative thing upon me.

Originally posted by MystiqueAgent
reply to post by ImaFungi

 

Sorry had to take myself a nap. But alas no I have not I did a lot of artwork though ever since Kindergarten I've been drawing and looking at proportions. My father on the other hand does a lot of photography and I help him every now and again taking pictures at events and things if given that I have the time.

well that sound wonderful! photography really is a neat craft, hobby, and artform.. Also just great to physically capture scenes from your life, places you go, people you know, etc...
is he a professional photographer, as in predominantly what he does?

reply to post by ImaFungi


No he just does it as a hobby as I do with art. Though I think his reasoning is different from mine as the way I see it the moment you start taking into account monetary means for your work it begins to lose some value for you.

Originally posted by MystiqueAgent
reply to post by ImaFungi

 

No he just does it as a hobby as I do with art. Though I think his reasoning is different from mine as the way I see it the moment you start taking into account monetary means for your work it begins to lose some value for you.

that is true... but you can also look at it in the way that,, you are getting paid for your joy/hobby/skill..

reply to post by ImaFungi


Very true

Well so far decided to slowly get myself off the ADHD medication and things seem to have been going well. While it didn't start out smooth it certainly transitioned into a fun day. Thankfully two days off will give me some time to properly meditate and perhaps attain some clarity.