A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictio
nary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

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1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

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2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'

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3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

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4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

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5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

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6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

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7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

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8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

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9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

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10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

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11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

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12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

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13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

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14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

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15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!

Oh how I lol'ed
Expect a few tea party people with sore heads shouting at you.
Nice one brightened up my morning.

reply to post by Iam'___'


Too true - too true - a star for you...

Originally posted by Iam'___'

11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

Everything you said is true especially wearing full body kevlar kitted out i like this one..

reply to post by Iam'___'


16 A knife and fork are meant to be used together. Leaning on the table with one elbow whilst stabbing at food with a fork in the other hand is not the correct way to eat especially when you are out in public.

Also try not to speak whilst eating.

You want the 16 trillion in debt too? give it a few years it will be 20 trillion

You will not keep chiming in with i just wanna say one last thing..
Let this be a positive learning experiance to actually listen to the motherland..

We, the good subjects of the former colonies and the Commonwealth agree most warmly with Her Royal Highness.

Despite their lack of appropriate elocution, their lack of caning in public schools, and their garishly padded contact sports (often humourously mocked by our rugby playing lads), the good people of the United States have often demonstrated their efforts against adversity.

Despite such efforts, and greater vulgarities amongst our nations, even the most gallant of men and nations must occasionally be brought to order.

Just as we did with Prince Harry after his exertions in Las Vegas, we shall rescind the independence of the USA with immediate effect.

We hope that mint sauce and good English mustard will replace ketchup with immediate effect at MacDonalds.

We write in the spirit of the Queen of England - Sir Elton John.

reply to post by Iam'___'


You would not want a repeat of India now would you?

The Queen knows when to loosen her hold.

Why have you copied and pasted mavericks thread from yesterday?
Are you a star and flag whore?

Originally posted by glen200376
Why have you copied and pasted mavericks thread from yesterday?
Are you a star and flag whore?

Sorry to disappoint, i wasn't here yesterday.

I actually copy and pasted from a friend on facebook today, check my flags n stars before you go making accusations, let me know your conclusions.

I'm glad some people found it funny and even happier others didn't.

reply to post by Iam'___'


So you are blaming your friend,then he/she copied and pasted it from the mavericks thread.The thread is on the firehouse and is called something like 'a message to the u.s.a. from her sovereign majesty queen Elisabeth the second' sorry can't link,I'm on my phone.
I'm not saying I didn't like it just that its not so funny second time around.

reply to post by glen200376


Well I did not see the 1st thread so Iam happy it was posted again
2nd.

Originally posted by glen200376
reply to post by Iam'___'

 

So you are blaming your friend,then he/she copied and pasted it from the mavericks thread.The thread is on the firehouse and is called something like 'a message to the u.s.a. from her sovereign majesty queen Elisabeth the second' sorry can't link,I'm on my phone.
I'm not saying I didn't like it just that its not so funny second time around.

I've no doubt that my friend copied and pasted it from somewhere as probably did maverick.

Now have you worked out if i'm a star/flag whore yet? The tools are there at your disposal to quickly and effortlessly check (unlike the search facility). I'll take your apology when your ready.

reply to post by Iam'___'


I didn't call you a star and flag whore,I asked if you were a star and flag whore.So no apology necessary.

Originally posted by glen200376
reply to post by Iam'___'

 

I didn't call you a star and flag whore,I asked if you were a star and flag whore.So no apology necessary.

If you would have looked at my profile (its only 1 click away) before asking such an implicating question then you probably wouldn't look as foolish as you do now.

No need to apologise.

Originally posted by Iam'___'

Originally posted by glen200376
reply to post by Iam'___'

 

I didn't call you a star and flag whore,I asked if you were a star and flag whore.So no apology necessary.

If you would have looked at my profile (its only 1 click away) before asking such an implicating question then you probably wouldn't look as foolish as you do now.

No need to apologise.

Foolish?it's not me who can't read properly.

Originally posted by glen200376

Originally posted by Iam'___'

Originally posted by glen200376
reply to post by Iam'___'

 

I didn't call you a star and flag whore,I asked if you were a star and flag whore.So no apology necessary.

If you would have looked at my profile (its only 1 click away) before asking such an implicating question then you probably wouldn't look as foolish as you do now.

No need to apologise.

Foolish?it's not me who can't read properly.

Oh sorry, was that a honest question? One without implications?

The answer is no, I am not a star and flag whore. You could have saved the bother by clicking my profile in the first place.

reply to post by Iam'___'


Well that is Ferking Brilliant, and made me laugh.