posted on Nov, 6 2012 @ 06:53 AM
I am lost here.
The more I find out about myself, all throughout myself, I see myself ever more divided.
I am not schizophrenic. I don't have split personalities. Not at all. I am very well balanced, a tad overzealous, passionate about things. But all in
all, balanced and well adjusted.
The thing is I have this aspect of my mind that I have come to see in everyone. A duality. We all have this sort of duality to our constructed mind
and our natural mind.
I see it as a sort of conflict between the savage and the civilized man.
The mind of a human is in its natural state, un-confrontational, not war like. Its self defense is "flight" overwhelmingly Vs. the constructed minds
If it rains, we run to shelter under a tree or whatever. If not we build an umbrella.
If we are faced with an unknown threat, we get away from it. We only face it dead on when the later is not possible. The decision to face it comes
from the logical, constructed mind analyzing the inability to run and deciding how best to fight the threat. Build a weapon, build a trap, ect,
"strategy", more constructs.
I see myself internally as the wild man and the civilized man. The wild man is impulse and instinct. He feels natural. Like the right thing to do. I
don't doubt him. He is my natural state. What I flow into.
The constructed civilized man is not natural except by repetition, and conditioning. By the wild man being trained to surrender to the civilized man.
He is not natural, he is not a sure thing. He is a gamble that promises to pay off.
He is also a last resort. To me is not as powerful as the wild man, he is not a force of nature, but rather contemplates the forces of nature. The
wild man is what my mind is, the constructed civilized man is what I make my mind to be.
This duality can tear you apart. It is also capable of harmony. To me that harmony is the OLNY purpose of enlightenment or higher thought. The
civilized man is not the higher thought. He himself contemplates the same world as the wild man with the same eyes. His response is the only thing
that varies. The civilized, constructed man looks for alternatives to what is natural, sometimes relying on the thought process, but linked to it. He
is still operating out of instinct, a trained and conditioned instinct that leads him to think of a response instead of taking the first to occur to
The civilized man is fight, his civilization requires conflict to exist. The wild mans does not. The wild man runs from danger, the civilized man
learns to overcome it. To fight it. His world of thought is not contemplation, but analysis, and more response. He learns to make inferiors pay his
society tribute so his society can dedicate some to learning, architecture, math, philosophy, ect. He needs his useless eaters to be fed and sometimes
better fed than the producers. This requires him to find tributary societies to maintain a higher level of comfort in his own circles. If not he must
then divide his society and establish one such class of people to pay tribute and make the leisure of his "civilized" men possible.
A similar process happens in my mind, Our minds. We set aside certain aspects of our natural state, the wild man inside and condition him to
surrender, pay tribute to the civilized aspect of the mind. We learn to be trained by our "higher" thought. We do so by fight, conflict.
I thought for a long time that the conflict was FROM by savage side. I find it is really from my civilized side creating conflict with my savage side.
Forcing it to submit to my civilized training.
In all this I see the harmony as yet another "side" to ourselves. Neither constructed or natural. It is the offspring, the product of both wild and
civilized sides. A son of the union of the "fight" side and the "flight" side. I seeing them as separate aspects and springing from the extremes
of the duality inherit of humanities psyche.
I see the harmony of the two as the true identity. Not the natural "savage" or the seemingly unnatural "civilized"
The savage will run to death and become stagnant if never challenged. The civilized will fight to death and over work itself into a frenzy. The
balance is what keeps the savage running, avoiding conflict, but stopping to better his situation. It keeps the civilized form over producing and over
consuming for too much leisure, form creating too much conflict.
I will call this harmony, true you. Many have done so already.