Anyone out there with PTSD? I need advice...

reply to post by pheonix358


Great advice and I will try it! I do know of one other horrific thing but he didnt tell me I learned it from a soldier that served with him that sent me a message on facebook and told me he was haunted by the image of a small young child running to their vehicle for candy ( soldiers like to give kids candy so they arent afraid of them to make friends ) and this child stepped on a land mine and was "poof" gone in a cloud of smoke. This sodler is haunted to this day by this and only told me because my husband was driving when it happened and the child was running to their vehicle to get candy they had thrown out. This soldier also thinks that could be one of the things that is haunting my husband as well and why he is withdrawing from children (our own) so much.

Affection is very limited. It is sad. I will try to take what I can get. Great advice. Thank yoU!

I think most of us civilians have absolutely no idea what these soldiers have seen and experienced. I know I could never handle what you have described that he has been though. Wow, what he must be going through. Thank God he has you.

Originally posted by k21968
reply to post by pheonix358

 

Great advice and I will try it! I do know of one other horrific thing but he didnt tell me I learned it from a soldier that served with him that sent me a message on facebook and told me he was haunted by the image of a small young child running to their vehicle for candy ( soldiers like to give kids candy so they arent afraid of them to make friends ) and this child stepped on a land mine and was "poof" gone in a cloud of smoke. This sodler is haunted to this day by this and only told me because my husband was driving when it happened and the child was running to their vehicle to get candy they had thrown out. This soldier also thinks that could be one of the things that is haunting my husband as well and why he is withdrawing from children (our own) so much.

Affection is very limited. It is sad. I will try to take what I can get. Great advice. Thank yoU!

In his emotional side, as the child died, he probably saw his own daughter superimposed over the event. Let him know you know. Tell him how awful it sounds and then add something along the lines of "how would WE cope if it was our daughter. I would need all of your strength to just survive." He FEELS it was his fault. It was his candy.

OP you said, "Affection is very limited. It is sad. I will try to take what I can get." You need to rephrase that in your mind to, "Affection is very limited. It is sad. I will try to give as much as I can."

OP, I know the place you are in is bloody awful, I know I am asking you to give, give, and give some more. Same applies to your daughter. You are a wonderful human being. He will give back in full measure, you just have to believe that, it will take time. My heart goes out to you all!

P

Just to add, you need cuddles, so does your daughter. Cuddles are interesting because you can pour love into another and at the same time receive as much love as you can take. We all have an infinite amount of love to give. Keep your daughters hug tank full and fill up yours at the same time. Don't spend all you resources on your husband, your daughter needs you now more than ever, AND you need her!

P

Jeeeez little Bug, I had no idea you were dealing with all of this. You have recieved some good advice in here and I do hope that something works.I just wanted you to know that you and your family are in my heart and prayers. I will be following this thread to see how things progress.

I know that everyone is different and deals with things in their own way and in their own time, but hopefully some doctor somewhere can help your husband to cope. HUGS!

yeah i have had an extremely abusive mother and living with family addicted to meth, vicodin and crown royal. i have my own place and i still get up at 3 or 4 in the morning thinking someone is going to try to kill me in my sleep. the best thing for me has been marijuana.

I suffered very bad PTSD for quite a few years.. Nothing worked for me treatment wise from a doctor.. I trawled the internet and found the Lindon Method... It is a way of reprogramming your brain, isolating triggers and bypassing them.. It worked for me almost overnight.. I highly reccomend it..

Also..

Being military we are used to a certain level of order in our daily activities.. As soldiers our entire days are planned out with routine.. Fitness.. etc... This has to be kept going.. Diet, fitness and a routine all aid recovery.. So does quitting any depressent (alcohol) or stimulant like caffiene (which has VERY HUGE impacts on PTSD sufferers who already have heightened anxiety levels)..

Hope this helps.

If your hubs wants a chat sometime, he can PM me.. But the first thing you have to do toc combat PTSD is to not let it be a crutch (yes it does indeed become a crutch and an excuse for everything!).. You have to mentally prepare for battle.. You have to grow a pair of balls, get over yourself, stop using your experiences as an excuse, stop feeling entitled (I did this.. "Im a vet, you owe me!")... Face your fears (triggers) and fight them... Its the only way.. Meds do not help... Killing the demon does

Originally posted by k21968
reply to post by tinker9917

 

Tinker that is what he is doing now!! It is a row of blinking lights on a bar..remotes in each hand...he thinks it is pointless and stupid.

I wonder if it's a form of EMDR treatment? Do you know if he has to recollect his story whilst doing this treatment?

EMDR is supposed to be a great treatment for PTSD, has been used a lot in abuse cases too. That said, it's great if done properly. I had it years ago and the guy apparently wasn't doing it right. It's all to do with unsticking the memory and puting it back into the normal filing system of your brain, rather than the one that makes the memory traumatic.

EMDR

I would disagree with those who say you need to grow a pair and get over it. Thats what on counselor said to me after 6 weeks of treatment, he was trying to say i should be sorted by now as i'm not in the army any more.

So i tried to hide it as much as i could, after all i had a family that i loved dearly and didn't want it to affect them in any way. Hiding it away is the worst thing that could have happened.

I do understand that people can use it for a crutch, but there are a lot of people out there suffering from this that just can't help being affected the way they are. Example, i used to have blackouts when i experienced a trigger, say for example a helicopter flew over or a loud bang, even the smell of cut grass (thats the smell i associated with the death of a friend in N.I)....as soon as that happened it was like i was thrown back into the incident i had in the army. It was like a movie being played and i was in it.

When it finished, an hour or two had passed, and i could be somewhere else than where i was when it started.

So no i don't agree that it's something you just have to get over. Theres also a fine line when it comes to giving service personnel treatment in the battlefield. If you have full blown PTSD, just the sight of anything forces related can set you off.

I remember being in the QEMH in Woolwich receiving treatment, along with lads from the Falklands and the Gulf war (couple of Chelsea Pensioners came in too), every now and again the artillery barracks along the road would fire thier guns, and the whole ward was under the beds shaking like a leaf. Looking back it was funny, but at the time you filled your shorts.

Exposure can be a horrible, but effective way of dealing with it. In effect it gets boring after a while. Example, a few years back, my daughter was playing on her electric piano with all the effects, one was a helicopter and she put it on full volume. Freaked me right out and i was physically sick.

My therapist told me to start with a few seconds of it, then build up to about half an hour of listening to it. It was very hard at first, but after sitting there for 45 minutes, you tend to think you have better things to do. lus, that high adrenaline traumatic sensation you get, apparently theres no way it can get any worse after a set time, so it will only reduce after a a long period of exposure.

My has got a lot better, i tend to lose sleep and get tearful rather than get in moods like years ago, and luckily i never went down the drink/drugs route.

Not sure what it's like over there with the VA, but here in the UK you can get help even as a family member, or at least support from various agencies. Is there a support group for family near you? Might be able to find one online.

CX.

CX.

Originally posted by CX

Originally posted by k21968
reply to post by tinker9917

 

Tinker that is what he is doing now!! It is a row of blinking lights on a bar..remotes in each hand...he thinks it is pointless and stupid.

I wonder if it's a form of EMDR treatment? Do you know if he has to recollect his story whilst doing this treatment?

EMDR is supposed to be a great treatment for PTSD, has been used a lot in abuse cases too. That said, it's great if done properly. I had it years ago and the guy apparently wasn't doing it right. It's all to do with unsticking the memory and puting it back into the normal filing system of your brain, rather than the one that makes the memory traumatic.

EMDR

I would disagree with those who say you need to grow a pair and get over it. Thats what on counselor said to me after 6 weeks of treatment, he was trying to say i should be sorted by now as i'm not in the army any more.

So i tried to hide it as much as i could, after all i had a family that i loved dearly and didn't want it to affect them in any way. Hiding it away is the worst thing that could have happened.

I do understand that people can use it for a crutch, but there are a lot of people out there suffering from this that just can't help being affected the way they are. Example, i used to have blackouts when i experienced a trigger, say for example a helicopter flew over or a loud bang, even the smell of cut grass (thats the smell i associated with the death of a friend in N.I)....as soon as that happened it was like i was thrown back into the incident i had in the army. It was like a movie being played and i was in it.

When it finished, an hour or two had passed, and i could be somewhere else than where i was when it started.

So no i don't agree that it's something you just have to get over. Theres also a fine line when it comes to giving service personnel treatment in the battlefield. If you have full blown PTSD, just the sight of anything forces related can set you off.

I remember being in the QEMH in Woolwich receiving treatment, along with lads from the Falklands and the Gulf war (couple of Chelsea Pensioners came in too), every now and again the artillery barracks along the road would fire thier guns, and the whole ward was under the beds shaking like a leaf. Looking back it was funny, but at the time you filled your shorts.

Exposure can be a horrible, but effective way of dealing with it. In effect it gets boring after a while. Example, a few years back, my daughter was playing on her electric piano with all the effects, one was a helicopter and she put it on full volume. Freaked me right out and i was physically sick.

My therapist told me to start with a few seconds of it, then build up to about half an hour of listening to it. It was very hard at first, but after sitting there for 45 minutes, you tend to think you have better things to do. lus, that high adrenaline traumatic sensation you get, apparently theres no way it can get any worse after a set time, so it will only reduce after a a long period of exposure.

My has got a lot better, i tend to lose sleep and get tearful rather than get in moods like years ago, and luckily i never went down the drink/drugs route.

Not sure what it's like over there with the VA, but here in the UK you can get help even as a family member, or at least support from various agencies. Is there a support group for family near you? Might be able to find one online.

CX.

CX.

edit on 5/11/12 by CX because: (no reason given)

EMDR that is it! And yes, my son has PTSD from traumatic experiences/abuse while living with his dad, not from war.

What medications has he tried?
if you don't want to say, message me.

Originally posted by tinker9917

EMDR that is it! And yes, my son has PTSD from traumatic experiences/abuse while living with his dad, not from war.

The effects can be very much the same.

When i left the forces, i refused to talk to anyone that hadn't been through exactly what i had. Without going into graphic detail, as far as i was concerned, if you hadn't seen the usual death and injuries attributed to conflict, you wouldn't understand. You could say i was a naive soldier who thought he'd seen it all.

Then i trained as a personal trainer and sports therapist, and we had to do a ten minute health presentation to the class, so i did it on PTSD. However many of the class did the same kind of thing, but there experiences were very different. Mining accidents, car accidents. abuse.

One lady had lost a few children in childbirth, being a dad if two gorgeous girls now, i can't even imagine what i'd be like in that situation,.....but all of these people suffered from the same PTSD symptoms as i did.

Never again did i say "you wouldn't understand" to a civillian.

CX.

reply to post by k21968
All one can do is be patient.Brain injuries cause symptoms of their own on top of PTSD.

He may never come completely back because of the combination.

Ask him about when he was happy in the past,try to go back there somehow.

I saved myself that way,by going back to how I was before it all happened.

Or at least by just trying to,it made me feel better.

I ain't right,but I ain't wrong either.

I'm just me.

PTSD is caused when something happens that you cannot find a place for it in normail life. In war its the fear that the things seen and done can happen "back home", its the understanding that people have done these thing, if people "there" can do such things why not the people here. All feeling of been safe is taken away, ones you love are not safe and the feeling of not been able to protect yourself or the ones you love. Its not flash backs to what has happened its the understand that the horror can happen here in your own house, street, town. He sees the world diffrent to others, he only see the horror and what horrors can happen.
You must be carefull with him, his head injury can also be playing a part in his behaviour. It is important to know what is PTSD and what is head injury.
Hope this helps.

I'm not really experienced in such situation to give a good advice but, Did he accept what he did and what he saw during the war times?

Doing some acts because of an order goes against you human instinct nor seeing horrible things is normal does and will cause a stress in the brain.

Most of the time, the person still lives in denial, which means the problem just hides and does not go away.

Has he told you everything that happened? he needs to let out everything he seen to ease himself. Sometimes its better to discuss with the spouse than doctor, as long as you don't judge him or treat him differently.

reply to post by Night Star


Thank you. Little bug is a mess.

reply to post by rockoperawriter


he is a recovering addict...I dont think marijuana would work...however I am glad it works for you. Apparently it is a cure for many many illnesses!

reply to post by nixie_nox
currently he is on effexor, prozac, elavil and abilify all at once

Me, I have PTSD. It's hard for me to feel for anyone, but I feel for your husband. And I'm sure you have my ex-'s sympathies.

Pot, yeah maybe. I tried it, made it worse for me. Made the memories so much clearer. Maybe a good thing for seniors, not a good thing for someone with PTSD. Not if they react the way I did.

I'm like, seven years out and still have the nightmares. Flashbacks are more rare now though. God that was a bad time, so bad. Can't blame hubby for wanting to sleep through it, I did the same thing.

Klonopin helped. Ativan helped. But I found that its a little too easy to become dependent on them. But, really, maybe sometimes it's better to be a little addicted to a bit of benzodiazepine than to be at the mercy of one's own frakked up brain?

I've been on Seroquel too, and thorazine. Though I think those were more to control certain psychotic behaviors which manifested from PTSD, rather than to treat the PTSD itself. Seroquel was great, but way to expensive for me. Thorazine is cheaper, but it really takes away all my energy, I really sleep a lot on that stuff. And after I dunno how many years of it at varying doses, I've lost a lot of physical strength and gained some weight. A soldier like your hubby would probably be pretty upset with those side effects, just like I was.

I think the hardest thing for your hubby to overcome is the lack of desire to be better. After being in the "stuff", it's easy just to not give a frak anymore. The depression can be damn near insurmountable.

I get confused very often. It's frustrating and I get very, very agitated, even to the point of anger. Like, even walking my dog today I was getting pissed at all the people in my neighborhood who were spoiling a peaceful walk with their noisy leaf-blowers and lawnmowers and stuff. Caught myself almost yelling stuff as I passed by like "F---king pansy, stop manicuring your lawn, just tear out the grass and paint the dirt green already!" "Oh yeah, that's what the effing world needs, more plastic siding on houses." I've lost track of where I was going with this thought so I'm gonna stop. Or, well, I guess what I was trying to illustrate is that when you have a lot of unpleasant Stuff going on in your brain, it gets easier to get frustrated at other people's petty frakking concerns, like mowing their lawn, etc.

Oh, and I found that EMDR helped too. The thing is, I think it's something best done only if it can be done frequently. You know, cause it really does help reprogram how the brain reacts to those memories, to a less negative function. But at the same time, it does involve stirring up those memories too. So the more frequent, the more supervision, the better.

EMDR, when done correctly, is a godsend. I could walk out of a session feeling 100%. Really. I never had any bar of lights or remotes or anything like that, maybe that's something different you're talking about. When I had EMDR it was just my psych moving his finger back and forth in front of my eyes. I would track the movement with my eyes, back and forth, while he brought up a really bad memory and coached me through it. The back and forth eye movement is supposed to get the left and right sides of the brain focused on the memory at the same time. And what the doc is telling you while your eyes are going back and forth and you're concentrating on that memory, reprograms both sides of the brain simultaneously to have a better response to the memory. It's really really good therapy. I should go back to that too, honestly I had forgotten all about it (I have amnesia and new-memory problems as well). After EMDR I feel very relaxed, very much more at peace. And one of the BEST things about EMDR is that during bad times, you know when you're going through some stuff at home or wherever, you know, that you can have someone you trust do the finger-waving thing for you, or even just look at a metronome and have yourself a little EMDR session right then and there, wherever/whenever you need it. You know, after the doc teaches you how to do it right of course.

Anyways, whatever your hubby ends up doing treatment-wise, I would just say be patient with him. It's not easy for anybody, you know, the soldier or the family. It's not a quick process, getting better. I know that sometimes love isn't enough, sometimes love runs out. I've been there, hell I've been on BOTH sides of that equation believe it or not, so I understand. But... you know maybe it runs out faster than it would if you're not as patient and dedicated to learning about the condition and adjusting your expectations accordingly. Not accusing, just saying, ignorance or unrealistic expectations help nobody. Because you really really love him, you are now not just a wife but a nurse too. That's how it's going to be until this situation is resolved.


And as for the people who say PTSD soldiers just need to grow a set of balls... I have got more balls than anybody I've ever met, and I'm a girl. Ya punks.

Any up-dates? How are things going???