My teenage daughter

reply to post by Juggernog


P.S. 15 is an age where it's 'cooler' to hang with the older girls/kids. So is 17, which is almost legal, so you never who or what or where miss box of rocks could be hanging with. To be on the safe side (especially since your daughter is pretty) try to keep her with her closer aged friends!

Originally posted by Katharos62191
reply to post by Juggernog

 

P.S. 15 is an age where it's 'cooler' to hang with the older girls/kids. So is 17, which is almost legal, so you never who or what or where miss box of rocks could be hanging with. To be on the safe side (especially since your daughter is pretty) try to keep her with her closer aged friends!

Remember my first girlfriend when she was around that age
her dad was some badass coroner
i was quite intimidated by him lol
he did let me know that he was the ruler of his daughter many times
but i wasnt a bad boy when i was young .. so i was safe lol

This is only from my own life. I'm male, and in my 30s.
I have worked at high schools in the past. Even all girls high schools.

In my life the ones I respect the most have been the ones who have challenged me the most. Be it friends, professional mentors, or my parents.
When I was at the age to act out, my parents response was always (paraphrasing), you can do what you want when you're 18, or, if you still want to do that you can when you're 18.

The past students (stretching over a decade), that I am still in contact with, or am back with contact with, are those that I feel I have challenged.

It has been my experience that younger individuals want to test their limits. The more you give, the more they will expect.
The more you are willing to stand your ground, with logical reason, the more the young individuals will accept and respect your view.
Even if it takes a few years for them to get it.

As I am not yet a parent I cannot speak from experience to you. However, your child is not the one in charge, and it sounds as if she needs to be reminded of that. And you need to get over her crocodile tears.

While being parented while I was 16, I remarked to my folks I didn't need parents, but friends.
At 30 plus, I respect and seek my parents opinion, as they have had a bit longer to live than I at this point, and can offer me opinions beyond my own life teaching.

reply to post by Katharos62191

To be on the safe side (especially since your daughter is pretty) try to keep her with her closer aged friends!

Exactly... Thank you for saying that.
Meaning, that was my point all along... I didnt even let my son drive around with 17 yr olds when he was 15. I tried to explain that to her but she doesnt understand, i guess

Originally posted by Juggernog
reply to post by Katharos62191

 

To be on the safe side (especially since your daughter is pretty) try to keep her with her closer aged friends!

Exactly... Thank you for saying that.

At that age they are all pretty but very naive
thinking they have the world at their door
because a few "cute" guys are complimenting them like if their were princess

she was probably meeting guys with this 17 yrs old girl tonight
would be very worried .. try to call her and see if she is okay (just to be sure)
she will get maybe annoyed .. but its for her own personal safety

reply to post by Ben81


You are one in a million then, all boys at that age are bad!!Jk Jk
Daddies will lay down the law though, as they should! My dad has acromegaly, so he's a big dude and frankly he scared the sh!t out of boys when I was that age, and I thank him.

@Juggernog-
It really is for the better, trust me! From experience I believe when kids want to hang with the older ones, they still have learning and experiences they need to do on their own in their own way, with their own age! It's almost like the not wanting them to grow up to fast thing. Your 15 year old needs to experience 15 year old things, which that 17 year old already has gone through. Plain & simple, some things that are alright for a 17 year old, aren't for a 15 year old yet. I stick by what I say when I say try hard to keep her with her own age!!

Some kids do not know how to talk with adults because parents are not around them enough. Driving is a skill that takes years to master. Look for evidence like trying to avoid you. Its the quick trip up to the room rather than talking to you about the party you need to worry about. It is the shrug of the shoulders and an alright rather than a detailed account of the evening. If you get a alright ask her why it was only alright. Find out stuff. What did you talk about? What kind of music did they play? Who was your favorite charactor in the movie? How many fingers am I holding up? If she comes home drunk let it go till the next day. It happens but don't let her get away with it. Wake her up early to do some major house cleaning or better yet sugest a 2 mile run. As she sobers up describe how unattractive she looked. This info will affect her more than explaining what could have happened. Explain to her that alcohol made her face go numb like she had a major shot of novacane and the drool was unsightly. Her eyes were dripping down her face. Your daughter is playing your emotions like a fine violinist testing whether you are a father or an enabler. create your boundries and have an idea of what you will do when she crosses it. Never take it personal.

reply to post by Katharos62191


until i reached around 18 lol
baddest boy in the world ahah jk
now that im 31 im returning to the source slowly but surely

reply to post by Juggernog


Ahhh........she's pulled out the old "I hate you" card aye - LOL.

Emotional wrecking-ball when dad hears that one for the first time from his "little princess".

Hold fast big fella - stick to your instincts - the first instinct is usually the correct one so let her chuck a wobbly as much as is needed - she may hate you and despise you now for it BUT she will love you forever in the long run.

The choice is yours - when she is 18 (or is it 21 where you are?) its all over and you will have very little control over honing her social skills.

You are most certainly not alone - nor the first to have this plight. I'll leave you with a bit of humor..............


S&F

So glad it's someone else and not me anymore. Send her back to her moms till she hits the age of 30. Female teenagers are rough man. I couldn't even deal with it. So, I sent her packing to her fathers. (My niece) It has been peaceful ever since, and I got my mind back.

Good Luck..............

Your going to need it.

Oh I had to reply, just to give a little moral support. I was a teenage girl too....we are a nightmare, so I apologise on her behalf. My boyfriend has a 15 year old girl too, and let me tell ya...I would rather have a house full of noisy smelly teenage boys than one little princess. His one isn't as emotional as yours sounds, not yet anyway, but god almighty is she manipulative. Boyfriends personality changes noticeably when she's around, cos he knows she will try and run the show, any show, and dominate everyone and everything, cos she knows that she's smart and good looking and thinks she can get her way.

Personally, I would BAN her from spending time out with Miss Box-of-Rocks...you will have no idea at all where they are or what they're up to, and at 15 she's still a child, no matter how much she argues. Life now is not how it was even when we were their age. It's SO much more dangerous and she has no way of understanding that. Let her cry and don't give in ever....it's all manipulation and long term, it's better for her to learn the boundaries. You are the DADDY! and don't let her forget it. My dad was very strict with me, which I hated at the time, but I can absolutely see why now, and am very grateful.

And for the record, when she says she hates you, she's testing the boundaries and really just seeing what works and what she can get away with. Maybe you should say, well thats a shame honey, cos I love you more than anything, and I know you don't mean that. Play her at her own game and let her know how much she's hurt your feelings. Give her the puppy dog look and summon up some tears if you can...seriously. I would have been gutted if my dad did that to me. She needs to realise how much pain she's causing you

She's still a child who doesn't understand that adulthood really is, and thinks that boobies and piercings and older friends with cars make her a grown up.

But hey...this is just my opinion, so forgive me if it seems a little harsh. You alone know what's best for her, so trust your instincts every time.

reply to post by Juggernog


Raised my daughter on my own from age 2 to now 18. She hit the "bitch from hell routine" at high school. Life got hard for us both.

Best advice..

Hang on and hope you all make it.

Your child is not a reflection of you, they make their own choices.

She is Manipulating you. Kids learn early their parents don't want them to feel Sad. So they use that against you to get what they want.. exclusively.

Don't take it on. Tell her you can't talk while she is crying/yelling.. manipulating. Explain that You do Love Her enough to fight for what's right for her.

Boundaries.. all kids need boundaries to feel secure... and Rules.. House Rules that should be fair for all the people living there.

Do not give her everything because you feel sorry for her. She is manipulating you. Stuff gets earned by expected behaviours at home... and when out.

Good Luck, I hope you make it.

Day in the life of a fifteen year old girl.......

I don't want to get up and go to school, I stayed up too late last night. Hits snooze one more time.............
Wakes up ten minutes late and doesn't have time to properly do her hair or eat breakfast..........
She steps onto the school buses stair and slips and cracks her knee and stains her pants, but doesn't cry......
When she gets to school she realizes in her rush this morning she has left her essay, that she stayed up late writing last night, at home. Just freaking fantastic.........

The boy she really likes is in second period, and as she walks through the door and smiles at him, suddenly she thinks he sees her hair a mess, the stain on her pants, her limp, and can hear her belly growling from 10 foot away. She ducks into her seat and doesn't raise her head again until the bell rings......
At lunch she is starving, but they are serving meatloaf and it makes her gag. So she chit chats with her friends about the upcoming dance and munches on french fries. She knows her parents won't buy her the dress she wants anyway.........

After explaining to her teacher in fifth period about her essay, she feels drained and can't wait to get out of here.....
After school she finds out that the boy she likes is riding on her bus when he sits across from her........
Once again all of her flaws come rushing to the front of her mind, and as he tries to talk to her she can't remember when she is supposed to giggle, bat her eyes, and flip her hair, so she does them all at once. He gives her a strange look and turns away.........

At home at last she throws herself on the bed drained........
She receives a call from a girl that she secretly can't stand but is willing to go hang out with just to get out of the house........
Here comes the fight with Dad she knows it, because he also doesn't like the girl. She is ready for the fight, bring it on........
After the fight while she is crying on the bed releasing a full days worth of frustration, she wonders why she even cares if he said no. She didn't really want to go with her anyway, it is just the point that her Dad doesn't think she can make her own decisions......
She cries some more letting it all drain out of her. She has to start this all over again tomorrow and nobody understands her......


Sorry, I get carried away about teenage girls, I was one of the worst!

Try to do things with her where she can invite her friends. Drive them to the movies while you hang out at the bookstore next door, tell them you are going to Starbucks and they can come along if they like, ( sitting at a different table of course). You need to spend time with her and her friends so that you can judge them better. Not only that but it makes you the cool Dad if you take them cool places.

My Mom was a full time student and held a full time job while I was growing up, and my Dad had no idea what to do with us kids. He was such a push over. He finally wised up when a 20 year old came to pick his 15 year old daughter up on a motorcycle. (Biggest mistake of my life, I should have made him pick me up a block away, hehehehe).

After that Dad got strict and I fought tooth and nail against it. Even if I didn't really want what I was fighting for. Mom graduated and started spending time with me and my friends and it got better, sort of. Just remember no matter how intimidating she is, she is still your child. You love her, and you want to get to know her. She is constantly evolving, let her know that you love to watch her grow and change and you are afraid she is growing to fast.

Be honest, that is very important. Teenagers can smell a lie a mile away. They have uncanny super powers at that age, I don't know why or where they go when they hit 19. Anyway, might be time to take a drive down to the lake or whatever (neutral ground) and have a talk.

Also, she is playing mom and dad against each other. I am sure you are aware of this. I am also sure her mother is to. It is the ultimate teenage tool! Buckle up and enjoy your ride, it is gonna be a bumpy one.

(My husband will have to endure two teenage girls and a wife with menopause all at the same time. So just remember, it could always be worse!)

go to new picks,click pakistani parents subject,make her read it,then ask her about what a jerk you are and how bad her life is.

reply to post by Juggernog

Welcome to my world!

I have a 17 yr old daughter. What I have learned after many failures is that I have to pick my battles. She wanted to dye her beautiful blonde hair black and put pink dye on the tips. I was strongly opposed. I asked her why she wanted to dye her hair and she said "because I just want something different". Ok. I've done that and it is just hair dye. I explained to her that the black dye would be next to impossible to get out of her hair should she change her mind and explained I would not pay to fix her hair back if she did not like it.

She dyed it. It looked horrible. I hated it. She hated it. 6 months later she is still suffering the consequences of her actions. Her hair breaks off, it is dry, and horribly damaged. She wouldnt listen. I let her learn the hard way.

I am a firm believer in sometimes letting them learn the hard way. Maybe next time she will listen to mom.

Most things with her I employ the same tactic: if it is not life altering or could injure her, I give her the facts...all of them...all of the possible consequences...if she chooses to do it anyway...she will learn eventually to listen to me.

It is very hard to watch your child make a mistake and learn a hard lesson. It hurts. But, as a parent, my job is not to make her life perfect all of the time, my job is to give her the tools to survive in this world someday without me.

My job is to teach her to make good choices and let her suffer the consequences when she doesnt.

As for tattooos and piercings..I will not let her pierce anything other than her ears until she is 18. Tattoos are no as well until she is 18.

Let her cry. She cries because it bothers you. When she starts crying go somewhere away from her and ignore it. My daughter would not crybecause she knows I will walk away and before I went I would tell her that she is being very immature and that shows me she is not grownup enough for whatever it is she is wanting.

Hang in there dad. Girls are sooooo much more hard to raise than boys.

reply to post by caitlinfae






Nice post and stared


And OP Just a few random,rambling points that may be of some help.My daughter has as

a single parent raised a son who is now 22 years and currently raising a daughter of 151/2yrs

she is both fair and strict with her, turning to me for support when she has been the only

mother not to allow something or another, and whatever she's doing it seems to be working



* Why do you think she pushed to come and live with you?? It's obvious that she

thought you would be more malleable than her mother


* If she wants to be treated as a adult...then she needs to communicate and behave like

one


* You are her 'parent' not her 'friend' give her boundries and stick to them


* Keep friends at same age/class group. Two years (in terms of teen experience) is vastly

greater than any normal two years.


* Do 'tough love' it's much harder but achieves more in the long term. Don't fall for 'love'

meaning giving her everything she wants


* Oh and finally a note from Judge Judy ( I love Judge Judy ) she talks so much sense

"When do you know a teenager is lying?">>when their mouth is moving

reply to post by Juggernog


I'd just ignore her when she throws a fit. When she sees it's not going to affect you she'll stop. As for saying she hates you, ignore that too. She doesn't. Just more attempted manipulation. I don't envy you Bro. Been there.

I feel for you, my 2 oldest are stepkids, been with them since they were 2 and 4...they started pulling the same thing with their real dad, who is barely in their picture, and has seen them less times over the years than I have fingers.

You need to stand your ground. I told my kids from the age of 13, if you want a car, you need to do x,y, and z, to keep it short here, mostly regarding school. Neither lived up to the bargain, and x,y, and z were not hard to obtain...end result, neither got their licence til well past 17, oldest got a car finally, younger one has not. Throughout, they call "dad", bitch, moan and complain...this is just one example, and shortened for ATS readers, bottom line...YOU are the parent, they live with you, you do the day to day stuff...quit worrying about someone elses opinion...your ex will never side with you.

I appreciate all of the comments and advice, here is something I found out this morning.
My daughter made the mistake of getting her brother involved, turns out that he knows the girl and shes not 17, shes 19 and graduated HS last year.
Now, I wanna know why at 19 year old girl is trying to run around with Middle Schoolers

reply to post by Juggernog


That is a good question, when I was 19 I couldn't stand to be around those "little high school girls". My sisters friends would annoy me to no end. I think you should have a serious talk with your daughter about her choice of friends. She of course thinks it is cool to hang out with an older girl, but you find it strange.

Let her know that it is awkward for you and you are concerned about why such an older girl would be interested in hanging out with young girls instead of finding people her own age to group to hang with.

Maybe the older girl is just playing chauffeur for her sister?