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If I Were a Murderer... [CTPWC]

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posted on Nov, 1 2012 @ 02:26 PM
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If I Were a Murderer...

If I were a murderer…
You would be buried in the yard.
Your body rotten, your flesh decayed,
And I’d be smiling every day.

You’re lucky that I’m not
But oh, how I wished to be
I would happily chop off your head,
And laugh that you were dead.

You liked to cheat and lie,
Well, your bed is six feet deep
And you’d be laying in it now
If only I knew how.

Oh, I’m not evil, vengeful, or a killer,
It’s just that you stink so badly.
I was taught that you threw away the trash
And bury the hurtful past.





posted on Nov, 1 2012 @ 02:31 PM
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reply to post by isyeye
 


I sensed the dark side about you, young jedi!



Brilliant!



posted on Nov, 1 2012 @ 02:36 PM
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reply to post by isyeye
 


You (obviously) are a talented writer...but I do have to question...what was your motivation and/or inspiration to write this?



edit on 1-11-2012 by caladonea because: edit



posted on Nov, 1 2012 @ 02:38 PM
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Originally posted by caladonea
reply to post by isyeye
 


You (obviously) are a talented writer...but I do have to question...what was your motivation and/or inspiration to write this?



edit on 1-11-2012 by caladonea because: edit


I believe many of us are equally motivated to write the same words.



posted on Nov, 1 2012 @ 02:42 PM
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reply to post by caladonea
 


It's inspiration came in the form of an "ex". Very much like trash, their stink tends to linger unless discarded.



posted on Nov, 1 2012 @ 03:16 PM
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hilariously dark entertainment.

loved it.



posted on Nov, 1 2012 @ 06:16 PM
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reply to post by isyeye
 


Very nice. Flagged.

I like how you twist the words from darkness to reality.



posted on Nov, 1 2012 @ 06:50 PM
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reply to post by isyeye
 


I love it for many twisted reasons


S & F



posted on Nov, 2 2012 @ 12:23 AM
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I love how anything but warm admiration or approbation of this sordid and mindless piece is 'taboo'.

Well, because I am an iconoclast who get's annoyed with fawning, I will give you my two cents.

This 'poem' if you want to call it such, is vain, tawdry, and barren of any value. But most of all, it's all over the place. You start with "if I were a murderer". If you were a murderer, you'd be loathed by society, and for good reason. So why create a poem discussing some plausible "If" that is ridiculously irrelevant. In fact, it's because you have the sensibility and reason guiding you towards fruitful living and thinking and being - that is what you should say "thanks" to - that you aren't crazy. That you still walk erect and aren't led astray by the impetuosity of the animal.

So why give 'expression' to that which ultimately hurts? Vanity. Vanity, and nothing but vanity. This is an immature piece by a guy who does little thinking.


edit on 2-11-2012 by dontreally because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 2 2012 @ 12:29 AM
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reply to post by dontreally
 


Are you sure you are not a murderer?
Just asking

Quad



posted on Nov, 2 2012 @ 07:31 AM
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reply to post by dontreally
 



Originally posted by dontreally
I love how anything but warm admiration or approbation of this sordid and mindless piece is 'taboo'.

Well, because I am an iconoclast who get's annoyed with fawning, I will give you my two cents.

This 'poem' if you want to call it such, is vain, tawdry, and barren of any value. But most of all, it's all over the place. You start with "if I were a murderer". If you were a murderer, you'd be loathed by society, and for good reason. So why create a poem discussing some plausible "If" that is ridiculously irrelevant. In fact, it's because you have the sensibility and reason guiding you towards fruitful living and thinking and being - that is what you should say "thanks" to - that you aren't crazy. That you still walk erect and aren't led astray by the impetuosity of the animal.

So why give 'expression' to that which ultimately hurts? Vanity. Vanity, and nothing but vanity. This is an immature piece by a guy who does little thinking.


I think you miss the point of creative writing...Writing is a tool to express various emotions, use imagination, and bring out thoughts and ideas that may not always hold true in reality. Of course I'm thankful that in reality I am completely sane and "walk erect", but where you see "vain, tawdry, and barren", I and perhaps others may see the overcoming of pain.......So "Why" create a poem discussing some plausible "If"?...Because I can...That's the whole point of writing. To release emotions, to make someone think, and to say "What if?".

To answer the question "Why give "expression" to that which (you think) ultimately hurts?"...Because it HEALS...Where you find vanity, I found release and humor...and as for be being a guy who does little thinking...I'll pass on responding because I'm too busy thinking on my next set of writing.

...and also...You say this piece was "barren of value"...well, it caused enough thought and emotion within you for you to respond to it...whether you thought it good or bad...You were moved to have words in response, and that's the point of creative writing...to make the reader think, feel, and discuss...Thanks for taking the time to read the poem and showing me that it was indeed effective.

edit on 2-11-2012 by isyeye because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 2 2012 @ 11:39 AM
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reply to post by isyeye
 




I think you miss the point of creative writing


Nope, I get it just fine.



, I and perhaps others may see the overcoming of pain


I more than understand that you see something constructive in this, but I do not.



.Because I can


And that's my point. The sheer pointlessness of it. You understand and agree that it's best not to be a murderer, yet somehow you don't see a problem in divorcing the morality of 'not being a murderer' from your desire to give expression in poem to "If" you were a murderer, as if there were some essential therapeutic quality in it.

There isn't. It's unnecessary, and when you break it down psychologically, you can see how wantonly vain the whole piece is.

Usually, I can appreciate poetry that expresses some dark pain. But here, it was just so overtly coarse and ridiculous i.e "If I were a murderer", that I can't help but consider this piece worthless.



What if?".


Ahh, if it's any consolation to you as a person, my annoyance is only with the philosophy you give expression to in this poetry i.e this asymmetrical nonsense that pushes art to obnoxious proportions.



You were moved to have words in response


So that's your idea of an intellectual barometer? That if you can elicit a response, you've "done your job" and the piece is thus validated?? You just simply got a response via the outrageous stupidity (in my opinion) of the poem in question.

There is nothing special or talented in being able to rouse such a response in someone. In fact, it is the easiest thing.



posted on Nov, 2 2012 @ 12:30 PM
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reply to post by dontreally
 


Hey....So you don't like my poem...It's all good...That's the wonderful thing about art. There are many different forms, and some you like, and some you don't. There are many famous writings, paintings, music, etc. that I find to be pointless, but that's ok. Not every piece of art connects with everyone.

This poem was simply a means to release some emotions and find a little humor in unrealistic words. You may not have identified with the words or emotions, but some have...that's good enough for me.



posted on Nov, 2 2012 @ 12:33 PM
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Very muched enjoyed it!
Flagged.



posted on Nov, 2 2012 @ 12:36 PM
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reply to post by isyeye
 


This one made me giggle to myself here! While being dark in nature, this is one of those fun loving dark poems!
Enjoyable read isyeye!
Good flow to it as well



posted on Nov, 2 2012 @ 12:40 PM
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reply to post by isyeye
 


I think he'd have issues if Edgar Allen Poe made a submission....



posted on Nov, 2 2012 @ 01:29 PM
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reply to post by SLAYER69
 


As a matter of fact, you're right.


However, Edgar Allan Poe was quite the wordsmith. I may disagree with his gnosticism, but he did have a sly way with expressing himself.



posted on Nov, 2 2012 @ 01:30 PM
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reply to post by isyeye
 


Ok.

I will admit that you do take criticism nicely.



posted on Nov, 2 2012 @ 01:40 PM
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reply to post by dontreally
 


There's nothing wrong with critisism...as a matter of fact, it's only encouraged me to work on something even darker, more humorous, and yes...even more pointless...so thank you.



posted on Nov, 2 2012 @ 01:53 PM
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reply to post by isyeye
 


And that's the type of weird motivation that I find so unhealthy, unpredictable. Let me ask you something. Is it because I put pressure or emphasis on the good, that you're now desiring to put an equal counter-pressure on the evil?? Why do you want to keep the knowledge and experience of evil alive?

It's as if you're out to profane the world. It doesn't suffice to look and concentrate and enjoy the good, but rather, you want to straddle the two extremes of existence.

It necessitates a destructive lifestyle, destructive thinking, destructive feeling. It's no coincidence that Poe, Wilde etc, came to untimely ends.

edit on 2-11-2012 by dontreally because: (no reason given)




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