Asphalt Dance

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posted on Nov, 1 2012 @ 12:13 PM
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Asphalt Dance
By beezzer

Went looking for my partner,
my dancer tonight
Lights blazing
Folding back the night.

Every night spent looking
for that special dance
A touch A kiss
A second chance

I see her walking
Nearing the street
Music starts playing
A reggae beat

My wheels spin right
Headlights shining
We meet We kiss!
Sirens soon whining.

She’s beautiful, Graceful
A sparrow in flight.
A shoe goes flying
Blood colours the night.

Our Dance soon over
I leave the floor
Driving down Main Street
Looking for more.




edit on 20/11/12 by masqua because: Edit per author request




posted on Nov, 1 2012 @ 12:20 PM
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A shoe goes flying Blood colours the night.


This bit confuses me.


Is she dead?
edit on 1-11-2012 by Wide-Eyes because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 1 2012 @ 12:22 PM
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reply to post by Wide-Eyes
 


It's when he hits her with his car.



posted on Nov, 1 2012 @ 12:22 PM
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Originally posted by beezzer
reply to post by Wide-Eyes
 


It's when he hits her with his car.


I guessed as much. You're one sick bunny!



posted on Nov, 1 2012 @ 12:24 PM
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Originally posted by Wide-Eyes

Originally posted by beezzer
reply to post by Wide-Eyes
 


It's when he hits her with his car.


I guessed as much. You're one sick bunny!




Thanks!

Writing brings out my inner bunny-demon!



posted on Nov, 1 2012 @ 12:28 PM
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S & F


I thought you said in the other thread this was going to be about a 'dysfunctional relationship' ?


I guess that's a pretty dysfunctional way to have a relationship
edit on 1-11-2012 by SLAYER69 because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 1 2012 @ 12:31 PM
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reply to post by SLAYER69
 


Did I understate too much?


Thanks for reading it!



posted on Nov, 1 2012 @ 12:31 PM
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reply to post by SLAYER69
 


I was about to say that.


I was just pulling the post from the announcement thread!




I have one, my only attempt at poetry. It contains a disfunctional aspect of relationships. Would that be appropriate?


Good entry anyway Beezzer.



posted on Nov, 1 2012 @ 12:46 PM
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I read this a bit like a rock anthem,

good to see the evil bunny is never too far away...


S&F.



posted on Nov, 1 2012 @ 12:49 PM
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Originally posted by 74Templar
I read this a bit like a rock anthem,

good to see the evil bunny is never too far away...


S&F.


Thanks for taking the time! (Now get some sleep!)




posted on Nov, 1 2012 @ 01:40 PM
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Very interesting bunny! Great first poem!

I can say it may be a little twisted, but I am one to enjoy these kinds of things.

S-n-F for a show of my support.
edit on 1-11-2012 by zysin5 because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 1 2012 @ 01:45 PM
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reply to post by zysin5
 
Thanks for taking the time to read it.




posted on Nov, 1 2012 @ 04:17 PM
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A song...it needs to be recorded with music...epic angst with a twist. And, what a twist it is....


Good showing Beez....

Des



posted on Nov, 1 2012 @ 04:22 PM
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Fantastic. When read aloud it has bits that have the rhythm and measure of a song and others that seem abrupt and clipped short... Much like the lady dancer in the poem. S&F. Did you create it just for this contest, or was it another work you had already had and it fit the bill?



posted on Nov, 1 2012 @ 06:33 PM
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reply to post by beezzer
 


That was a bit dark, but it had a smooth flow to it.

Remind me never to be your GF and break up with you. I already know the outcome.

Flagged.



posted on Nov, 1 2012 @ 08:16 PM
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That was a tad beyond dysfunctional, you bad bunny, you!

It seems ATS is blessed with many a fine writer, many a poet's heart...
Star for you...



posted on Nov, 1 2012 @ 08:21 PM
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There is no dought in my opinion you have talent !
I will read more stuff since I just discovered this section of ATS.
Carry on.



posted on Nov, 1 2012 @ 09:13 PM
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Never imagined a bunny could be so twisted
That was a interesting read beez!



posted on Nov, 1 2012 @ 09:33 PM
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I've been reading all of the other submissions, but I keep coming back to this one! I was a crash reconstructionist for 2 years, so I'm a little biased, I tend to be drawn towards this kind of art. You definetly have the most compelling and intriguing title so far. I just love the whole piece. Wish I could give another S&F.
edit on 11/1/2012 by TheOtter because: Correcting good old autocorrect



posted on Nov, 1 2012 @ 10:36 PM
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off-topic post removed to prevent thread-drift


 






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