Does positive thinking work or are positive people just the ones who havent had bad experiences?

My flatmate/ bestfriend/ kinda GF just got some awful news.
She has had to fly home for a serious operation and as a result quit a really good ridiculously well paying job.

While trying to console her yesterday I tried to explain my thoughts on the law of attraction.
for anyone who isnt familiar with this law this is the gist of it

The law of attraction is the name given to the belief that "like attracts like" and that by focusing on positive or negative thoughts, one can bring about positive or negative results. For example, if a person opened an envelope expecting to see a bill, then according to the law of attraction, the envelope would "confirm" those thoughts and contain a bill when opened. A person who decided to instead expect a check might, under the same law, find a check instead of a bill

The above is a very simplified example of how it works but Im sure most of you are familiar with the concept.

So anyway I went on to explain how against all odds and even numerous cases of self sabotage life always worked out for me and the universe always seemed to give me what I wanted even if I wasnt consciously aware I wanted it.
She then said something that really got me thinking, she said "Its easy for you to be positive, nothing bad has ever happened to you!!!" She then told me about growing with parents who basically locked her in her room for 5 years letting her out only for music lessons and school, not even telling her when her brother died. being molested on a train in India, being fecked over by boyfriends and friends, the list went on.

It hit me like a ton of bricks, she was right.
Everything apart from grandparents who were all at least 65 dying nothing bad has happened to me and even the small things that hadnt gone right were all basically my fault, each negative in my life was a direct result of a mistake I made that even at the time I knew I shouldnt be doing.
How can I possibly tell someone who has been through that sort of stuff to stay positive when I have no way of understanding her mindset?

So I wanna hear what people think, are positive people just lucky that fate has been kind?
Do you know anyone who stays positive despite nothing but bad happening to them?
Do you know anyone whos constantly negative despite everything always working out for them?

Originally posted by IkNOwSTuff
So I wanna hear what people think, are positive people just lucky that fate has been kind?

Some are, but I think that's a pretty broad generalization.

Do you know anyone who stays positive despite nothing but bad happening to them?

In my experience, it's the people who have been to hell and back who are the only ones strong enough to stay positive through it all. My father is a Vietnam vet who suffered from PTSD for most of his life, now he is one of my most positive influences.

Do you know anyone whos constantly negative despite everything always working out for them?

Pretty much every girl I've ever dated.

reply to post by IkNOwSTuff


I look at it this way. I've got to stay positive for the sake of my son. He feels me when I am angry or frustrated,so I have to stay positive,it upsets him if I don't.

I've had several bad things happen to me.

Growing up with alcoholic parents,learning to keep secrets,being mentally abused by my mother.

Being screwed over by friends. Flipping my car in a ditch at 17. Falling off a fire escape two stories down onto concrete stairs and living.

Mom dying from her alcohol abuse. Dad remarrying so quickly. New family now.

Things happen and if we stay positive about it,I think it's much healthier for your mind.

My life experiences have taught me a lot and if I don't stay positive I'm only hurting myself.

I look at the bright side of things and tell myself it could always be worse.

Your GF is right, as in this is right for her under the circumstances.
One can only take so much pain. Maybe some people are more resilient. Honestly though it is so much easier said than done which is my answer when I'm told to be positive about my current medical condition. Actually my response isn't that nice of an answer because they aren't helping, but making me feel worse. It offends me and they don't understand.
So I would agree its people who've had an easier life, they can be this way. Those who disagree will be those who had better luck.

reply to post by natalia


I think my friend needs to talk to someone like you.
Would you have any advice on how I could explain what you said without seeming insensitive or patronising?

Thanks for your reply

reply to post by IkNOwSTuff


I believe positive thinking works, but not in the way you were talking about. Having a positive attitude gives one a different perspective, like seeing the glass as half full rather than half empty. Someone who thinks positively will instead of dwelling on the bad parts of a situation with automatically look for something good, for example they may lose their job but instead of wallowing in self pity will see it as an opportunity for finding a higher paying job or one that is more fulfilling. Because they have a sunnier disposition they are more likely to accomplish that than someone with a "poor pitiful me" attitude. Most employers will hire the applicant with the better attitude.

I have had one hell of a rough life, however, I always tried to keep a positive attitude.

So no, sometimes those of us who have had bad things happen, don't let them drag us down, although they usually do at first. My brother however is a total pessimist and blames everything on everyone else, and he has a bad attitude, so it depends on the person.

My favorite sayings have always been "What doesn't kill you,Makes you stronger"

And in the words of kid rock, I have taken my blows, and I am still standing.

Life is what you make out of it. When it throws you a bunch of lemons...you make lemonade. Not everyone is able to have this attitude, at least not at first, it is friends like you who serve to bring them out of their downer attitudes.
You can be a victim, or you can be a survivor.

I'd often like to blow my brains out - in fact if i had a gun - I wouldn't be typing this right now (Mind you I pull the trigger to avoid mindless drivel chit-chat lol).

But in all seriousness - Aside from that - I've been through a lot of crap - positive thinking has kept me afloat - I'm doing better than most

I can't stand weak people.

Being positive is just good for peace of mind. If good experiences land in a person's lap their whole lives, I doubt it's because they were skilled law of attraction wizards since birth.

It's all about balance.

Too much positivity or negativity leads one astray and on the path of delusion and denial.

This whole "law of attraction" started when the "new age" scene was hitting it's peak last decade.

It's just a marketing scheme for idiots.

Some days I'm hella negative and totally productive. Other times calls for being quite positive. Usually I'm trying to balance the both of them, so as not to miss out on what a dispassionate stance can do for one's awareness.

I'm pretty disgusted by the "law of attraction" and "new age" phooey, but am also a bit of a hypocrite, because I utilize it in networking at times, knowing full well how naive some people are.

The ones who have been this way their whole lives, only are because they either have extreme talent and never fail, else because they were born into wealth and have a decent knack for making it into more.

If you find someone spouting out garbage about how "love cures all" or "perception is reality" and junk like that, and the above two doesn't apply to them. . . run like hell. They're out to take you for all you're worth.

I have had my share of bad things happen to me through life, but I am still a positive and happy person. I have had stillborn babies that I have had to bury, I have lost family members, I have battled with seizures, the list could go on and on. But how I react to these bad things happening is a choice that is entirely dependent on me. I could have chosen to let my loss drag me down and believe me the thought did occur to me many times, but I didn't.

The person I am inside is not determined by the things that happen to me. I refuse to allow myself to be controlled by bad things, that is a choice. Sure bad things happen, crap happens all the damn time, but that doesn't mean that I have to become less of a person, a bitter person or let it change me in a negative way. I look for the lessons that it all brings me, mourn when I need to mourn, move on when I need to move on and remember to stay true to my real self. My real self is happy, loving, kind, and generous.

I don't think it has anything to do with putting out any sort of energy to get a certain type of energy or action back in return. I think it is about not just being an emotional creature, but rather balancing our emotions with logic. We go to doctors, therapists, ect.. who work logic into our emotions so that we can have a more balanced view of the things in our life. Why not just learn to balance logic and reason with emotion.

While the emotional resilience of the individual should be taken into account, I believe it mainly comes down to external factors that shape our internal attitudes. Those that have had bad childhoods or those going through a crisis will more than likely feel negative emotions that affect their attitude; people that have had good childhoods or are experiencing a relatively stress-free existence will more than likely feel positive emotions that affect their attitude.

You will find exceptions - there are people that have had awful lives that turn out to be very warm and optimistic, and people that have had relatively straightforward lives that maintain a negative and cynical attitude. In most cases, however, I feel strongly that external factors influence how our mind views the world around us.

Originally posted by Dark Ghost
In most cases, however, I feel strongly that external factors influence how our mind views the world around us.

This is the truth. I don't care how your perspective and attitude turn out. if anyone denies that the environment is a major influence on their internal state they should realize they're really not too self-aware.

Originally posted by Dark Ghost
While the emotional resilience of the individual should be taken into account, I believe it mainly comes down to external factors that shape our internal attitudes. Those that have had bad childhoods or those going through a crisis will more than likely feel negative emotions that affect their attitude; people that have had good childhoods or are experiencing a relatively stress-free existence will more than likely feel positive emotions that affect their attitude.

You will find exceptions - there are people that have had awful lives that turn out to be very warm and optimistic, and people that have had relatively straightforward lives that maintain a negative and cynical attitude. In most cases, however, I feel strongly that external factors influence how our mind views the world around us.

I agree with this! I know it helped that I had an incredibly positive optimistic mom. Nothing could get her down, even though she had more than her share of awful things in her life. Things most people don't go through or have to see in their life, she saw and experienced. Yet she remained a positive optimistic person. We were taught that nothing is ever bad enough to let it change who you god made you to be. Now while I may not share her views on god and religion, I do believe that nothing is ever bad enough to change who I am inside. I know that comes directly from having learned it while growing up. I had a decent life, not perfect, but I didn't live under stress growing up. I had happy and positive things in my life that have shaped me into the person I am now.

Positive and negative are merely different polarities of the same thing. In order to live fully, both aspects and everything in between must be experienced.

reply to post by IkNOwSTuff


A question that I've wondered about for years.

As per my observations the answer is self evident.

I've seen the most wonderful and most postitve people in the world with the most gracious hearts get sh*t on time and time again in circumstances which are completely out of their control.

If you didn't see it for yourself you wouldn't believe it. It seems almost as if it's conspiratorial.

I've seen these wonderful people slowly turn sad, apathetic and despondent, as if the very life was being sucked out of them regardless of how hard they fought to "Stay Positive".

I've also seen the "Stay Positive" crowd attempt to teach and lecture such people on the virtues of "Staying Positive" and instructing them that they were experiencing negativity because they had a 'negative' mindset and attitude.

In my opinion this is pure unadulterated bullsh*t.

These "Stay Positive" people, for the most part, have had lives which are idolically free of a constant barrage of horrific negative attacks.

My conclusion is that negative people aren't negative because of their mindsets but rather have become negative because for some odd reason during their lifetimes they continually get the sh*t beat out of them.

I've seen these people (as well as the others who can do and get no wrong) with my own eyes.

reply to post by IkNOwSTuff


my experience has been that negative thinking will bring you negative things. I have seen it first hand with my father.

Anytime he goes shopping the register breaks. When the cashier attempts to fix the register there have been times when the employees and manager do no understand how it broke down.

I used to say he was crazy but to this day a cash register always breaks down just before it is his turn. I think he thinks it into existence or someone really hates him

The answer to the threads question is both. Positive things work sometimes AND it could be a mentality due to lack of "bad" experiences.

The secrecy is to not get attached to any thing.

reply to post by IkNOwSTuff


nah ive tried it many times, it doesnt work for crap lol, but at the same time its not good to dwell on bad crap especially while its going on because it just makes it worse. on the flip side, when the times are rough and you hear crap like this you think, hrm ill give it a try, and is COMPLETE FAIL lol, then you are mad that even when you are wishing good things on yourself , the world, and the universe, your life/situation still sucks haha. i think the notion was thought up to help people not dwell on bad things when they are happening. being positive is usually the best route because even if times are tough, no one wants to hear you complain about something 24/7. well unless you are a safety inspector, by all means complain away.

I always find it best to....

www.youtube.com...



and this method works as well...and is the very reason I became an ATS member.

www.abovetopsecret.com...