You articulated that very well! I always felt like an outsider. Just as you describe, I am there, I listen, but I do not understand. I hear the words,
I get their meanings, but I do not see why. People talk about things which are dull and redundant, often telling the same jokes, complaining about the
same things or discussing the same issues many times (which were rarely interesting in the first place!)
I go to work. I get: "Another day." I respond, "Yeah, another day." (Trying to act normal.)
At the end of every night I get: "Another one down." And I respond, "Yeah...."
As I work night shift, every night (and I mean every single night) one of my co-workers steps out of our car and she says, "Well, see you later
today." That might have been clever the first time I heard it, but honestly, she says the same exact line every single night! And every single night
everyone laughs, and even sigh with reflection upon this 'cleverness' after her door has closed and she has gone (proving their laughter was not a
mere facade, or at least not for her sake.) I just sit there, blank-faced, because that's as nice as I can possible manage to be about this.
When I'm home, I talk with fascinating people online about fascinating things (philosophy, art, spiritualism, the supernatural, etc.) But when I walk
out my front door, I step back into the 'Real World'.
I get, "It's a nice day today." And I respond, holding back witty/snide remarks and forcing a smile, "Yeah, it is.”
Sometimes I feel like saying, "Just shoot me!" I always saw normality as a facade. What I never understood is why people bother to play this boring
game. Deep down, we are all spiritual beings who do not understand the materialism around us. But the world is so real and it forces us to 'play
along' or we'll be 'crushed under the weight' of it. Daring to be different takes guts, to say what you really think. People think you're a jerk and a
weirdo. I know, because I used to just say what I thought sometimes. These days, I remain quiet.
I've been an actor, public speaker, protestor, writer and passionate conversationalist. And yet, in my home town, I'm considered "shy" and am easily
overlooked, forgotten and underestimated because I "lack self-confidence." It isn't that, it's because I can't be like them. I refuse to 'fit into'
their world too much. I despise it. I care for them, for all of them, but I despise their normality. I wish I could know who they all really were
inside and that we could just take each other for who we all really are. But instead, we keep our walls (or facades) up so we don't get beaten down
for being exposed (vulnerable) and not 'playing along'.
Deep down, we're all weird.
edit on 4-11-2012 by LoneCloudHopper2 because: (no reason given)