So...recently some strange things have been occurring to me, and while I cannot seem to explain any of them logically, I can't deny them either.
Which is incredibly frustrating. It all sounds totally crazy, and off, and weird, and impossible, and like bad fiction.
But it's still happening.
Last saturday was the scariest thing I've ever experienced. I don't even understand why or how it even happened.
So..on to my story, I guess.
I am what is called a "walk-in", I pretty much just "woke up" in this body when it was about four or five. While the experience could be chalked
up as a dream or something, I seem to have never woken up. The feeling of waking up in a body that feels totally foreign, in a place that you do not
recognize, but, given the "maps" in the brain, you know you should know. It is very strange feeling. There is more to my "walk-in" experiences,
but that is unrelated to last saturday.
(the more I think about everything, the more unstable it all sounds..
I do not consider myself to be human (I know I'll get ripped to bits for saying that), I am *very* aware that I am in a human body, I have no
delusion over that fact. I just don't seem to be able to relate to various things that humans do, feel, believe, or claim to experience. I came to a
personal awareness around seventeen years ago, before that I would always just feel..off..out of place, like I was some beast... It was nice to become
self aware, but I still felt crazy.
But two and a half weeks ago things became particularly strange, and many things began to make sense, though I still think it all sounds like really
bad fiction, especially how easily things are lining up and being corroborated. Aspects of things that the ones I have been talking to would have no
way at all of knowing. I keep hoping they will just say they have been playing with me. That I really am just deluded.
So I was going through strange experiences and really wanted to talk to someone I knew "in real life". I decided it would be a dandy idea to go to a
local New Age store I used to work at, and chat with whomever happened to be there.
I *really* regret doing that.
The only one there was the owner woman, I've known her for over ten years. We chatted, I was behaving in my usual awkward fashion, nothing off at
After a while I got to the point of my visit. I confessed that I was a walk-in, and that things had been super strange lately. She invited me into the
treatment room in the back to help me ground...or something. Nothing felt strange at that time.. I did ask her if she was planning to "drive me
out", as she had asked repeatedly if the original person of this body was still present. She said she wanted to help me. I..should have just left.. I
am far to trusting of others' motives.
So I sat on the massage table and she sat in a chair to the head of it, facing me. She got out a three-ring binder, and began to read questions from
it. They always ended with a serious of strange "words" that I have never heard before. I kept asking what if those were words, that they sounded
strange. I did my best to answer the "questions", and asked various things as well. She had said she had encountered various walk-ins before... I
asked if I was the most annoying, because I kept asking things. She said I was in the middle. After a while of her questioning I began to tremble...
Like shaking very visibly, which tends to happen to me when I talk about "myself", I am shaking as I type this, actually. But she offered me water
with something called "Rescue Remedy" in it to help me calm down. I nearly choked on it, but she was insistent that I drink it. And so I did.
When she sat back down she did some kind of "cone" thing... I don't know what it was... She said she was pulling a "ton of negativity from
me"..it felt like I could have passed out at that point. Eventually, she put her hand on the pillow and I, hesitantly put my right hand on to hers,
she was trying to help me, after all, I shouldn't try to be difficult. Not to long after that..it got very distressing. She began to demand I tell
her whether or no I was a "portal" or a "doorway". Eventually she demanded I leave this body..that I didn't belong in this place. She wouldn't
let go of my hand, I was feeling very numb and my vision was fading. It felt like cold hands were reaching into my head and shoulders, like I was
slipping away. I was crying and begging her to stop, that it hurt...
I managed to throw my self off of the massage table and tried to run, but my legs were numb.. I was panicking and crawling away from her. I wanted to
get to my phone, to call for help.. I could hardly function. She called my friend, told him to come pick me up. I had managed to scramble into a chair
at the table, and she sat across from me. I talked..about anything I could think of in a desperate attempt to stay aware. I babbled about a name I go
by, that I could be addressed as such, that it was the middle name of a character the one before me had made. I explained the meaning of the full
name, and she said I was "very knowledgeable". She again demanded to know if I was a "portal", and said the strange words. I said "No." I had
wanted to cry... But I managed to talk until my friend arrived...
He asked if I was okay, I don't remember what I said to him, but I complained my shoes where in the back room. He held me up as I pulled my socks
off, and helped walk to the car. I couldn't tell if the ground was cool, but I could kind of feel the texture of it. That woman followed me and
handed me a three-ring binder book she had given me before taking me to the back room, and said something I find appalling, "I love you."
I just said, "I don't know..." and she left to return to the shop.
When my friend got in with my shoes, he asked if I was okay, I said "no." and did my best to explain everything.
He was very angry at all of it, and bought me some food. I was still very numb when I ate it, I could barely feel the heat of it on my tongue. Once I
had regained full feeling later that night I realized I had burned my tongue pretty badly.
I know I've left out bits, small details, but I really don't like thinking about it more than I have to.
I don't even quite know what to do now, though. My head hurts again. I apologize for this poorly written end, but my head really hurts now. I can't
shake the feeling that I was violated..