Some Parents Make Me Want To Scream!!!

Ooouuuuggggghhhhhh this makes me so mad!

I teach in a very poor, rural area. Most of my students are living with a single parent or with grandparents. Most have at least one family member in jail. Most receive government assistance in one form or another.

I have nothing against gov assistance for people who genuinely need it....but that's not what I'm seeing. What I'm seeing are healthy , employable leeches who seem quite content to take, take, take, and ask for more.

For example. One boy, I've tried for over a month to get his mom in for a conference. She finally came today (after skipping 6! previous conferences). Before I can start the conference, she's telling me he can't read because they don't have any books at home, and could I give them some of my books? I remind her that the public library is free, at which point she takes out her iPhone! and starts texting. I wait patiently for ten minutes while she texts away, then she puts the phone away and asks how much longer this is going to take. So I begin to show her the data I've collected, which pinpoints what areas he needs to work on. She interrupts me to ask if the school has started taking applications for our Christmas fund (churches and school staff donate gifts for our poorest students). Then she gets a text, says she has to go, and walks out. I'm running behind her, trying to hand her the papers, and watch as she gets in a nice SUV and pulls away.

The horrible thing is, this is the norm where I teach. Parents can't afford to buy their children crayons, pencils, paper, or glue....so the teachers pay for it. So far this year I've spent close to four hundred dollars on supplies my students need. Yet these same parents can afford to have fancy phones, wear nice jewelry, and smoke cigarettes without any thought about priorities. It makes me so angry! And then, when the parent suddenly realizes that what you've tried to tell them all year long, that their child cannot read, is true.....who gets the blame?

I've had parents ask me to buy just about anything you can think of....last year, one parent asked me to buy her a tank of gas. I don't know if it's just ignorance, maybe they think it's the school who pays for this stuff. Or maybe they don't care.

It angers and frustrates me to see a child denied a place on a field trip bc dad needs the money for beer or cigarettes or lottery tickets. And yes, I know that's what this parent bought bc I was in the same line. Call me gullible, but I paid for that child's field trip. It's not the fault of a six year old that dads priorities are skewed.

There is a difference in helping folks who are actively seeking employment and just can't find a job, or their hours have been cut, etc. But that's not the circumstances for a lot of my kids. The fact is, mom or dad gets paid for having kids, lives in government housing, buys groceries with food stamps, THEN makes their money selling drugs or prostituting. Which they do in front of their children.

One of my students is determined that he won't do anything in class. He's only six, but he's already learned to "play the system," so to speak. Yesterday I took him aside for a little talk about the importance of education. I do this regularly with the kids bc the dropout rate in my area is so high. I ask him what he wants to be when he grows up. His answer? He's not going to have a job. So I ask how he'll pay for his house, and food, and clothes if he doesn't have a job. He just shrugs and says his daddy doesn't have a job and the "govment" pays their bills. So daddy plays Nintendo all day and hangs around with his friends...and that's what my student wants to do.

How do you fight that, ATS?

I love my students and would walk through fire to help them get a wonderful education. But really, sometimes I feel like giving up. The apathy is simply too much.

Now I'm off to have my nightly cry over my students.

end whining rant


Smylee

Ahh, you've confimed my fear that in the US those on welfare are rather wealthy.
Well, I've heard a lot of you mention similar things.

It's opposite here in the UK - If you're not a foreigner that is.

I wonder why so many have enough to own all those items, and yet you have poorer area's - like.. I dunno - ghetto's? Watching Dog the Bounty Hunter is a worrying site o_O

I didn't realise drugs were so rampant.

Whats the difference in benefits they are receiving that correlates between the two extremes - Of your richer and poorer welfare receivers??

reply to post by smyleegrl


Maybe when our culture stops handing out they will stop taking.
I feel welfare needs to be limited, as unemployment insurance is, cut them off, force them to work, force them to make it on their own. I have had to eat hot dogs, ramen noodles and cereal for weeks on end because my husband was in the military and just starting out as a very low rank which equals very low pay. IF it is good enough for our working class why isnt it good enough for them?

I have a friend on public assistance. She gets vouchers from the state each August to buy school clothes and supplies for her children. THey have nicer things than my daughter! THey also have a deep freeze full of steak and pork chops when my fridge is usually empty by Friday because food is so freaking expensive.

Today at work, a young lady (early 20's) was in the restroom crying. I asked her if she was ok and she said she just found out her food stamps got cut from $600 a month to $0. (our company pays well and she is a temp) She then proceeded to tell me she took this job just so she could buy each of her three kids IPADS for Christmas.

I smiled at her and went back to work. I had no words.

Our country has problems and the welfare system needs reform NOW.

Nothing will change unless we redo the welfare system. I do believe people should be able to get a helping hand in times of need but way too many people are abusing this system. Hard working folks are paying for their laziness and getting tired of it.

However I do believe there will be repercussions because generations have grown up dependent on the government and now they feel entitled to it. So sad! I still say let them figure it out. They need to start taking care of themselves not the rest of us.

Dont tar everyone with the same brush!!!

There will always be those who WORK the system, but they really are a minority and are NOT the cause of the worlds problems.

Those causing the problems are the really BIG scroungers in government and the corporate elite. Just take a look at whats happened here in the uk, they've knocked 30 BILLION of the welfare services and given the top 1% a 30 BILLION tax cut.

Something we should all remember is THERES NOT ENOUGH JOBS!!

Bread and Circuses...

How quickly will we go the way of rome...

Stop supporting the kids whose parents abuse the system. Only buy supplies for the kids who really need them.

reply to post by VoidHawk


You are right. This is a horrible economy, and some really do need help. I don't have a problem with that.

But there's a Family Dollar within walking distance of the school who is hiring....along with a couple of fast food joints and the like. Those aren't great jobs, and they don't pay well, but it's still a job.

I had one mother complaining because she'd been fired from two different jobs. The reason? She'd overslept a few times.

These are very young parents I'm talking about, for the most part. Maybe they truly know no better.

Originally posted by PrplHrt
Stop supporting the kids whose parents abuse the system. Only buy supplies for the kids who really need them.

Easier said than done, my friend. I teach first graders, it's impossible for me to deny such a young and innocent child something simply bc their parents won't provide for them.

So I guess I'm enabling the system. But do I harden my heart, if that's even possible, and let my students suffer? Or just quit my whining and suck it up?

Something needs to change, that's about all I can say for sure.

reply to post by smyleegrl


"They know how to play the system"... you got that right.

For the ones who are disabled/unemployed/retired, this is not meant towards them.

BUT....... I do have a problem with the ones who play the system and have a passel of babies just to collect money off of them. Depending on the state, they can get any where from say $300 per kid or more. And if they live with Grandma, the check amount may go up.


I know exactly what you are referring to and it pisses me off !


It may sound communist but I wish they would limit the amount of kids that are allowed on welfare per woman [yes, I said woman], say maybe 2 kids. Then maybe that would cut down on the amount of unwanted kids other than using them for a handout. There is no sense in having a stair step of kids... 5 or 6 kids or more just for money. When all they are going to do is grow up play the system themselves. They are taught that.


And what's a bitch is, they teach each other how to scam the gov., so it's a never ending story.

So much for pride and honor...... gimme the money$$$

One lady at a mall a couple of years ago got arrested for stealing baby shoes....when the cops looked in her purse, she had tons of money. When asked why she stole them she said "that's MY money, not hers...".

I just don't get it.

Evidently they don't want to better themselves. They just don't care......

Originally posted by smyleegrl

Originally posted by PrplHrt
Stop supporting the kids whose parents abuse the system. Only buy supplies for the kids who really need them.

Easier said than done, my friend. I teach first graders, it's impossible for me to deny such a young and innocent child something simply bc their parents won't provide for them.

So I guess I'm enabling the system. But do I harden my heart, if that's even possible, and let my students suffer? Or just quit my whining and suck it up?

Something needs to change, that's about all I can say for sure.

If you want to get down to a very cold and calculated darwinian response we are screwing our future.

In nature there are two methods of producing offspring, one where the parent has few children and invest heavily in it.

The other where the parent has mutiple children and hopes for the best.

Think Sea turtle verses say a whale.

The sea turtle leaves its young and hopes for the best because it has so many it doesn't matter, a few will survive.

A whale has one, and takes care of it by investing in it, because it has one.

In a welfare state we are Artificially creating an environment where people don't have to take care of their kids, and are rewarded for having more.

Human "morals" and understanding added to a natural process and like you said, you enable the system, whats the answer? I have no clue.

This will end badly for the species as a whole.

reply to post by smyleegrl


And my hat is off to you for not giving up on your kids....

If we had more people like you, then our country would be a lot better off !!!

Keep up the good work and don't give up them just because of their uncaring parents.

At least with you, they've got a chance....

I agree with you that many dont know any better. I grew up in the projects in the South Bronx in NYC, and believe me we were poor, I remember cheese lines, and parents scrounging to get their kids clothes, and us eating spam all the time.

But I also left and grew up and when I had children I moved and now live in the country, most people I grew up with still live in the same apartments that their parents did, as in the projects you can get the apartments passed down from family to family.

I grew up in one of the most ghetto places in NYC, and got out, moved up, learned and researched and believe me that was NOT what I was taught. The welfare system that you see today is an experiment in society to weed certain people out, and it works.

Those people that you see and are angry with really dont know any better, and Im afraid that many of those kids will be in the same place as the parents 20 years from now. There is a rule in NYC that if you have a baby and are on food stamps you have to get a daycare center or babysitter after your child is only 3 months old.... 3 MONTHS!!

There is no one to teach these women and men that are having these kids to raise their own. Welfare is a "generational" problem, even though its easier to call people lazy.

Peace, NRE.

I definitely feel you my friend

My college students (for the most part) are much better, but the high school kids I have are just a little farther along in learning how to play the system as opposed to yours. I have one class of 27, 17 of which are girls, 9 of them are pregnant. 9 teenagers preparing to have children of their own. Their parents are on welfare and they will also be on welfare. They dress nicely, they have their cell phones, they are always chatting about their parties and their boyfriends and these days their "baby daddies". You can hear them at lunch talking about who they're cheating on behind their "baby daddy's" back and what this guy bought them and what that guy bought them. Ten minutes later they are screaming at someone about "I take care of myself, I don't need no man. I get my foodstamps for my baby and I can do this on my own". You just want to shake them really hard and try to get it through their heads that they definitely are NOT "taking care of themselves".

They know that the more babies they have, the higher the welfare check and foodstamps. They know that if they ever get a job, any job, that it messes up their status in "the system". They know that as long as they keep their body looking "desireable" that some guy, somewhere is going to give them money for ....what they can do.

I'm as "liberal" as they come and completely and totally agree that people who are really in need deserve our help. But not all of the people who get assistance are really in need. There needs to be some SERIOUS overhaul of the welfare system. It can't keep going on like this. It's not "democrats support it and republicans oppose it" regardless of what the pundits say. The republicans want to keep the system just like it is, those people are easy to control and 90% of them vote republican, at least in this area. They have some warped view of reality that's unexplainable. They see other people as abusive to the system but feel completely justified in doing it themselves and feel it's owed to them.

They don't try in class, they don't even attempt to learn the material. They have no intention of ever going to college, vocational school or any other training/education after high school. They intend to live off the system for the rest of their life. Their parents did it, their grandparents did it, everybody they ever knew did it. It's all they know.

Both political parties want to keep it this way. They can control those people, they can manipulate those people, they don't have to worry about those people rising against them. Those people are working the system, the system is working us, so those of us who work and try to make our way in the world are supporting not only those people but the system as well

I don't know why they bothered increasing the dropout age, let them drop out and go ahead and start their life of draining the system and get them out of the way so we can educate and train the people who will support them. At least then, the people who are going to support them can get their education without having to deal with the drama and the constant disruptions.

reply to post by smyleegrl


One of the reasons I did not take education in University was because of these sorts of things. I would have ended up fired after punching some of these parents square in the face.

I mean there's lack of parenting because of schedules and the requirement for both parents to be out of the house 40 hours a week. I get that.

But blatant disregard for your child's progress and overall stability in school is just so infuriating.

I don't know how you do it, but hat's off to you!

One of the prime reasons I home school until they reach 8th grade.

~Tenth

Oh I hate this so much!!! I see this where I live too and it pisses me off.

I know people who abuse the system and don't think twice. It drives me mad. They are lazy and just want everything handed to them yet they have all the latest gadgets, toys and nice cars.

When I worked in the grocery stores people with EBT cards really irked me the most. They complained the most about what they couldn't get yet they all had tons of gold on, fancy hair styles and their nails done, cell phones and designer clothes. MANY would complain about not getting a sub all the while I just rung up steak and shrimp for them! A few of them I saw their keys and they had beamers and mercedes! HOW does one get assistance if they can afford the luxuries of life?!?! People need to learn to budget and LIVE on it or do something with your life and work for the things you want instead of expecting everyone to just give it to you.

There is definite abuse of the welfare system, now more than there ever was I believe. There needs to be restrictions on it, nobody should be on it for life! They should be given the means to get off of it, taught how to manage money or take courses on some skill to get them better work. I know not everyone fits in this category who is on assistance but sadly the majority do and NOBODY will admit it because they are afraid of what others will say.

When I was young my mom got assistance and it was NOT like it is now. We didn't get to have anything we wanted in the store it was only the items that were marked "food stamps." No special cereals just the basics like Corn Flakes or Frosted Flakes. Food stamps were there to give us the basics of food and that is all you really need. Snacks like Little Debbies Swiss Cake Rolls were NOT on the list then but are now. I remember when my mom would get those and it was a treat but now anything can be purchased with food stamps. I know people get into situations and need help but many today just abuse the system and have the mentality of your student which is very sad, the government will pay. It is really sad that a child has this thought process already at such a young age. What kind of future is that?!

Someone needs to do something about welfare, it's out of control with many! The sad thing is the welfare agents esp where I use to live would TELL people HOW to cheat the system, esp their friends. It was insane and I heard it many times while sitting in the welfare office with a friend. It was not a fun place and god for bid you are someone who really needs it they treat you like you are some low life. Those who abuse it ruin it for those who truly need it and so many who need it are turned down because of those who abuse it. I can tell you a list of girls I use to work with who abuse the system and they make about 1000 a week. It use to piss me off when they'd brag about it and I always ran my mouth at how it disgusted me what they did when they didn't need it.

When my mom didn't need assistance anymore she went and told them to give it to someone else who needed it because she didn't anymore. They asked her if she was sure because she couldn't apply again after that. I DOUBT people do that now! She used it til she got on her feet like one is suppose to but today people have this entitled attitude. I'm only 33 and I can't believe how much things have changed in just 10yrs!!

Did you feel like you wanted to tell her to sell her Iphone and buy him some toys?

Because I would have.

The thing about those who abuse the system is they didn't stay in school and they really are not smart enough to see what they are.

If I were you, the next time some kid said they want to grow up to be just like daddy, I would say..."but does anyone respect daddy?" ... no, joking joking.

All you can do is get help kids see the value of doing things for themselves and a firm no to those parents who need to hear it.

How do you fight that, ATS?

Man I don't even know. I remember when my Mom was teaching in a fairly bad area she asked the class what the most important thing in the world was (she was going for family or love). The kids all said money. She was heartbroken about it.

Wanting to grow up and not feel any sort of self worth, like you contribute to society or actually have a purpose is crazy to me. I have no idea what you say to a little boy that wants to just sit around and play video games. OK I can kinda see the allure if I put myself in the mindframe of a 6 year old, but still.

That really is depressing. The only thing I can think is to find out what role models (if any) kids like that have and explain the famous rapper/basketball star etc. didn't get there by not trying to succeed. Explain how much better life can be (and if the kids are shallow go shallow, talk about cars) if you work hard and get a good job. Maybe explain that if you have a good job you don't have to worry about things like food, doctor visits and the like. Show them that they would make the grandparents or single parent proud, be able to help them with bills.

I really feel for you, this must be a hard thing to see day in and day out. I guarantee you've already saved a number of your students because you obviously care. Some day one of them is going to go on to great things and think back about that teacher that actually cared, showed interest and tried so hard. It sounds like you're making the world a better place one student at a time. I get you want to work miracles, but I bet you already have.

Hang in there.

I also wanted to add that you have a great advantage, don't let the parents spoil it. There is no reason for you not to include important ideals into these children's curriculum. You have the perfect opportunity to be someone that those kids will never forget, and they can always look back and say WOW, my first grade teacher taught me that.

I attribute what I do here to a teacher I had, she never gave up on me, even though I was a goof-off. She would always call me after class, and say I see something in you, you don't see it yet, but I do, also she would give me punishments for acting out that I use till this day.

Do you think the NY education system taught me to research, or even read? Nope, it was Mrs.English in the 5th grade. She knew I was bored with the work, I needed a challenge when all the other kids studied I would act out and the past my tests, and get skipped.

So she decided to start making me write full pages from the dictionary. Go to my old neighborhood and see if half the people that I grew up with, could understand half the things I write about.

Being a product of your environment is more of in issue then most see. I bet for every parent that you want to be upset with, ask them a few questions, and truly listen to their answers, and you will automatically know what I mean.

Im being serious , you can do just like we do it here, I do this all the time, when I am angry about something and want a truthful answer. You can set up 3 initial easy going questions and ask as many parents as you can, and you will soon see that its not all about being blinged out with food stamps.

You will begin to see a pattern, even if you only go through the kids paper work and see the average ages of the parents, I wish that I could do this, I would write an entire research thread about this, and you have the opportunity to not only change your view, but see what the parents and the kids see too.

Where I came from being a "nerd" was not tolerated, not having expensive clothes and you were picked on, you have the opportunity to change these kids views, to something more positive.

Im not trying to change anyones minds here, but I do hope that you can see it from both sides, I am walking, talking, writing proof that this isnt the problem that many think it is, and I know first hand how these people think, and why.

Peace, NRE.