continued - I ran out of room

3 months after she died I threw out all the medication.
That was 1995.
I spent the next 14 yrs never touching ANY drugs, medication, or alcohol. I just drink TONS of coffee.
I worked that whole time in human services helping people with mental health problems.
I burned through relations with coworkers so bad I had to always work multiple jobs, so I had a back up in case I got fired. This was fine with me. I usually had a lot of energy so it was easy for me to pull double shifts 2nd into 3rd then hit home to sleep.
I had problems in school. Smart but really difficult to organize my thoughts.
I wanted to go back to school. I was in my early 30s then and thought maybe I should get tested for ADHD since the meds would help me get through school.
They did a ton of tests and evaluations for the assessment.
So that diagnosis was ADHD & PTSD ( from traumas not war)
That Dr explain how my brain processed information differently.
He also went on and on about how many people usually get bipolar diagnosis first, since the cycles look similar. The ADHD cycles are rapid daily/hourly vs the bipolar that span weeks/months.
So I was on ADHD medication. This would've been great but I had a bad incident happen.
I contracted a parasitic infection that penetrated the blood brain barrier.
They treated it. (I just didn't know it wasn't gone)
At the same time I put in for a case manager position that involved a lot of paperwork. It probably would've been a great job for someone who is organized and used to tedious boring paperwork piles. But not me. I had 2 panic attacks that landed me in the ER within 2 months of getting the new job.
I have to skip a bunch of stuff, it's all about that infection.
So on to my last hospitalization.
Some infections cause psychosis. I had to argue with Dr to rule out a medical cause(infection) for my episodes.
They tested for the infection I was previously treated for and I was still positive for it.
So they adjusted the initial assessment from nonspecific mood disorder to mood disorder w/ psychosis and added the medical cause(infection) so I could be given my antibiotics with mood stabilizers/anti-psychotics. I still didn't like them and they didn't work.
The medication has to match the DSM -IV diagnosis and treatment.
Someone asked you about Adderall. That is a stimulant used to treat ADHD.
Most people with undiagnosed ADHD will gravitate toward stimulants.Coffee, amphetamine, and illegal uppers.

I am still fighting my infection - I didn't name it because there is a lot of controversy and a few conspiracy theories about it too.
It is one that exacerbates mood symptoms.
I'm still working all of this out.
I can see why people don't like their meds. It really sucks walking around like a senseless zombie.

Why do I say it can be just a chemical imbalance, which by the way is nothing to be ashamed of, it just is. Just as sickle cell anemia, hemophilia (in which an important chemical in the blood is missing), and many other disorders, just happen as a result of gene combinations which the person and their parents have no control over.

I would love to see people acknowledge that brain disorders/diseases happen just like they do in other parts of the body. If treatment helps then no one should be afraid of getting or admitting to treatment. I take blood pressure medicine, should I look back to a childhood trauma, no. Did living with a BHD "cause" it, probably not, my grandmother, father, grandfather all had high blood pressure. Can I treat it naturally, well I could try, but natural self treatment doesn't have the success rate my tiny pill has.

Why should the BPH live a life that makes people so miserable around them that they become alienated by people who really get close to them and ultimately rejected by primary relationships dooming them to a life of secondary relationships. That's what "causes" a lot of suicides in BHD, a lot of people really like them alot, but the people who come to matter ultimately normally can't handle the emotional swings.

Taking medication has changed our lives dramatically, yes there are a few complaints of mood suppression, but that is what the medication is designed to do, suppress manic behavior, which is quite addictive much like coc aine and meth. Except the "drug" is coming from within their own blood chemistry, not their fault, and is a disorder like high blood pressure that for optimal life needs medication.

Originally posted by grandmakdw
Why do I say it can be just a chemical imbalance, which by the way is nothing to be ashamed of, it just is. Just as sickle cell anemia, hemophilia (in which an important chemical in the blood is missing), and many other disorders, just happen as a result of gene combinations which the person and their parents have no control over.

Because it doesn't get to the root cause. It's just a cop-out. Very few disorders/disease cases are purely genetic.

I would love to see people acknowledge that brain disorders/diseases happen just like they do in other parts of the body. If treatment helps then no one should be afraid of getting or admitting to treatment. I take blood pressure medicine, should I look back to a childhood trauma, no. Did living with a BHD "cause" it, probably not, my grandmother, father, grandfather all had high blood pressure. Can I treat it naturally, well I could try, but natural self treatment doesn't have the success rate my tiny pill has.

It would help me to take heroine when I'm in pain, but I'm not stupid enough to take it. Same goes for blood pressure medication. We're introducing things into our body which the body does not adequately discriminate and make exact use of. The more natural the treatment, the more likely the body can make best use of it. This should make intuitive sense. If not, maybe you should do the homework. If not, all good. Take your pills. I have effectively treated my high blood pressure with diet and exercise.

Why should the BPH live a life that makes people so miserable around them that they become alienated by people who really get close to them and ultimately rejected by primary relationships dooming them to a life of secondary relationships. That's what "causes" a lot of suicides in BHD, a lot of people really like them alot, but the people who come to matter ultimately normally can't handle the emotional swings.

It seems you assume that the only effective treatment for BPH is pharmaceutical medications. I respectfully disagree.

Taking medication has changed our lives dramatically, yes there are a few complaints of mood suppression, but that is what the medication is designed to do, suppress manic behavior, which is quite addictive much like coc aine and meth. Except the "drug" is coming from within their own blood chemistry, not their fault, and is a disorder like high blood pressure that for optimal life needs medication.

If you think that there are a "few" complaints of mood suppression, you're in denial. It seems a good portion, perhaps even the majority complain of at least this, among other adverse effects.

Again, you assume things which I think are incorrect. High blood pressure can be effectively treated in many instances by healthy lifestyle choices.

I am not anti-pharmaceuticals, I am against assumptions that pharmaceuticals are the only effective treatment of serious illnesses. It seems there are examples of people who have exhausted all alternatives, and pharmaceutical medications are the only viable option. All good. It also seems that a good chunk of the population mindlessly assumes the doctor knows best, and they should be indefinitely put on medications which not only alter the progression of their disease/disorder, but alter other biochemical functions in the process which may be detrimental to their health in the long term.

reply to blaenau2000



this borders too close to T&C

Originally posted by michael1983l

Originally posted by FeelingPure
Yes! i have a question

What days do you find you are mostly in a depressed or sad mood?

Or

What months in the year do you find you are Down & Gloomy

I have rapid cycling Bi-polar disorder but it seems to be triggered a lot of the time by restraints. I get an intense feeling of isolation or inprisonment when I cannot get around and do what I want to do, this causes sometimes servere depression that can last weeks. Unfortunately like many people who suffer from this condition, money problems follow me around due to my intense instinct to be out and about when I'm in mania. And obviously this causes the depression when the cash runs out and then the opposite end of the cycle engulfs you.

I realise that many people won't understand how something as materialistic as money can have such an effect on a person's health, but in the case of Bi-polar it is inherent.

Wow! That sounds just like me.
I'm currently on my downward spiral again.. very depressed, stressed, anxious and feel like my spirit is being crushed or inprisoned.
Lots of self hate and beating myself up over little things.
This cycle started about 3 weeks ago after an intense period of creativity, ideas, highs and generally feeling unstoppable.

I was also on Citalopram, but the newer version.. Escitalopram because of liver function problems.

Did you find that the citalopram was making you more depressed? I think it levelled out my moods but in a negative way, in that I was more depressed more of the time than the constant switch between high and low.

Can I request that THC isn't discussed on here, I don't want the thread closing because I think it has been very useful. Thanks.

I really appreciate you making this post. In fact, I JUST registered to ask you a question.

One of my best friends, a female, is apparently bi-polar, I can't tell for sure, but I'd say there's a greater than 50% chance she is, but I wouldn't dare ask her. It's a very trying friendship. Her inconsistency and moodiness completely cut out my once intimate feelings I had for her, and at one point I declared to myself that I hated her, for being such an unloyal friend, someone I couldn't depend on to be the same freakin person day in and day out.

Here's my question about peaks and lows:

Is the PEAK considered to be the "real personality?" Is that the real you coming out, or is that version no more real than the "depressed" version.

I've learned to hold myself back even when she has her high peaks, because in the back of my mind, I feel like whenever she is overly joyful and outgoing and cheerful with me, sadly, that's not the real her.

Thanks for any response, I'm just trying to better understand this situation.