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NAPLES, FL - A Naples High School teacher suffered minor injuries after an airborne assault by fish. But deputies say the fish likely had an accomplice - below, read the witty report written up by a school resource deputy after the September incident.
Fishy incident at Naples High School
Time: 12:10 hours
Description: Height 15", weight 16 oz, eyes black, hair none, multi colored skin, scars-multiple, undercut jaw
Victim: (HIPPA-protected) Teacher at school
At approximately 12:10 hours a teacher was standing at an area called Oasis observing students during lunch when out of nowhere a flying mackerel came down from the sky and struck her in the head. The teacher sustained minor injuries and was escorted to the clinic, where she was cleaned up. She was complaining of a slight headache and nothing else.
The suspect was later identified as Scomberomorus maculatus, (Atlantic Spanish Mackerel) A.K.A "Mack." He was found lying on the ground possibly attempting to conceal himself out in the open. I took control of the suspect without incident and escorted him to the clinic where he was positively identified by the victim. While speaking with the victim she advised:
"I was watching students when all of a sudden I was struck in the head by this flying fish. I yelled, 'Holy Mackerel, what just happened?'"