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You Don't Know Me.... Yet You Judge Me...

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posted on Oct, 20 2012 @ 12:51 AM
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What defines the way a person is? Is it their upbringing? The way they view the world? Or the constant battering life seems to throw at us in the vain sense of somehow making us better and stronger people that can be there for those we love?

I write this rant today after venting my frustration at both a neighbour and a co-worker about just that. By no means am I the happiest person on the planet, but I can honestly say for the first time in nearly forty years I feel as though I have pulled myself out of deep water and am contentedly relaxing on the beach (or perhaps catching my breath, which ever way you look at it).

Apparently this is not enough for some people though. That somehow if you aren’t some little happy bundle of joy beaming rainbows and sunshine out of every orifice, you are somehow just some miserable wretch, that according to both of these sheltered and well-to-do society types “would crack his face if he ever smiled.”

Well today, at least one of them copped the raw end of my rage. The fact is, most people don’t really have a clue what each of us have been through in our lives, that make us the way we are. You don’t know that at age 15, my best friend at the time threw himself off a three storey building, committing suicide before my very eyes. That I had to stay there and watch the amulance and police cart him away as they pumped me for questions about why and how he did what he did. You don’t know that at age 27 I watched the love of my life die from cancer, someone I always wanted to spend the rest of my life with, but was robbed of that opportunity by fate. The same goes for me. I don’t know what has happened to you in your life that has made you the way you are. It’s these kinds of things that have a part in shaping who we are, and how we view the world.

But you know what? I’ve learned not to judge people by their demeanour. Not everyone has had a sheltered life of privilege as these two morons have had, not everyone has seen the kind of things I have that tend to make the smile disappear from your face. Doesn’t automatically mean you or I are miserable all the time, nor the fact you should a) automatically assume that of us, or b) bring that fact up as a running joke to give yourself a little bit of trollish fun at our expense. Because you might just cop some grumpy old guy that is sick and tired of listening to your pathetic opinion, telling you how it really is.

Truth is, I consider myself a very lucky guy. I have great family, a great life and generally have accomplished most of the goals I set out to do. There has been some fires, whirlwinds and general catastrophes along the way, but you know all these things serve to do is temper a person into being strong enough to face the reality of the world. And that truth is, sometimes it sucks. Sometimes it crushes you down to the point where you just want to give up. But you don’t. Why? Because, if you’re learning things in this life, you know there might just be something new and awesome just around the corner that keeps you going. Because everything you learn, whether it be good or bad serves you to be a better person, and be a little wiser and a little smarter for knowing them. But just because someone isn’t straining their jaw to smile at you, don’t just write them off as a misery guts before you get the chance to find out what makes them who they truly are. And for God’s sake, don’t judge. Not everyone is like you.

Remember, walk a mile in a man’s shoes before you know him.

OK, rant over, resume normal programming....




posted on Oct, 20 2012 @ 12:58 AM
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reply to post by 74Templar
 


Dear 74Templar,

I consider that one of the better stated rants. F&S.



posted on Oct, 20 2012 @ 12:59 AM
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reply to post by AQuestion
 


Thanks


I just had to get that off my chest, even after the person in question copped it.


Now its time to hit the punching bag for an hour.



posted on Oct, 20 2012 @ 01:06 AM
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That was very well written. When I catch myself becoming judgmental I have been trying to think that this other person has a whole life that I don't know about and then I try to ask myself it's fair to write them off because of one comment or action when I don't know why that comment or action is what it is.

I'm not sure if that really made sense, I have some brain fog tonight (more than usual, that is!)

I don't think I'll ever be perfect when it comes to that but I'm getting a lot better at trying to see things from another's perspective.

Also, I'm sorry to read about those hardships you listed.



posted on Oct, 20 2012 @ 01:13 AM
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reply to post by 74Templar
 


People that lead miserable lives want you to share their misery. Anyone, and I emphasize ANYONE, that try's to bring you down want company in their existence.

Rise above it.

Side note, once you do this for a while people will get pissed about your attitude. They will say things like "you think you're better than everyone" or "get off your pedestal".

I am no better than anyone but I don't take crap from anyone. My own rant is, I made better decisions than you, you stew in your soup and i'll soak in mine.



posted on Oct, 20 2012 @ 01:23 AM
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Nice post.
But it is human nature to be judge others.



posted on Oct, 20 2012 @ 01:31 AM
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Originally posted by Miri08
That was very well written. When I catch myself becoming judgmental I have been trying to think that this other person has a whole life that I don't know about and then I try to ask myself it's fair to write them off because of one comment or action when I don't know why that comment or action is what it is.

I'm not sure if that really made sense, I have some brain fog tonight (more than usual, that is!)

I don't think I'll ever be perfect when it comes to that but I'm getting a lot better at trying to see things from another's perspective.

Also, I'm sorry to read about those hardships you listed.


Those hardships have made me a stronger person, far more than I could have been.

And yes, I probably was being judgemental saying these people were sheltered and well-to-do which really makes me no better, but what made me really lose it was the fact this particular individual did it for nothing more than the rise they got. Yes, I should have just turned away and laughed at their ignorance, but sometimes you just gotta throw it back at them, because it becomes a bit much just to let it slide.

Oh and don't worry about brain fog, I started work at 4am this morning (it's now close to 6pm here), so I hear ya...



posted on Oct, 20 2012 @ 01:37 AM
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People that lead miserable lives want you to share their misery. Anyone, and I emphasize ANYONE, that try's to bring you down want company in their existence.

Rise above it.


Yes, I quite often turn the other cheek at people's attempt to bring you down to their level. I guess this time it became a little insulting that one of my neighbours, a person I have helped out in the past, came out with this. I haven't actually seen her yet, but someone's in for a rude shock next time they want something



Side note, once you do this for a while people will get pissed about your attitude. They will say things like "you think you're better than everyone" or "get off your pedestal".


I get that a lot.
Which is another thing that pisses me off. I've spent time at the bottom, I've been the one looked down upon, but people still seem to think that's good enough reason to be judgemental towards someone they essentially know nothing about. Besides, I may not be better, doesn't mean I'm not smarter or wiser.


I am no better than anyone but I don't take crap from anyone. My own rant is, I made better decisions than you, you stew in your soup and i'll soak in mine.


Amen



posted on Oct, 20 2012 @ 01:39 AM
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Originally posted by svmpua
Nice post.
But it is human nature to be judge others.


It is. And someone will probably point out that I too, had a hand in judging them also during my rant.

It doesn't really make me any better, I guess sometimes when you get stung you lash out, especially by people you think are friends. Just another of life's lessons...



posted on Oct, 20 2012 @ 02:34 AM
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reply to post by 74Templar
 


Mate, firstly, impactful & articulate words - straight from the heart and designed to stick.

"Gone but not forgotten"

As per your signature, it is indeed about the journey - the destination comes at our last breath.

I have not experienced those 2 life-changing moments you have so eloquently expressed. When we first started conversing I knew you were a strong individual and now I am vindicated in that understanding of you - hats off to you my friend.

Me - when I first meet someone I will give them 100% of who I am. No hidden agendas, no malice, nothing. I wear my heart on my sleeve always. Consequently, my friend base is small but long in history and deep in understanding - they are my brothers and sisters - hands down.

I'm really easy going and lead a simple home life due to my work life being full-on.

Now, on the very infrequent occasion that I have had to chastise oxygen thieves - I unleash the Kraken and its impact is forceful - for the recipient and myself. But, you give a man enough rope and they will hang themselves.
When assertive reprimand does not work the Kraken comes out. In these instances success ensues.

Success - the recipient changes attitude and understands their wrongdoing(s) and I either:
1. Never see them again.
2. Receive a tearful and heartfelt apology.
3. If 2 then we become mates and our relationship goes to the next level.

You are me.
(albeit a Queenslander but that's cool - I can live with that
)

S&F



posted on Oct, 20 2012 @ 05:13 AM
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Originally posted by Sublimecraft
reply to post by 74Templar
 


First off thankyou for your words, they do mean a great deal to me (except the Queenslander bit of course....
)

I am like you, although I have become a bit withdrawn as I've aged. It's not that I don't want to help people, I just tend to find as time goes on you get better at separating the users from the genuine people. Like you I have a very small set of friends that stretch across the country and even the world. I may not see them for months but I can guarantee there is always a bed for me and vice versa when I do come around.

As for the oxygen stealers (haven't heard that one in a while lol), my tolerance for them grows extremely short as that time goes on, as evidenced by this rant. What hurts most is our community is reasonably close knit, when the floods came last year we all pulled together and helped out, hell we stood side by side in the streets as we volunteered for clean up. To say that I'm just a miserable so and so after all that simply because I'm not walking around like a sunbeam all the time is just an insult to everything we've shared.

Besides, I'm almost 40, I do have a right to be a grumpy old curmudgeon. I mean it has to start somewhere...





posted on Oct, 20 2012 @ 06:27 AM
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reply to post by 74Templar
 


Too true - I remember watching the flood aftermath on TV and the stories, the tears and the solidarity I witnessed was simply amazing and uplifting. One of my very close mates lives in Condamine and he and his family were instantly and totally ruined - I called & called & called and eventually got him and insisted he give me his bank account details - and argument ensued because he is a stubborn prick so I circumvented him and got hold of the missus a few hours later - I flicked them enough money to buy a new car if they so pleased but they have kids and he is my "brother". If he tries to give it back there is going to be another argument - big time. I've known him since we were 7, next week I turn 41.

I have many "friends" but I choose to stay contacted and close to only a small select few "mates" that, call it selfish, make me feel happy - and that is what life is about.

Happiness, love, truth and kindness. I am married to it and I surround myself with it. She is 7 years my junior and an Irish lass to boot. We have 2 awesome kids.

"you are only as old as the woman you feel" - I adopted that saying as I approached 40 last year and will continue to delude myself until the race is run.


Like you though - I now have very little patience for pillicks and find myself having-a-go at the younger generation more often these days - I really don't give a snip anymore - the little buggers will get it from me if they start acting the court jester or swearing or being too loud or know-it-alls, I don't have to have my kids exposed to that sort of tripe and if I don't say anything who will?

Take it easy mate.

edit on 20-10-2012 by Sublimecraft because: (no reason given)



posted on Oct, 20 2012 @ 10:54 PM
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Well said Sir. Much wisdom in what you stated.



posted on Oct, 20 2012 @ 11:33 PM
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reply to post by 74Templar
 


Good post. This is why I don't like when people try to get close to me. To almost everyone I know, getting close means they have a right to tell me what I should and shouldn't do, and how I should feel. Well, I'm almost always content when I'm alone, and feel utterly stressed out when these people are around. Maybe I should tell them to feel far away.



posted on Oct, 21 2012 @ 02:59 AM
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Whilst reading your rant I recollected a quote that really emphasizes some of what you said.

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" - Plato.



posted on Oct, 21 2012 @ 03:09 AM
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We live in a very judgmental society. You are the clothes you wear, the food you eat, the people you associate with, the money in your wallet and the expression on your face. Individuality and self-expression are taboos that should be avoided if one wants to be successful and fit in with most people. If you are not the happy motivated little snowflake that society expects then you will be singled out and ridiculed. Sad that this is the way things work.

At the end of the day, nobody is wearing their life story on their face. Everybody's got their problems and challenges in life and those that do not know your life story have no right to judge you based on something as superficial as your facial expressions.

A quality rant with an important message. Well done.


edit on 21/10/2012 by Dark Ghost because: typo



posted on Oct, 21 2012 @ 05:54 AM
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reply to post by Night Star
 


Thankyou. Much anger too sadly, but it is slowly resolving into what you could call a cold dish....



posted on Oct, 21 2012 @ 05:56 AM
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reply to post by jiggerj
 


You know I totally get that, not just with relationships but people in general. I tend to find most of them you give them that inch and they'll eventually take a mile or more. I'm usually pretty quick to bluntly and forcefully remove those people from my life though, and if you're anything like I've become, can sniff out a potential user within seconds or at a mile or more.



posted on Oct, 21 2012 @ 05:57 AM
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Originally posted by TheLegend
Whilst reading your rant I recollected a quote that really emphasizes some of what you said.

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" - Plato.




I may have to put that as a banner on my front fence so next time these idiots can see it for themselves.

Thanks



posted on Oct, 21 2012 @ 06:01 AM
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reply to post by Dark Ghost
 


Sadly it's what life has become about. We are as we do. I had a similar thing with my two closest friends, who now, after many months of banter have been married almost eight years. The first thing they did was judge each other. On everything: appearance, job, hell, the kind of car they drove. I managed to get them some alone time far from society on a camping trip one weekend where there was nothing else but the conversation. The rest is history as they say.

I just hope as we gain wisdom as a race we can see that not every book should be read by its cover. Cheers




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