What the hell is that in my mayonnaise?

Dear Multiple House Guest's I have right now. I have few rules of my house. The two main ones are posted at the front door. We don't speak about religion or politics within the confines of my home, take it to the yard.. Now why I write this to you all.

Mayonnaise, you know that big ole jar that sits in the refregirator door. It's called mayonnaise. we use it on sandwiches and salads and the like. Every now and then we use it in a recipe or two. That's what we do with it here. So now you know.

Last night I went to make me a late night sandwich. You all know, with that baked chicken we had for dinner. I cut up my chicken and warmed it up, toasted my bread ever so lightly. Then I opened up the mayonnaise............

Wholly freaking crap!!!! what the hell happened here? Did you all play "Hide it in the mayonnaise?" . I mean there's some mustard in there, there's some black pepper, some bread crumbs, what looks like pickle relish , I mean it's green and yucky looking. Looks like the rim of the mayonnaise jar was used as the "rake off area for the knife". WE DON"T DO THAT HERE.

Last night I wanted a baked chiken sandwich. A simple sandwich, bread, baked chicken, mayonnaise. If I wanted a "smorgasboard" sandwich I would have used all that crap I mentioned that was hidden in my mayonnaise!!

Now I have three rules of my home. And so you all know. I opened a new jar of mayonnaise. The small jar of Dukes Brand. I will break fingers if I find this jar filled with surprise's. Use the Kraft. Not the Dukes. And for the sake of all that's sacred. Wipe off the damn knife in between dips in the mayonnaise jar. I want even go into what hell you all did to my mustard. I'm beginning to think you all don't have condiments in your neck of the woods I'm thinking single serve packs for the duration of you all's stay. It could save some fingers.

I was going to say egg whites and vinegar.... But....

Now I'm just going to tip toe right back out.

~Heff

reply to post by Hefficide


Heff, I like the new avatar. Ready for Halloween are ya..

put that knife down and I'll tell you what happened.....

reply to post by openyourmind1262


In my house that sandwich went in the trash.

A sandwich just isn't a sandwich without the tangy zip of miracle whip.

reply to post by Philodemus


I'm thinking "Munchies" took over kitchen manners.

reply to post by 03Smoker


The miracle in Miracle Whip is the fact you can actually digest it. Yuck.

Sounds like someone was trying to make tater sauce for ya,

Wipe off the damn knife in between dips in the mayonnaise jar.

Now they'll use the tongue to wipe the knife and use it on your new jar.

reply to post by mytheroy


That's the same thing my wife said. So hell let's just eat fish tonight, was my response.

I solved that problem long ago. Only squeeze bottle condiments in my fridge.

Originally posted by bourbon2nite
I solved that problem long ago. Only squeeze bottle condiments in my fridge.

Problem solved.

reply to post by openyourmind1262


If you live with animals you could always buy the squeezable pack.

Originally posted by bourbon2nite
I solved that problem long ago. Only squeeze bottle condiments in my fridge.

They can suck the last drop left over on the bottle before they close it

I'm my opinion there are two kinds of people in this world...
People who like mayonnaise and people who like salad dressing (Miracle Whip)

...And I just don't trust people who like salad dressing

reply to post by openyourmind1262


We have extra people in our house also. I suggest an additional rule to avoid future aggravation:

Do not drink the milk directly from the freakin' container!

i don't eat egg fetuses,never mind liquified ones! so i have nothing to say on that.
but,if i find peanut butter mixed with my jam (or visa versa) i will seriously loose my stuff!

reply to post by rival


I like that! ....I'm the same way...who eats miracle whip? It tastes so weird...I like best foods/hellmans mayo..we call it hellmans but i think on the west coast they call it best foods...

I totally enjoyed your rant.

It absolutely drives me mad that in this house there is always extraneous matter in every jar of mayo, mustard, pb, jam you name it. Going on ten years now with the in-laws living with us, who will never learn that this is so gross and can even spoil products faster. I try to hide a jar of something, so they have theirs and I have mine, but they always wind up contaminating that too. My father-in-law actually licks utensils and puts them back in jars, serving dishes, etc. Gross! No matter what I say, I can't make a dent in this behaviour.

BTW, no one here likes the squeeze mayo, it's runnier and less tasty.

Another thing that drives me totally crazy - they often won't look for the open jar, they will just get a new one. After bringing this up with them several times, now when they realize they've done this, they will put one of the open jars back in the cabinet, for me to find spoiled when I look for a jar that hasn't been grossified in the fridge already. And I hate to waste stuff, so it drives me doubly crazy.

Don't know how old your culprit is, but our seniors are worse than teens. Teens may not clean up after themselves, but at least they don't put dirty dishes and utensils back in with the clean ones! Same goes for q-tips, ugh.

reply to post by Neopan100


In the South we have Dukes Brand, beats the hell out of Hellmans or Kraft. Extra bad for ya, hell yea!!