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Instant Gratification from Pain- My husband is an addict

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posted on Oct, 18 2012 @ 05:31 PM
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Long story short my husband is a recovering addict. He was injured in Afghanistan and has a traumatic brain injury that causes him excruciating migraines that usually result in elevated blood pressure (making the headache worse) and nosebleeds. He became addicted to Vicodan while in the war zone and I took him to rehab 2 weeks after he came home because he was buying them from the street because he went through his prescriptions too fast. He hasnt used narcotics since that I know of.

He now takes Abilify, Effexor, Elavil, cholesterol meds, topamax, beta blocker for high blood pressure from the migraines and imitrex daily. He went to his 6 month check up at VA today and came home with even more meds. I suggested he wait to take the new meds until he sees his shrink . He sees his shrink every two weeks and will see him on the 26th. He got furious and told me I dont understand his pain. I told him I didnt want him to have some sort of prescription drug reaction and die. He laughed at me and told me I was being a hypochondriac. I told him that every medicine is metabolized by either your liver or your kidneys and taking unneccesary drugs will add to liver/kidney damage and I dont want him to end up dying waiting for a kidney or liver because of drugs.

To add to the story, he was raised in a home with a pharmacist for a mother who would procure him narcotics for the least ailment. She eventually got fired for stealing drugs and is a freaking mess now. All she does is sleep and take her pills. I dont want to live like this.

I lost the man that was my husband in 2009 when he went to war. The man who came home is not the man who left. I get that bad things happened and that it messed him up. I get it. I just dont get why he is not strong enough to over come this.

They have done MRI's of his head nothing found abnormal. Basically he gets migraines that raise his blood pressure and nose bleeds from the high blood pressure.

He has gained almost 100 lbs since he retired from the military in 2010. He flat out really dont give a crap any more. He is lazy. I had to hire someone to do the yardwork because he wont. All he does is go to his job and sleep when he gets home until he goes to work the next day. His shrink said that was from PTSD. I call bull crap. I think he found a good excuse to sit on his butt and do nothing all day. I am working my # off working a job and trying to take care of our child and everything in the home that needs done and I seriously cannot keep it up. My house looks like a bomb went off. I want a partner. Not someone else to take care of.

No one gets it. He is a "war hero" so all I hear is it is my duty to deal with it.

I love my husband. I just feel like he is a weak person and needs to buck up. I know that sounds harsh but I live with him. Case in point...his toe got a hang nail...and resulted in getting red and puffy. We doctored it with antibiotic cream. The normal person would watch for infection and let it heal. NOT HIM. When he went to the VA today he mentioned it and they gave him pain medication> SERIOUSLY?

He has problems and as his wife I vowed to love him for better or worse. But wow sometimes I just want to pack my crap and run away. Dealing with his ailments has me stressed and frustrated and not understanding him is driving me nuts.

Are the pills because of his addiction? Instant gratification from any pain?

HELP me. Anyone else out there have any experience with PTSD and TBI?

I feel so lost and alone and helpless.




posted on Oct, 18 2012 @ 05:53 PM
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Wow, my wife was addicted to anxiety meds which give her side effects that she needs more pills for. Its a very slippery slope and the only advice I have is to go to his therapy appt with him and voice your concerns. Thats what I did and it helped the therapist to see my side. Best of luck.



posted on Oct, 18 2012 @ 05:56 PM
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reply to post by k21968
 

I am thinking you do not understand how powerful the addiction to pain killers are. i think you need to find someone who knows and have a talk. The "buck up" thing is certainly not a help.

My sister almost died from pain killer addiction, she seemed to be able to talk Drs into prescriptions and took them for years. She thank god did get help and get well and she no longer has her addiction.

Why are the VA counselors not helping are they aware of the problem? Have you tried one of the addiction hotlines for advice? It is just as serious if not more then alcohol or street drugs. you are certainly right about the effects on his body but an addict is not going to listen so don't expect a rational response from him at this point.

I am hoping you will not give up on him. My sister recovered completely but he needs the proper addition help by those who understand.



posted on Oct, 18 2012 @ 05:56 PM
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He sounds like every other lazy drug addict out there.

.. He has a list of problems and whys he uses drugs. He uses drugs for things drugs shouldn't be used for. The drugs are affecting not only his life but yours and he does not care.


People change. He may not be the same guy you fell in love with. Tell him you love him, and then leave him. You only live once, and you don't have time to be unhappy.



posted on Oct, 18 2012 @ 05:58 PM
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reply to post by iwontrun
 


I have gone to his appointments and they assure me they are doing what is best for him. He is a freaking zombie. How is this better?



posted on Oct, 18 2012 @ 05:59 PM
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The VA doctors are complete morons every one of them,always have been, always will be.
Taking too many meds is never a good thing, just the side effects from medications can make you feel pretty crappy.When a person mixes all those meds there is no way to predict what the side effects will be.
90% of his problem is probably from the side effects of all those meds interacting in unpredictable ways.
Instead of adding more poisons to his body the doctors should be trying to get him off meds completely, but thats not how the VA does things.
The VA only knows 2 ways of treating patients, lots of meds and group therapy, if that doesn`t cure you well then the VA figures that you can`t be cured, lol.

The last time i went to the VA i went because I had a fairly large splinter of wood jammed under my thumbnail.The VA decided that the best course of treatment was to put a full arm cast on my arm and then sent me home.
The next day I went to a real hospital and had the wood ( and the cast) removed by competent doctors.
That was about 25 years ago and that was the LAST time i have ever been back to VA for medical care.
complete idiots, every one of them.
edit on 18-10-2012 by Tardacus because: (no reason given)



posted on Oct, 18 2012 @ 06:00 PM
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reply to post by Char-Lee
 


The VA and his shrink both know his addiction issues. In fact they will not prescribe narcotics to him for any reason now unless he is admitted to the hospital. It just seems they are quick to prescribe a quick fix drug for every ailment. It angers me.



posted on Oct, 18 2012 @ 06:01 PM
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My biggest gripe was that she slept ALL the time, one therapist said "Hey at least shes not bugging you" he was quickly replaced. Maybe a marriage counselor could help.



posted on Oct, 18 2012 @ 06:02 PM
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Originally posted by jough626
He sounds like every other lazy drug addict out there.

.. He has a list of problems and whys he uses drugs. He uses drugs for things drugs shouldn't be used for. The drugs are affecting not only his life but yours and he does not care.


People change. He may not be the same guy you fell in love with. Tell him you love him, and then leave him. You only live once, and you don't have time to be unhappy.


My sister was very ill and terrible pain when she started the pain killers, she is certainly none of the things you say! ANYONE can get addicted if your body is going to do it it will! it is not a mental addiction!



posted on Oct, 18 2012 @ 06:05 PM
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Originally posted by k21968
reply to post by Char-Lee
 


The VA and his shrink both know his addiction issues. In fact they will not prescribe narcotics to him for any reason now unless he is admitted to the hospital. It just seems they are quick to prescribe a quick fix drug for every ailment. It angers me.


If you want to save all, you could treat the addiction as not a HIM thing but a FAMILY thing. You go and get the help from the AA or whatever the place is that helps families deal with addiction. If he is not worth it to you then i guess it may be time to leave. Going through an addiction stopping process is not for the ones who will not be in wholeheartedly.

You said you love him, it does not sound like you love much about him at this point. You said he works so he is not totally a druggie they usually don't work.
edit on 18-10-2012 by Char-Lee because: (no reason given)



posted on Oct, 18 2012 @ 06:10 PM
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reply to post by iwontrun
 


That is my biggest complain too when he is not at work he is asleep in his recliner. I have had daydreams about burning his stupid chair.



posted on Oct, 18 2012 @ 06:12 PM
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reply to post by Char-Lee
 
I
I DO LOVE MY HUSBAND. I am just tired. very tired. Emotionally spent.

I am not the drug addict. I am the one who gets to pick up the pieces all the time. I get down and like today I feel sorry for myself.

Why me? Why him?

I have been with him for 27 yrs. You cannot walk away from 27 yrs without exhausting all means of fixing an issue.

Someone suggested a 12 step program for me. I think I am going to try that. He will lose his mind and not understand why I need to go to a meeting. He is pretty selfish these days. IT is all about him.



posted on Oct, 18 2012 @ 06:13 PM
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reply to post by k21968
 


You have every right to feel angry. He's an addict, plain and simple. He'll use any excuse to get his fix. Hang nail being a prime example. Here is an ongoing thread full of compassionate people, with real life experiences, who'll completely understand what you are going through. I suggest you copy your OP and post it there too. You need a support group to help you deal with your very valid feelings. U2U me if you are interested In a private Womans Support Forum I belong to....

Addiction Recovery Thread It's in the RATS forum. I'll check and see if you have enough posts to get in that forum....brb...I think you do, you have 200 posts, give it a try.

www.abovetopsecret.com...

Des




edit on 18-10-2012 by Destinyone because: (no reason given)



posted on Oct, 18 2012 @ 06:26 PM
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reply to post by Destinyone
 


Thank you Des. You are truly a lifesavor. I just posted this there.



posted on Oct, 18 2012 @ 06:40 PM
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It seems your husband is in pain..physical, emotional, mentally or all of the above. Show love and compassion, god knows what he has gone through. Ask him to fight WITH you to save the relationship and both your lives...seek treatment for PTSD (shell shock). If it truly is a drug addiction it will be discovered and then you can fight for him to seek treatment.

We all have our limits but I'd hate to see you fight the result of pain (meds) rather than the cause.

You can find a way out of this....



posted on Oct, 18 2012 @ 06:46 PM
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reply to post by kinglizard
 


You are right. He has gone to rehab once...and his doctors know of his history. THey just keep giving him pills. EVEN his shrink. THey dont seem to be trying to correct the issue (PTSD) instead they just medicate him to shut him up. I seriously think they do not know how to treat ptsd. It is so frustrating. He is a great pretender too. Most addicts are. He can go in there with a smile on his face and assure them all is well when it is not.

I just want my husband back. THe man who left Dec 23rd 2007. I miss him a lot.



posted on Oct, 18 2012 @ 06:54 PM
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He now takes Abilify, Effexor, Elavil, cholesterol meds, topamax, beta blocker for high blood pressure from the migraines and imitrex daily


Look up the side effects for those drugs. Now imagine a synergystic effect when these all combine at once in the brain. The Abilify, Effexor, Elavil and beta blockers alone will assure that all he does is sit and stare all day.

Something happened to your husband over there, that completely changed him, his outlook on life, and his ability to cope. Sometimes the trauma is emotional. You say he had a traumatic brain injury, but then you say the MRIs show nothing.....Not sure how that is possible, but okay. He may have an upper spinal injury which causes the headaches.

It is very easy to become addicted to pain pills, even more so when you are emotionally disturbed. Opiates cause a feeling of euphoria which is very nice. Unfortunately, as time wears on, the body stops making its own endorphins, so there is a lot of pain, discomfort and depression, until the next pain pill. While he's high, life seems good, and worthwhile. When it wears off, life sucks again.

IMHO, the VA has taken him from the frying pan straight into the fryer with that combination. He will never be more than a slug as long as he's on those meds, and, of course, every med you have said that he's been on causes a great deal of weight gain. Even opiates do that, because they cause you to crave sugary things.

There is no easy answer in your case. Your husband has lost his way, badly, and the VA isn't doing him any good. He has to want to stop the meds and regain his life. Until he does, you're fighting a losing battle.

Naturally, you're angry because you have what basically amounts to an invalid for a husband. You want to blame it on him, call him a drug addict, lazy, etc., and I can understand that. He is in a place, mentally, that you cannot understand. If you can afford it, get him away from the dimwits in the VA hospital, and get him to a neurologist. If they find nothing, it's time for a psychiatrist to step in, and get him off that rather dreadful cocktail of drugs. I suspect the VA over-drugs its vets, to keep them sluggish and complacent.

I'm sure the mental and physical exhaustion you feel is natural. The disappointment is turning into resentment. A person who has grown to rely on drugs to handle life, even though the original cause is valid, will defend the need for more drugs, and go into complete denial over the excesses. Even rehab won't work, until your husband is ready to give it all up. I'm not sure what the trigger will be to get him to that point, but I guarantee you both cannot continue on as you are.



posted on Oct, 18 2012 @ 06:59 PM
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I'm so sorry, I know it's a battle.

Maybe you cold search for a qualified specialist in PTSD and switch care. No matter who he sees you should take an active roll by speaking to the doctors and telling him/her the things you have revealed in this thread. Speak of your concerns about the drug addiction, his ability to mask himself to make it appear all is well..etc.



posted on Oct, 18 2012 @ 07:09 PM
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Hang in there and remember This too shall pass.



posted on Oct, 18 2012 @ 07:11 PM
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reply to post by FissionSurplus
 


His brain injury: he received a concussion blast from hitting an IED in an uparmored SUV while escorting a VIP from one forward operating base to another. He was in the lead vehicle, a cell phone detonated device exploded underneath of their vehicle causing a concussion blast. He immediately had a nosebleed and ringing inthe ears, all normal from what the medics told him, for such a blast. His migraines started THEN and have never gone away. The MRI shows some vessel issues within his brain not an anuerysm but the cause of his migraines from the blast hence they labeled it an MRI. THe MRI was deemed normal for brain function...with abnormal vascular.

THe medics treated him with vicodin so he could continue duty...and kept him higher than a kite the remainder of his deployment. He came home and they cut him off. THey would give him 10 pills a month and he found alternative sources for it. When I found out I drove him to a civilian rehab and in doing so almost ruined his career. He spent 33 days in inpatient rehab and still sees the shrink that treated him then.

He is on a massive amount of drugs that cause drowsiness hence why he wants to sleep. I just cant convince him to try life without them. He still get the headaches and nosebleeds anyway...even with the drugs. So I say he stop the drugs and try it that way. When I mention it he goes bezerk.



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