Tips To Heal A Broken Heart.

reply to post by the2010apprentice


I will go ahead and say, I know it's hard because I'm there, but you are WAY better off without her. She sounds very abusive. Having her friends beat you up crossed the line. I also experienced the controlling factor where I was pulled away from a lot of friends so I know it's hard to regain those friendships, if ever, after the break up.
It sounds like you did nothing but try to help this girl, so a stiletto to the head was obviously not deserved.
I have been having a hard time since my split obviously, since I'm still reaching out for advice, but I realize everyday gets better. In your situation I can honestly say you're better off and I know you will find better than that unhealthy relationship. I do hope you continue to feel better and find someone who doesn't want to hurt you literally. 26 is so young, I know it will happen!

Originally posted by FissionSurplus
reply to post by the2010apprentice

 

how you are confusing co-dependency with actual love.

That was the line I was looking for .... I been with my girlfriend for 8 years , I care for her and lover her . However if I am not making her happy I would never expect her to stay I want her to be happy , life is to short to and I see it so many times where people are not happy but yet chug along like nothing is wrong . That is not love it is selfishness at it's finest ( I love you don't leave me even if you are not happy )

eta: if one truly cares for some one they just want to see them happy no matter where or who with even if it is not with ourselves

reply to post by FissionSurplus


Thanks for those kind words.. i really appreciate it!
I built my life around her .. now it doesnt exist.....
To be total honest .... i would have stayed until the day she killed me.... it almost happened a handful of time
Im not a silly chap at all .... very smart and fun loving.... i think it all the fun we also had together now makes my life feel dull and boring , as we did everything together and were always travelling and on adventures together.
I just dont have the ability to meet any girls now as my friends never interact and want to go to bars etc...
i feel very alone and its hard .... i can enjoy myself , but love a females company.....
someone to care for and live a happy adventurous life together...
just as long as no violence.... cheating ... lies and deception are on the cards.
i went to a mental health advisor after going to my doctors to explain , but they didnt really know what to do for me. I just need to get past a hurdle of what i did have with this girl ..... all the good and all the bad .
its a difficult road for sure
thanks for the assistance buddy

Originally posted by freedomSlave
Pick up a new hobby sitting around thinking about what could of been or poor me doesn't do nothing except to gain sympathy from some people . Frankly I see no point in this kinda threads aside from playing the poor me angle.

I can understand your perspective but sometimes I think people need sympathy and I don't think there is anything wrong with getting and giving sympathy. Sometimes, some people need others to say, "hey, I've been there too." I think that's a great thing about people not something that's bad.

reply to post by the2010apprentice


Trust me when I tell you that this relationship ending was the best thing that could have happened, despite how much you may think you miss her.

You seem like a nice guy, who deserves a relationship with far less drama, and you are still very young, and have many years ahead of you to find a great love.

Learn from this bad relationship, and look for warning signs before you get into another disastrous one.

Sometimes certain types of characters thrive on drama, but really you just get so used to the pain, that it doesn't phase you as much.

Beauty on the outside isn't everything, and it can eventually fade, but someone who is honest, loyal, and truly cares about you, is priceless.

Right now you are grieving the end of a relationship, and even bad ones go through the grieving process, where you think about those few good times, when in reality they were scarce compared to the very painful moments.

Try not to think about her, and if you do, try and remember all the crap you had to go through. Trust that there will be someone there for you in the future who will respect you, and is beautiful both inside and out.

I wish you all the best in the future, and I plead with you to not let yourself be in that sort of relationship again. walk away much sooner if it starts happening again.

reply to post by freedomSlave

That was the line I was looking for .... I been with my girlfriend for 8 years , I care for her and lover her . However if I am not making her happy I would never expect her to stay I want her to be happy , life is to short to and I see it so many times where people are not happy but yet chug along like nothing is wrong . That is not love it is selfishness at it's finest ( I love you don't leave me even if you are not happy ) eta: if one truly cares for some one they just want to see them happy no matter where or who with even if it is not with ourselves edit on 17/10/12 by freedomSlave because: (no reason given)

I can agree with you there. That is essentially what my relationship came to. He was simply not happy with me anymore but was with someone else. And to want to change that would have been very selfish of me to try and make someone miserable just to make me happy... You said it well.

Originally posted by Miri08

Originally posted by freedomSlave
Pick up a new hobby sitting around thinking about what could of been or poor me doesn't do nothing except to gain sympathy from some people . Frankly I see no point in this kinda threads aside from playing the poor me angle.

I can understand your perspective but sometimes I think people need sympathy and I don't think there is anything wrong with getting and giving sympathy. Sometimes, some people need others to say, "hey, I've been there too." I think that's a great thing about people not something that's bad.

Everyone has been there since middle school numerous times unless one is a hermit or something . People come and go all the time in life sometimes good terms sometimes bad terms since the dawn of mankind it is a part of life.

reply to post by freedomSlave


Well I agree with you and I think people know that on the intelligent side of things but emotionally when something bad happens it sometimes feels in that moment that everything is terrible and no one could possibly understand - that's where someone sympathizing can help put things into perspective. I'm sure there are some people out there that don't need others to sympathize, I'm just saying that some do and I don't think that's a bad thing at all. Everyone handles things differently

Again, I do understand what you are saying though!

Originally posted by Miri08
reply to post by freedomSlave

 

Everyone handles things differently

Very true sometimes all it takes is a lil kick in the arse to being people back to their senses

Run

Really...just run like the devil himself were chasing you. Run physically to release emotional stress, Run mentally as far away as you can get from the person, run emotionally away from all the memories that tie you to that person. Run....

Some will argue that running away does not help, it only buries the issue... but in my experience putting a huge amount of space between you and your ex, is the only thing that you can do. The longer you have to be reminded of that person, the longer the memories will linger, the longer the wounds will fester.

Fresh starts open up new adventures, distractions and opportunities. It speeds up the recovery time IMO. Hanging around the ex, looking at all the old photos is like salting the wounds. Burn the pics, burn the bridges, burn the really cool gifts they gave you.....eliminate the memories, and make new ones instead.

Run and Do it as quickly as possible....otherwise you risk getting stuck like a ghost in some purgatory of your heart.

I was stuck in purgatory for many years....it was not cool.

Do I still love the guy? Of course, but it wasn't until I really let go of the memories, the reminders, the sense of longing and loss, that I really felt better, and I had to move to a different continent to make it happen.....so yeah....you could say I ran pretty damn far.

And yes....I feel a million times better now!

Or find Jesus and he will heal your broken heart
Thought I would put that in before some other nutjob said something similar

Nah having got divorced a couple of months ago (Iam still hurting) I can only say time is the greatest healer when the heart is broken.(or so I keep telling myself)

reply to post by FissionSurplus


Great advice...I couldn't have put it better myself. I've dealt with a similar situation in a similar way

NRE,

I'm still strongly advising revenge sex and alcohol! The heartache gets lost in the guilt and the hangover.

~Heff

reply to post by NoRegretsEver


Look at breaking up like this..... at least one of you were unbearable.... if it wasn't you, you are probably happy already. If it was you ....learn from it fix yourself. Cheers!

I got out of a 7 year relationship about 6 months ago with someone who I felt was my soul mate. We did everything together. Truly best friends, down to the core. The breakup was a mutual agreement. We got to a point where we were so comfortable with one another that the excitement was gone. I no longer found her attractive and sometimes really felt alone.

Now you will say that this person couldn't have been one of my soul mates but I beg to differ. She is one of the few people in this world who truly know me. She is one person that I don't have to hide anything about myself around. I could talk to her about anything. Our relationship was 200% complete and open honesty. Now that were apart, I do feel a hole inside of me and it will likely be there for a very long time. Just recently I made the decision to stop talking to her completely (not signing on skype, returning texts etc.) because the longer I continue this, the longer it will hurt. It doesn't hurt often but when it does, the pain is severe and sharp.

Time heals all wounds. I found that my most helpful remedy was talking about it to people. It could be friends, family, strangers on a website (not here but another very nice and helpful, supportive relationship website...if you want a link, PM me). A pain SHARED is a pain HALVED. This truly helped me. Distracting yourself is a bandaid to a gaping wound. Eventually that pain will surface (if the person really meant anything to you) and you'll have to deal with it face to face.

Don't hide from your feelings and emotions. You have to deal with them, day by day. Slowly, you'll come to realize that you think about them less and less and the pain doesn't come around as often. 7 years is a long time and I have a good ways to go before I'm healed and ready for another relationship.

Talk about it, embrace the emotion and the pain, let it run its course. This is all part of being a human being and it's NATURAL. If you have a lack of pain and emotions after a long relationship breakup, you're not normal.

Again, remember that time heals all wounds. If you're going through hard times and emotions now, just constantly remind yourself that it'll be alright and eventually, eventually you'll be okay. When the pain is really severe, call up your brother or sister, or other family, catch up. Go to the website I went to and read other peoples stories about breakups (could be much worse than yours!). Vent there if you like (I did).

It will get better, I promise. Just stay strong.

reply to post by NoRegretsEver


Your right everyones had it. It cant be fixed ever, unless....

Lots and lots of trance music, so relaxing and feels so good at the time. Also lots and lots of black and death metal too, the combination of the two is... so good on the emotions.

Mightn't work for others, but soothes well.