I have always loved limericks... problem is finding the old crusty ones I like clean enough to share here.
The old ones are my favorites and the
history of this form is also interesting.
The origin of the actual name limerick for this type of poem is obscure. Its use was first documented in the UK in 1898 (New English Dictionary)
and in the USA in 1902. It is generally taken to be a reference to the County of Limerick in Ireland, particularly the Maigue Poets, and may derive
from an earlier form of nonsense verse parlour game that traditionally included a refrain that ended "Come all the way up to Limerick?"
A limerick is a kind of a witty, humorous, or nonsense poem, especially one in five-line anapestic or amphibrachic meter with a strict rhyme
scheme (AABBA), which is sometimes obscene with humorous intent. The form can be found in England as of the early years of the 18th century. It was
popularized by Edward Lear in the 19th century, although he did not use the term.
Whatever the origin, theyre wonderful. I never thought of them as poetry, but to me seem more like a song.
There once was a lady, Ilene,
Who lived on distilled kerosene,
But she started absorbin'
A new hydrocarbon
and since then she'd never benzene
There once was a monstrous big tanker
Who when pulled by a tug did not thank her,
So the tug said "You bitch!
You belong in a ditch!"
And straightaway stove her and sank her.
( The ACTUAL man from Nantucket limerick)
There was an old man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
His daughter, named Nan,
Ran off with a man,
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.
( there are about 20 versions of this.. but this is ATS friendly. I dont know if it was before or after.. but there is an old drinking song all about
ol dirty dave and his "girlfriend)
Following is a pertinent quote from an article on the Bufo Marinus Toad. It reveals how someone's (Brother Bob's?) lies about me have
inadvertently become an institutionalized desecration of my good name in both biological and behavioral fields of study within the international
scientific community. I quote: ...necrophilia in scientific literature is often called Davian behavior. It was named by R.W. Dickerman who
first noted necrophilia in ground squirrels. He named the behavior after Dave of a dirty limerick about a hermit that kept a dead whore in
his cave. Scientists who reviewed his paper didn't question the Davian label until after it was published and by that time it was too late
to object to Dickerman's highly unscientific label. It was part of the lexicon. Among ducks, it's often called Avian Davian
There was once a hermit named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave.
He said, "Yes, she smells
And is ugly as hell,
But think of the money I save!"
I also like "the spoken word".. and would love to get together a few of my unsavory and questionably educated friends.. and do a ludicrous limerick
spoken word thing. Doing it with a straight face would be the largest challenge.
Limericks drinking songs? Ill post a few I know, but others.. well you know.
Some bagpipes were stolen! I kid
You not, folks, for happen it did.
Police, under cover,
Seek a true music lover,
Or maybe a short-sighted squid.
(yell : A SQUID!)
I purchased new bagpipes last week,
And practiced their droning and squeak.
My neighbor next door
Though, who hails from Jaipur,
Said the noise of the pipes made him Sikh.
(Yell SIKH!.. chug)
Dave makes an appearance in drinking songs too:
I am a hermit named Dave
I keep a dead whore in my cave.
(everyone shouts IRENE!)
She smells like (s word),
And is missing a tit.
But think of the money I have saved.
He saved! ( raise your glass and everyone shouts HE SAVED!)
Boys think if the money I have saved!
There is scurvy scurvy, scurvy on a pirate ship
It will rot your bones so here's a little tip:
When there is scurvy scurvy scurvy on your pirate ship
Eat a lime eat a lime ( Yell it 2x, toss the shot, slam it down)
There is scurvy on a pirate ship
It will rot your bones so here's a little tip:
When there is scurvy on your pirate ship
Eat a lime eat a lime (yell it 2x, toss the shot... slam it down)
Sea Shanties?? Got em too!
Oh the ocean waves do roll
And the stormy winds do blow
Aye, and we poor sailors are skipping at the top
And the landlubbers lie down below below below
And the landlubbers lie down below
This one .. hmm.. Ive sort of cleaned it up It goes somewhat to the "if youre happy and you know it" tune):
So bugger off, you bastards bugger off (F word you!)
Bugger off, you bastards bugger off (f word you!)
Like a herd of bloody swine who refuse to leave the trough
You’ll get no more this evening, so you bastards bugger off
Here’s to barkeep and waitresses ( shout :been serving you your beers!)
They’ve put up with your noxious breath and stupid drunken leers
Be leaving all your money on the table when you go
For all you’ll have a throbbing head and nothing else to show
Well you’ve been a splendid audience, but now the time is passed
So don’t you all be letting the door hit you in the ass
You’ve been a lovely audience, but enough is enough
We’d take a drink kindly if you’d all just bugger off