Limericks.. Sea Shanties.. Drinking Songs!

I have always loved limericks... problem is finding the old crusty ones I like clean enough to share here. The old ones are my favorites and the history of this form is also interesting.

The origin of the actual name limerick for this type of poem is obscure. Its use was first documented in the UK in 1898 (New English Dictionary) and in the USA in 1902. It is generally taken to be a reference to the County of Limerick in Ireland, particularly the Maigue Poets, and may derive from an earlier form of nonsense verse parlour game that traditionally included a refrain that ended "Come all the way up to Limerick?"

www.limerickcentral.co.uk...

A limerick is a kind of a witty, humorous, or nonsense poem,[1] especially one in five-line anapestic or amphibrachic meter with a strict rhyme scheme (AABBA), which is sometimes obscene with humorous intent. The form can be found in England as of the early years of the 18th century.[2] It was popularized by Edward Lear in the 19th century,[3] although he did not use the term.

en.wikipedia.org...


Whatever the origin, theyre wonderful. I never thought of them as poetry, but to me seem more like a song.

There once was a lady, Ilene,
Who lived on distilled kerosene,
But she started absorbin'
A new hydrocarbon
and since then she'd never benzene

--------------------------------------
There once was a monstrous big tanker
Who when pulled by a tug did not thank her,
So the tug said "You bitch!
You belong in a ditch!"
And straightaway stove her and sank her.

----------------------------------------
( The ACTUAL man from Nantucket limerick)

There was an old man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
His daughter, named Nan,
Ran off with a man,
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.

( there are about 20 versions of this.. but this is ATS friendly. I dont know if it was before or after.. but there is an old drinking song all about ol dirty dave and his "girlfriend)

Following is a pertinent quote from an article on the Bufo Marinus Toad. It reveals how someone's (Brother Bob's?) lies about me have inadvertently become an institutionalized desecration of my good name in both biological and behavioral fields of study within the international scientific community. I quote: ...necrophilia in scientific literature is often called Davian behavior. It was named by R.W. Dickerman who first noted necrophilia in ground squirrels. He named the behavior after Dave of a dirty limerick about a hermit that kept a dead whore in his cave. Scientists who reviewed his paper didn't question the Davian label until after it was published and by that time it was too late to object to Dickerman's highly unscientific label. It was part of the lexicon. Among ducks, it's often called Avian Davian Behavior....

There was once a hermit named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave.
He said, "Yes, she smells
And is ugly as hell,
But think of the money I save!"



I also like "the spoken word".. and would love to get together a few of my unsavory and questionably educated friends.. and do a ludicrous limerick spoken word thing. Doing it with a straight face would be the largest challenge.


Limericks drinking songs? Ill post a few I know, but others.. well you know.


Some bagpipes were stolen! I kid
You not, folks, for happen it did.
Police, under cover,
Seek a true music lover,
Or maybe a short-sighted squid.
(yell : A SQUID!)
I purchased new bagpipes last week,
And practiced their droning and squeak.
My neighbor next door
Though, who hails from Jaipur,
Said the noise of the pipes made him Sikh.
(Yell SIKH!.. chug)



Dave makes an appearance in drinking songs too:

I am a hermit named Dave
I keep a dead whore in my cave.
(everyone shouts IRENE!)
She smells like (s word),
And is missing a tit.
But think of the money I have saved.
He saved! ( raise your glass and everyone shouts HE SAVED!)
Boys think if the money I have saved!

---------------------------------------------

There is scurvy scurvy, scurvy on a pirate ship
It will rot your bones so here's a little tip:
When there is scurvy scurvy scurvy on your pirate ship
Eat a lime eat a lime ( Yell it 2x, toss the shot, slam it down)
There is scurvy on a pirate ship
It will rot your bones so here's a little tip:
When there is scurvy on your pirate ship
Eat a lime eat a lime (yell it 2x, toss the shot... slam it down)



Sea Shanties?? Got em too!



Oh the ocean waves do roll
And the stormy winds do blow
Aye, and we poor sailors are skipping at the top
And the landlubbers lie down below below below
And the landlubbers lie down below
-----------------------------
This one .. hmm.. Ive sort of cleaned it up It goes somewhat to the "if youre happy and you know it" tune):



So bugger off, you bastards bugger off (F word you!)
Bugger off, you bastards bugger off (f word you!)
Like a herd of bloody swine who refuse to leave the trough
You’ll get no more this evening, so you bastards bugger off

Here’s to barkeep and waitresses ( shout :been serving you your beers!)
They’ve put up with your noxious breath and stupid drunken leers
Be leaving all your money on the table when you go
For all you’ll have a throbbing head and nothing else to show

Well you’ve been a splendid audience, but now the time is passed
So don’t you all be letting the door hit you in the ass
You’ve been a lovely audience, but enough is enough
We’d take a drink kindly if you’d all just bugger off

reply to post by Advantage
My father raised me on limricks. I love some of the ones you posted. He gave me a book, a thick book of them when I was young and we would sit around and just laugh and choke. I've written many over the years myself but they are much to sexually oriented to post here. They would certainly sink your thread.
And speaking of sinking. If you like sea shanties I highly recommend an old male chorus called " The Robert Shaw Choral" .. They have one cd titled "Sea Shanties" which has many of the most well known shanties ever sung. So pretty they can make you weep.

and since then she'd never benzene, indeed.

reply to post by Advantage
Well let me try just sending you one of mine. I will blank out the one offending word.
There once was a farmer named Rouse
Who at night would slip out of the house
While his wife was asleep
He would qqqq a few sheep
And then bugger a couple of couse.

I'll definitely check it out! Love those old things.. some of the new ones too. Id like to HEAR the sea shanties .. so Ill definitely check it out.

I have some sorority drinking songs from way back when I was in college, but they definitely will lose a little something in the "cleaning up" process.

I too thought the benzene thing was clever. Thanks for adding to the thread. I was figuring it would go over like a lead balloon.

There once was a fellow McSweeny
Who spilled some gin on his weenie
Just to be couth
He added vermouth
Then slipped his girlfriend a martini

There once was a snark ATSer
Who was quite the accomplished BSer
But before he could start
the skeptics tore him apart
and now he only posts to say "yes sir"

See... made that one up like in 4 seconds. Now I've got an excuse to drink!!!

ETA: Too much???

I could have Googled an older one, but I'm lazy and my drinking based upon limericks rules are really slack!

Originally posted by Hefficide
There once was a snark ATSer
Who was quite the accomplished BSer
But before he could start
the skeptics tore him apart
and now he only posts to say "yes sir"

See... made that one up like in 4 seconds. Now I've got an excuse to drink!!!

ETA: Too much???

I could have Googled an older one, but I'm lazy and my drinking based upon limericks rules are really slack!

edit on 10/17/12 by Hefficide because: (no reason given)

**shouts** YES SIR!!! ( chug, slam glass down)

reply to post by Advantage

Two famous ones. I enjoy this type of thing.

Erm.. Id never thought to look on youtube. Thanks.. now I will look there too! LOL! Most of my stuff comes from books, just never occurred to me to look there!

You all do know we are weirdos, dont you? Happy happy weirdos. Now, where else on the entire internet could I get a political, crypto, and breaking news fixes.. then move onto gay marriage, incubus romances, and philistine foreskins... and wind up happily listening to sea shanties??

ATS THATS WHERE!!

reply to post by Advantage


Ugh! Don't get my dirty mind started. Too Late!
---------------------------------------

Now a wife can be a good looker.
In the kitchen she can be
a good cooker.
But looks can get old and
prepared food is sold
So, all I need is an
occasional hooker.
----------------------------------------

This one was a serious attempt to keep kids from getting addicted to video games. It turned out, well, just wrong!

THE CURSE OF VIDEO GAMES

Young boys with big brains
love video games
playing for hours n' years

But after some time
their brains turn to slime
and some of them turn into queers

What?

If you want dirty sea shanties and drinking songs, check out a guy named Oscar Brand. Back in the '40s and '50s he released a few records of such songs (Anything with the word "Bawdy" in the album title is a save bet). There's a few of his stuff on Spotify and Grooveshark. One of his dirtiest and my favorite's is "Oh How The Money Rolls In." My favorite verse:

"Now my grandma sells cheap prophylactics
She punctures the head with a pin
While grandpa gets rich from abortions
My god, how the money rolls in"

Really, really risque stuff for the time. He's got a lot of great stuff and on YouTube he has one that has a title too obscene to even post here.

A few years ago the record label ANTI- released a great two disc album called "Rogue's Gallery" where various musicians recorded sea shanties. There's some obscure artists, but some big (and a few surprising) names like Lou Reed, Loudon Wainwright, Nick Cave, Sting, Bono, Van Dyke Parks, John C Reilly and Ralph Steadman. The style varies, but there's a lot of good stuff, including the absolutely filthy "Good Ship Venus." It's kind of like the "Aristocrats!" joke in song form, so if you don't like rollicking obscenity you might want to skip it:



Here's my favorite off the album:

And here's actor John C Reilly singing a very catchy tune:

And one last one that's not on the album. It was original by one of the kings of the sailing song: Stan Rogers. I like this version by the Irish Descendents much better:

My father once won a city wide contest with this one.

A young Russian woman named Vvromsk,
fell in love with three brothers from Omsk.
When it came time to marry,
she spurned Dick and Harry
and married the brother named Tomsk.

reply to post by LeSigh


I have to admit that I prefer this version of "fairwell and adieu", as it is more like the ones sung down the pub,




Although this is probably the one I like singing most drunk.

Time to put some Americanized Irish up in here....

reply to post by Hefficide


Cool... thanks :up;

Heres a traditional toe tapping one from Northumberland that I think is pretty brilliant.. Songs from my neck of the woods in the South Country tend to be vocal mostly, and a tad boring to outsiders unless like us they are steaming drunk

Here's a few for you. My Dad used to tell them to me, and used to have howling with laughter. I wish i could remember all of them, and i wish I'd have written them down.

The Boy stood on the burning deck with a pocket full of Crackers,
One flew down his trouser leg, and blew of both his Knackers,

The Boy stood in the Burning deck picking his nose like mad,
He rolled them into little balls, and flicked em at his dad.

The Boy stood on the burning deck, his lip was all a quiver,
He gave a cough, his leg fell off, and floated down the River.

There was an old man from Orton, who one one Tit, and a shorten,
To make up for the loss, he could eat like an Hoss, and Fart like a 650 Norton.

There was an old man from Noshem who took out his Balls to wash em,
His wife said "Jack if you don't put em back i will tread on the Buggers, and Squash em.

I Thank you.

Collecting shantys, either in manuscript or audio form, (and singing them) has been one of my hobbies for years. Many 'landlubbers' aren't aware that shantys are predominantly work songs and are categorised by the type of work done whilst singing them.
For example - a 'halyard' shanty was sung when a job of hauling on a line was expected to last a long time, eg. hoisting topsails. Usually there are two pulls per chorus. Examples - 'Hanging Johnny' and 'Blow The Man Down'.
Short-haul or sheet shantys: sung when the job of hauling on a line was expected to be quick and requiring great force. Examples - "Haul Away Joe", "Boney" and "Haul On the Bowline".
Capstan shantys had a 'smoother' rhythm to be sung whilst raising the anchor or operating a windlass. (No hauling required). Examples - "Santianna", Paddy Lay Back" and "Rio Grande".
A strange creature known as a 'Stamp & Go' shanty was used on bigger vessels with large crews. Sometimes used when raising or lowering ships' boats. Interestingly, this type of shanty was the only type of work-song allowed in the King's Navee! Examples - "Drunken Sailor" and "Roll the Old Chariot".
Pumping shantys are self-explanatory. Examples - "Strike the Bell", and "Lowlands".

After their work was done, the sailors congregated in the fo'c's'le or in fine weather - near the fore-bitts (an area of the foredeck) and would sing for pleasure. Examples - "Rolling Down to Old Maui" and "Shenandoah". Consequently, these songs are known as 'forebitters'.

OK, I'll shut up now - I can see some you dozing off at the back! Sorry.

To anyone interested in sea-shantys and sea-lore, I can recommend Stan Hugill's marvelous book 'Shanties From the Seven Seas. Stan was the last of the working Shantymen until he retired in 1960. He died in 1995.

The was a young painter name Saint.
Who swallowed some samples of paint.
All shades of the spectrum,
Flowed out of his rectum,
With a colorful lack of restraint.


The was a young fisher named Fischer
Who went fishing for fish in a fissure.
A fish with a grin,
pulled the fisherman in
and now they're fishing the fissure for Fischer!

A flea and a fly in a flue
were imprisoned so what could they do?
Said the fly "Let us flee!"
"Let us fly!" said the flea,
So they flew through a flaw in the flue!

*** Closed- pending staff review ***