I am tired of asking myself every day the same thing: what is the point of this life? I do this since high school (currently 41 y/o); I remember
myself sitting in the classroom, surrounded by screaming kids, and asking myself what I'm doing there. Or waking up in the morning and wondering why I
have to go on another day. Why I cannot quit life just like I can quit a job, or a friend, or a class.
Since then I've done a lot of things, changed jobs, changed countries, made a family, raised two kids, divorced, tried some other relationships, tried
a million of things in between, and yet nothing much changed inside. I still wake up in the morning asking myself what is the point of this life.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not whining. I was raised in a spartan way, and always told that a person should do what it has to do, like it or not. And
this is the way I lived all my life, responsibilities first, pleasure after. It doesn't mean also I had no fun in my life, or I didn't experimented
things. I'm not ungrateful for the good things I had or have in my life. Is just that they are not enough to give my life a lasting meaning. I do live
this life in every way, but is not voluntarily.
Also I'm not asking this question in a suicidal manner, even if I considered suicide many times. I have two kids and an old mother who would be
devastated for life if I'll do something like this ( my partner will survive it, I think
). But if, by miracle, I could have the choice to keep
on living or to die tomorrow, without anyone suffering any hard consequences, I would choose, without hesitation, to die. In a heartbeat.
Maybe I'm depressed, which I find funny since I don't believe in depression. And I'm not ready to take some pills just to reinforce the illusion that
my life has some meaning. I'll probably feel better, and do my tasks easier, and find the entertainment more entertaining, but the underlying meaning
of my life will not change. And to be honest I've tried some natural cures for depression; it doesn't help. I feel like I'm trying to lie to
So I'm asking you people, what is the point of life? Why we do everything that we during our lives, just to die in the end and lose everything?
Nothing is lasting for us, not our love, nor our hates, not our career, not our family, not our possessions, nothing that we fight for in life. We
will lose everything in one way or another, so why even trying? I don't really believe in god, or more exactly what I believe is that even if god
exists, he doesn't give a crap about us and our lives. I tend to believe in reincarnation, but again, is just a theory. I brought nothing with me from
a previous life to help me somehow, or to ease my actual life, so even if there is a next life, probably I will remember nothing from this one, total
reset. I mean, god damn it, I'll have to start all this from the beginning, all over again, and this is even more depressing. Do you know Freddie
Mercury's song "Who wants to live forever"? That's exactly the feeling. So no, not even reincarnation help me with this.
I'm just so incredibly tired of doing something that I want to quit for so long, and not having any idea for how long I'll have to keep doing it. I'm
tired of living in my own skin, of being myself and carrying this burden all the time. I just want to rest, somewhere in the dark and silence, and not
think about anything anymore. But I can't, so I'm still trying to find a way to keep going.
So really, what a person can do in a situation like this?
edit on 14-10-2012 by WhiteHat because: (no reason given)