Rambo Survival Guide

reply to post by Superhans


I hear ya.
I always wanted to know where everyone was bugging out to??
I mean, are people going to be hunting you down?
I'm sorry but this isn't the early eighties. Technology has come a long way and if they want to find you....you are found...eventually.

I have a B.O.B. but it is in my vehicle and is case there is a major catostrophic event while at work or some such.
I am confident that I will be able to make it home with what I have and will be able to take my time getting there if need be.

I sure as HELL aint playin Rambo in the friggin woods with my hollowed out survival knife tryin to kill wild boar by jumpin out of a damn tree.

"Cubby leader to Raven, come in Raven.
Talk to me Johnny".

reply to post by Screwed

I always wanted to know where everyone was bugging out to??

The hills, forest, jungle and desert.

I mean, are people going to be hunting you down?

Yes, if they are in your domain they are trying to kill you, end of story.

I'm sorry but this isn't the early eighties. Technology has come a long way and if they want to find you....you are found...eventually.

No, I was watching a documentary about surviving in the jungle and Arnold Schawrtzaneger could fool advanced alien technology by smearing mud on himself. It also had ex-navy seal professional wrestler and highest educated conspiracy theorist Jesse the body Ventura.

I have a B.O.B. but it is in my vehicle and is case there is a major catostrophic event while at work or some such.

Tell me friend, what is in your BOB?

I sure as HELL aint playin Rambo in the friggin woods with my hollowed out survival knife tryin to kill wild boar by jumpin out of a damn tree.

lol that does sound silly. What you do is sneak up on it and karate chop it in the back of the neck killing it instantly. One does not simply play Rambo in the woods.

too many tv or movie references for me to take this thread seriously...

want to learn real surviving skills and tricks? go ask the homeless or anyone in the third world.
they're already living after SHTF...

Originally posted by UziLiberman
want to learn real surviving skills and tricks? go ask the homeless

Why would I ask some crazy alcoholic how to survive. All he will tell me is to "stand here with your hand out until someone gives you money then you use that money to buy booze" Fact is when SHTF they will be the first to go. Bandits would probably enslave them and make them work on their plantations or another survivalist will self defend themselves on them.

or anyone in the third world.
they're already living after SHTF...

The third world? Really? Have you seen the stats? Those people are dropping like flies, when SHTF relief efforts from the civilized world will stop coming in and they will suffer.

reply to post by Superhans


yeah yeah i totally get it.
it's a friday night and you had a stressful week at work, now it's time to unwind and troll ats's survivalist forum.

buy hey at least you're keeping humorous!

but elucidate me further on one of your earlier points.

so gasoline plus mice equals profit.
but how do i know they know in which direction the enemy camp is?

reply to post by UziLiberman

yeah yeah i totally get it.
it's a friday night and you had a stressful week at work, now it's time to unwind and troll ats's survivalist forum.

Not trolling, there are many types of survivalists but for simplicities sake we can divide them into two. You have survivalists which know how to survive and can work with others to rebuild society. then you have kickass action Rambo surviavalists with bug out bags, checkered pasts and the urge to murder self defend everything that moves.

but elucidate me further on one of your earlier points.

so gasoline plus mice equals profit.
but how do i know they know in which direction the enemy camp is?

Its in their blood the just know. I have two theories.
1. They can smell evil over the burning gasoline and will attempt to run towards it to catch it on fire before they expire.
2. They have a natural tendency to run away from the person who just set them on fire.

I always keep another bug out bag in my bug out bag, you know, just in case.
You can never be too prepared.

Plus some water proof matches so I can safely navigate my way thru a cave system with the torches I keep in there as well.


I also keep two ferrets in my bob.
They are mischievious little critters but they are able to sneak into the enemy camp and kill them while they're sleeping. If something happens to them, god forbid, I keep two spare ferrets in my spare BOB.

reply to post by Superhans


yes. trolling is not the correct word i got it wrong.
it's more of a satire of the typical internet survivalist thread/mindset.

but i'm not really mad at them, at least they stopped calling it "zombie apocalypse" threads to hide their desire/lust/eagerness in having an excuse to go out and kill everyone else.

since everyone else is having gasoline and gunpowder in their bob's for the big fire i guess i'll carry corn in mine.
because i figure some of us will need popcorn to watch all the rambos kill themselves.

then life after SHTF can proceed

reply to post by Screwed

I always keep another bug out bag in my bug out bag, you know, just in case.
You can never be too prepared.

Glad to finally meet someone that is on the ball with their survival skills. I hope we never meet in the woods

Plus some water proof matches so I can safely navigate my way thru a cave system with the torches I keep in there as well.

Nice are there a lot of cave systems by you? I have always wanted to get inside a real cave system before, it just sounds so cool.

I also keep two ferrets in my bob.
They are mischievious little critters but they are able to sneak into the enemy camp and kill them while they're sleeping. If something happens to them, god forbid, I keep two spare ferrets in my spare BOB.

That sounds like a safe plan, but kill them while they are sleeping? That sounds like murder, you are not one of those whack job "lets go kill everyone type survivalists" are you? Im sure you meant launch a preemptive defense on some bandits that are pretending like they are sleeping in order to fool you before they kill you.
I would love to try the ferret thing out but they are illegal where I live. I have tried it with ferrets but they keep eating their way out of the bag and having babies all over my house.

Originally posted by Superhans
I have tried it with ferrets but they keep eating their way out of the bag and having babies all over my house.

Little known fact. Ferret babies make excellent kindling. You throw a couple of those down on some wet leaves and add a spark?

LOOK OUT!
Hope you don't need your eyebrows.
Plus, the squeeling helps keep you company on those cold wet rainy nights. Only problem is, they could give away your position to the bandits who are undoubtedly looking for you by now.

Originally posted by Screwed

Originally posted by Superhans
I have tried it with ferrets but they keep eating their way out of the bag and having babies all over my house.

Little known fact. Ferret babies make excellent kindling. You throw a couple of those down on some wet leaves and add a spark?

LOOK OUT!
Hope you don't need your eyebrows.
Plus, the squeeling helps keep you company on those cold wet rainy nights. Only problem is, they could give away your position to the bandits who are undoubtedly looking for you by now.

Im sory, its late here that was a total typo. I meant to say ferrets were illegal but I tried it with Hamsters. Good to know about baby ferrets though. Once the fire is out can you eat the remains? What does ferret taste like?

reply to post by Superhans


The Mentalist ? Really?

If Rambo were real, and dead - he'd be turning over in his grave.

Originally posted by JohnPhoenix
reply to post by Superhans

 

The Mentalist ? Really?

Yes really, its a sure fire way to get all the training you need to perform a full ocular pat down to asses threats and read people like a book.

If Rambo were real, and dead - he'd be turning over in his grave.

Rambo lives inside all of us. I appreciate your effort but if you do not really have anything to contribute to my guide please move along.

Originally posted by Superhans
What does ferret taste like?

I gotta call BS on this whole thread.

No real RAMBO survivalist would have to ask that question.

reply to post by daskakik


Aw, c'mon - you'd have to buy ferret down where I live but ask me about wild pig rabbit 'possum or field mice*.
Had guinea pig and spiders in South America once.. but that was in a restaurant.

ganjoa

* - that would be the leftover field mice

I approve this message.

reply to post by Superhans


you forgot :

1 - get a gun

2 -get another gun

3 - get a spare gun

4 - get a cool looking gun

5 ~ 8 get unfeasible ammounts of ammunition for all above

9 - get extra ammunition for the guns you will find later

now you are ready to " survive "

problem solving = shoot it

food - shoot it - a real survicalist can not only kill any animal he can see with one shot , he can dig up , peel and dice a potato with a machine gun

shelter - build it from your amunition boxes

cooking - burry the food in the mountain of hot brass from your last firefight - and wait 2 hours - it will be cooked to perfection

signaling / comminications - what you dont know the " code " for cummunications usng timed sequences of gun fire ?

light - see where you are going by your muzzle flashes

time keeping - the man with the most guns / biggest gun decides what time it is

thermal control - too hot - shoot the sun till it runs away
- too cold - a hot barrel is your friend

water - the earth bleeds water [ or oil ] - shoot the earth in different areas till you get which you want

medecine - you can cauterise a wound with the muzzle flash , amputate limbs with machinegun fire ,

anything else - force someone else to do it [ at gun point ]

PS - to the ATSers who will take this seriously / be offended - go polish your weapon

dude i would totally find like a dead postmaster general and steal his uniform and stuff and go around to the villages and stuff and tell everybody i come from the restored US and the prez wants us to fight those commie ba

then i would pick a fight with the biggest a hole west of the pecos and totally like put the smack down on him with my army of postmen and women and transgingered midgets then after that its all eatin and sexin and making babies

too easy man

reply to post by ignorant_ape


Now you are thinking, Rambo- is that you?

This thread is hilarious, Rambo and bandits, hunting bears with your bare hands, I mean really....what a joke.
If you want to survive, you stock up on food, shelter, water and more water. Black out your windows and protect those with you by any means necessary. Let the riff raff run around depopulate themselves stealing tv's, breaking windows and running around in the woods. Survival is just that. Staying invisible, uninjured and alive.