So this is very difficult for me, I was trained to " suffer in silence" but I can't take it any more. I can't believe I'm admitting this but I'm
sitting in a airport trying to hide the tears rolling down my face.
This isn't about the military its about me.
I'm not a very active member here, but this where I come to escape reality because my real life is anything but living I'm barely surviving.
I'm am so sick of being trashed because I wear a US Army uniform and my fellow soldiers being treated like we are horrible people. I just had a lady
and her kids just call me every name in the book while walking threw the airport. It took every bit of strength to keep quite and keep walking.
Everwhere I go we are treated like animals like we don't have feelings, even here on ATS.
I know most people understand the sac rifices we make but I'm going to try to give you a sence of what I'm going through. So here I go..
I was once so happy, I found my soul mate a beautiful southern girl named Heather. She was perfect, she was so sweet and beautiful( looked like Carie
Underwood) she loved fishing she even woke me up at 4am to tell me the tides are just right to go fishing. I never ever wanted to get married but
couldn't wait to ask her. I woke her up one morning and just said hey you wanna get married, she said yes. So we got in the car and went to Mobile,
Alabama and got married. I had to stop at a store o the way to get a ring for me, I already had her ring. That was the best day ever.
Now I will tell you about the sacrifices. I was having a blast in iraq but couldn't wait to get back home to my wife. But after getting back I see my
wife and I feel like I don't know her so I keep my distance and keep a wall up between us. All I can think about is getting back to iraq. Nothing back
home felt real and I was so angry all the time. So she left me through a text msg. I never ever hit her but I know I wasn't the husband she deserved.
so that was the biggest sacrifice I made was my wife which I know was my own fault. Now its been almost 2 yrs since she left but it still fels like
yesterday I got that text msg. Just youtube garth brooks- more then a memory and you will get a scense of what I'm feeling for her.
Now I will tell you how I feel everyday. I get up thinking evrything was a bad dream but ts not. I have to constantly chew peppermint gum because I
always feel like I'm going to throw up( doc said its all in my head), can't listen to country music anymore because it will make me tear up, I have to
constanly stay occupied or I will start thinking of her or Iraq, I'm constantly on guard, I can't talk to anyone because my military buddies are
pretty much going through the same stuff and my outside friends wouldn't understand. I went to a therapist and that was horrible she accused me of
using steriods and called me crazy for thinking getting shot at and blown up was exciting. When I finally get some sleep I dream about her or iraq.
Now I think I'm addicted to pain meds. That's just a few things.
I used to be so full of life and happy. But now I am so sad and its so hard to put on a fake smile and act tough. I can't go fishing anymore cause its
not the same.. I've met new women but its not the same. The last time I actually smiled for real was like 2 month ago when I stopped at walmart in
unifom and out of no where this little girl about 9yr old ran up to me and hugged me and said thank you.
Most of us are not bad people, almost all of us are hurting but we "suffer in silence".
Like my buddy I don't know how he is still alive, while in iraq he gets a notice that his brother committed suicide so he goes home on leave for the
funeral he gets back to iraq and about 3months later he gets notice then his newborn child died but he couldn't go home because he already took his
leave, then at the end of the deployment he opens up a package and in side was divorce papers. It must of took everything he had not to put his m4 to
I have no idea what I'm writing, my head is spinning and just typing. I'm sorry. I guess should have thought about what I was going to write
I'm not trying to get you to feel bad for me/us or your pitty I just wanted to let you know we are not just a uniform we are people just like you, and
sometimes your words hurt just as much as a bullet
Thank you to the member that sent me a msg, I really appreciated that. Sorry I didn't respond I didn't know we could get msgs on ats until the other
edit on 2012/10/7 by ussoldier because: (no reason given)