I'm NOT a people person unless someone drags me out to do stuff. Been like that since maybe 06. I really have no hobbies outside the internet and
gaming. Yet waking up every day and doing all that then sleeping only to do it again over and over and over is becoming old, but there is nothing else
to do. Nothing. Everyone I know is over 56 years of age and sitting around discussing aches and pains and medicine and drs appointments just ... it's
worse boring. I'm 39 but see myself more as 22. meh. what can you do.
I can't really make a lot of pals cuz I have nothing to offer. What do I do? I play games, I roleplay if a good chara from a book, movie or game
appeals to me. I game. I......... that's about it.
without a car, I can't go do stuff.
Oh wait, 06 is when I got into the net. hm. anyway. whatever. I can't find anything that's fun. I hear the neighbors outside laughing and stuff but
I don't wanna join em cuz I have nothing to talk about, or impress them with. nothing. Stuff like this hits me every few months so thank goodness it
will pass soon. I just can't make friends. I have a real cool personality that does bring people to me but within a few months to a year, they just
make their own way and I'm left wondering why I'm so horrible. I just don't know myself. I really don't. That is the most frightening. I don't
know who I am. Aside from name, etc, the obvious stuff. But aside from 'what are you into'? I could give a huge list: astronomy and sky watching.
horse back riding. paranormal investigations. etc etc.
the first, I can't do much cuz no telescope. the second, too scared to ride after a bad accident eons ago. the third, no one down here does that and
they look at you like a freak if you bring it up. Maybe once I start work I can talk about my job. That will get old fast too.
Since moving 5 hrs from friends and family, seems there is nothing to do really. Can't move back. far too expensive. I dunno. I just dislike me right
now. 'get out and do stuff.' yeah right. what? when you really have no one to do things with cuz everyone is into things you're not, it's hard.
you got nothing to talk about and just sit there doing that occasional 'heh' laugh when they say something. people ask you stuff and you reply and
they in turn go 'heh' and resume talking to their pals of 20359820938 years.
meh. I'm just glad this feeling will pass. I wish I was a social butterfly. I'm just not. I know I'll get torn apart for this post but it's
nothing I don't already dislike myself over anyway.
"why can't you....'
'it's your fault that...'
I know. I KNOW. sigh. I just needed to vent it out. Wish i was a kid again but then again, i had no friends then either. there is just something about
me people like at first and then go away cuz im just not as cool as they thought.
wish i knew what it was they like about me initially. I'd try to
wear that all the time, constantly.
a friend used to call me daily and we'd talk for hours. I mean hours. That abruptly stopped the other day. 'I'm too boring'. well that hurts. I'm
sorry I'm not good enough but that's the crap that happens every single time. I swear I'm more cool online but even that is starting to fade.
hurts. when you get tons of folk talking to you non stop and then they just go away, it sucks whatever. I'm even surprised im posting here. I'll do
as we advise others - don't listen to the hateful people. Take any good advice and run with it.