I am soooooo over it

Today was probably the worst day I have had at work in two years. Why? My boss is a liar and I trusted her and she threw it in my face and used everything we discussed in confidence against me. I didnt get written up. I didnt get fired. I just feel betrayed.

She basically twisted my words and then drug me to the managers office and told me I am an excellent employee, top notch, could not be topped, and I was highly respected. THEN proceeded to tell me that I lack emotional intelligence and spent an hour telling me I was cocky and needed brought down a few notches.

WHY? Well long story short...I was given an internship to work in a job that is about 3 paygrades above what I am doing now and I absolutely rocked it. THen I was given the opportunity to apply for an open position but...I wasnt allowed to apply because my dept is blacked out on transfers/promotions until January 31st 2013.

I asked her if I could get an exception and she said NO> I asked if I could meet with the manager and plead my case. She made me an appt. At the end of the conversation I told her i was passionate about the internship and really wanted to work in that capacity and that if my meeting with the manager didnt go well, I would go to the director or VP if I had to. She took that as a threat and told my manager who was offended that I even considered going over her head without giving her a chance. It got twisted. I told her I would do that AFTER I met with the mgr and if it didnt go well.

Anyway, so after listening to them tell me I had "princess syndrome" and was not showing emotional intelligence because I was being a spoiled brat they granted me the exception.

SeriouslY? As soon as I left the office my desk phone rang and it was an internal phone interview for the position. I think I blew it. I was so off because of the meeting I seriously think I blew it.

So, what is freaking emotional intelligence? I didnt have a tantrum. I didnt have a fit. I kindly and politely said I would ask and keep asking for an exception. I thought I was showing determination. I seriously have no idea why me going to my director would be a big deal. All he could do is say no. If he did and the VP did then I would have to wait.

So, now I am enrolled in an emotional intelligence class. ARGH.

I could understand if I stomped my feet and took out my tiara but I seriously didnt. I was trying to follow the chain of command.

OH, how did she betray me? I left that part out. She brought up things from the past that we discussed one on one and I did not think was on the record. Apparently EVERYTHING is on the record. Lesson learned.

Oh and for the cocky part...my supervisor told me 6 months ago I lacked confidence and that was the only thing holding me back from a promotion. NOW she tells me I am cocky. What gives?

I feel better now.

Oh I left out the part that I fought back tears throughout the entire conversation. I need a drink or three now...

Let us know what emotional intelligence is.

Because I have never heard of that before.
I imagine it is something to do with an emotional response to certain stimuli. But who is to say what an appropriate response is?

This is just weird.

reply to post by k21968


Just remember that many managers only became managers because they couldn't hack the day job so were moved to a position where they can do less damage. I've seen it many, many times. I hope that makes you feel a little better...

Wow that's terrible!

In my opinion, I believe she threw you under the bus because she felt you were a definite threat. Maybe she had previously applied for a similar position and failed, or maybe she thought that with your confidence and smarts you would eventually get her job. Who knows... But from what I just read, it sounds to me like jealousy

reply to post by k21968


You shouldn't have told them you would go over anyones head, even if you were/weren't ready to. It was useless information at the time. When you go above people, you just do it. And furthermore, the fact that it rattled you so much is disconcerting as well. You let your emotions affect your better judgement and now you believe that hurt the chances of you getting this new position.

They may have used some odd tactics on you to rattle your cage, or put you in the place they feel you should be put, but you didn't handle the situation gracefully. And unfortunately, that can turn the entire thing into something worse down the line.

As far as her bringing up personal conversations you have... In the workplace, there are no friends, there are co-workers, and the only information you should disseminate to your coworkers is information you want them to know.

There are several types of intelligence:

Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to identify, assess, and control the emotions of oneself, of others, and of groups. Various models and definitions have been proposed of which the ability and trait EI models are the most widely accepted in the scientific literature. Ability EI is usually measured using maximum performance tests and has stronger relationships with traditional intelligence, whereas trait EI is usually measured using self-report questionnaires and has stronger relationships with personality. Criticisms have centered on whether the construct is a real intelligence and whether it has incremental validity over IQ and the Big Five personality dimensions.[1]

en.wikipedia.org...

It is not, in my opinion, a true intelligence, but rather an indicator of maturity.

Having said that, your boss is a giant FAIL when it comes to emotional intelligence. A mature, emotionally "intelligent" person would not betray your confidence to screw you over in front of her boss.

She should be required to take the class along with you.

You can actually go to a local bookstore and buy a do-it-yourself book on how to test your own Emotional IQ, or go online to: www.ihhp.com...

Emotional Intelligence is a trendy-ish model that some see as a key to being able to control the emotional behaviors of themselves and others. It's one of those things that if someone believes in it you'll never be able to reason them out of it. And, believe me, they'll get very emotional about it. I think there's an article about it on Wikipedia.

I ran across it while working at a non-profit in San Francisco in the early '90s. They were social-worker types; I was the computer IT guy. Fortunately I never had to go to a seminar or take a test on it. From the way they believed in and followed it, you'd think it was God's own word.

Anyway: Two pointers.

1) Do not let someone know in advance that you're going over their head. It doesn't matter if you don't see it as a personal affront--they will. And they won't forget it. I learned that in the Navy.

2) As hard as it is not to share some personal things at work, be very careful how much you share and with whom. It's one thing to be vulnerable with a trusted co-worker, but play your cards very close to the vest when talking to supervisors and bosses. You said lesson learned; be sure it is.

I hope you didn't blow your opportunity. If you did: Well, you're young. Those who say opportunity only knocks once are wrong. It knocks every now and again; you just have to recognize it.

Best of luck....

It sounds like they know something you don`t and they only granted the exception to cover their butts even though they didn`t want to grant it.Maybe they know that exceptions are routinely granted and it would make them look bad if you went over their heads to get the exception which they could have and should have granted?
i have no doubt that they have or will sabotage your chances of getting the position by giving you a bad recommendation,then they can say "see thats why we didn`t want to make an exception because we didn`t think you were qualified for the position".
i`m sure the bad recommendation will include them telling the interviewer ( off the record of course) that they only granted an exception because you`re a spoiled brat that threatened to cause trouble by going over their heads to get an exception.That will pretty much torpedo any chance of getting the position because nobody wants a spoiled trouble making brat working for them.

i was in a union once and the amount of backstabbing and setting people up for reprimands was appalling, i hate office politics it`s so unnecessary and only makes your job harder.

ETA: emotional intelligence class? i`ve never heard of that it sounds like some kind of corporate brainwashing so that you won`t complain when they keep kicking you in the teeth and making you a slave.

Originally posted by watchitburn
Let us know what emotional intelligence is.

Because I have never heard of that before.
I imagine it is something to do with an emotional response to certain stimuli. But who is to say what an appropriate response is?

This is just weird.

edit on 1-10-2012 by watchitburn because: Spelling

Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to identify, assess, and control the emotions of oneself, of others, and of groups. Various models and definitions have been proposed of which the ability and trait EI models are the most widely accepted in the scientific literature. Ability EI is usually measured using maximum performance tests and has stronger relationships with traditional intelligence, whereas trait EI is usually measured using self-report questionnaires and has stronger relationships with personality. Criticisms have centered on whether the construct is a real intelligence and whether it has incremental validity over IQ and the Big Five personality dimensions.[1]

Emotional Intelligence

The OP clearly lacks emotional intelligence by not taking into consideration the state of mind of her immediate superior and the manager:

She took that as a threat and told my manager who was offended that I even considered going over her head without giving her a chance. It got twisted. I told her I would do that AFTER I met with the mgr and if it didnt go well.

This is after her saying:

I wasnt allowed to apply because my dept is blacked out on transfers/promotions until January 31st 2013.

The above simply informs us that her higher ups could have coldly blocked her immediately until the January date as an internal policy dictates she's not eligible.

I asked her if I could get an exception and she said NO> I asked if I could meet with the manager and plead my case. She made me an appt.

It seems her immediate superior was not authorized or able to (in her capacity) -or possibly didn't want to- offer an exception. Yet, was still helpful enough to arrange a meeting with a manager.

She took that as a threat and told my manager who was offended that I even considered going over her head without giving her a chance. It got twisted. I told her I would do that AFTER I met with the mgr and if it didnt go well.

"She took it as a threat."

Well, if it walks like a duck...

Instead of going through the chain of command and giving face to each member, one step away the OP told her superior that neither of their opinion mattered. And no matter the decision she would end up talking to the VP.

This may very well be, but if you poke a bee's nest you get stung.

-

Note:

This is something I have done many times in the workplace. Unfortunately, if it's not handled right it leads to little mix ups like this. If the OP had been rejected and showed humble dissatisfaction with the decision, and then proceeded to go over everyone's head, the two immediate higher ups may have felt sorry for her.

I don't know... Don't have all the details and I don't even know if they like her in the workplace.

-

Workplace politics, big deal, get over it, move on to the next...

Originally posted by watchitburn
Let us know what emotional intelligence is.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to maintain an even strain in all circumstances.

Emotional intelligence in the workplace is never questioning your superiors or implying you are smarter than them, let alone AS smart.

The work place is a dictatorship and you angered the dictator with your silly individualism.

If it wasn't obvious this post was satire but the best jokes always have a nugget of truth.

Originally posted by Insomniac
reply to post by k21968

 

Just remember that many managers only became managers because they couldn't hack the day job so were moved to a position where they can do less damage. I've seen it many, many times. I hope that makes you feel a little better...

Are you serious? I take offense to that. I'm a manager myself and you better believe I worked my butt off to get this position.I didn't get it because I "couldnt hack the day job". I earned my promotion,as do most who become managers. As for the OP,I don't have much to add,boncho pretty much nailed it.

reply to post by boncho


Ok, I'm tracking.

I agree that the OP did not handle the situation properly.
And I think letting something like that be as personally disruptive as it seems to have been, is probably not a trait I would want in someone I was going to put in any position of increased responsibility.

But that's just me. I don't let much of anything effect my state of mind, and I look for similar traits in people I am considering for promotions.

heh dont blame your boss, blame yourself, cause your a fool, first off, your in intern, which means YOU ARE CRAP, 2 you just got there, chances that you are the number 1 in anything there is nill so saying you would go over someones head after they told you there is a lock on transfers and still gets you an apointment to plead your case which you shouldnt get anyways because your an intern WHICH MEANS YOU ARE CRAP then you get all retarded saying you if they dont see your point your going to go over the head of your manager, GL in that company , youll be black listed faster than you can say goodbye, no one wants a trouble maker or a cry baby.

if i were you id show up with a big azz capucino, a smile, and plead your case for being a dumba@# and just say sorry i was over-reacting, please dont take it the wrong way i really just love this company and the people blah blah blah

I don't think I could ever go through something like that without losing my mind on the person trying to bring me down. I especially won't take any crap dictating how I should behave or feel. Not in this lifetime or the next.

reply to post by k21968


I don't think you can please everyone. And you don't have to change. You're fine, doesn't matter if you have any flaws. Everyone has flaws, who cares thats what makes us humans and not robots.

Okay you wanna see cocky.... here's a girl that's cocky!

Some women can be REALLY bitchy. I know this because I've had to listen to so many similar stories from my mother etc when they come home from work over and over again

From what I hear somehow the bitchiest most jealous and controlling women often have control of the work enviroment and the other women are too scared to say anything.

In my experience most of those that become managers are usually immature little children that feel insecure and need to bully other people around. In short they are tyrants and dictators. If you take offense to what I have just said then you are a prime example of what I am talking about.

Adults don't become offended by things that other people say about them that they know are patently false. (Its when you touch a nerve that they react.)

Most workplaces are little tyrannical kingdoms where grown people act like children on a playground.

I guess you can tell I don't like managers and bosses ... so I decided not to have one.

May I suggest if you can that you do the same ... you'll be a lot happier ...