My boyfriend is not trying hard enough.

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posted on Oct, 1 2012 @ 02:56 AM
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Originally posted by KarensHoliday
He can be very sweet and has a good heart, but....Is my BF a loser?


Allow me to answer your question with quotes.


he either gets all huffy and starts rolling his eyes, or tells me "you're my girlfriend not my mother so stop nagging." Or else he says we will "talk about it later" which never happens.



He seems to just sit around on the sofa playing video games and smoking all day



then he goes out with his friends all night, I guess. Actually Im not sure what he does at night.


I think that kinda answers your question.




posted on Oct, 1 2012 @ 03:29 AM
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Best thing to do is go behind his back and ask a conspiracy website forum what they think about his lackadaisical life.

Sure sign that you two will grow old and senile together for the rest of your lives.




(edited, didnt mean to reply to the last person on the thread, meant to hit reply to the thread in general)
edit on 1-10-2012 by winofiend because: (no reason given)



posted on Oct, 1 2012 @ 11:00 AM
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Dump him then. Thats what happened with my ex girlfriend and i waited three months too long to kick her to the curb



posted on Oct, 1 2012 @ 11:45 AM
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Originally posted by Hawking

Originally posted by corvuscorrax
Some pretty rough comments toward him I can see why but ask yourself this?

Who is stupider, the lazy unmotivated couch potatoe, or the person who is dating him?


The lazy unmotivated couch potato


So the person who knows what he likes is dumber than the person who stays with said person wishing and hoping he'd change?

Okay.

I shouldn't be suprised really I forget how easily people look down upon people who have different lifestyle choices than theirs.
edit on 1-10-2012 by corvuscorrax because: (no reason given)



posted on Oct, 1 2012 @ 11:51 AM
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Originally posted by corvuscorrax

Originally posted by Hawking

Originally posted by corvuscorrax
Some pretty rough comments toward him I can see why but ask yourself this?

Who is stupider, the lazy unmotivated couch potatoe, or the person who is dating him?


The lazy unmotivated couch potato


So the person who knows what he likes is dumber than the person who stays with said person wishing and hoping he'd change?

Okay.

I shouldn't be suprised really I forget how easily people look down upon people who have different lifestyle choices than theirs.

Also OP, being someone who is in a similar situation as your... boyfriend. I'd say he doesn't have much of a connection to you. You are a convenient distraction from problems he views as unsolvable.

My advice is leave him asap and find someone who is more willing to work super hard to buy you makeup and electronic upgrades.



posted on Oct, 1 2012 @ 01:35 PM
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Money and job aside.. if he had a job and income yet still went out all the time without you.. would you put up with it and make excuses for his behavior ??



posted on Oct, 1 2012 @ 02:05 PM
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Originally posted by Advantage
Money and job aside.. if he had a job and income yet still went out all the time without you.. would you put up with it and make excuses for his behavior ??


Strangely enough this bothers me less than mabybe it should. We give each other aot of autonomy in our movement and I am 99% certain he is not cheating on me. I am a very intuitive person and I think I would know. Maybe this is naive but I trust him this way. I am almost certain he is jut hanging around drinking beers with his guy friends.

The thing with cheating is that if a person is going to do it, you have no way of stopping them short of putting a leash on them, so obsessing jealously over every movement of a person seems pointless IMHO.

But...I do wish he'd take me out like he used to more. Even if he is jobless we could still go on "creative" dates like a cheap picknick in the park, etc. It bothers me that he has time for his male friend yet seems to take me for granted and only wants to spend time with me at our place so yes, it is adding tension and I don't like this aspect of the situation at all so you are correct in a sense.



posted on Oct, 1 2012 @ 02:32 PM
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Ya he's being lazy (can't say I blame him) but he needs to step it up. He probably knows he can get away with certain stuff because he has you as his backbone.



posted on Oct, 1 2012 @ 02:41 PM
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Yes your boyfriend is a loser. he is going to suck you dry until you have nothing left to offer him. His sweetness towards you is called manipulation. Drop his ass and do it quick. How do i know? I was once that guy, sweet talk the ladies tell them everything they want to hear and when they have nothing left to offer.....seeeya! Not proud of it but no sense denying the truth. I didn't change till I had my first child, and began to take life seriously. All honesty tho if he isn't making a effort and yells at you when you try to motivate him then he is worthless. He should want to do these things for himself and if he cant why should you support him.



posted on Oct, 1 2012 @ 02:43 PM
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reply to post by KarensHoliday
 


I hate to say this, you sound like a sweet and loving girl. But, in my opinion, he's already relegated you to the role of mommy in his life. He's doing all the classic avoidance things teen boys do to get out from under mommy's thumb.

Not saying you have put him under your thumb, he did that all by himself. The only thing missing is, you giving him an allowance, and telling him to clean his room. He no longer views you as an equal partner. You are now the room mate mommy in his mind. It will only get worse in time, I'm afraid.

I predict next, will be longer and longer periods of time, he'll be staying away from home. And, what's with this BS of him having no job, but still having money to party with his buddies away from you. Because his real mommy is giving him money to do that with. An adult man, would not be squandering what financial aid he's getting from family, to go to the pub night after night.

You don't need a lazy teenage son, you need an adult equal partner.

Des



posted on Oct, 1 2012 @ 03:05 PM
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But...I do wish he'd take me out like he used to more. Even if he is jobless we could still go on "creative" dates like a cheap picknick in the park, etc. It bothers me that he has time for his male friend yet seems to take me for granted and only wants to spend time with me at our place so yes, it is adding tension and I don't like this aspect of the situation at all so you are correct in a sense.



Then just nag him to take you out more, if he doesn't, start going out with your friends and bother with him less... If you spend less time at home away from him he'll start wondering whats goin on.. You make it too easy for him, I dont even live with my girl full time at the moment and she nagged at the same things. So i figure if i take her out to eat once a week, and do whatever she wants activity wise (no matter how lame it is) she'll be happy. But i was wronnnng.... That doesn't work. I learned she wants ME to chose activities and not them all being around drinking. Im gettin it. Every woman is different and they all want something different. Thats y we train each other in how to please. So train his ass..... Or tell him its not working and start looking for a place, then see what he does.... Sometimes you gotta do dumb s***



posted on Oct, 1 2012 @ 03:07 PM
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reply to post by KarensHoliday
 


Finding a job these days is a job in itself.

And if he's not sending out resumes every day then he's not trying.
I remember reading on ATS that one member sent out something like 10K resume's before he landed a decent job.

It's time to put your foot down.

Either he talks to you now. Or he can GTFO! A relationship takes communication. If he's not communicating then he's not that interested in you.

And you need to discuss his lack of job hunting.

You might need to with hold a certain something till you see him actively pursuing work.
Don't be a pushover. Be firm.



posted on Oct, 1 2012 @ 03:42 PM
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reply to post by KarensHoliday
 

I'm curious what his job was before he was laid off and did he really enjoy what he was doing. If it was good money, but it's not something he really wanted to do, this is an excellent time for him to get more education and try to get into the field he really wanted in the first place. He will not get motivated until he can get excited about something and this economy being what it is, it's hard to get back out there when you see few jobs and they are paying less than what you were making. Also I have found that there are so many people that apply to the lower paying jobs with more education than I had gets pretty encouraging too. If you really love this guy, don't write him off yet. Try to find something that he is interested in besides smoking and drinking with his buddies and see if you can streer him into the right direction where he will feel excited about each day. Having a women like you who cares enough about her boyfriend to write here and try to figure this out would be enough for me. Good luck



posted on Oct, 1 2012 @ 04:24 PM
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Originally posted by veranda
i can say confidently from the information you've provided, from my experience (unfortunately!) that yes, he is a loser. and i dont think you should put up with it. there are plenty of guys who are kind with good hearts who are financially stable....i dated a guy like yours for two years...i hope in the future you don't regret it like i did :/


wow just becuase he has been out of work for a while does not make him a looser. Really what is the big deal if things are split 50/50 or 40/60. If you are with someone that means your world to you... Enjoy your journey and adventure together.. There are things far more valuable in life than money....



posted on Oct, 1 2012 @ 05:08 PM
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Things are tough with work, so I can understand why he would stop trying, going out and spending money he doesnt have is plain irresponsibility however.

How long was he employed at his old job?



posted on Oct, 1 2012 @ 05:54 PM
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If he is unwilling to communicate with you the relationship was already ended by him. It's your fault for not ending it on your side.

.02



posted on Oct, 1 2012 @ 06:02 PM
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Originally posted by KarensHoliday

Originally posted by Advantage
Money and job aside.. if he had a job and income yet still went out all the time without you.. would you put up with it and make excuses for his behavior ??


Strangely enough this bothers me less than mabybe it should. We give each other aot of autonomy in our movement and I am 99% certain he is not cheating on me. I am a very intuitive person and I think I would know. Maybe this is naive but I trust him this way. I am almost certain he is jut hanging around drinking beers with his guy friends.

The thing with cheating is that if a person is going to do it, you have no way of stopping them short of putting a leash on them, so obsessing jealously over every movement of a person seems pointless IMHO.

But...I do wish he'd take me out like he used to more. Even if he is jobless we could still go on "creative" dates like a cheap picknick in the park, etc. It bothers me that he has time for his male friend yet seems to take me for granted and only wants to spend time with me at our place so yes, it is adding tension and I don't like this aspect of the situation at all so you are correct in a sense.


You are missing the point...going off on a tangent about cheating and leashing people.



posted on Oct, 1 2012 @ 06:11 PM
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Originally posted by purplemer

Originally posted by veranda
i can say confidently from the information you've provided, from my experience (unfortunately!) that yes, he is a loser. and i dont think you should put up with it. there are plenty of guys who are kind with good hearts who are financially stable....i dated a guy like yours for two years...i hope in the future you don't regret it like i did :/


wow just becuase he has been out of work for a while does not make him a looser. Really what is the big deal if things are split 50/50 or 40/60. If you are with someone that means your world to you... Enjoy your journey and adventure together.. There are things far more valuable in life than money....


Yes...like a roof over your head. Food on the table. Bills being paid for utility services. These things are just as important as, you call it, *the adventure*. More so, really.

If the OP keeps having to dig deeper in her own pocket to keep them both afloat, with his not even looking for a way to bring his share in, she may even lose those things. That would be quite an adventure wouldn't it. The adventure of being homeless.....

Des



posted on Oct, 1 2012 @ 06:22 PM
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Originally posted by Destinyone

Originally posted by purplemer

Originally posted by veranda
i can say confidently from the information you've provided, from my experience (unfortunately!) that yes, he is a loser. and i dont think you should put up with it. there are plenty of guys who are kind with good hearts who are financially stable....i dated a guy like yours for two years...i hope in the future you don't regret it like i did :/


wow just becuase he has been out of work for a while does not make him a looser. Really what is the big deal if things are split 50/50 or 40/60. If you are with someone that means your world to you... Enjoy your journey and adventure together.. There are things far more valuable in life than money....


Yes...like a roof over your head. Food on the table. Bills being paid for utility services. These things are just as important as, you call it, *the adventure*. More so, really.

If the OP keeps having to dig deeper in her own pocket to keep them both afloat, with his not even looking for a way to bring his share in, she may even lose those things. That would be quite an adventure wouldn't it. The adventure of being homeless.....

Des


Man with attitudes like this I wonder how the world would be if the power went out the cars stopped running the phones stop ringing and your home becomes a glorified tinderbox.

But hey at least your significant other has job experience in accounting!



posted on Oct, 1 2012 @ 06:41 PM
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What is the point of living together if you aren`t spending more time together?

ask yourself, who is benefiting more by living together you or him?

When he first became unemployed he was probably depressed and didn`t feel like looking for another job right away, but as time went by he realized that being unemployed wasn`t so bad. He gets to play video games all day and hang out with his buddies all night and drink and the best part is he still has a home to go to, food to eat,someone to cook and clean the house, etc etc.
He`s probably perfectly happy with the way things are now, wouldn`t you be if you were him? He would probably be completely happy to live like this indefinitely.

I think you`re a fool for giving him any money if he wants to remain unemployed then he needs to live with the consequences of being unemployed and not having money to do the things you want to do is one of the consequences of being unemployed.

Your situation doesn`t sound like two people in a relationship living together, it sounds more like two college buddies sharing a house and each one is doing their own things whenever they want to.

I wish you the best but I don`t think it`s going to last eventually you are going to get tired of raising a man child.you`ll have to be the one to end it because he sure won`t he has a good thing going, playing video games all day and hanging out with his buddies all night.he has no responsibilities and no reason to take on any responsibilities.





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