I currently live in a house in Texas away from my family. I also want to say thank you to the people who are actually providing useful information and
contributing to this thread.
This post will include some stuff that will fuel the 'sociopath' accusers. However, it is information that I left out of the first post due being
unsure of whether I should post / not even thinking of it.
> When I get angry I get more than tunnel vision. At times I will go into a fight, but here's the thing. It's like it's a mission of sorts (nothing
given by a handler. It's assigned by myself). I go to the person I am going to fight without being aware of surroundings (for the most part). Meaning
I can't really be distracted or convinced not to fight. This hasn't happened in a while by the way. I can remember most of the lead up to the fight.
The fight starts and it ends. I usually cannot remember anything about the fight, or what happened...Which makes it hard if I get in trouble and need
to describe the incident to an authority figure. At times I can remember some things, but most of it is a giant blur. Often when the fight is over and
I have relaxed I go into a sad state where I say things like about how I feel like a weapon and how I could have killed the person if I hadn't
stopped. It isn't like a oh my god I could have killed them! It's like: I wanted to kill them almost, but i stopped myself.
> At one point in my life I became suicidal and started to harm myself through cutting. At this point though my main thoughts were not about suicide.
They were about killing people and then killing myself. It was a unique situation in which I wanted to kill everyone around me.
> At times i have never played out a full scenario, but I have analyzed the outcomes of certain things; one off murders. Being a serial killer.
Covering up (a) murder[s]. Taking over a location such as the beach.
These murderous thoughts have not occurred in years; but it just hit me when I was outside walking - is it possible that the ability to plan out an
attack / analyze all possible outcomes / forget fights is built in to my brain?
> This is most likely coincidental. However, my brother went to a boarding school in Montana called Monarch. At Monarch there are private sessions
which are with one client (or one student, for ex: my brother), and a bunch of therapists. They do hypnosis, therapy, and play out scenarios. However,
the catch is that they cannot reveal anything to anyone. They can't speak about these sessions with friends, therapists that were not present, family,
ANYONE. Doing so results in a straight consequence; often social isolation, expulsion, manual labor, etc.
> My parents put monitoring software on my computer for a long time. They read everything I typed, looked at, etc.
> My parents breathalized and drug tested me on a daily or multiple-time-per-week basis for all of high school.
Is this level of control expected to be implemented for the lives of slaves (assuming the parents are willing participants or at least have knowledge
> I have traveled the world and I am only age 19.
> In a way not normal for parents; My parents tell me that I will be either famous, very rich, successful or powerful. The same is said of me by
friends. When I was a drug addict it was not uncommon for fellow drug addicts to tell me that I am a genius and that I must stop using drugs and
alcohol to reach my potential. That is NOT normal for a drug addict to be saying to another drug addict! Right?
> Every single person I meet (pretty much. Or at least ones of importance such as authority) takes a personal investment in me or my life. People
always want to help me, they want to give me X chances, and they always feel some sort of connection to me in a way that is not normal. It's almost as
if they know something I don't. It's like there is a necessity to protect me and my life. It's like I have some fate that I don't know that everyone
> When I am feeling an emotion, the world around me reflects it. When I am confident, happy, etc people seem cheerful and (even if I don't know them)
make an effort to say hello, etc. Things go well when I have a positive outlook. When I look at things negatively, actual negative events play out. I
am not talking just about the perception of events, or some standard "if you act positive, so will others BS". I am literally saying that my emotions,
my outlook, my views of the world, my desires, etc actually alter the world around me. At times i have felt like a god in a way. Like all of the
world's aspects are directly related to me.
I know that that sounds unrealistic and is most likely not true - the point is that my mind works in a weird way. I have observed my unnatural
talents, have observed my odd instincts (both good and evil), and need to figure out what the heck it is all about.
Edit; additional information
> My brother and I both had different names when born / what we have now (first, middle, last)
> We are adopted and our birth father was never in the picture. It was said he was in prison, and now he is dead.
> My parents never seem to know my blood type?
> My parents can't seem to ever figure out our Birth mom's last name even though we've met her and spoken with her numerous times - it's as if her
name has changed a lot....Not really sure about this one though.
> My fall back thought about my future (when I can't see many options) is to join the military, specifically the marines.
> Put into a school full of rich, and powerful families; billionaires, a lot of oil families, a lot of executives etc.
edit on 30-9-2012 by
Ghostx because: additional information