posted on Nov, 13 2012 @ 11:42 AM
IMO the main problem contributing to divorce ... is folks being in love with the idea of being in love.. but not what comes after. Too many damn soap
operas The other part is not being honest with themselves or each other. Best relationships Ive ever seen are those who are negotiated between the
couples and not dictated by family, friends, weird expectations, fantasy, etc..
When my husband and I became serious, we had a series of discussions that were brutally honest concerning our expectations, ideas, goals, hypothetical
situations, etc.We have been together about 20 yrs. We had a plan.. loosely formed and flexible enough to suit any occurrence. I made more than him
for years.. we didnt have issues about it. Later our middle daughter needed a liver transplant and was born with liver disease, we negotiated and I am
a most of the time stay at home mom homeschooling the kids. We made decisions concerning the sacrifices and life changes together. Trust me, working
in an ER is less stressful and less work than staying at home sometimes. We fit well together.. as in we use and RECOGNIZE eachothers talents. IE..
he can negotiate things well with other people.. when someone tries to break in the house.. IM the one shoving a gun in their face. ( that just
happened this weekend.. ) I happen to cook better.. and actually enjoy it. He can burn water, but can tend a garden. Etc.. We want something built or
done.. I am the architect and he is the builder.. literally and figuratively. Its symbiotic.. IF you want it to actually be a working relationship. I
prefer being a part of a team... and make no mistake, the husband and I are a team.. yet happen to be lovers as well. I wish that for everyone.. and
youd have it if youd stop sabotaging yourselves.
If you are smart.. or at least have a little sense.. you recognize gender roles, but dont stick to them 100% in your expectations. IE He may be a
tough combat vet... but I am by far the one you would have to be wary of . I allow him the front role in most things.. and I am the enforcer. I ALLOW
him and he ALLOWS me... that is the key to gender roles : finding someone who can play them with you to your collective advantage. You actively
seek out and choose a person who is well suited to you rather than playing house.. repeatedly... and dragging kids through it.