An Accidental Psychic, And its Killing Me

I was reluctant to make this thread.

I am an 'accidental' psychic, and it's killing me.

Psychic may not even be the word ... My studies on such subjects are little to none ... The reason being, in a field of study such as Psychic ability, i believe it'd be hard to find definitive answers or the 'truth' ... Books are written to be sold, and often the authors just plagiarize other authors or experts before them, or just outright lie in order to sell ...

It's strange, because i am here looking for advice and answers, but at the same time i'd be reluctant to accept any of it ... I guess i'll know real truth or advice if i see it.

I'm not really sure where to begin. I'm not sure when this happened, and i am certainly not sure why.

I havn't had an accident or any head or brain injury ... No major event has happened in my life that would 'trigger' such an ability as i've often heard from television and radio shows.

My aunt (mother's sister) used to claim that my mother was a psychic, and even called her a witch, but my mother denies such abilities.

My own 'abilities' (curses) vary ... Many of my psychic experiences (although not all of them) come from a dream state ....

When i wake up from these 'dreams', i feel as if i havn't slept in weeks. In fact, i feel as if i ran a marathon in lew of sleep. Sometimes, the following day, i even feel feverish. Feverish enough to check my temperature, which always contradicts my feverish feelings.

Some of the hardest psychic dreams to deal with are the dreams in which dead people come to see me ... Almost every time, these aren't dead people who i was very close with ... In fact, most times, i wasn't close at ALL, with these people, rather close to people who WERE close to them.

These people always know they're dead. They come to me soon after they die, with an important message of sorts. Also, they're always in a hurry to 'get back' to where they're supposed to be. Sometimes, they ask me to bring people to see them, and in my dreams, i do. Other times, they have something that they want me to do, not in real life, but in the dream itself. They never have warnings or give me visions of the future, but are there for their own 'selfish' reasons. To either have closure for themselves, or to provide closure to their own loved ones. I am acting as a middle man for them.

To recap, the similarities between dead visitors are:

1. They know they're dead.
2. They're in a hurry to get back.
3. They want to see or talk to someone other than myself.
4. They contact me by telephone
5. Non recurring dreams. Meaning, before or after these dream 'meetings', this person never enters my subconscious thought. I don't dream about these people, and really don't think about them in my everyday life. As i've said, these people weren't necessarily close to me in life.

The first time this happened was 2001. I've had 4 of these dreams, communicating with the dead, the most recent last November. If it weren't for the horrible feeling i have the following day and sometimes week, i wouldn't know these dreams from everyday dreams. They are no more vivid than my usual dreams, which can be quite vivid.

There is one exception. One of my dream meetings came from a person who is still alive. The one thing he has in common with the 'dead' is the fact that he's been rendered nearly immobile (from multiple strokes), and cannot speak. He was very angry in my dream, and wasn't in a hurry to 'get back' anywhere. This one left me drained for around a week, and was (and still is) veeeeeeeeeery hard to wrap my head around.

One of these 4 dreams ended up being prophetic (sort of). My elderly neighbor across the street, who's husband had died the year before (Suicide at the age of 83), was falling ill, although at the time i did not know it.

Her husband, who i'm not even sure knew my name, came to me and asked me to 'tuck her in', like you would a small child before bed time.

He was in a hurry to 'get back', and was well aware that he wasn't with us anymore. I did as he asked, and even tickled the elderly woman, like you would a small child, while i carefully pulled her comforter up to her chin and tucked her in.

He himself had no contact with his wife in the dream. He took a place in a chair in the corner of the room and remained there smiling while i did what he asked.

She died less than two weeks later. This was really hard for me. For the longest time i wasn't sure if there was something i was supposed to do (in life). Honestly, it still upsets me to think about it today.

Keeping with the Psychic dreams, i also have visions of the immediate future. These dreams come to pass within a day or two, and most times directly relate to my own experiences. These dreams are 'for me', rather than a message for someone else.

These are much more frequent than the meetings with the dead. These come to me about twice a month (on average) for the last 10 years or so. I DO go months at a time WITHOUT having these dreams, but in the end, i seem to make up for the gap by having 3 a week or more.

Being much more frequent, these dreams REALLY leave me drained physically. I guess because by the time i get over one, i'm having another one.

No lottery numbers. No dreams about cataclysms, or apocalyptic scenarios. These dreams reveal the 'future' of every day life.

I will go into detail about the most recent dream, about a week ago, just to give you an example of how these things work.

In my dream, i was in a grocery store, and the cashier refused to accept my bank card, even when presented with my ID. She calls the manager over, and he also refuses to recognize my bank card and ID. I throw a fit, sweeping groceries from the nearest racks into the floor, (Very uncharacteristic for 'real life' me) and the manager calls the police.

When the police arrive, i'm waiting. Two white police officers, mid twenties in age, one taller than the other, the tallest with reddish hair. Not a full blown ginger, but more so than a strawberry blonde.

I plead my case to the police, and they immediately side with the grocery store (which they should have), and while i can't remember exactly what was said, they start talking to me in a very condescending tone, and basically treat me like a criminal.

Halfway through their interrogation and ridicule, i look up, and BOTH of these police have become upright pigs in uniforms. Actual pigs. Later in the dream, they actually transform into full on Human sized slabs of bacon with police hats on.

Funny i know. I thought so too. As soon as i woke up, i told my wife about the dream and we both laughed. Later that morning, i started feeling the tell tale signs of psychic dreams.

Without going into detail, that evening, i actually call the police on a disorderly man in my neighborhood and guess who shows up? You guessed it. The cops from my dream.

Both mid twenties, white, one taller than the other, and the taller one with reddish hair. In the end, the man is not charged, and i am told that the man has freedom of speech. By the time they leave, we've argued, and they have been very rude to me.

I immediately think 'pigs'.

I wonder now if i looked strange to them when they showed up. As soon as i saw them, my mind started swimming. These dreams are veeeeeeeeeeeeeery hard to wrap your head around. Especially when they come to fruition.

Continued below.

As i've said, these psychic dreams are veeeeeeeeeery hard to deal with. It brings up so many questions, and so few answers. Why me? What am i supposed to do about it? How can i use this to my advantage or the advantage of others? Then come the obvious questions about GOD, the afterlife, life itself, and other spiritual corners.

While i've only given you one example, i chose the most recent because i could fill this forum with the psychic dreams from my journal. I put a star beside the ones that have come to fruition. I actually had 3 that week.

But these experiences do not end with 'dreams'.

The strangest of all occurrences are the 'accidental prophecy'.

These occur maybe once a month. Sometimes more frequent. Sometimes not for months, and then just like the dreams, i seem to 'make up for it' by having multiple occurrences very close together.

These 'prophetic accidents' range from predicting death, to whats going on across town at a given moment. I'll give a few examples, as they seem to vary.

Example 1:

In 2002, i predicted my own father's heart attack. He actually had 3 heart attacks, back to back, but none of them killed him, although they did beat him into retirement.

In 2002, i woke up and felt absolutely horrible. At the time, i was a commercial sheet metal mechanic. I felt feverish, and veeeeeeeery sick to my stomach.

Now, anyone who has ever worked construction, or any where else knows that calling in with a 'tummy ache' is usually frowned upon by your boss. It's actually probably the least acceptable excuse. So instead of calling in with a 'tummy ache', i called in a LIE. That's right, i lied, but in the end, i didn't.

I called my boss and told him that my father had suffered a heart attack. Please note that my father had no 'known' issues with his heart. No heart disease, and no family history of such.

At this time, he was a business owner and worked around 5 hours a day. I believe he was around 58 years old at the time.

The excuse worked, and i stayed out of work that day. The next morning, i felt fine, and went into work as usual. At around 9:30 in the morning, after arriving at work in my personal vehicle and departing the office in the company truck with my team mates, i get a call from home. My father had suffered a heart attack out of no where.

Now, when this happens, and it happens often, i wonder if i MADE it happen. It's a thought i can't shake.

I'll skip ahead some years, or even a decade, and give another example. In the gap in the time frame of my example, these occurrences never cease, happening as i said on an average of once a month for the past 10 years or so.

Example 2: (we're still with accidental prophecy at this point)

Last November, an elderly woman across the street from me died. While i wasn't too awfully close with her, i felt the obligation to attend her funeral given the psychic dream i had involving her husband's visitation.

After her funeral, which my wife, my two sons and I attended, (she had no immediate family and very few friends, so i made my whole family attend just for 'show'), my sons and I went for a walk through the cemetery to visit the graves of relatives that happen to be buried there.

While walking through the cemetary, i explain to my sons that there is a superstition surrounding 'walking on graves' and that in some cultures it is considered bad luck, and even without superstition, it's just rude to the dead. While we're talking about this, we come up on a family plot where my grandfather and grandmother are buried (among others). On the edge of this plot, is my great Uncle's grave. My grandfather's brother.

Well, my Uncle isn't dead. His grave is there, waiting for him, because he thinks ahead. His tombstone along with his wife's have been there for quite some time with the markings: Neither of them are dead.

Born - January 4th, 1928 Died - ___________.

I make a joke about how "It's ok to walk on this one though, because Uncle John isn't in there". This may sound horrible, but i take the joke a little further and start dancing on his empty grave singing a little song and making jokes. Uncle John himself is a jokester.

You may have guessed it already, but the VERY NEXT DAY, i get a call. My uncle is passing, and the family is urged to come pay last respects to a barely breathing man. Unknown to me at the time, Uncle John had been suffering from and trying to beat some for quite some time. While i was sort of close to Uncle John, he was a private man, and from the old school. He didn't tell people about his problems, and urged those who did know not to tell.

Again. I had a hard time with this accidental prophesy. Did i make my uncle die prematurely? I'm pretty sure i didn't, cancer can be blamed for this one, but at the time, it's hard not to think that your own negative comments or actions may have had something to do with it.

Most recent, just last week, i had a much less serious accidental prophecy, or synchronicity. These occur most often. Just small every day events, foretold in some strange form or another.

Continued below.

Example 3:

Just last week, my youngest son (13 years old) was invited to a 'revival' at a friends church. My sons havn't spent much time in the church, a fact that i fight with myself about often. We do spend time talking about spirituality and sometimes even the bible, but the church has always been a turn off for me due to bad experiences for both my wife and I as youngsters. More than anything, his friend is being forced to attend and he dosn't want to go by himself so he invited my son.

My oldest boy stayed home. A while after my youngest son leaves to attend the revival, i walk into my older son's room and find him on FaceBook. This makes me angry to an extent. I tell him, "Your brother is out learning about the bible right now and you are in here on FaceBook wasting your time".

I present him with a challenge. Find a bible story, learn it, and come back and tell me what you've learned. He tells me he dosn't know where to start. Over hearing the 'argument' , my wife brings me a bible, and without looking for anything in particular, i flop open the Glossary and at first glance, i happen across the name Lazarus. Being well versed in bible studies myself, this is a story i am very familiar with. So i present him this challenge, to learn the story of Lazarus and come back to me with what he has learned.

I leave the room and ask my wife if she remembers the story and she dosn't so i spend the next 15 minutes or so educating my wife on the subject.

When my youngest son returns home a few hours later, it's dinner time. We eat dinner together as a family every night without fail. Once we are all seated, i ask my son what he learned in church, expecting him to have no answer, just because teenage kids are distracted and rarely pay attention to sermon.

He says, "You know Mary's brother?" . HE STUMPED ME!. When he said Mary, i was thinking the mother of Jesus Christ. I immediately start digging through my memories and i don't remember learning ANYTHING about Mary's brother. So in an evasive way i say "Well, i think Mary had more than one brother. What story are you talking about?" EVEN THOUGH I DON'T REMEMBER MARY HAVING A BROTHER, i didn't want to admit that he may know something i do not.

In a very long and sparatic manner, as most kids do, he takes forever to get to the point and i'm admittedly barely listening until he says, "And Jesus brought him back to life". I say, "Do you mean Lazarus", and he says "YEAH! THATS IT!!". My wife and oldest son immediately look at me, jaw dropped. They're used to this sort of thing by now, but this one was just so direct and immediate. Within hours of the accidental prediction and the coming to fruition.

End Examples. These sort of accidental predictions happen almost too often. They leave me dazed, confused, and physically drained. I spend days or even weeks going back and thinking through these events, trying to find some sort of reason or answer.

This is why it's killing me. I am veeeeeeeeery depressed almost always. My mind never stops thinking over these occurances and leaves me very little time to accomplish ANYTHING, EVER.

I've lost most of my friends. Well, all of them. Not because of anything that i've done or anything they've done, but because these experiences leave me so alienated and distanced from the rest of the world. I'm having a very hard time dealing with these things.

And it dosn't end there. Accidental predictions, meetings with the dead through 'dreams', and this isn't my neatest 'trick'.

By accident, but then through practice, i've found my soul.

That's what i call it anyway. Maybe it's my Chi, or my Chakra, (I'm not well educated on these subjects), but either way, i know where mine lives, and how to manipulate it. It came to me by accident, and i'll spare you the details on that, but once i found it, i started 'playing' with it.

I can move it throughout my body. To anywhere inside my own body. It lives in my head, at the front of my forehead. A blinding white, and even warm light. Why, i don't know, but that's where it is. But it dosn't have to stay there. I can move it anywhere within my body, and even OUT of my body, which is very scary.

I've read a few things about out of body experiences on this website, and i've got to say that i have a hard time believing most of them because for ME, it dosn't happen that way. There are no beautiful colors, and there is no flying through space time. It's actually the most frightening thing i've ever experienced.

When you leave your body, you're terrified. You can't feel yourself breathing, and you can't feel your heart beating. Imagine that for a second. There is NO sensation. A complete disconnect from the physical world, and it's horrible.

My soul leaves through the top of my head, and sometimes through my mouth. I've only done this a few times, as it scares the crap out of me.

Back to Inner Space. I can move my 'soul' to any point inside my body, accompanied by a tingling sensation on the OUTSIDE of my body. Once in there, i can heal myself to an extent, and i'd venture to say that with enough practice, since i can focus my 'soul', i believe i could heal others, and may have already done so on small animals.

We've gone far down my own personal rabbit hole, and sometimes i wish it stopped here, but it dosn't.

My own abilities have so many branches that i can't get into all of them here. I won't bore you with extreme instances of intuition and insight. These are every day happenings.

The important thing is, it's killing me. My depression is the deepest and darkest. My isolation is unhealthy. My home is a prison. I am afraid to leave my own house for FEAR of something coming to fruition, or for FEAR of meeting someone or seeing something that will effect me later through accidental psychic happenings. My home is a prison, and my mind is a prison inside that prison. It's all i think about. What? Why? It's very hard for me to deal with.

I am afraid of meeting new people for fear that later down the road, their dead relative will come to see me in a dream and ruin my life for a week or so. I am afraid of even looking around in public for fear of seeing something 'familiar' from one of my psychic dreams yet to come to fruition. I guess i feel like i can prevent these predictions from coming to fruition by avoiding the world altogether. I feel alone in the world, and when i look for people with similar 'abilities', all i find are liars.

There is nothing cool or fun about it.

Its having an affect on my family, and even my dogs, who are forced to spend EVERY WAKING SECOND with me are starting to feel the effects.

I'm depressing my dogs. Geez.

So ummmm...... Help?

I don't know how you can help, or even what i'm looking for here, but theres got to be something i can do, or someone who knows something.

that is all.

Please note, i've provided examples of experiences, but these are not the full spectrum of these expereinces. I tried to provide examples of each 'type' of occurrence, but there are many many more.

I just.... I'd like some sort of advice. Answers would be great. Similar experiences from other people would also provide some sort of relief.

thanks for reading. I feel a little better already just getting it out there.

Thank goodness for the internet. I've never been able to express this to people in the 'real world' .

Face to face, this would be almost impossible to explain.

Thanks again.

I too dream sometimes.

Glad to see you are feeling better already.

Wow, my friend, welcome to the freaky yet fun,hard to handle but we do it anyways world of psychic abilities. It is amazing to me how people think it is all fun and games, however for those of us who do these things, it can be a very painful process and really scary at times.

I got lucky and spirit put me right where I needed to be in order to get help, perhaps you just need to ask "God" to put you where you can get the assistance you need. Trust that the creator will do so, and it will happen.

Originally posted by OneEleven
Please note, i've provided examples of experiences, but these are not the full spectrum of these expereinces. I tried to provide examples of each 'type' of occurrence, but there are many many more.

I just.... I'd like some sort of advice. Answers would be great. Similar experiences from other people would also provide some sort of relief.

thanks for reading. I feel a little better already just getting it out there.

Thank goodness for the internet. I've never been able to express this to people in the 'real world' .

Face to face, this would be almost impossible to explain.

Thanks again.

quit whining.. grow a pair and channel your fear and panick into something else. accept that this is who u are and what happens to you. start writing them down as stories or translated into some sort of novel chapter or passage, a comic strip a painting, music, lyrics/poem anything.

become yourself!

also good advice from Darkblade71^

Dreams are pretty facinating and we know next to nothing about them. Psychic abilities I dont know. I dont doubt that there is a force out there and that some people are more in tune with it than others but I simply dont know.

It was certainly an interesting read so thanks for that and I am happy to hear you are feeling better. My only advice comes from my own experiences. I used to think that using hallucinogenic substances gave me some sort of spiritual knowledge. I no longer use them for various reasons but one thing I did learn is that we are all supposed to just relax and go with the flow when things get weird and out of hand. Remember Douglas Adams and "Don't Panic". Try to reflect on your visions and not obsess about them too much.

reply to post by OneEleven


I really felt your anguish here.

You're not alone, and what you are dealing with is profoundly debilitating - or can be - if you allow it to consume your life.

I sent you a message.

I just wanted you to know your post hit me with its sincerity. Hang in there.

reply to post by OneEleven


Its called rescue work, I also have this ability, I have rescued people close to me.

The icing on the cake was when a bonafide medium told me a young boy came
through to thank me, she knew nothing of my gift until I was able to describe it in detail.

You have to learn to just accept this, then it becomes normal, its part of who you are.

It is who you are, its not for meditating on, continue your normal daily life and do what you do
when you sleep and just know you are special.

I feel for you, it's incredibly difficult to come to terms with something that can be incredibly disturbing when the psychic tap is fully open, not knowing how to turn it off when you need too makes it even worse.
I never did learn how to control it, its either on or off with me, the only way i can turn it off was to use illegal substances, it got so bad i bacame a heroin addict for quite some time.
Strange thing is though within a very short period of time of stopping using the drug, it returns with a vengeance during the withdrawl stage.

Because this kind of thing isn't taken seriously by western "Religions" or "Science" there is no real help, in tibet you would be able to seek guidance at a monastery with the aim of mastering your ability.
I''m 40 now, there is much i need to do and psychic channels are the only way i can accomplish them, try and find an angle that would make your ability seem more like a hobby you can enjoy, rather than a job you don't want.
I have that angle and momentum the intent i have behind it i feel could carry the weight of the world if i really let it.

I have some of the same issues as you...."accidental' may or may not be a correct way to describe it.

I often have deceased people come to me in dreams. It actually gives me a good feeling, because they let me know that we go on, long after our bodies have turned to dust. Nearly all my psychic stuff happens while I'm dreaming. I have also dreamed of things that happened the next day, and the details are so exact, it makes my hair stand on end. A really surreal experience.

I imagine that some brains have the right frequency when in a dream state to pick up on the vibrations put forth by the other side.

My father came to me in dreams, first when he was in a deep coma due to a car accident, and later after he died. For years, he guided me through some of the darkest days of my life. It was a blessing.

I don't want to know what's going to happen, and I often say that to myself before going to sleep. Because, unless there is something you can do about it, the information is useless, and often somewhat torturous. My latest dreams reveal my mother's passing, and the after effects of being the executrix of her estate, and the troubles I will have with siblings who will be demanding more money that what the will states. Perhaps I'm being warned to prepare for it. In any case, very depressing, and not much to be done about it.

Is there a way to "turn off the receiver"? I'm not sure, but perhaps it would help you to simply receive the information, and not feel so obligated or guilty that there is nothing you can do with it. Passively receive it, send good thoughts out, and flow with it. Otherwise, it will drive you nuts.

Originally posted by Darkblade71
I got lucky and spirit put me right where I needed to be in order to get help, perhaps you just need to ask "God" to put you where you can get the assistance you need. Trust that the creator will do so, and it will happen.

Thanks blade .... This is actually the path i've been on, but it really dosn't make it any easier to get a grasp on ... It's weird, because its DEFINATELY a spiritual experience, but also, that is not all ... It's the 'rest of it' that gets to me....

Originally posted by 0mage
quit whining.. grow a pair and channel your fear and panick into something else. accept that this is who u are and what happens to you. start writing them down as stories or translated into some sort of novel chapter or passage, a comic strip a painting, music, lyrics/poem anything.

become yourself!

rahahahaha ... this actually made me smile ... your approach was hilarious ... Channelling these experiences into some sort of art is probably good advice, as i am an artist by trade and profession (CHECK OUT MY SIG), but this is one of the problems .... When i get into these , ugghhh, these low spots or whatever, i can't do ANYTHING ... I can't paint, sculpt, or even sketch ... Thanks for the tough love ....

Originally posted by underduck
we are all supposed to just relax and go with the flow when things get weird and out of hand. Remember Douglas Adams and "Don't Panic". Try to reflect on your visions and not obsess about them too much.

yeah ... this is the struggle i'm trying to describe in my OP ... the inability to relax, don't panic, and go with the flow .... i really want to ... really really bad ...

Originally posted by JustSlowlyBackAway
reply to post by OneEleven

 

I really felt your anguish here.

You're not alone, and what you are dealing with is profoundly debilitating - or can be - if you allow it to consume your life.

I sent you a message.

I just wanted you to know your post hit me with its sincerity. Hang in there.

Checking my messages now .... thanks for reading ...

Originally posted by combatfoo2000
reply to post by OneEleven

 

It is who you are, its not for meditating on, continue your normal daily life and do what you do
when you sleep and just know you are special.

No doubt special, in a bad way ... i'd give almost anything to NOT have this 'gift' ... It really interferes with normallity ... Then again, should i be greatful for having such a gift?

Wow - I hope someone can help you learn how to turn your "gift" off. I have had a few prophetic dreams, but nothing to the extent you have.

I have talked about this dream before here, but I'll tell it to you. This one is fairly humorous, though. I dreamed I was at a party and someone brought their dog. This dog was some kind of hybrid of a dog and a grasshopper. It looked like a dog, except it's legs were like a grasshopper's legs. The dog hopped instead of walked. In the dream, nobody wanted to have anything to do with it. I felt sorry for it, so I spent pretty much all my time at the party, petting this part dog-part grasshopper.

About two years later, we were looking to adopt a new family dog. We saw this dog that was up for adoption outside one of those pet stores, like PetSmart. We thought the dog was cute and sweet, so we adopted her. About six months after that, we took the dog to my in-laws' ranch. It was grasshopper season, and they were everywhere. We watched my dog chase after the grasshoppers in some high weeds. All you could see was her head hopping up and down. My mother-in-law laughed and said, "that dog is part grasshopper!" I immediately remembered my dream from over two years ago. It was such an odd dream to have, and what are the odds we get a dog that someone calls part grasshopper!

You have dreams of dead people who know they are dead. I have had several dreams of people who have recently passed who don't know they've died, and somehow, it's my job in the dream to let them know. It's not a fun job, believe me. Once, I dreamed of a woman who I worked with who had recently died during surgery. In the dream, she was hanging around with us, not knowing she was dead. I refused to tell her, because, she wasn't a very nice person in life, and I didn't want to have to deal with her wrath once she found out she was dead! Those dreams could just be me dealing with the death of these people in my own mind. And those dreams aren't prophetic.

Hi I'm new I really joined because of your thread. I have been going through some of what you are going through .I even shared a dream with someone I didn't know and ended up meeting them at a conference the next day. they new me from the dream and I remembered them it was a learning experience for both of us. So don't be depressed you are helping poeple and learning about your self. Also remember we all make choices in life even though you may see things which are going to happen in the long run it's up to those involved. For you what is happening is normal, like some of us ,you go on with your life knowing you are not alone.

r&n

reply to post by OneEleven


I don't think we ever truly get a grasp on it, at least I haven't yet. I view it more as constant learning as every experience is unique. I tend to tear apart the experience in order to understand it myself as best I can.

reply to post by OneEleven

Hi there! Your post also hit me....actually gave me the chills in the description of your dreams - I for one experience the very same thing and have come to accept ( but not understand ) it over the years! Yours is the first time I have heard anyone else experience this and I feel relieved I'm not the only one! Again, I don't talk about it to anyone in real life except for my husband. It's just something that happens to me, no choice!

I will try and be brief but I first had a dream of a lady dying who was the mother of a class mate but who I did not know personally. I knew she had cancer and did not have long left to live but the intense ' wooshing' experience I felt and vision of her ' travelling' at speed woke me up and I 'knew' she had died. The next morning at school I learned she had died that night. That was my first experience of this.

I then lost a friend ( but not a very close friend) to cancer around 10 years ago. She had had a long hard fight against her illness and died leaving her young child and husband...very sad indeed. But the night that she died, I had a very vivid dream where she appeared walking away from me and as she was doing so, turned to look over her shoulder and gave me her huge bright smile and waved goodbye. She has since, over the years, 'visited' my dreams but is always frustrated and hovering around her house ( in which her husband and son still live, but he re married) . She is constantly trying to make her husband notice her, worrying about her son and upset because they don't know she is there! She wants me to tell him that she is around but I have lost touch with him and cannot just re contact him and tell him such a thing! He would think I was crazy, I'm sure. I don't know why she has chosen me, I was by no means the closest person to her and this confuses me. She tends to come every 6 months or so.

I also lost a very close male friend who was like a younger brother to me. I cannot accept his death even now, it was sudden and needless and accidental. 6 years have passed but I still struggle to understand he has gone. In the first few years he popped up in my dreams and I find myself telling him in my dream that it can't be true, he is dead. He told me to get over it, in no uncertain terms. He is also very funny, as in life, and relaxed, even jokes with me. He doesn't seem to want anything except to mess around and tell me to accept his death.

I am telling you this at risk of sounding bonkers! I have also come to realize that I have a sense of knowing when someone is about to die. I have to be sensitive here and I take this seriously as I worked as a nurse and this really happened with real people and I am touched deeply when this happens. A brief example when I was caring for a terminally I'll patient who was expected to live for another month or so and was thevfirstbtime I met him. I sent his adoring family off to sleep for the night and we all expected an uneventful night. However, around 3 in the morning, things didn't seem right and I had an unexplainable urge to wake them up as it wouldn't be long until he died. This was quite a dilemma as it was based pretty much on gut feeling - I risked disturbing their night unneccessarily if I was wrong, plus looking a fool. But I braved it and woke them up. They were able to say goodbye just before he passed away.
I also 'knew' my father in law was going to die just one ay before he passed away. These experiences are emotional and I feel a little guilty describing them. It's happened many times. I dont try to will it to happen in any way, it's just a 'knowing'.

These are just a fewvexamples to let you know you are not alone. I could go on but I'm afraid I'm very tired and need to get up in a few hours! For me, the 'knowing' extends to events that I get gut feeling feeling will happen and then it does. I've been known to get the shakes because I find myself in the middle of an event that was unpredictable but I 'saw' would happen.

I just want to add that I am sorry you are feeling so I'll at ease with your gift, or your curse, if that's how it seems. Personally, this has happened gradually to me over the years and although I do not understand it at all, it has always been a help to me. The dreams, again, it's been lots of people, some who I don't know well or at all and I don't know why me! But I have come to accept it and try to learn from it when it happens!

It might help you to try to channel your healing abilities, if thays how you see them into a practice such as Reiki which could in turn help you to find acceptance.
Again, anyone who knew me would be surprised to hear me discussing such things as these, so it's a relief to share! My advice to you would be try to relax about what is going on with you. It does not change who you are, it is just a side of your personality.
Best wishes

Originally posted by OneEleven
yeah ... this is the struggle i'm trying to describe in my OP ... the inability to relax, don't panic, and go with the flow .... i really want to ... really really bad ...

OK ... I can certainly sympathize with that. What I find that helps me is to remember Stephen Hawking being asked about death and beyond, etc. Something about his mechanical voice saying, "Everything will be alright" helps me to remember that it is all ok.

We are basically psychotic apes running around on this rock that is cruising through space. We get all sorts of weird interference from unknown energy sources and we really dont know much about it at all. We just invesigate and interpret as best as we can and we move on. Just try to love your wife and do all the things that you enjoy doing because we cant do them forever.

I really hope you find some peace in all of this.

What are the Power Ball numbers for Saturday?

Originally posted by kaylaluv
I dreamed I was at a party and someone brought their dog. This dog was some kind of hybrid of a dog and a grasshopper. It looked like a dog, except it's legs were like a grasshopper's legs. The dog hopped instead of walked. In the dream, nobody wanted to have anything to do with it. I felt sorry for it, so I spent pretty much all my time at the party, petting this part dog-part grasshopper.

I had to cut your dream short in my quote to save characters, but this funny way of coming to fruition later is just ....weird... But in know you're being truthful because this is exactly how it happens. One of your examples and one of mine, both hilarious in description (your grasshopper dog and my pigs in uniform), but that's how these dreams usually happen. I havn't had any that come to fruition months or years later (yet). They usually come to pass pretty much immediately, or within 24 hours. Thanks for reading, and yep, you're dealing with something similar.

Originally posted by redon
Hi I'm new I really joined because of your thread. I have been going through some of what you are going through .I even shared a dream with someone I didn't know and ended up meeting them at a conference the next day. they new me from the dream and I remembered them it was a learning experience for both of us. So don't be depressed you are helping poeple and learning about your self.

You joined because of my thread? Too bad there isn't some sort of ATS kickback. While your post made me feel better that other people are experiencing something similar to what i am, i'll return the favor. I avoided it in my OP, but i've had several 'shared dream' experiences with former strangers. This subject would require a whole thread of its own, because this side of it gets reeeeeeeeallly weird.

Also, i have a confession to make. I havn't helped anybody. A few of you have mentioned that this helps people and whatnot, but i havn't helped ANYONE. Not even myself. I'm not sure how to help anyone. It's more like watching helplessly from the outside. I'm not claiming to have guided spirits or helped people in need, because i havn't, sadly enough.

Originally posted by Lovely1973

I am telling you this at risk of sounding bonkers!

You and me both pal ... I'm glad i could let you get your experiences out, the same way you let me get mine out ...