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i need help dealing with anger issues

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posted on Sep, 26 2012 @ 08:34 AM
reply to post by qmantoo

There is a lot of truth in what you say but there is also a problem with people being allergic to the Plant defense system. It's searching for the best effect or the personality with the least undesirable side effects on a personal basis that is important. Every person has to test things for themselves, nobody can know what another person needs to remain calm without side effects.

posted on Sep, 26 2012 @ 08:48 AM

Originally posted by Trublbrwing
reply to post by Trexter Ziam

I have anger issues and I'm actually quite fond of myself.
I dislike the people who get all upset when I try to smack them.

My therapist told me I have anger issues and have trouble accepting help. At least I think that's what he said. I had my foot on his neck at the time

posted on Sep, 26 2012 @ 09:32 AM

thank you for your openness - it will greatly serve you in moving forward
and that is the decision you must make continually, to move forward and beyond disturbance
anger is the outward expression of contained disempowerment - and it is exploited daily by the menacing system in which we make our home.
this though is not the end - for we are much more than where we are and what we are doing...this can only be seen and felt after relinquishing the need for control/power - which is to compensate for the disempowered feelings.
its a cycle until you realize this is not our life, that is to say, ego does not guide us only limit us; that is to say, we are part of something bigger - which again can only be felt when we relinquish the egos methods of exacting power in our life
True Power comes from Within - only You!
a couple quotes for you:

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

(Although known most widely in its abbreviated form above,
the entire prayer reads as follows...)

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.

and if youre not christian or religious...

Peace is not the absence of turmoil, but the ability to stay centered among it.

and finally a link for you:Living from the Heart ∞

be well friend. thanks again.



posted on Sep, 26 2012 @ 09:45 AM
As always, every individual is unique and not every piece of advice will work for everyone. So take this merely as one more person putting something into the hat. Take only what you need and what works for you from the hat.

My two cents:

1) Ask yourself routinely if you are actually "right" or merely adhering to a vehement position out of ego. If it's the latter, practice letting it go even if it's uncomfortable.

2) Dedicate some time each day just to sit and stare at a specific point or object. Unplug the phone, get away from all potential distractions, and just sit and stare. You may be surprised at all the things that go through your mind unexpectedly while doing this. Let the thoughts come. Don't engage them. Just let them arise and pass through your mind as they will. Eventually, perhaps after days, perhaps months, perhaps longer, these thoughts should begin to lessen if you're dedicated to doing it regularly, and you should start having increasing moments of thoughtless calm while staring. Once that begins happening, focus on that feeling of calm and lack of thought, and try to recognize and cultivate it. Then begin attempting to remember and recreate that feeling when you find yourself in stressful or conflict-oriented situations. As you may imagine, this can take a long, long time to achieve.

3) Consider whether people are making you angry, or whether you are allowing yourself to become angry. If you feel that they are making you angry against your will, consider how that makes you feel. Consider how you can achieve power over your mind and emotions so as to not allow others to dictate your feelings. If you feel you are allowing the anger yourself, consider how you might change that. A potentially applicable saying goes roughly, "No one can MAKE you angry, unless you allow it."

4) Cultivate compassion for others, even those you vehemently disagree with. The more compassion you hold for others, the greater your capacity to feel sympathy or a desire for conflict resolution rather than anger may potentially become. When faced with conflicts or upsetting scenarios/thoughts, ask yourself, "How could I view this in a more compassionate and charitable light?"

Again, everyone is different, and you might find that you completely disagree with this advice or even the principles underlying them. Take only what works for you, and if none of this does, dismiss it freely.

It is offered with only the best of intentions, however. Good luck.


posted on Sep, 26 2012 @ 10:53 AM
reply to post by lonewolf10

It is the responsibility of the intelligent to watch out for the people who aren't so intelligent. Sometimes this makes you crabby as you look at the ignorance of others. Don't let it get to you. Someday your insight will be needed. I don't know if this is what is bothering you but it bothers me sometimes and I just feel like yelling at people who do stupid things over and over. I'm trying to control myself from doing this. I try to use reason. It is so hard to use reason sometimes with people who have been led astray.

posted on Sep, 26 2012 @ 11:09 AM
I handle irrational anger thru empathy and philosophy. I realize that sometimes anger can
simply be a function of brain chemistry, but I think you can also exercise some control over that as well.

My philosophy on life really helps with issues like anger. That is to see yourself as two
separate entities; one is an animal, one is spiritual.

To be more clear I see myself as a spiritual being of some sort, stuck in an animal form for
about thirty thousand days (normal human lifespan).

Having that perspective helps me think more clearly about issues such as anger, and health,
and what this body might be capable of and what it can endure. In essence "I" occupy a robotic
animal, and "I" am in complete control. I can therefore make choices about how to act and feel...

And that's the way I handle anger. If that doesn't work, then I employ a little empathy. I just take
the perspective of a child living in a third world nation, who carries water everyday, or for that matter
anyone who is having a rougher time in life than I am....usually I end up being thankful and the
bitterness and anger I have clung too goes away...It is hard to be upset about something petty
when i sleep in a warm bed, take warm showers, and eat when I want when i realize that at least
half of the world's human population does not even have that much....and then I ask myself why am
I so special to deserve better treatment than them....I'm not....I don't....and poof goes the anger.

Hope that helps...

posted on Sep, 26 2012 @ 05:44 PM
i'm overwhelmed at all the support from everyone.

i was feeling so alone and depressed and now i feel like i am beginning to see the light.

you all have given me so much to think about, books to check out and things to try.

i know the answer is here somewhere.

i am seeing a counselor on sat. so hopefully he will be able to see the problem that i am unable to see.

but you guys are right, i really must change the way i think.

thank you thank you all.

posted on Sep, 26 2012 @ 06:34 PM
reply to post by lonewolf10

Sounds like you need to get laid.... JK... but not really, sex works wonders. also id recomend seeking out professional or spiritual help, you'll probly find more answers than on some website. the first step is recognizing ur problem so i hope you can do the rest. God Bless

posted on Sep, 26 2012 @ 06:38 PM
reply to post by lonewolf10

You need to meditate and also try some form of self hypnosis and combined with a change of enviroment you may well succeed.I was once a walking mad man scared of nobody and always yearning for an opportunity to demolish some bully into the pavement.I did the above three and bingo i'm basically a tenth of the raging snapper i used to be.

posted on Sep, 26 2012 @ 10:30 PM
reply to post by lonewolf10

It is worth keeping in mind:





2. Take it back. Refuse to allow anyone else or circumstances to have control of your EMOTIONAL STATES


3. You can practice saying . . . WHEN you _______[describe others' behavior] ____then I FEEL ______

That leaves them responsibility for their actions and you responsibility for your feelings--which is fitting.

Feelings make tolerable servants and horrible slave masters.


edit on 26/9/2012 by BO XIAN because: Addition

posted on Sep, 26 2012 @ 11:08 PM

Originally posted by downtown436
I had some of the same problems.

Take a deep breath, and forgive those who have wronged you.

Then, and this is the hardest part, forgive your self for the things you have done wrong to yourself and others.

When you forgive others it releases you from thinking about it all the time, and when you do think about it you have a different feeling, almost a disconnect from it.

You cannot move on, and will be stuck in the past until you forgive yourself.

I hope this helps you, it literally fixed me emotionally.

This has helped me also. I get angry pretty quick and I explode into the hulk as my wife would say. I have taken control buy walking outside and breathing the fresh air, forgetting that those things/people exist for five to ten minutes and think about nothing for a bit then thinking about myself and my family. I know few people who do not get upset about stuff and it just amazes me how they do this. I have not got upset about someone being happy because I'm more worried about what makes me happy. Also try to surround your self with happy stuff. I'm 28 years old and my favorite movie is :insert pixar/3d animated movie here: happy fantasy stuff. This world is so filled with hate it's easy to forget about smiling.

I also forgot one thing that I used to do when something upset is excuse my self from the situation go some where and breathe and comeback you have to get the anger out in a NON PHYSICAL way..I would also scream listen to my favorite song over and over and realize I do have a problem and I need to work on getting over it.
edit on 26-9-2012 by gunmetal because: Added more info

posted on Sep, 26 2012 @ 11:26 PM

Originally posted by DjembeJedi

Originally posted by prevenge

Originally posted by DjembeJedi

I don't think you need any websites Brother..I Had the Same Feelings and Emotions For Years About Friends Family and Society in General Mad at Family for what they "DID" to me . Mad at Friends for Not Helping me Enough! Mad at the World for Being Such a Confusing place to Live...It was always filled with what Everyone Was doing to me What the WORLD was doing to me ...! Through a Few Near "Death" type experiences some MY Doing I can Honestly say most of my anger and Hate was "Self" Directed and Very Eluding..I allowed my Anger to Become Hate and Envelope me I pushed into Drinking Issues and More...The Only way out for me was to Realize the The World Does NOT Hate me ..I am not the only one who has Had Hard times ..I learned to Trust a "Higher" power and Let go of my Control over my own life Soon as that was Implemented "BANG" Huge Change ! ..See Friend I think alot of us are Here for the Only Purpose of Learning to "Let Go" of Control and Learn to Forgive and Love all who we encounter Stepping outside of ourselves to see the Reason for others actions..The moment we Release ourselves from the bondage of Our "Past" and Present Control ..Life Settles and Shows you a "Path"..I say Let Go and Forgive Yourself and Others Brother..Then you can Find "peace" and "Calm"... I hope you Don't take offense to this advice I may Have when I was "Weighted" By problems such as yours..All the Best to you...
edit on 25-9-2012 by DjembeJedi because: mispost

edit on 25-9-2012 by DjembeJedi because: sp

To poster "DjembeJedi"
I'm not trying to be rude, but is the reason that you profusely capitalize the first letter of words that should not be capitalized, the result of a psychiatric disorder?

I've seen other people do it before and I wondered the same thing then. I mean it must block you from all types of employment, members of the opposite sex taking you seriously when communicating with you in writing. It must be very debilitating. I don't understand why you wouldn't correct a habit like that way early on in life. Unless you could not help it, and it was caused by a mental disorder.

To the OP,
I don't think you'll stop being angry until the logic that leads you to that resulting anger is changed.
Change the way you think, the logic that leads you into the emotion. Then you'll see a change.
I'd start with thinking in a less self-centered way. Start thinking about other people's misfortune, instead of your own. Hell, go try to help other people out of their misfortune, as uncomfortable as it may seem to do.

WoW ThAnX FoR PoiNtInG OUT ThAT I NeVER RealiZed it Now I Can Get a MentAl DiaGnosis and FrEE MySelf!! YOUR an awesome person for picking on a typing habit in a thread about anger issues ...TyPiNg Makes YOU AngRy?!? Man you must be awesome to hang with... ('

Eeeasy there Mr. Nicholson.

To the OP, I wonder if adrenal tumors may play a part in people with habitual bad tempers. ie: maybe a constant overdose of adrenaline is the culprit.

posted on Sep, 26 2012 @ 11:33 PM
i suffered from a very bad temper and anger issues throughout my teens and into my early 20's. i come from a stable home, have great parents and although my family would not be considered well off, i never went without anything i really needed. i drank and smoked a lot of weed from 16 through to my early 20's, im 28 now and finally have my # sorted out, got a career and a wife and an awesome little 2yr old son.

What i found eventually helped me was working towards something for myself. i had no direction or plans for my future, and it was stopping me from setting goals to achieve which can help you become the person you wish you were and not the angry person that you are. I started searching for something i wanted to do, dipped my toe in the water of a few things untill i ended up at university studying environmental and earth science. best dicision i ever made, got to start fresh with new people and form my own new identity, achive things for myself which gave me self respect and confidence in my own abilities.

Left my old angry life behind, and i dont miss it one bit.

Anyways thats how i dealt with my anger, it might not be for everybody but maybe you can find something in my story which could help you.

All the best mate

posted on Sep, 27 2012 @ 05:39 AM
wow. There seem to be so many spiritually-focused people on here. I thought we were all conspiracy theorists, but really we just want to be hippies. (me too) It gives me some hope if your average Joe is here reading all the threads trying to be spiritual and to progress.

As someone has already mentioned, I seem to remember somewhere that anger = frustration = not feeling in control of your life and that others (authority figures) pull your strings subjecting you to things you dont want to do or have.

Yes, I think getting to the root of the frustration would really help sort a lot of it out for you, but you also have to remember that a good counsellor does not identify things in your life which are the problems. They will not be telling you - you will be telling them. If you go expecting someone else to sort out your problems, you are doomed to be disappointed with your appointments. It is an exercise in self-discovery and through that, you will become at peace with yourself.

A good counsellor will reflect back to you, your own issues and help you to realise the answers are there but you are just not seeing them at the moment. The answers are in your body, and your words and your thoughts express these emotions through the only medium it has (your body).

The counsellor is there to give you time to talk and realise where your issues are coming from, and how you are currently dealing with them. You will probably need to decide whether you feel that method is appropriate or whether you now wish to change that way of expressing those emotions.

It is by realising these things which of you are currently unaware, that you grow and resolve all your life problems. Obviously, resolving all of them takes a while to work through, and for most of us, takes longer than we have here on Earth.

posted on Sep, 27 2012 @ 10:36 AM
reply to post by lonewolf10

Just give love, unconditionally without looking for anything in return. It'll all come back to you tenfold believe me and you'll feel so much better about yourself and the world around you. The anger will just dissipate. It sounds so easy but it takes a supreme effort until it becomes 2nd nature. Keep trying my friend just the fact you're looking to improve yourself speaks volumes.

posted on Sep, 27 2012 @ 12:31 PM
I've had anger issues my whole life, and still do, but I've turned a corner because I've finally figured out what I'm really angry about. It's not because of my father, or my mother, or something that happened to me in my childhood, or any of the typical kinds of boilerplate analysis you'll get from a shrink @ $80 an hour.

You can do this all on your own. You'll have to, because this is between you...and you.

Anger issues are very much a "guy" thing, the same way abandonment issues are a "gal" thing. The two are not unrelated.

Why are men so angry? Not just about "stuff," but angry on a deep down almost primordial level? It's an anger that's always there, just waiting for an excuse to flare up and make itself known, almost always out of proportion to whatever the trigger was, and almost always misdirected.

We are angry because somewhere deep down in our DNA we know we're free, natural-born men meant to wander and hunt and gather and fish and laugh and fvck and play and run for our lives and fight if we have to, but we'd rather hunt and laugh and fvck and play and sleep with the sun and stars in our faces, and that's how we lived for 99 percent of our existence as "modern" humans. We lived and roamed and wandered and fvcked and played and died "free men."

And then something happened. The Agricultural Revolution, 10,000 years ago, wooed us out of the forests and hills. Sumer, the "first" civilization, which is debatable, 7,500 years ago, introducing concepts of law, commerce, conquest, and pertinent to "anger" issues, slavery.

Entire races have "anger" issues. Blacks have a lot of reasons to be angry, and although it's not discussed much anymore, it boils down to the slavery issue. Maybe some us think blacks should get over it and move on, but how many of us would say that their "anger" issues aren't justified? What are they "angry" about. They're angry because their ancestors were violently kidnapped and separated not just from their families, but from their natural environment, and sold into slavery. Which, short of being tortured to death, has to be the worst thing that could happen to someone. But even "civilized" blacks, like civilized whites, don't take the next step and make the "DNA" connection between anger issues and the loss of the natural world and the freedom to wander at will, and our current state of abject (debt) slavery.

Our prisons, mental institutions and mean streets are full of men who "still remember," refuse to conform, act out their anger, and can't be domesticated. Others "still remember," but keep their anger more or less under control.

We're angry because somewhere inside of us we know we're not free anymore. We're angry because once we were free, and now we're slaves; to careers and the taste of ashes in our mouths, to jobs we hate, and to the phony formality and hypocrisy of so-called "civilization."

In other words, we're "angry" because we're natural-born free men, living like fvcking hamsters.

Once I figured that out, all the other anger issues, like the ones you mentioned, didn't seem all that important. After a while they just sort of faded away. And now I'm "smart" enough to hold my anger, and my tongue, and not overreact and misdirect that anger. Not all the time, not perfectly, but that's what makes us so annoyingly human.

I can honestly say I'm "on the mend," a nicer person, and easier to be around. Put it this way. Sometimes I know I'm being a prick, but now it's my choice, rather than some unnamed, mindless impulse. What can I say. Sometimes people need a big hug, sometimes they need to be bitch-slapped.

Hope that makes a little sense, and helps. If not, hey! Go to hell! (nyuk nyuk)

posted on Sep, 27 2012 @ 12:40 PM

Originally posted by lonewolf10
ive always had an anger problem but its getting worse.

i'm angry about things i dont have, work that i dont have, experiences that i haven't had, things that i regret, i'm even angry at people that are happy and think of them as stupid for being so happy.

no one wants to be around me, and when they are, they are uncomfortable.

i'm angry about how people have wronged me and i cant seem to let it go.

i know that we are supposed to focus on the present moment and be greatful for what we have, not what we dont have, but his eludes mind is always running full throttle.
i guess i need to get into meditation or give myself an ice pick lobotomy.

if ya'll can recommend any sites or advise that can help, i would sure appreciate it.


posted on Sep, 27 2012 @ 01:28 PM

Originally posted by lonewolf10

i guess i need to get into meditation or give myself an ice pick lobotomy.

if ya'll can recommend any sites or advise that can help, i would sure appreciate it.

You probably need a lot of things both spiritual and material, but in the meantime lets get right to the pressure valve that will let you get some relief from "ticking time bomb" status.

I am a meditator, Buddhist, and have lived in a meditation center for decades. I have a lot of experience being on the verge of "going ballistic" as a result of my living situation and life in general.

Meditation is really for a deep spiritual purpose and can become a little like space travel. Not everyone is ready for serious meditation. However, in small carefully controlled doses meditation can be a great stress reliever and a great way for the mind to calm itself and attain tranquility.

If you floor the accelerator in an automobile it will take off at high speed and keep going until the gas runs out or until a crash occurs. The mind is similar. Physical energy can put the mind into overdrive and keep it there. Meditation is a way of taking the mind "out of gear" and putting it in "neutral" as you would a car. Having done that, it becomes possible for the energy to subside and go into nervous system pathways more conducive to mental health and the acquisition of "insight".

Constructive problem solving then becomes possible.

You should consider taking a class in "Tranquillity Meditation", "Shamata" in Tibetan or "Satti Patthana" in Pali. Basically this involves achieving tranquillity through mindfullness of the breathing. It is the fundamental Buddhist meditation. It works.

But so do lots of other things. A new relationship with a supportive person. A hike in the wilderness. A jog around the park. A trip to the lake, just to stare at the horizon. A trip to a comedy club.

Good luck.
edit on 27-9-2012 by ipsedixit because: (no reason given)

edit on 27-9-2012 by ipsedixit because: (no reason given)

posted on Sep, 27 2012 @ 03:00 PM

Originally posted by Pauligirl
I have a sign over my desk that I look at every day
"He who angers you conquers you."
Some days I have to look at it two or three times.

Worth remembering.

The messsage I get from it is that anger is not an action or choice, it's waste energy.

I was angry a few days ago and I got to thinking about it. Basically, I think it has to do with feelings of control. If you feel that the control is somewhat or mostly outside your hands and/or that you're unable to stop (fully or in part) something that disgusts you then it makes you angry. Basically, it's about freedom. The more tightly we're packed together like chickens in a meat factory, the less freedom and, hence, the more anger we'll feel towards each other and other things.

For example, why do republicans get mad at democrats or vice versa? Because each knows that the other has voting power and manifest wealth and can impact the fate of the whole country. Put another way, each feels that the control is somewhat or mostly outside their own hands. The republican knows that the democrats can influence the destiny of not just themselves, but everybody. And this can apply to anything, not just politics. Anytime your face is in the dirt and you're vulnerable, you'll probably feel it. It's especially worse if the other(s) insult you.

I think this is what led/leads me to think that being productive is the best thing to reduce anger. Productivity -should- increase freedom, right? But what if, counter-intuitively, it doesn't? It may also depend on what the person knows or how they define freedom in their head.

Of course, there's some freedom we'll probably never regain or possess. I mean, there're laws and rules we shouldn't break. People can't write -all- their own rules because we live together on Earth in a confined space. What one person does can impact another. Even highways and airports and telephone lines are a kind standardized form of rule. I can't just build a road wherever I want. They're tough to build and I might infringe on someone's rights, so we have to work together to build them. And then there's the fact that there're many interests in the community and each is considered.

What I'm saying is there's some anger we might never eliminate unless we're all perfectly alike.
edit on 27-9-2012 by jonnywhite because: (no reason given)

posted on Sep, 27 2012 @ 03:54 PM
reply to post by lonewolf10

Make sure you don't have some kind of nutrient deficiency, like Magnesium!

When there is a lack of magnesium in the body, the central nervous system is usually compromised in some manner. This is especially true if calcium levels are also low, since the two minerals tend to work hand in hand. Common calcium magnesium deficiency symptoms may include the development of anxiety and panic attacks, higher levels of irritability and a marked increase in restless behavior.

Is Your Bottled Water Killing You?

Why A Magnesium Deficiency Will Quickly KILL You

edit on 27-9-2012 by DeReK DaRkLy because: appended

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