i need help dealing with anger issues

ive always had an anger problem but its getting worse.

i'm angry about things i dont have, work that i dont have, experiences that i haven't had, things that i regret, i'm even angry at people that are happy and think of them as stupid for being so happy.

no one wants to be around me, and when they are, they are uncomfortable.

i'm angry about how people have wronged me and i cant seem to let it go.

i know that we are supposed to focus on the present moment and be greatful for what we have, not what we dont have, but his eludes me.my mind is always running full throttle.
i guess i need to get into meditation or give myself an ice pick lobotomy.

if ya'll can recommend any sites or advise that can help, i would sure appreciate it.

Originally posted by lonewolf10
ive always had an anger problem but its getting worse.

i'm angry about things i dont have, work that i dont have, experiences that i haven't had, things that i regret, i'm even angry at people that are happy and think of them as stupid for being so happy.

no one wants to be around me, and when they are, they are uncomfortable.

i'm angry about how people have wronged me and i cant seem to let it go.

i know that we are supposed to focus on the present moment and be greatful for what we have, not what we dont have, but his eludes me.my mind is always running full throttle.
i guess i need to get into meditation or give myself an ice pick lobotomy.

if ya'll can recommend any sites or advise that can help, i would sure appreciate it.

I don't think you need any websites Brother..I Had the Same Feelings and Emotions For Years About Friends Family and Society in General Mad at Family for what they "DID" to me . Mad at Friends for Not Helping me Enough! Mad at the World for Being Such a Confusing place to Live...It was always filled with what Everyone Was doing to me What the WORLD was doing to me ...! Through a Few Near "Death" type experiences some MY Doing I can Honestly say most of my anger and Hate was "Self" Directed and Very Eluding..I allowed my Anger to Become Hate and Envelope me I pushed into Drinking Issues and More...The Only way out for me was to Realize the The World Does NOT Hate me ..I am not the only one who has Had Hard times ..I learned to Trust a "Higher" power and Let go of my Control over my own life ...as Soon as that was Implemented "BANG" Huge Change ! ..See Friend I think alot of us are Here for the Only Purpose of Learning to "Let Go" of Control and Learn to Forgive and Love all who we encounter Stepping outside of ourselves to see the Reason for others actions..The moment we Release ourselves from the bondage of Our "Past" and Present Control ..Life Settles and Shows you a "Path"..I say Let Go and Forgive Yourself and Others Brother..Then you can Find "peace" and "Calm"... I hope you Don't take offense to this advice I may Have when I was "Weighted" By problems such as yours..All the Best to you...

reply to post by lonewolf10


Without knowing the specifics of your angst (family history, mates, unnecessary "indulgences", personality) your symptoms stem from a need to refine your anger and focus it elsewhere:

All this can be enhanced and honed with partaking in a discipline that will encompass everything you need to make you the person YOU WANT TO BE.

This man honed his anger - not got rid of it - HONED IT.

Anger is not a bad thing - BUT the way you express it can be!

Try indulging in this - if you have the discipline it will change you FOREVER - Martial Arts

ETA: As these members have indicated below, meditation is the key, and each Martial Art discipline uses this technique - the better you get at it - the more you are "tuning" yourself from within.

Go to sites that share life stories of the problems people have. I saw a video late one night of a man that has tumors all over his body, his face is compounded with them. He's been living for 20 years like that. First thing I felt was thankful. There are many stories of difficulties people face and often times they are still positive.
Makes me think too of the soldiers that come back with no limbs and brain injuries, just to fight for a job and healthcare.
You can get past this and begin to enjoy life. It's too short to waste it, I wish you the best
My favorite video:

www.youtube.com...

articles.nydailynews.com...

tlc.howstuffworks.com...

www.huffingtonpost.com...

www.youtube.com...

Watch this video and really meditate on what it says.

Tool has helped me through some very rough times, gold in their lyrics.

Namaste.

reply to post by lonewolf10


First off, I'm sorry! If I didn't know better, I would think you were my son. We've been dealing with this for 16 years.

Do you blow up instantly when something angers you?

Here are a few things his Dr. had him try.
If you do blow up, take 10 seconds and say why does this make me mad?
Does this really effect me personally?


You can also try morning affirmations, when you first wake up. I will be happier today. I will not get mad today. I have no regrets. That sort of thing.

Also, write stuff down. What made you mad today? Why? Why should it bother me?

These are just some of the tools that seemed to help. The biggest problem we had was getting him to do it. He is now 20, and doing much better. He was, at the age of 16, so bad, I was actually afraid of his anger. He never was physical, but you just never knew what would set him off.

I really hope you find help with this!!!

reply to post by lonewolf10


Don't try the lobotomy, I've heard bad things

I get like this more than I care to admit. I've found the trick is trying to catch yourself when you first start getting the angry feeling and then trying to talk yourself down so to speak. It's very hard to do but it helps you to not escalate into an all out rage lol.

Also I do think meditation helps, it quiets the mind and gives you a break of sorts, even if only a few minutes throughout the day.

Also there is a coping technique I learned when going to group therapy for schizo affective. It's called acting as-if. Let's say you start feeling really mad about a specific thing. You notice that you are starting to feel really mad and instead you act as-if you are happy. Literally pretend you are an actor and your life is a movie. It sounds stupid but it's possible to trick yourself if you do it often enough.

The only other thing I could recommend is that if there is really something in your life you want to change, actively try to change it. This way if you are getting anger that someone has a job, for example, and you don't have one, you can say to yourself, "Yes, I don't have a job but I am doing x, y, and z to change that and I will eventually have a job too." I just use that as an example.

It's so hard to change this sort of thing but at least we try

If you're close to a childrens hospital, a quick walk through will be very humbling.

I used to always be angry, bitter, stressedvaboutbthings in my life I can't control til I realized that there is NOTHING gained wasting my life stressing over things I can't control, so I just say to myself it is what it is, and move on. If I start to stress over money or something I realize I will get the money WHEN I need it, not when I WANT IT.
I just let things roll off my back and be happy with what I have now. If I am meant to get other things, they will come to me in its time.
I know it's easy to say and hard to do, but trust me, you start thinking in that mindset, the peace will come to you.
Good luck in your search for inner peace

reply to post by lonewolf10


Redirect it.

Get angry about companies that dump chemicals and form a clean-up crew, join Green Peace.
Get angry about the economy, go get a Business degree and run for office to fix it, or demonstrate
Get angry about our leadership. Write letters to congress, get involved with groups that feel the way you do.

I have a friend who had a major anger issue, now she is an advocate for patient's rights. She fights the fight for families in distress with the health care system. It is a volunteer job, but the quality of her life is so much better because she is making a difference.

“Do not teach your children never to be angry; teach them how to be angry.” ~Lyman Abbott

reply to post by lonewolf10


The advice 1 would like to offer you would be to let that anger energy go. Convince yourself that those negative vibrations can and will cause negative effects on your social-mental and physical health from stress not interacting well with others around you ect.. Anger is like an emotion to alert yourself and others that something is wrong and that your not ok with whats wrong. So its not something to feel bad about experiencing, you got to look at the alerts and figure out why you feel as you do and hopefully others can assist you who may be family or close friends if they are detecting you anger vibes. Again let that anger go, its ok to process what may not be going well with you but if you are really trying to overcome what is bothering you you must first drop the anger in order to see what the actual problem is and its hard to see the problem if you energy is masked with anger energy. So take some time to yourself alone maybe with a long walk or even jog/run and think and as you are walking or running you can begin to physically vent the negative energy and hopefully by the time you have completed a nice walk or run & your body is somewhat exhausted and feeling revived from cardiac activity getting the blood flowing your mind can begin to center again and process level minded thoughts enough that the anger no longer has space to operate in your overall persona mind or body. 1 wishes you luck with controlling your anger issue lonewolf10.

NAMASTE*******
LOVE LIGHT ETERNIA

reply to post by lonewolf10


It is a first step and the most difficult part to admit you have a problem. I commend you for recognizing it. I think most communities have a hotline to anger management classes you can take for free or for very little charge. I also think if you are able to take a class in meditation or learn it anyway it is a calming exercise.

I try to look past whatever anger issues come up and say things like. If I do smash this guy up side the head I am going to regret it later. I even draw on episodes where I have had to apologize for my action and repeat those scenarios in my head. No I don't know why I did it...just anger built up and I could not help myself. Yes I know it was irreplaceable or I know I hurt him badly ...I just exploded. Of course I am sorry. Yes I see that I could have just let it go and saved myself this humbling and apologizing (or jail time) now in retrospect.

If you have anger issues, after an outburst you have that....down.
That embarrassed, low, I did something wrong feeling.
That time when you realize you went over the top and you regret it.
I replay those moments to remember, and apply them to the present threat, acknowledging...
I HAVE ANGER ISSUES. AND THIS WHOLE THING COULD BLOW UP RIGHT HERE AND NOW.

It helps me to back off and put things into perspective.
Save myself some high blood pressure.

Imagining what will probably be the end result of my outburst helps me to quell it.
Good luck and hope you find a resolution and peace quickly.

you've made the first step on the journey to controlling your anger by identifying it ... and admitting it.. controlling / curbing it is harder to do ... some things to remember are - we come into this world with nothing... we take nothing with us when we leave it... no point being angry over those who have more - fame.. wealth.. material things mean nothing ... spend the time learning to live and enjoy life... direct your anger at things that are worthy of it... and that will make the world better .. not in things that would add more misery to the world...
get a punching bag - beat the hell out of it does wonders... if theres a buddhist temple near you see if they have a meditation course it helps alot... hope make sense .. english not my native language.. good luck on your journey..

ALOT of good advice here, I think everyone can use some of it to let go of their inner stress

I actually attended Anger Managment from a young age. I only stopped going around 7 years ago when I was 18/19. Even though I should of still been goign really. But looking back I don't think that they helped me. I helped my self by moving my self out of the enviroment I was in and not going round the people I knew. My girlfriend stuck with me through the hard times, at the beginign of our relationship it was pretty mad, but shes still with me to this day and I thank and love her for dragging me out of there and standing by me, to help me be the man I am today.

Sometimes we just need a shoulder, a light int the dark for us to notice our problem and want to change them. I found that reading also helped me relax more, I could spend 6 hours in a book and not realize how logng i'v been reading because I was just zoned out.

You need to find somethigng you enjoy, grab it by the balls and go the whole yard with it.

I'll recomend a book which is my pretty much my bible. Please, have a read of this link, I assure you, you will enjoy it.Awakening of Intelligence

How can one be free of the images that one has? First of all, I must find out how these images come into being, what is the mechanism that creates them

Source

Hope this helps a little

You know, the first step is admitting it.

Well done.

I've had/have anger issues also.

I was surrounded by complete morons, who knew how to push my buttons, and make me lash out.

This time last year I realised my anger was hurting my self more than anyone else.

I had to do some sole searching and stubled across a Buddah quote:

"Holding on to anger is like holding on to a hot coal, with the intention of throwing it at somebody else, the longer you grasp it, the more you will burn"

And I've tried to implement that ever since.

I've lost my temper once since last year, and I haven't returned to the surroundings that I know will encourage that emotion.

Todays the day of reckoning, as I have to return there now.

I'm sure ill do fine, its about having the confidence, and more importantly the *trust* in your self.

After all, I can't run from it for ever. As Rafiki from the Lion King said: "the past can hurt, but you can run from it, or learn from it".

Decide what the negative influence in your life is, cut it out, contemplate it, and face it.

I've been a much happier person, taking my self out of those negative surroundings.

Good luck!

reply to post by lonewolf10


Do you have any pets?
Sometimes an animal can help take your mind off how people can really let you down. They are great therapy and even used as therapy for people in hospitals. How about adopting a stray from the shelter?

It was Mark Twain I think who said. "the more time I spend with people - the more I love my dog."

thanks everyone for your help!

you are giving me some great things to try.

what i'm realizing is that i need to do something everyday to relieve the anger.

ive noticed that i let it build up slowly and turn into the "perfect storm"

keep em coming!

All good advice above. I just want to add, READ READ READ. Reading helps on so many levels. Reading is generally looking into someone elses thought process's. While change will not be immediate,it will happen when you expand your thought process's. I experienced a debilitating injury 10 years ago or so and was really bored. I found a used book store that took books in trade. For about a year i was going through up to 20 books a week. It changed my perceptions. Plus i learned a lot!!

You just need to find a constructive way to release that anger, cleaning works well for me. Just the other day my wife commented, "You never argue when I get mad at you. How do you always control your anger?" "I clean the toilet." I said. So she then asks me, "How does that help?" "I use your toothbrush." I replied.