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MEN can say it best

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posted on Sep, 21 2012 @ 04:25 AM
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A little humor from the email.
Author(s) unknown.

Ladies, if a man says he will fix, he will.
There is no need to remind him every six months about it.

My sex life is like a Ferrari.
I don't have a Ferrari.

I heard a guy complaining about how expensive his wedding is.
He is going to be real pissed when he finds out how much his divorce is going to cost.

My mother in law is coming . . .
I had to clear out half my closet so she could have a place to hang upside down and sleep.

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars.
Early pictures show no signs of ESPN, beer, or porn.
This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars.

I once won an argument with a woman . . . In this dream I had.

I'm writing a book about reverse psychology . . .
Please don't buy it.

I tried exercise, but I was allergic to it.
My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath.
Very dangerous.

My ex is living proof of how stupid I can be.

I want one of those jobs where people ask,
"Do you actually get paid for doing this?"

It's funny when my girlfriend give me the "silent treatment."
She thinks it is a punishment.

If there was a way to read a woman's mind, I'm not sure I would want to.
I hate shoes, shopping, gossip, and I already know I'm annoying.

Whenever someone say to me, "You look familiar. Where have I seen you before?"
I like to respond with, "Do you like porn?"

Men have feelings too.
For example, we feel hungry.

Judging by the frying pan that just flew by my head, I did something wrong.
I can't wait to find out what it was.




posted on Sep, 21 2012 @ 04:48 AM
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reply to post by ANNED
 


nice writing...here is a classic.What did one strawberry say to the other?...if you were not so fresh last night ,we would not be in this jam.



posted on Sep, 21 2012 @ 05:29 AM
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And then we have....

The Guys' Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story.

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all
numbered "1." ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.



posted on Sep, 21 2012 @ 05:58 AM
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Q. How do you turn a dish washer into a snow blower?

A. You give the bitch a shovel.

edit on 21-9-2012 by Samuelis because: (no reason given)



posted on Sep, 21 2012 @ 06:03 AM
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A new, special kind of store just opened up in a Manhatten shopping center. This store sells husbands, yes that's right - women can browse men from floors of choices.

Actually, there are 6 floors of men, and with an increase in the floor level bringing an positive attributes... a nifty setup - with a catch. As you open the door to any floor, you may choose a man from that floor but if you go up, you cannot go back down except to exit the building. Interesting, right?

So a young woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"

The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 7,548,652 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor only exists as proof that women are impossible to please.



posted on Sep, 21 2012 @ 06:12 AM
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I'm assuming this is now a LAD thread? If so, I'll keep posting LAD things! I'll start with this:






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