For whatever reason, I decided to find some Islamic jokes. I stumbled upon the website Islamcan. www.islamcan.com...
themselves, they write:
IslamCan.com started out as a small site back in October 2001. Since then, it has grown to become one of the most visited
Islamic sites on the net. The developers of the site adhere to the teachings of the Quran and Sunnah. We do not belong to any particular sect and
simply like to call ourselves Muslims.
It looked legitimate to me, so I checked their joke page. They have 12 jokes, many, if not most, of
which are old jokes told with "Imam" replacing "priest," etc.
I would like to give you three of their jokes that seem to be truly Islamic.
An old woman came to the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) and
said: "O Messenger of Allah, pray to Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala) that I will enter Paradise." He said jokingly, "O Mother of So-and-so, no old
women will enter Paradise." The old woman went away crying, so the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) said, "Tell her that she will not enter
Paradise as an old woman, for Allah (subhanahu wa ta`ala) says: (We have created [their Companions] of special creation, and made them virgin-pure
[and undefiled]) (Qur'an 56:35-36)." Reported by al-Tirmidhi, it is hasan because of the existence of corroborating reports.
True Incident: The incident took place in South Asia. A man was offering salah in his house. He was praying as fast as he could as many of us do. All
of a sudden, he heard the door behind him open. Since, someone entered the room, he started making his ruku and sujud longer. Upon completion of the
salah, he looked back to see who it was. To his amazement, it was a dog!
True Incident: A young man in a village refused to believe that Allah has total control of everything. He claimed that Allah cannot make him eat food
if he didn't want to eat. To prove his point, he decided to stay hungry for a day and see if Allah can make him eat. His mother tried her best to
stop this foolishness but he paid no attention. Annoyed of his mother in the evening, he decided to climb a tree and isolate himself there. Being
compassionate, his mother decided to leave the food under the tree incase her son finally gives up and wants to eat. When the night fell, a group of
robbers were passing by that tree. They noticed a plate of delicious food placed under the tree. They looked at each other in amazement and thought
that someone must be playing a trick on them. May be someone is trying to poison them with good food. They looked around to see if there was anyone
nearby and noticed the young man on top of the tree. The robbers got him down and told him to eat the food to see if it is poisoned. But the young man
refused to eat as he is still carrying on his challenge against Allah. The robbers became suspicious and started beating the young man to eat. He gave
up and started eating. Seeing that the food was not poisoned, the robbers left him and went away. Finally, the young man admitted that yes, Allah has
total control of everything!
Please tell me which one you like best, and if you have a particular reason, I'd like to know that too.
I have to admit I was inspired, so I wrote a few of my own. They're probably not as funny, but I can't help it.
Ali sat in his tent with his water pipe resting on a pile of dynamite. A friend walked by and, upon seeing the odd arrangement, asked Ali what was
going on. Ali said "They said they need some suicide bongers, didn't they?"
A very young teenage girl was walking back and forth in her village, carrying rocks and stones which made a larger and large pile in the town square.
Soon it was larger than any rock pile the father had ever seen, and he asked his daughter about it. With laughing eyes, and a huge grin, she said
"Daddy, don't you know that 'everybody must get stoned?'" With that, her father killed her. "She knew she shouldn't be listening to Western
music," he muttered as he walked away.
A Catholic, a Muslim, and a Jew walked into a bar. The Catholic ordered Irish Whisky, the Jew ordered sweet, red, wine, and the Muslim ordered . . .
Gunfire dropped the Muslim where he stood as the morality police nodded to themselves. Then they shot the Jew, then the Catholic, then they called in
bulldozers to level the bar. "Can't have any of that going on, can we? they said as they walked away.
But if my jokes don't seem funny, it may be because I'm not following the rules of joking in Islam. Yeah, that's right. Here's a partial
Rules of Joking in Islam
Some people joke too much and it becomes a habit for them. This is the opposite of the serious nature which is the characteristic of the believers.
Joking is a break, a rest from ongoing seriousness and striving; it is a little relaxation for the soul. ‘Umar ibn ‘Abd al-‘Azeez (may Allaah
have mercy on him) said: “Fear joking, for it is folly and generates grudges.”
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do not laugh too much, for laughing too much deadens the heart.” (Saheeh
‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “Whoever laughs too much or jokes too much loses respect, and whoever persists in
doing something will be known for it.”
So beware of joking, for it “causes a person to lose face after he was thought of as respectable, and it brings him humiliation after esteem.”
A man said to Sufyaan ibn ‘Uyaynah (may Allaah be pleased with him), “Joking is not right, it is to be denounced.” He replied, “Rather it is
Sunnah, but only for those who know how to do it and do it at the appropriate time.”
Nowadays, although the ummah needs to increase the love between its individual members and to relieve itself of boredom, it has gone too far with
regard to relaxation, laughter and jokes. This has become a habit which fills their gatherings and wastes their time, so their lives are wasted and
their newspapers are filled with jokes and trivia.
It is conventional wisdom that you can tell a lot about a people by their jokes, songs, art,
I want you to draw your own conclusions, rather than express my own. Of course, I'm an old guy, don't have all that much to live for, so maybe I
could express my opinion. We'll see.