Just broke up w/ boyfriend... How can I cheer up?

Originally posted by Lysergic
and the wolves circle...

Don't know why you grieve over some disrespectful numpty anyway. Get in the fresh air, enjoy the early fall. Have a hair trim, I dunno...What's the point in wallowing in torturing yourself over some berk!

reply to post by blackmetalmist


Have a silly day. Seriously, it will help. Just a day of being a total loon and getting in touch with your inner child. I guarantee by the end of the day you will be skipping (within you rather than in public but you never know) and wondering what all the fuss is about. You kind of get that child like mentality of "what is the fuss about".

Well, it works for me anyway!

your hot as hell,f him,you will be with some one as soon as you want to be.but take your time.

Originally posted by blackmetalmist
I just broke up with boyfriend today over a few things that I found disrespectful on his part. I had told him months ago to stop it but he continued doing it. I refuse to put up with things like that. Im feeling very down and depressed and need to cheer up.

Recommendations anyone ?

There are always two sides to a coin/story. Do you think there are any chances of you and him getting back together? Perhaps after few months? (I have seen this one too many times among many of my friends). Have you truthfully evaluated yourself before evaluating his actions? Sometimes its the ego within us that hurts us more than anything else. If you are true to yourself and ATS about your BF then best thing to do would be cry it out if it helps, regroup the thought process and goals in life, go out and spend time with friends, family and focus on work for a while before attempting another relationship.

You know what, I find sympathy-seeking threads like this rather asinine.

I don't give a rat's &#$ what any of the 'white knight' rejects in this thread say about what I'm going to tell you, because they're lying to you and to theirselves.

You broke up with him. Regardless ot whether or not he really loved you or not, you never loved him, so just stop with the sob story about how you think love doesn't exist.

If you did love him, you wouldn't have broke up with him, period. You don't break up with someone because they aren't changing to what you want them to be. You either love them for who they are or you don't love them at all.

If you did actually love this person, to begin with, then there would never be a question if you should stay with him or not. You would be the one willing to compromise anything to stay with them. I think you have grossly misunderstood what love is. It's not someone else's blind devotion to YOU to make you happy, it's YOUR OWN blind devotion to them. It's selfish, stupid and immature to expect anything in this world to behave how you want it to.

While it may be true that he never loved you either, that's wholly irrelevant. You broke up with him, because deep down you accepted that he wasn't the person you really loved. If you had truly loved this person, nothing he could have done would be able to dissuade your affections. Why? Because you would have loved everything about this person, which you obviously you did not.

Again, this is completely discounting how he feels about you, because if you love someone, how they feel about you does not ultimately matter, because as long as they stay with you, you will NEVER truly know for sure how they feel about you. That's an undeniable truth, and must be taken upon as your complete faith in that person. People are not psychics or mind readers, and everyone is capable of deceit. So your own commital to this person is the only thing you can ever be sure of, and clearly there was no commital if you left him.

So say what you will of me, I do not care one bit. You did not love this person, and you know what? You may not even be capable of loving another person at all, since you haven't even understood all this time what love really is. It's not a selfish endeavor. It's the absolute least selfish emotion you are capable of.

Also I'm not standing up for your ex either. He may not care about you at all, or feel anything. That's still besides the point.

I am incensed that you could claim that 'love doesn't exist' when you don't even know what love is. Alot of Women I've known also do not understand what love is, either. I would be willing to wager that this problem is entirely a cultural phenomenon among people in the West. Selfless devotion is almost alien here.

Anyways, why don't you spend some real long and hard thought on what you're really feeling. It isn't love, because if it was there is nothing that would be able to keep you from that person, regardless if the feeling wasn't mutual, since 'love' is not a feeling wholly dependant on being requited.

Originally posted by blackmetalmist

Originally posted by davethebear
Don't stay in the house and keep thinking about it. If you have made up your mind and you are happy with your decision, then go out and have a meal or a drink with some friends you maybe haven't seen for some time and have a catch up.............

Unfortunately im at work right now, so im trying my hardest to not cry but im on the verge at points. I probably just need to let it out and that should help. I hope. I had forgotten why I dont like being in relationships. Love doesnt exist. Im convinced more than ever.

It does exist; that's why you're feeling this way. That being said, don't do what most insecure people do; jump right back into another relationship. Take some time for yourself. Get a hobby; go hiking. Read a book...I hear the bible is a best seller.

reply to post by blackmetalmist


Well you are smoking hot so you don't have to worry about finding another man but I am sure that is not what is on your mind right now. If you think he is a keepr and will change then try to work it out by talking with him. If you are done with him for good and just need cheering up I would say that spending time with friends and pets would allow you to start to see the brighter side.

Just remember... He is the one that did something you consider disrespectful not you.

To be entirely honest, coming here and asking members for suggestions (or in the case of the ATS male, looking for comments about how sexy/hot/etc. etc. you are??) will only bring out the desperate, internet-porn dependent weirdos like the guy on the first page. There are better suited forums to vent and meet people in similar situations. A pain shared is a pain halved.

With that being said, beings you've already posted, I'll give you some real advice.

(if you want the website I mentioned, PM me and I'll give you the address...this website helped me get over what I wrote below as well)

Your best bet is to go out with your friends and enjoy yourself. I separated from my girlfriend of 7 years about 5-6 months ago. Talk about pain...both physically and emotionally. I chose not to go out with friends as often as I was invited and wallow in my sorrows beating myself up for things I could have done differently in the relationship. These self reflection moments are important but don't over-do it. I did choose to go out with friends a couple of times and those few nights gave me as much progress as sitting at home alone for a few months. I don't know how long you were with this person but going out and proving to yourself that the opposite sex WILL be interested in you is all you'll need to feel better i.e. FLIRTING (don't be stupid and be a whore for a few nights please...). I don't want to sound conceited but even when you know you're a good looking person, after being with someone for so long you tend to lose (or think you lost) that charm and personality to pick up women or in your case, men.

It's still there, just go out and prove it to yourself (again...without sleeping around). Some people live off of rebounds. Personally I think it's disgusting and shameful. Don't degrade your character or lower your standards.

Remember, time heals all wounds. What you do during that time will be associated with the break-up for the rest of your life.

And for the record, I knew this website had it's freaks but wow. This thread has brought them out of the woodwork like $!%^ing cockroaches. Where the hell is pest control??

Originally posted by Still Naive?
To be entirely honest, coming here and asking members for suggestions (or in the case of the ATS male, looking for comments about how sexy/hot/etc. etc. you are??) will only bring out the desperate, internet-porn dependent weirdos like the guy on the first page. There are better suited forums to vent and meet people in similar situations. A pain shared is a pain halved.

With that being said, beings you've already posted, I'll give you some real advice.

(if you want the website I mentioned, PM me and I'll give you the address...this website helped me get over what I wrote below as well)

Your best bet is to go out with your friends and enjoy yourself. I separated from my girlfriend of 7 years about 5-6 months ago. Talk about pain...both physically and emotionally. I chose not to go out with friends as often as I was invited and wallow in my sorrows beating myself up for things I could have done differently in the relationship. These self reflection moments are important but don't over-do it. I did choose to go out with friends a couple of times and those few nights gave me as much progress as sitting at home alone for a few months. I don't know how long you were with this person but going out and proving to yourself that the opposite sex WILL be interested in you is all you'll need to feel better i.e. FLIRTING (don't be stupid and be a whore for a few nights please...). I don't want to sound conceited but even when you know you're a good looking person, after being with someone for so long you tend to lose (or think you lost) that charm and personality to pick up women or in your case, men.

It's still there, just go out and prove it to yourself (again...without sleeping around). Some people live off of rebounds. Personally I think it's disgusting and shameful. Don't degrade your character or lower your standards.

Remember, time heals all wounds. What you do during that time will be associated with the break-up for the rest of your life.

And for the record, I knew this website had it's freaks but wow. This thread has brought them out of the woodwork like $!%^ing cockroaches. Where the hell is pest control??

edit on 18-9-2012 by Still Naive? because: (no reason given)

The reason i posted here was because this is the only place ive come to know a few people and i feel at home. Thats not to say that there are weird characters out there but ive gotten so much good advice both here and PM.
Im not the type of girl that sleeps around or even hangs out. Ill definitely have to spend some time finding myself again. Thanks.

reply to post by blackmetalmist



What exactly did the guy do that was so disrespectful?

Originally posted by EvilSadamClone
reply to post by blackmetalmist

 

What exactly did the guy do that was so disrespectful?

Id rather not get into that because i want this thread to maintain its positive attitude. Im just trying to cheer up as much as I can and maybe help other ATS members that are going through the same thing.

Besides, If i were to post the reason, it would take a very long time to write it all down. Lets just say, I spoke to him yesterday and I'm more determined now than ever that we are simply not at the same place we were when we first started. Thanks.

Originally posted by blackmetalmist
Originally posted by EvilSadamClone
we are simply not at the same place we were when we first started. Thanks.

My wife and I often talk about it during heated moments/arguements and she has been making almost same remarks as you while we were dating (about 8 years) Now we have 2 beautiful children and she still uses this line when we have arguements I've been married 6 years and known her for 15 years.

As strange as it sounds, help someone else out, with something that matters to them, like next time its around a hundred degrees outside (safely) give a bum dollar and a water bottle when they're not even panhandling. Altruism can help you experience the truest kind of Love there is, not just romantic love.

If you're a person of Faith, remember to Love God more than some douchebag man.

Forgive my forwardness but I Love You Sister, as I try to love everyone, I pray for your heart to be strengthened and your mind to be at ease. Love does and will always exist. Be grateful for all that you have; be excited for your newfound freedom from what was likey a destructive relationship. Take confidence in the strength you showed in breaking up with him and trust in your decisions.

When you started in the relationship you were a younger lady. Now a Woman; you ARE wiser and more capable of making the decisions that will help you to be where you want to be and feeling how you want to feel. You already made one good choice (breaking up) now keep making more good ones!!

Also don't try to forget the guy and his disrespect towards you, in it there are lessons you can glean so that in the future you can better avoid being with a guy like that. "that you know the light from the dark" so to speak.

Be Strong, Be Well

reply to post by blackmetalmist


I think you just don't want to face the fact that you just might be wrong in this and could just be being petty.

Oh well, plenty more fish in the sea.

I hate fish.

Go get yourself a lap dance. That always worked for me.

Seriously, whatever you expected out of this relationship was obviously more than he could deliver. That may not be the condemnation of him you might think. Its possible that you are expecting realtionships to be easy....They are not.
I have been married for 14 years and its been work form the beginning. Not because we have a terrible relationship but because it takes work to make them work. My wife an I often joke "you knew I was this way when we got married." its true even if we use it in jest. People do change but outside of serious life changes they rarely change their personality. Dont go into a relationship thinking that it will be easy. Dont look at a potential partner and think you will ever "fix" them. They will be that same person in 20 years just with more milage.

But really do go get that lap dance.....

reply to post by Lysergic

true that. to the OP, do not take these responses to heart. i only read the first couple pages but it was generally filled with mating calls (some more disrespectful than others), love lyrics, other woman saying "you go girl!", and a bit of wisdom. just get your own # together, don't let anyone have power over you that you don't want to, and however things work out for you, you will be fine.

reply to post by blackmetalmist


Watch Downton Abbey !

Have some physical activity, get tired, get sweating, let the brain to release a lot of endorphins, they are very helpful for a troubled mind.
Run in the park. Release all your fury, disappointment and frustration. Run as it's the only thing you can do.
Or go biking, for as long as you can, until you feel your lungs in fire and sweat is flowing on you like rain.
Then take a shower, hot/cold, get a beer and go to sleep. Don't think about anything, let your brain to cool itself.
We have marvelous self-defense mechanisms but it order to have them working, we must let our brain to take care of everything.

Even if now everything looks grey and bad, in a couple of months you'll laugh about it.
Despite of every advice here, it's you who have to cope with the whole situation, so pull yourself together.

Have a star, it'll maybe helpful.

S.

Originally posted by shansen
Have some physical activity, get tired, get sweating, let the brain to release a lot of endorphins, they are very helpful for a troubled mind.
Run in the park. Release all your fury, disappointment and frustration. Run as it's the only thing you can do.
Or go biking, for as long as you can, until you feel your lungs in fire and sweat is flowing on you like rain.
Then take a shower, hot/cold, get a beer and go to sleep. Don't think about anything, let your brain to cool itself.
We have marvelous self-defense mechanisms but it order to have them working, we must let our brain to take care of everything.

Even if now everything looks grey and bad, in a couple of months you'll laugh about it.
Despite of every advice here, it's you who have to cope with the whole situation, so pull yourself together.

Have a star, it'll maybe helpful.

S.

Thanks ! Its positive stuff like this that gets me thinking ill be ok. I havent exercised in a few days cause the weather has been hot , but I think today I will do it. Ill go for a run today now that weather is cooling down over here. Youre right, at the end of the day, Im having to deal with this myself. Im looking at funny videos and trying to laugh.