I have come to conclude that the foundation of love isn't built on trust, or respect, or any of those other things we generally associate with friendship. I think that love is mostly a product of pheromones. It's a genetic fit. Once we find someone who's a good genetic fit, we unconsciously smell their funk, and get the squigglies. Don't get me wrong now! The squigglies are not the whole shebang, but without out it, it's just not love.

Allow me to share some personal experience. Last year I had this girl I dated for 6 months. We didn't make it passed the first hurdle. I'm telling you, from the moment of first eye contact, IT was there. I snuffed her out good and it was what the doctor ordered! Pretty amazing times followed. The first month, we honestly said very little, yet flowed gracefully through experience after experience. What little we said, worked.

Well, then came the talking...OMFG, was she....stupid! I mean, not below average intelligence or anything, but she couldn't seem to critically think anything through. The reasoning she would give was often a one liner, towards things I really wanted to talk about, that were complex. She would just conclude something that made no damned sense to me, and when I would ask her to explain....a blank look. WTF? It drove me absolutely nuts.

Somehow or another, we continued on. I think it was bedtimes Sometimes the funk after a lay is not so good...and sometimes it's good enough to just lie and sweat together in a cuddle without a worry in the world It was always the latter with her

Well come month 5, we were starting to get fed up with each other. It died out, but ended rather harshly. Each misinterpreted the other, and lied to some extent, manipulated, etc, etc....she became incredibly passive aggressive, and started finding friends of mine from high school to have bed times with...so I started cursing her out, and she decided she was somehow in the right to file a restraining order on me when all I was asking for was a definitive answer on if we were done, and who she had slept with while we were still official. Never got it, just got a freaking restraining order. Ouch!!

So that's my all pheromones, nothing else story.

I have had lots of in between dating, but sometimes it's been the complete opposite. I've had girls where we really connect with each other intellectually, and it seems as if we could just jump right into the living-together phase without an issue. Then the close interactions...kissing, bedtimes come...and it's just horrible....not ..gonna ..happen ...

I'm left to conclude that you need a genetic foundation for real love. You need that primal funk. Once you got that, you gotta really get to know the other person to see if there's compatibility. Without both, the love won't last. You might be able to bare each other long enough to have a family, but it won't be too pretty.

Agreements?

Love definitely is a real thing. People can love their father, mother, friends and pet dog. When it comes to love that involves close proximity intimacy and physical contact between a man and woman, then its selfish love. I want the person to be this, i want the person to be that...could be looks, wealth, social status, career, but general a combination of them things. Human beings are selfish in nature, and what i have observed in life and in general they dont exempt or separate love from their selfishness.

Well, your "all pheromones" experience lasted longer than any of mine.

My current personal record for longevity is 3 months. Then I get bored.

But hey, it is what it is.

This topic is very interesting and yes pheromones have a lot to do with which partners we chose however love and compatibility (chemical and mental) are separate entities that together make a relationship. If all three aspects match then hopefully a very good relationship happens if one of the three is weaker then the relationship will probably fail after the initial honeymoon period has subsided and the relationship settles into ordinary routine.

Having been married for many years I can contest to that the pheromones or funk compatibility as you call it can change. Me and my ex spouse where very compatible at the beginning but as the relationship waned I found that their smell became something I could no longer stand (only in terms of being intimate - the person did not smell bad it just didn't match with me anymore). I guess it was the same for them with me... Now I could never imagine being intimate with them for that reason even though we never had any compatibility problems in the intimacy department in general.

I think the bottom line is, all three of these aspects can change independently or together. Whether absent or present at the beginning of a relationship it could change by the time it ends. I personally think body chemistry is only part of the story and not what causes recognition of love, but it does play a part in physical attraction.

Love can be manifest in so many ways why I believe it is separate from all else

much love

I've learned to never force it. If it happens, it happens. Create standards beyond genetic make up.
My potential mate must have heard of Despair, Believer or any other metal band I listen to.
See? You haven't even heard of them.

I will die alone if I have to prove my point! lol, we must share common interests for me to even begin to consider you relationship material, i'm never going to rush a girl into my life on the grounds she's pretty.