Sick and tired of being everyones shoulder to cry on.

I am done, I am just done.

I have put my needs on hold to help friends in crisis, to be their support system and a shoulder to cry on.
Yet when I need someone to talk to no one will extend me the same courtesy
In the same day I had 4 different people come to me because they needed someone to talk to. I was having a rough day myself but two of the four had it much worse of than I did and needed the support while I am pretty much used to dealing with things on my own.
When ever I do feel like I need someone to talk to, which rarely ever happens I get completely and utterly shut down.
Fine, whatever I am used to dealing with my problems on my own, I think I am just more upset that if something seriously happened, I know that no one would be there for me.
So I am done. Apparently all the support I have given to every one else means nothing so why keep giving it. I hate to be this way because I hate to see people hurting but I have to do what I have to do.

reply to post by calstorm


((((((((((calstorm)))))))))))...that's a big warm hug, just for you.

And some sweet treats to perk you up....




Des

reply to post by calstorm


Thats a pretty big lesson to learn unfortunately. Here is the issue, as it was for me, when I had to learn this lesson. Those that come to you to talk are not rocks. You are the rock which they, non rocks, come to. To assume that you, a rock, should be able to go to a non rock to place your head upon their shoulders is incorrect because it does not work like that. Non rocks can not handle the weight of a rock and crumble under it. It is your choice to continue being a rock for them or not but it is elsewhere you need to look for your own rock. Allowing your emotions to get you down when they can not be a rock hurts not only you but the non rocks as well. A mouse can not be a lion and it can not comprehend a lion being a mouse.

All rocks need a rock from time to time agreed so think of your rock and it will become clear as to whom you need to lean on.

Strong people attract energy-sucking weaker people. Some of them appreciate you and some will help you if you reach out to them. Some will just use you.

People are getting more selfish and they know how to depend on others, present themselves as victims, and to suck energy, but not so much how to give it back fairly. Which is why people like you feel overwhelmed. But hang in there. You need to find some kind of gatekeeping function to reduce the number of people dependent on you, but don't give up your strength entirely...society needs people like you more than ever!

You can talk to me anytime you need to......seriously......people like us are unfortunately the flame that attracts the moths of life.

I understand your gripe, I also know that there is a purpose for such a thing in life.

I feel your pain Cal, I too am one of those people that everyone comes to.

Just this week everyday has been "being there" for 2 friends that are getting divorced and when I try to talk about my day, life or whatever......nada.

It just gets turned back to them.

Not trying to sound like witch, these problems have been going on for over a year with both of them so it is not an emergency. It's just that everyweek, sometimes everyday it is something new.

Plus my Mom, hardly ever calls to see how I am the first words are always what's wrong with her, then more about her etc.

Maybe if you are raised by an emotional vampire, you are a beacon to others like that?

We have had an awful year that sent my husband and I into deep depressions...his friends were there for one or two talks..then they are done.

This world has become so selfish, so many toxic people.


Try to put a wall if you can, just a little to protect yourself....recognize that it has to be 2 ways. Sometimes I just make myself unavailable for weeks or month so they lose some of their dependency on me. Then spend a couple hours with them to see if I am getting anything from the relationship, if not make the decision to sever or draw away again.

I know we are torn between being a good person and taking care of ourselves. Life is to short to spend on relationships that are one sided.

Like my step-mom always said when I was growing up "It's better to be alone than in bad company".

Hugs out to you...hope things get better.

reply to post by Destinyone


Thank you, I really appreciate that.

@ Agarta, you are right. That is really great advice. I wasn't really looking at the fact that they might not be able to be supportive.

Thank all so much. I was feeling very discouraged and these replies have have really been encouraging.
I do feel like I seem to attract people who are emotionally draining and I do need to put up more boundaries. However at the same time it is hard for me to walk away from someone I know is hurting, but I am not much help to anyone, including myself, If I am allowing them to drain me to the point I just can't be there for them anymore.

reply to post by calstorm


You are finding out the differances between friends and acquaintances.

There is a big differance that most people just don't understand.

We all deal with unrequited love at some point. Good luck in your life.

reply to post by calstorm


I use to be exactly the same, then I realised these people wanted me to stay exactly the same, not progress, not move forward in my life so I could always be there for them.

They are parasites and they are only using you, they don't want you to develop or change...

Anyway to cut a long story short, I ended up severing my ties, not in a harsh way, just made myself less available over time. This really upset some of them, some even confronted me about it revealing their true colours, I don't miss them .
Others didn't seem to notice, or took the phasing out of me from their lives really well, and when we see each other on the street we say hi and run through the formalities I even agree to going out for a drink with them, with no intention of really doing so .

Sounds to me you are ready to do the same you, it's a good thing honestly, it takes strength to move on and leave people behind who want you to stay where you are and essentially just use you as a sounding board.

Good luck .

Yes, the internet is getting a little too personal.

oh, wrong thread

I hear ya. Ive had to stop talking to quite a few people over this crap

I know exactly what you mean. I've had to deal with this many times in the past. Those people are never going to be there for you in return. Find real friends.

I learned this the hard way last year- again (I apparently didn't learn from previous mistakes in this area). I had a 'friend' who constantly called, only to quickly devolve the conversation into her many self-inflicted issues. She was very persistent in pursuing the friendship, and I eventually gave in (I'm not the most social of people). So, I tried to be there for her, giving her advice (which she always found a way to reject) and hanging out with her (which usually became about supporting her through her constant emotional distress). She got divorced, moved away, and I attempted to continue the friendship. The last time I called her, I was having a bad day and felt like I was the one who needed the shoulder to lean on that day, only to be told to never call her again.

My wife is exactly the same, she has dozens of 'friends' who phone when they need someone to talk to. She has only a few who she can talk to about herself. The worst in when she continues to help out people who are having a hard time even though it is obvious they are taking the ****. She has way too much heart

Due to having friends who took the **** out of me and my family behind my back when I was younger, I do not have this problem, people DO NOT leech off me for long. You will also be an aquaintence for a long time before you become a 'friend', I do not have many 'friends' and nor do I need them.

Emotional vampires. They come in many forms... they take but never give. I've cut all people like this out of my life. It isn't mean, it is sanity.

If they have no one to feed off, they have to turn inside, and ultimately, this is the best thing for them, because they start to grow. Look for people with the same strength as you, because when (if) they need help, then you know you'll get the same in return should that ever be required.

Love n hugs through the interweb

x