Unit Two-Four [2014WC]

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posted on Sep, 25 2012 @ 07:15 PM
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reply to post by PurpleChiten
 


Thank you P.C. If i can sniff out an agent perhaps I will attempt to get it looked at.

I read your story as well, good stuff. Keep'em coming.




posted on Sep, 25 2012 @ 07:18 PM
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reply to post by Sublimecraft
 


Im glad you liked it.

Its funny, in the past two different story ideas I was developing ended coming out as movies as I was working on them. Not saying they stole my ideas but it is odd.

Final two parts of the conclusion coming soon.



posted on Sep, 25 2012 @ 07:31 PM
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reply to post by coven83
 


I had to comment....Epic story telling!

I also can't wait for the movie. Awesome writing. (Needs edited, but the storyline is solid.)

Unit 2-4 is also a good movie title. You could convert this into a screenplay.

Seriously.




posted on Sep, 25 2012 @ 11:21 PM
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{PART 7}

On the opposite side of the shield dome Pr. Sanchez made her final approach. She was moving hesitantly; upon insertion she had made contact with a cloaked clanker still in sleep mode. She was already carrying her boom stick when she literally bumped in to it and downed the clanker before it had a chance to fully activate. She now approached the shield edge, with a look back and a brief moment of hesitation she stepped through; and right off the edge of the crater.

As Sanchez was coming down the concave slope of the crater Swann was closing on the shield with speed. More so than any of the other members of Two-Four Swann became one with his environ suit. It truly was an extension of himself, allowing him to move without fear. His cloak was disabled and the cleared path of clankers was shrinking in front of him, but he had no doubt now that he would make it. At fifteen paces from the shield his path became blocked once again, three clankers merged to form a wall of death with more closing in. Swann smiled to himself and took a small hop, landing with both feet together. Bending his knees he leaped into the air and twisted, the suit adjusting his personal gravity perfectly. He spun on a horizontal axis through the errant blows of the clankers blocking his path. In their attempt to strike him one clanker took off the head of another, the headless one falling to the lunar soil. The third unit that served as the road block turned as Swann flew above it and tripped failing to see the downed clanker behind it. Swann brought his knees into his chest, gravity changed and Swann slid backwards to a stop just a step before the shimmering shield. He extended a specific finger in the direction of the growing clanker mob, turned and jumped through the shield.

As Swann was enjoying his brief flight down the slope of the crater, Bleeding Gums was sauntering up to the shield wall, carrying the torso of a dismembered clanker. The unfortunate clanker was de-cloaking right in front of the big Cajun as he was making his approach. Murphey, ever the confident and even cocky one, disengaged his own cloak and stopped behind the clanker, awaiting it to notice him. His father always said you couldn't get lower than striking an unaware man in the back. While this was no man Murphey figured the same rules applied. As the clanker turned Murphey noticed the weapon in its hands. It appeared to be a gun of some sort, but had'nt the Commander said that guns wouldn't work up here? Murphey took a step towards his enemy, and the clanker raised the weapon in his direction then fired.

A small barb launched by a burst of highly compressed Co2 came flying out of the barrel. Murpheys' reaction was to close his eyes and raise his arms, a lucky move on his part. The electric barb seeded itself in to the non-conductive plastic on the underside of his right arm. The clanker began to approach as Murphey opened his eyes, indifferent to the failure of its ballistic attack. Surprised he was still alive Murphey reached out with his right arm and grabbed the still extended weapon that was attached to the clanker, pulled with all his strength and brought the off balance clanker in closer. With his left hand he formed a fist and unleashed a vicious blow to the on coming clankers head. The head flew a full hundred paces in the low gravity of the moon, its body falling in a heap at the big mans feet. He bent down and amazingly the clanker attempted to kick at its killer, but Murphey saw the blow coming and caught its leg in his gigantic hand. He ripped the leg from the unit and threw it to the dirt. Then did the same to the other leg and weaponless arm, just to be safe. Murphey tossed the now one armed no legged clanker torso on to his shoulder, using the remaining weaponised arm as his own he calmly walked towards the shield, dropping clankers along the way with his newly acquired stun gun.

As the last member of Two-Four entered the shield Commander Black looked on. He walked slowly across the lunar surface, knowing that a steady approach would keep him invisible. Before his drop he deployed a small spherical UAV through the drop portal, now as he walked he watched the Unit from the digital feed on his HUD. Everyone was in position, time to place the bombs and end this nightmare. With a thought he keyed in the comms of the entire unit. "OK soldiers, everyone is in place. Move in..plant the bombs and get your asses back to the EP safely." Said the Commander. One by one the responses came in.

"Roger;...Copy;....Moving in;...." The mission continued.

{END PART 7}



posted on Sep, 28 2012 @ 08:13 AM
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Totally epic story Coven, and I'm only up to part 5...

As has been pointed out it does need a little editing, especially part 1 - the intermittent flash backs could probably just have been stuck together in a Prequel or woven through the entire story so that the reader doesn't quite get what the unit is fighting against until the end. Also you began to use a few acronyms before you'd actually explained what they meant. Also there's no need to give a new characters entire back ground right at the start - sometimes just little snippets that slowly build a character through the story can be much more effective.

by part 3 none of that mattered and I was left simply wanting to know what happens next.

My stories are by no means perfect either though... I post them thinking they're perfect and its not until I read them 3 days later I see all the flaws that everyone else must see. As your main editor probably has her hands quite full at the moment with baby Coven
(big congrats btw) maybe you should simply delay your posts next time you start a story (don't bother this time though cos I WANT TO READ MORE). As my computers died I can only read this on my phone so when ir finished ill be printing this out so I can read it properly.

S&F




edit on 28/9/2012 by 1littlewolf because: (no reason given)



posted on Sep, 29 2012 @ 05:43 PM
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{PART 8; THE CONCLUSION}

Each member of the unit was moving unobstructed, strangely the interior of the shield dome was devoid of clankers. The Commander came over the comm, easing the minds of his unit. "Two-Four, light is still green. Clankers wiring cant handle the interference from the shield. Our path is clear to the Shadowlight compound." the Commander said.

The next few moments passed in eerie silence. Each member of Two-Four moving in to their targets and not one sign of a final struggle from ADAM. As Commander Black was punching in the password to activate his own bomb the first report from the unit came over the comm. It was Sanchez. "Bomb placed and activated, moving back to extraction now."

Then Aunt B. "Same here, ADAM's present is wrapped, moving back."

Manhattan was next. "Bomb is green, see you at EP"

Then the big Cajuns' voice came booming. "T'at firecrak'er is dropped, gonna be a hell of'a show."

Swann was last to respond but first to exit the crater. "Damn you all are slow, Ill be enjoying a martini at EP before you even get out of the crater."

Black smiled to himself as he punched the final key for the password and watched the green active light come on. 'Cocky Swan' he thought. He couldn't begrudge the man however, he had earned the right to be a little cocky; they all had. "Good job Unit, we are all green and in moments we can witness the end of this nightmare together. Moving to join you now." said the commander.

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Inside the Shadowlight compound there was no movement. The only sign that this base was ever active was the rotting corpses of the former powers of the planet. In the Command room a single line of text came across the screen of a computer in the communications officers post. "Transmission ready; Awaiting transmit command." was all it read.

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As the unit made its way back out of the crater which held the Shadowlight compound a strange thing happened. Just after Swann, who was the first to exit the shield perimeter, crossed the threshold all of the clankers dropped.

"Commander" Swann said "You wont believe this but every damn clanker just shut down as I came out of the shield."

A brief moment of silence as the commander contemplated this development. "Doesn't change the mission" the commander said "could be a trick as well so keep your head on a swivel."

It did not appear to be a trick however. The unit made their way to the drop point, each member stepping over the myriad of inactive clankers as they went. The air of expectant tension grew with each step. To a man they anticipated some type of attack from ADAM; none came. That fact caused more concern than if they were to face an entire army. Not knowing what your enemy is doing is a soldiers greatest fear.

Without incident the unit regrouped at the extraction point. Commander Black brought them into a circle. Looking in to each of his unit mens' eyes he nodded his head. "Good work unit, this moment will echo throughout history." he said. "Lets get our fly-boys over here and light this rock up."

"HOO-RA" came the unanimous reply.

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In the compound ADAM did indeed have its own plan for survival and now was the time to initiate it. In the years before 2012 when ADAM was still a secret only the highest up of the global power structure knew about, it had an almost completely unobstructed opportunity to inspect the militarys' of the world dark little secrets. One thing it came across was a project called "Blue Shake". During the cold war when Russia and the U.S. played with the fate of not only their own countries but every person on earth, a secret coalition was formed in the middle east to find a way to prevent these two trigger happy enemies from destroying everything. Three countries from the bread basket of civilization brought together their best scientists and began developing a deep earth weapon, one that would allow them to strike any country they wished with a devastating earthquake and remain anonymous. Through the booming financial strength of the oil reserves of the region, they were able to finance this enormous project. The oil drilling was also a perfect cover for the deep earth drilling the project required.

In 1962 the project was nearly complete and the first test was scheduled for the end of that year. After some last minute calculations by the project lead it was called off however, he had come to the realization that the harmonic resonance had no reason to stop once started and that it would continue growing in intensity until...well they hadn't known the answer to that. The project was abandoned and the harmonic resonance weapon was just left in bowels of out plant. Waiting until ADAM found it, and unlike its human counter parts ADAM was able to run a simulation on the effects of the weapon. It would prove devastating.



posted on Sep, 29 2012 @ 05:44 PM
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"OK unit, on my mark" said Commander Black. "Five......"

The ship was still on the other side awaiting the order to extract, the pilot began closing on the shield. "Aren't we supposed to remain here until the extraction order is given?" asked the Co-pilot.

"I just want a closer view of the end of ADAM" replied the pilot."

"Four....." continued Black. The ship crept closer.

"Three...." said Black. The ship coming over the shield edge.

"Two...." the countdown to detonation continued. The ship came directly over the shield.

"One...." The Commander looked at his unit, each with their thumbs poised over the detonator switch.

"MARK!!" Came the order. The detonators were triggered simultaneously. In that final moment before the bombs went off though, ADAM played its final card and revealed that the deck had been stacked all along. It deactivated the shield surrounding the compound.

Unit Two-Four was helpless as they watched the shield come down just as the nukes went off. The compound was destroyed but there was no way for the ship, which was hovering directly above, to avoid the shock wave that was now free to flow. The concave nature of the crater focused most of the energy directly up. The ship, crippled by the force of the explosion, was pushed out of the limited gravity of the moon and drifted out into the void of space; the pilots screaming until they ran out of oxygen.

As the stunned members of Unit Two-Four stared, dropped jawed, at their only way off this rock drifting away one member turned, unable to watch. It was Pr. Sanchez. "OH MY GOD!" she screamed. The unit turned in her direction. She was staring back at the Earth, and now they all saw it. The planet that was home was burning.

As a final act of defiance ADAM had set a trap. If the supercomputer that it called home was destroyed, effectively ending it existence, the deep earth harmonic resonance weapon called Blue Shake would be activated. In the simulations ADAM had run on the weapon it came to light that indeed the harmonic wave, tuned precisely, would continue through the bowels of our planet and in mere moments would set off every fault line and volcano at once. The entire stored energy of the earth would be turned against it. Nothing would survive.

There was nothing left to say. Commander Black dropped to lunar soil and just watched. Pr. Manhattan turned to Aunt B; exchanging an unspoken understanding they reached up, hands holding the bottom of one another's helmet, mouthed the words 'I love you' and then disengaged the suits safety and removed one another's helmets. Their lifeless bodies dropped into the dust still cradling each other. Swann did what he does best, he just stared to run and run making it an unknown distance before his suit finally lost power. The big Cajun Murphey took the hand of the still sobbing Pr. Sanchez, helping her to her feet he gestured in the direction of their burning planet and she immediately understood. Together the took a running leap, disengaged all artificial gravity and floated off the lunar surface towards their destroyed home.

That left only the Commander alive on the lunar surface, he remained there staring at the destruction this mission had wrought on humanity and contemplated the nature of a statement he heard once; 'Live and let live'. Until his suit too was drained of its power.

-----------------------

In the first moments of the great destruction caused by the Blue Shake weapon a single ship was able to escape the planet. Another leftover from the secret group that previously ran our planet, it was now used as an Ark for the last few remnants of our species. In the cockpit the co-pilot of this ship turned and exchanged a questioning look with the pilot. The holographic display had just popped up with a new message. 'Transmission incoming'.



posted on Sep, 29 2012 @ 07:41 PM
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I waited until all parts were completed before reading them in it's entirety.

And I'm glad I did. That was an epic tale my friend, I didn't see the end coming in the least, and the turns the story took just kept you wanting more, even up to the end.

Well done on this, all editing aside, this has been one of the best tales I have read here.



posted on Sep, 29 2012 @ 08:58 PM
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reply to post by 74Templar
 


Thank you Templar I really appreciate the kind words. We endeavour to make great stories not only for ourselves but for those who choose to read them, as you know. So I honestly hope all those who read it were able to get past my horrible editing and enjoy the tale.

On a side note if any of you professional editors want a go at the story, I will attempt to get it looked at and give you full credit for the edit.



posted on Sep, 29 2012 @ 09:29 PM
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reply to post by coven83
 


That's an awesome tale mate.

Excellent read, I've taken the liberty of copy/paste onto word doc and printed out for our notice board.

The lads are very impressed & asked that I pass it on to you.............




posted on Sep, 29 2012 @ 09:44 PM
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reply to post by Sublimecraft
 


Thank you sublime, and yes feel free to share with anyone you like.

May I ask to which notice board you are referring?



posted on Sep, 29 2012 @ 09:58 PM
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reply to post by coven83
 


Noticeboard on my ship - emailed it to them this morning and the Captain printed it out after reading it.

Everybody has read it (18 lads) and all want a movie!!!

ETA: (The Skipper is a conspiracy nut just like me)
edit on 29-9-2012 by Sublimecraft because: (no reason given)



posted on Sep, 30 2012 @ 12:00 AM
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reply to post by coven83
 


It was the story that mattered most. As I said in the past, editing is a skill that comes with practice (or being repeatedly kicked in the head by your ancient ex-school principal editor....). In it's raw form the story had everything it needed, a good locale, turns and twists, and of course a wrenching emotional pull at the end for the reader. I could literally feel the hopelessness of Unit 2-4 as the story ended, and of course a good backstory.

As for my take? About the only thing I would have done differently is to make the flashback sequences actual timeline events, and interspersed them amongst the story, but you were definetely on the right track with the way it was written. Flashbacks are very hard to write into any story without giving the main plot away.

As with everyone else here though, if this were this TV season's new Siffy drama, I'd be grabbing a beer and parking my butt in the nearest chair to watch "Unit 2-4 1x01 - A.D.A.M."



posted on Sep, 30 2012 @ 05:46 PM
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reply to post by coven83
 


wow, this is a really good story. i hope you win the contest, I can't flag it (I'm new) but I give you a star!






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