Convince Us Why Marriage is Worthwhile

We live in a hierarchical world. It has been created this way, This is why you can not win over Evolution, or Darwinism.

So as part of that compartmentalization, everything must be defined. This is why marriage exist. It is in many ways just a product of culture. I also believe it is one that enabled great bondage over man kind currently.

It is something sponsored by the Church and State! This is all you really need to know. These are bad people

After 21 years of marriage (I was 24, she was 18) we are still in love and very happy.

Not religious at all, we wanted to get married to celebrate our love with all our families & friends.

Did not have kids (now have 2) until 15 years into the marriage.

I believe that marriage is worthwhile (for some at least) but do it for the right reasons (not religion, status or law) just do it because you love the person and wish to spend the rest of your life with them as a ‘married couple’

Ask me any questions you want…….

Mickierocksman

While people love each other and families are happy, the formality of marriage is really not that important. It is when things go wrong that marriage becomes important, because it's legal implications are there to protect not only one or both, but the children they produce.

Without the legal bindings of marriage, just imagine what would happen to kids, when one or both parents become selfish, unstable or violent. What about your life assets that both have contributed to? Who, but the legal system is going to protect you if one parent decides to take everything and run for the hills, or threaten or attack you or your children?

I am not saying that it is a perfect system by any means, but there has to be culpability when assets or children are involved, because we all have rights, and they need to be enforceable when things go wrong.

I have always seen marriage as something may or may not be a good idea depending on who and when. One thing that always strikes me is: let's say a couple gets married in their early 20s. Logic makes me ask this question: HOW do you know you are going to really want to be together for the rest of your lives? Ultimately I think it's silly to assume that neither of you will change enough to drift apart from the other. You may actually be together for the rest of your lives - BUT YOU MAY NOT BE TOO! And there is nothing wrong with that! But the very concept of marriage is "forever" which is just not going to happen for everyone.

Everyone grows up expecting this to happen, and all marriages are cheered. "Oh you're getting married? Wonderful!" No one ever mentions the idea that a couple may not want to be together anymore in 10 or 20 years. What's WRONG with that? Yes, I realize that there can sometimes be a trend to mistake simple or even deeper problems in a marriage for a reason for divorce when actually a marriage requires work and adjustment - in other words, you don't give up at the first sign that the honeymoon is over.

But on the other hand, I think not one single solitary person is prepared to be able to distinguish the time at which the relationship no longer serves them and they SHOULD be exiting. No one is taught this growing up, and they should be. But no one will because the consensus REMAINS that everyone should be able to find a lifelong partner.

Of those under 50% of marriages that do NOT end in divorce, about half of THOSE ones SHOULD. So it really does paint a relatively pathetic picture of marriage in this day and age. I know a few couples that have been together forever, and are wonderful to behold. But I know TONS who should have gotten divorced years ago, and that to me, is sad.

I think part of the problem is that when you're in love with someone, especially in the honeymoon period, you simply can't imagine that you would ever not want to be with this person. Logically you might know it's possible, but logic is absolutely suspended - often long enough to make life changing, somewhat permanent decisions that will affect the rest of your life.

I think this society needs to think about what truly constitutes relationships. I think this society needs to expand its notion of what a relationship or a marriage is, could be, should be, etc. Yes, it's possible to find a partner for life. But it is simply not a guarantee. If people would just KNOW this, a lot of people out there would be a lot happier.

And while I'm ranting, WHY is everyone still having children when we are at 7 billion? That's another thing that needs to be thought about and promulgated in society in general. Everyone talks about recyling and their carbon footprint, but I'm talking about some people choosing not to have children, or having only one because it is a responsible thing to do.

Originally posted by UB2120
Marriage is society’s mechanism designed to regulate and control those many human relations which arise out of the physical fact of bisexuality. As such an institution, marriage functions in two directions:

1. In the regulation of personal sex relations.
2. In the regulation of descent, inheritance, succession, and social order, this being its older and original function.

Marriage — mating — grows out of bisexuality. Marriage is man’s reactional adjustment to such bisexuality, while the family life is the sum total resulting from all such evolutionary and adaptative adjustments. Marriage is enduring; it is not inherent in biologic evolution, but it is the basis of all social evolution and is therefore certain of continued existence in some form. Marriage has given mankind the home, and the home is the crowning glory of the whole long and arduous evolutionary struggle.

Marriage is the institutional response of the social organism to the ever-present biologic tension of man’s unremitting urge to reproduction — self-propagation. Mating is universally natural, and as society evolved from the simple to the complex, there was a corresponding evolution of the mating mores, the genesis of the marital institution. Wherever social evolution has progressed to the stage at which mores are generated, marriage will be found as an evolving institution.

There always have been and always will be two distinct realms of marriage: the mores, the laws regulating the external aspects of mating, and the otherwise secret and personal relations of men and women. Always has the individual been rebellious against the sex regulations imposed by society; and this is the reason for this agelong sex problem: Self-maintenance is individual but is carried on by the group; self-perpetuation is social but is secured by individual impulse.

Marriage has been many times in jeopardy, and the marriage mores have drawn heavily on both property and religion for support; but the real influence which forever safeguards marriage and the resultant family is the simple and innate biologic fact that men and women positively will not live without each other, be they the most primitive savages or the most cultured mortals.

Some of that makes a lot of sense to me. Not all of it. I think the evolution of humans could easily continue without marriage, and in fact that presently, marriage as it's practiced is far too limiting emotionally, mentally, spiritually and ultimately, socially. Our sexual, emotional and physical identifies are not allowed any freedom to expand and grow. Originally, marriage facilitated this growth, now it inhibits it.

Originally posted by axslinger
I don't believe the government needs to be involved in marriage and I don't believe in "marriage licenses", however I do believe in the sacred bond and commitment between two people to be recognized by God in church.

Furthermore, I think people who "don't believe in marriage", simply want an easy way out. You can cheat, lie and do as you please because "you're not married". It's an easy out.

People will sign a half-million dollar contract to purchase a home yet they won't enter into a formal commitment with the one they love? Really? In other words, material goods are more important and hold more value than your significant other. If two people both have that line of thought then they deserve each other.

That's a very biased view of people who "don't believe in marriage." You seem to be equating marriage with morals and decency, and therefore non-belief or non-desire to be married as immoral and value-less.

I will never get married. I will stay with the one I love, and I will continue not to have any need for marriage.

Originally posted by Realtruth
*Before anyone reads the contents of this thread can we please check our ego’s at the door, since this particular discussion will be for mature ATS members only. The thread is not intended to bash people (men or women) that intend to get married, are married, or have been married, but to look at how, why and what marriage has become, because it appears to be suffering greatly these days.

If marriage were a test result on a final exam it would receive an “F” without a second thought.

It’s seems that the institution of marriage is suffering great blows these days, since the national average is well above 50%, and as high as 75% in some areas of the USA for the divorce rate. What’s actually even scarier is the fact that we would have better odds at Craps in Vegas, than if someone decides to get married.

For many many years marriage has been a union that has been held in high regard by many societies as the foundation to start a family, but today marriage is often discarded like a half-eaten fast food burger.

What is going on these days and is marriage even worthwhile?

Since birth we are indoctrinated to think that we must, or should get married, so when people don’t get married there is a stigma that there is something wrong with them. For men it’s possibly they are gay, for women it is they are not somehow marriage material these fact alone are utterly ridiculous, but they are re-enforced because of years of handed down brainwashing.

The point of marriage is supposed to be that a couple intends to spend the rest of their lives together, but the question should be, Why can’t these same people live together without the throws of religious and legal contracts?

There will be a wide degree of answer for this topic, none will be consider right, nor wrong just different so please take a few minutes before you respond to someone's post.

Peace,

RT

32 years ringing each others bells, so it seems I don't understand your point.

I suppose it may come down to a lack of morals in our society, and more importantly an inability of people to live up to a commitment. For the new generation, it seems they are unable to live up to thier word.

The way I was raised, if I broke my word, the punishment was defined by the wronged.

I have pages I could write, but it seems that today it's cumming at all cost and damn the consequences.

At the end of the day, the time-out generation just couldn't care less one way or the other.

And that should teach all the psyco "therapists" that they were dead wrong and look at the consequences. You can see it all across society; they have caused this country HUGE damage.

A stern hand and very effectual conversation is the answer. Unfortunately, the dopers won't be gone for another 20 years, and we will continue to pay the price.

reply to post by Yosemite Sam


Sorry, beyond that, My wife is my soul mate, and we will be together "until death do us part". I don't pretend to know what the answer is. We met in the AF and married in 4-5 weeks. Sorry, I'm not the date tracker person. What I do know Is I saw a very strong girl and among other things, that was it for me.

Why is marriage worthwhile? Well, it has been the most wonderful ride down lifes highway. I have been so fortunate to share it with my best friend. Without her, I'd just have soon taken a right. Worthwhile is all about all the intangibles. The kids, the pets, home.......she has added more to my life in 35 years then I could possibly repay in several lifetimes.

I iunderstand your insecurity in asking the question, and I am sorry you haven't found that person yet, but trust me, it IS out there. Don't give up. Dreams are made every day.

reply to post by Yosemite Sam


I'll hush.

Originally posted by HermitShip

Originally posted by Realtruth

Originally posted by hotel1
Its because they know were on to their little scam

hotel,

Although you may feel this way I think it's only fair to not take a shotgun approach, and place all females in a single category.

I would appreciate that this remain a non-hostile topic, even though I personally understand marriage is a passionate and emotional topic for many folks that have been down a rocky road.

Your input is greatly appreciated though.

Im not sure I want to get involved much in this conversation, but cant hep myself any longer.

What I take a problem with is placing females into a single category. Males as well.

Maybe it is where I live. Im not sure. I have traveled the World as well, so have a good cross section of Humanity to observe.

But how can you say that, when its true. There may be pockets of Women out there, but I see the same thing I see in the housing industry. Cookies cutters.

I need no one saying that I hate Women, or all of that BS, and that I am bashing, or any other fallacy of logic designed to cut Men off from expressing themselves in this regard. I see that alot by Women. Any form of criticism, constructive or not, is automatically attacked from a very vicious emotional fem fatal, as being anti feminine, and sexist. This tactic cuts off any real communication of problems between the sexes. This "defensive" mindset. It is actually very harmful, because it establishes in the minds of the young, that one particular sex can do no harm, or wrong, and in fact, has been the center of abuse for ages. I see this "group think" not just in the sexes, but races as well. I wont open that can of worms here, but it is very evident.

Men no longer have an opionion, or perspective in these regards. Any perspective is automatically sexist.

I think more Men are looking for other Men as well. Men have had enough with Women as a group, and are moving towards their own sex for intimacy, understanding, etc. Men are turning towards the Bi, and gay lifestyles, as if it were going out of style. Which it might be.

There is a very strong undercurrent of resentment and hate towards Women by many Men. It is happening for a reason, which is not what Women will tell you, because they are perfect of course, and have no character flaws.

You can flame all you want ladies, but the truth is self evident. We are running away from your arms in droves for reasons you know, not just because "its in the air, or the water". Duh.

So the reasons why marriages are not working out, start long before marriage, and even long before a Man or Women even desires to get married. The problems actually stem from childhood, as a collective problem in our Society.

The way we were all raised. The BS we saw in all of our own families. The lies. The hypocrisy. The faking. The empty words.

That is the problem. Humans. Humans have major problems within their own selves today. Hence, Humans look to the "external" to be filled. To have love. Etc. Instead of looking within.

Woman have become Men, and Men have become Women in our Society. The roles that is, and sometimes even as far as the physical manifestation of those roles and reversals.

We are at the most critical point and juncture of our species. Right now. Deep down everyone knows it, but still rejects it.

Until that time as Humanity finds itself, these problems will only continue, and get worse.

I see many things taking place in the future, and one of those things is a War between Man and Woman. A real War, not just the mental, emotional, power play war, that has been going on here since the 60s.

A real bloody War is coming. It will be a fight over children, over each other, over individuals, over selves. Etc.

Both sexes have had enough, and when all other things in life finally get Biblical, and Earth encompassing, which is appears to be doing right now, the sexes as well will turn on each other, and attempt to wipe each other off the face of the planet.

The only thing that has prevented that from taking place already is the perpetuation of the Human race, to manually conceive and bear children.

That process is no longer needed to produce children. So, seeing each other as obsolete, and full of hate for each other, the sexes have nothing left in without holding their hatred for each other to fully come to a head.

Mark my words, a horrific War between the sexes is coming. I dont know when, how, or any other details, but I do know its coming.

This is a very strong post and it suggests to me that we see things in a simmilar light. Im not sure if your right about the war of the sexes becoming a war in the classicly understood meaning, but you may well be.

So with most of the comments it appears that we need to come to the conclusion ourselves that marriage is worthwhile.

Many marriages from my personal perspective are entered into purely on ideals, instead of reasonable common goals. Unfortunately we can't live on Love and ideals alone, so having two people that are committed to making things work at home, work and play are very important keys.

It doesn't matter what people decide to coin their commitment these days, because any two people that can look past their ego's, narcissism, and fears to make a relationship work are a rare breed.

Thanks for all of your posts, especially the people in healthy committed relationships.

Originally posted by thebtheb

I think the evolution of humans could easily continue without marriage, and in fact that presently, marriage as it's practiced is far too limiting emotionally, mentally, spiritually and ultimately, socially. Our sexual, emotional and physical identifies are not allowed any freedom to expand and grow. Originally, marriage facilitated this growth, now it inhibits it.

I have to disagree.

I married my wife on the basis that no one else could possibly be more able to help me expand and grow sexually, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, etc. It was in our vows:

"I promise to be conscious of how I treat you,
To support your growth as a person and your pursuit to reach your optimum self,
I promise to be your strength in your need and
Vulnerable to you in my own, and most of all
Your companion always in the search for enlightenment"

Our vows reflect how we continue to approach all facets of our relationship. It is phenomenal. We've been together 10 years, married for 5, we have two girls (3 &1) whom we've raised with no family around (all live far away) and few friends to help (though we are forever grateful to those that can and do help!). I won't lie - raising the kids has put a strain on other aspects of our relationship (sexual) but that is already past - we addressed the issue as a team and things in that department are now better than ever (hip hip hooray!!!).

Anyways, marriage most definitely does not have to stifle your growth and indeed can be an outstanding medium for growth. I know mine has been.

As to the questions in the OP. The societal, legal, formal, cultural, etc. aspects to marriage are, to me, the least important. The important part about "marriage" is completely independent of "legal marriage". It can easily be had with or without legally binding marriage. For us, we got married for the legal benefits it provides and for the celebration (easily could have done it without "legal marriage"). We had a great mutual friend get ordained online, and had only immediate family at our ceremony and it became very symbolic for both us. Emotions crescendo-ed during the ceremony, we both felt an insane energetic connection through our torso, and it took on great meaning for both us - but that had nothing to do with the legality of it. The ceremony - the marriage itself - was the vehicle, but it was the invisible connection between us that was the meat of it all. Pretty spectacular really.

But I also am certain that if there are 'higher planes' or souls or spirits or whatever, that my wife and I are connected in the beyond. So I may be a hyper "lucky" and rare case when it comes to my relationship. But nonetheless - marriage most certainly can be good!!!

Cheers!

All marriage is, is a way for someone else to legal screw you over and destroy everything you spent your life building. If you want to be married do it in the heart and stay away from the legality of doing it.

Originally posted by KeliOnyx
All marriage is, is a way for someone else to legal screw you over and destroy everything you spent your life building.

That's what pre-nups are for.

I look at marriage two ways. First, it's a legal and a social thing. The licence being legal and the ceremony being social. Or religious. Everyone knows this. It's a no-brainer.

Second, but most important, it can also be a way for two people who truly do love each other to prove to everyone else, on a social and legal level, that the love really is there, and because you're willing to go that extra mile of proving it on a social level, that it's deeper then the legalities and social status it brings. It makes sense to me because after the papers are signed and the honeymoon is over, THAT'S when the marriage/relationship really kicks in. When the only people left that you have to answer to is each other

So there you have two ways of looking at it. A marriage ceremony proves to your peers that you're both in love, and staying together for the rest of your lives proves to you both that you're in love. And at the end of the day, the two people in that couple are the most important one's in all of this. Laws change, friends come and go and you may even joke around about things like this. That's life. But real love doesn't budge. It's tougher than all that.

Both viewpoints are equally important, especially if you want to be a full time participant in this society. If that sort of thing isn't really important to YOU, then neither is the marriage. But if the ceremony and the legalities are important to your better half, then you MAKE it important to you. Or more precisely, the mutual love between you both makes it important to you. If it doesn't, you're not in love. You're just in a comfort zone of your own making. It's that simple.

After all, that's what love is supposed to do. It allows you to bend in ways you thought you never could. It changes your mind, it changes your heart and it changes you for the better.

So there you go..........OP........are you convinced? Consider this a chess game. I've moved my pawns around as much as I can and I just put the King on the front line....................................Your move.

youtu.be...

Originally posted by Taupin Desciple

Second, but most important, it can also be a way for two people who truly do love each other to prove to everyone else, on a social and legal level, that the love really is there, and because you're willing to go that extra mile of proving it on a social level, that it's deeper then the legalities and social status it brings. It makes sense to me because after the papers are signed and the honeymoon is over, THAT'S when the marriage/relationship really kicks in. When the only people left that you have to answer to is each other

So there you have two ways of looking at it. A marriage ceremony proves to your peers that you're both in love, and staying together for the rest of your lives proves to you both that you're in love. And at the end of the day, the two people in that couple are the most important one's in all of this. Laws change, friends come and go and you may even joke around about things like this. That's life. But real love doesn't budge. It's tougher than all that.

I appreciate your input, but I would have to disagree with this philosophy, because getting married to prove anything to peers is the major issue I see with our society today, it has become a production, like a Hollywood stage.

If two people love each other and are committed they should not have to prove it to anyone outside their union, only themselves, because in the end that is the only ones holding the union together, not a single day, a piece of paper, a ceremony, or a piece of metal on each persons finger.

IMO

Originally posted by Realtruth

Originally posted by Taupin Desciple

Second, but most important, it can also be a way for two people who truly do love each other to prove to everyone else, on a social and legal level, that the love really is there, and because you're willing to go that extra mile of proving it on a social level, that it's deeper then the legalities and social status it brings. It makes sense to me because after the papers are signed and the honeymoon is over, THAT'S when the marriage/relationship really kicks in. When the only people left that you have to answer to is each other

So there you have two ways of looking at it. A marriage ceremony proves to your peers that you're both in love, and staying together for the rest of your lives proves to you both that you're in love. And at the end of the day, the two people in that couple are the most important one's in all of this. Laws change, friends come and go and you may even joke around about things like this. That's life. But real love doesn't budge. It's tougher than all that.

I appreciate your input, but I would have to disagree with this philosophy, because getting married to prove anything to peers is the major issue I see with our society today, it has become a production, like a Hollywood stage.

If two people love each other and are committed they should not have to prove it to anyone outside their union, only themselves, because in the end that is the only ones holding the union together, not a single day, a piece of paper, a ceremony, or a piece of metal on each persons finger.

IMO

edit on 30-9-2012 by Realtruth because: (no reason given)

I disagree with it as well. But.......if one of the people getting married see it as very important, the other person needs to bend a bit I think. If you ask a couple who's has been married for 30 years what the most important part of the marriage was, they're more likely to say something like the birth of their first child or grandchild then their marriage ceremony. Sure, it was nice at the time and it was a good time had by all that made for good memories, but within the marriages that last, people come to realize that it wasn't of great importance. Not when you stack it up against everything else you go through in life.

I understand that people put TOO much stock in it sometimes, but if you see it for what it is and stay focused on the more important things in a marriage, I don't see anything wrong with it.

today.msnbc.msn.com...

From the article:

“You are the master of your words until they are spoken,” a Marriage Master of 65 years pointed out. “Then they become the master of you ... so choose your words carefully.”

youtu.be...

I'm in my late 40's. I am the youngest of a family of five. I have 3 older sisters. They have all marched down the isle 3 times a peice. None worked out. They are now on their 4th relationships. These ones are working. I think a person would be wise to wait till later in life till one knows what one really wants and whats important to them. I myself have never been married. Nor did I have children. I don't believe a person needs a license or to get married to be in a commited relationship period. I don't think a person should be getting married just to have children either. Have a child if you want a child. Get married when your all grown up. We all change so much during the growing up period.

reply to post by FreshAirGirl


Fresh that is some fresh input.

Having children is not something to take lightly, in fact I think as long as someone is very loving, compassionate and willing to dedicate there life for, and to a child then they will be a great parent.

Having a child = Selflessness. In our self-centered world these days children seem to come second, or even raise themselves.

One loving parent is better than 2 absent parents.

Its not necessary and on the same token it doesnt matter if two people get married. The same thing results they are in a bond through good and bad.

reply to post by AthlonSavage


I view marriage much like I do homosexual sex.

Not for me but I don't care if you indulge... JUST DON'T INVITE ME!!!