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3. Because Julia needs to get off her lazy, federally subsidized butt, get a real job, and pay for her own damned birth-control pills.
34. Because the Small Business Administration estimates the price of current regulations at $1.75 trillion annually — a bigger burden than the corporate income tax.
51. Because Nicholas Thompson, the vice president of polling firm The Tarrance Group, while discussing public views of Obama, said that “there’s a lot of people who feel sorry for him.” We should help them out.
62. Because Americans deserve the opportunity to see which White House pet will ride atop the Romney presidential limousine.
63. So you’ll be able to criticize the president again without being called a racist.
78. The fact that the stimulus spent $9.38 million to renovate a train depot that has been closed for 30 years.
92. Because he demonizes Wall Street bankers.
93. Except his first chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel of Wasserstein Perella.
94. And his successor, Bill Daley of JP Morgan.
95. And his successor, Jacob Lew of Citigroup.
168. Firing Obama would make wedding registries safe again.
185. The average annual deficit: $1.3 trillion. Revenues from repealing Bush tax cuts for the rich: about $40 billion. Math is hard.
199. Because the average American works until July 15 to pay off the cost of government.
243. Because Fisker Automotive is offshoring (Mitt can explain) its manufacturing to Finland after Obama “invested” our money in it.
277. The Obama DOJ does not consider putting a GPS tracker on your car a “search.” The Supreme Court disagrees, 9–0.
293. “In America, there’s a failure to appreciate Europe’s leading role in the world,” said the alleged leader of the free world.
359. Canada today seems well governed in comparison.
363. We’ll get to watch Ed Schultz go crazy. Crazier. Whatever.
379. Because then maybe the Dalai Lama won’t have to leave the White House by a back door, next to piled-up garbage.
425. When a drone crashed in Iran: “We’ve asked for it back. We’ll see how the Iranians respond.”
484. Because Thomas Edison must be avenged.
510. One day after telling debt-ceiling-negotiation participants to “leave our political rhetoric at the door,” Obama says at a town hall that Republicans are treating the debt ceiling as “a gun against the heads of the American people to extract tax breaks for corporate-jet owners.”
537. 392 speeches in 2009.
538. 491 speeches in 2010.
539. Thinking his mistake was failure “to tell a story to the American people.”
583. If he could have “any superpower” it would be to speak a foreign language.
584. Because the vaunted intellectual speaks fewer foreign languages than George W. Bush.
612. So Olympic gold medalist Gabby Douglas can once again enjoy an Egg McMuffin in peace.
653. We don’t need a “civilian national-security force.”
675. He throws like a girl.
59. “Let me be perfectly clear.”
691 Michelle Obama's 26 Servants Cost Taxpayers $1.75 Million A Year ...
(That averages out to $67307.69 per person). So generous she truly is someone else's money).
Let's make her Queen!