Looking for a fork in the road., page 1

Originally posted by CrikeyMagnet
Well, here's some fun. I'm 13 or so years into a career of telling other people how to fix things in their software. Money is tighter than ever, and the pace is always faster. New tech, new approaches... New developers, and usually just myself (1)vs. them (6-ish). One grows tired of being always on.

There's the family, the house, the two cars, and all... And a growing mountain of debt that threatens every single facet of this. So, how can a person even think of a change at a time like this? How can I dream that there's something else out there that I could do with all of my away from home time? Worse than that, it's not even focused! How can I be what I want to be when I grow up, if I don't even know what I want to be?

I need help figuring out where I need to be, because nearly 40 years of life, and nearly 15 years of a "successful" career is getting me nowhere but down. How can I change?

Dear CrikeyMagnet,

It is 4:30 in the morning and I have the day off, I woke up by accident and decided to check ATS for any interesting news. As I was checking, your thread popped up. I put 40 years in to work and am just now getting ready to retire. I read your OP and remembered when I was younger and in the first third of my career, I was fighting them all and winning and yet, there was always the chance I would lose, that is meaningful career. Our careers are demonstrations of us, they are the mark we make. We can be accountants, clerks, manual laborers or software developers and how we go about our business is what makes us ourselves.

Congratulations on your efforts, we never know the results until long after we have made them. I don't know what you thought success meant. Perhaps you thought it meant money, it doesn't, I have made a lot of money, got divorced and lost it all. It means little, the money is not what you remember, it is the relationships and how we have conducted ourselves that matters.

Who you want to be is the issue and you define that every second when you are working, not by how much you make but by the difference you make in other people's lives and that includes your family, they are part of your career, they live with it also.

In reading your words, I felt your frustration. I send you a hug and warm wishes. Life is tough and we question everything at times. I see someone questioning their career choice, those can be unchosen and rechosen. Bigger question is how are you approaching your career and your life? What are you aiming for, what do you want out of it all? Don't worry about the outcome as much as you worry about the journey.

For what it is worth, at age 43 I managed to promote to the top of my career ladder. I was the youngest person to achieve this that I know of. By age 50, I had lost all of my elders and half of my friends, they just died. My wife left me for another man and I also lost my house, my BMW and my Benz. LOL. Meaningless things. We do not control the outcome. But what a journey it has been. I have met billionaires and homeless people. I have changed industries and hammered my body from work. I look before me and say, now what do I want to do in two years when I retire. What do I want to be, same question as you ask.

The problem you face is not answered by your question, that is a daily question. Who do you want to be today? When you are sitting in a room with these other five or six people, who do you want to be? Be the you that you want to be and don't worry about the outcome. It is your life, it is not about money, it is not about fame and it is not about power, it is about you and you matter and so does your family. Get through the day, kiss your kids, hug your wife and power through it. Make each day meaningful, touch the lives of everyone you meet or at least as best you can, that is our lives.

Ask yourself what type of person you want to be and then be that person, the rest wont matter and you will truly succeed. Best wishes.