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Looking for a fork in the road.

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posted on Sep, 4 2012 @ 06:28 AM
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Well, here's some fun. I'm 13 or so years into a career of telling other people how to fix things in their software. Money is tighter than ever, and the pace is always faster. New tech, new approaches... New developers, and usually just myself (1)vs. them (6-ish). One grows tired of being always on.

There's the family, the house, the two cars, and all... And a growing mountain of debt that threatens every single facet of this. So, how can a person even think of a change at a time like this? How can I dream that there's something else out there that I could do with all of my away from home time? Worse than that, it's not even focused! How can I be what I want to be when I grow up, if I don't even know what I want to be?

I need help figuring out where I need to be, because nearly 40 years of life, and nearly 15 years of a "successful" career is getting me nowhere but down. How can I change?




posted on Sep, 4 2012 @ 06:32 AM
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I have no advice but know that you are not alone.



posted on Sep, 4 2012 @ 07:03 AM
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reply to post by freemarketsocialist
 


That does help, oddly.

We need a club.



posted on Sep, 4 2012 @ 07:05 AM
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reply to post by CrikeyMagnet
 


It is your thoughts that create your reality but like all of us, you believe reality creates your thoughts. It is like learning to ride a bicycle when they say "Just balance" and it is up to you to translate that into pedaling, steeriing and not falling over. What we struggle with, is up to us and in many ways we are all alone but we always seem to manage by not giving up despite uncountable failures. What is important in your life and what can fall through the cracks without real loss? The universe rewards courage and pushes us to ever greater complexity. Putting your level best effort into anything, will get results and often they surprise completely. Live in such a way that you're not afraid to face yourself in the mirror because you know you are giving what you have got. I always say that our mission is to grow our aura, help others and create love, forever. Not being sure of what to do, is normal for every life and a sign that change/growth is in the making. I always sleep on it and often wake up with the answer from who knows where. We are here to learn through struggle and by shouldering this willingly, it becomes lighter and the humor in life emerges, in almost everything. All is well and always will be.



posted on Sep, 4 2012 @ 07:25 AM
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Originally posted by CrikeyMagnet
Well, here's some fun. I'm 13 or so years into a career of telling other people how to fix things in their software. Money is tighter than ever, and the pace is always faster. New tech, new approaches... New developers, and usually just myself (1)vs. them (6-ish). One grows tired of being always on.

There's the family, the house, the two cars, and all... And a growing mountain of debt that threatens every single facet of this. So, how can a person even think of a change at a time like this? How can I dream that there's something else out there that I could do with all of my away from home time? Worse than that, it's not even focused! How can I be what I want to be when I grow up, if I don't even know what I want to be?

I need help figuring out where I need to be, because nearly 40 years of life, and nearly 15 years of a "successful" career is getting me nowhere but down. How can I change?


Dear CrikeyMagnet,

It is 4:30 in the morning and I have the day off, I woke up by accident and decided to check ATS for any interesting news. As I was checking, your thread popped up. I put 40 years in to work and am just now getting ready to retire. I read your OP and remembered when I was younger and in the first third of my career, I was fighting them all and winning and yet, there was always the chance I would lose, that is meaningful career. Our careers are demonstrations of us, they are the mark we make. We can be accountants, clerks, manual laborers or software developers and how we go about our business is what makes us ourselves.

Congratulations on your efforts, we never know the results until long after we have made them. I don't know what you thought success meant. Perhaps you thought it meant money, it doesn't, I have made a lot of money, got divorced and lost it all. It means little, the money is not what you remember, it is the relationships and how we have conducted ourselves that matters.

Who you want to be is the issue and you define that every second when you are working, not by how much you make but by the difference you make in other people's lives and that includes your family, they are part of your career, they live with it also.

In reading your words, I felt your frustration. I send you a hug and warm wishes. Life is tough and we question everything at times. I see someone questioning their career choice, those can be unchosen and rechosen. Bigger question is how are you approaching your career and your life? What are you aiming for, what do you want out of it all? Don't worry about the outcome as much as you worry about the journey.

For what it is worth, at age 43 I managed to promote to the top of my career ladder. I was the youngest person to achieve this that I know of. By age 50, I had lost all of my elders and half of my friends, they just died. My wife left me for another man and I also lost my house, my BMW and my Benz. LOL. Meaningless things. We do not control the outcome. But what a journey it has been. I have met billionaires and homeless people. I have changed industries and hammered my body from work. I look before me and say, now what do I want to do in two years when I retire. What do I want to be, same question as you ask.

The problem you face is not answered by your question, that is a daily question. Who do you want to be today? When you are sitting in a room with these other five or six people, who do you want to be? Be the you that you want to be and don't worry about the outcome. It is your life, it is not about money, it is not about fame and it is not about power, it is about you and you matter and so does your family. Get through the day, kiss your kids, hug your wife and power through it. Make each day meaningful, touch the lives of everyone you meet or at least as best you can, that is our lives.

Ask yourself what type of person you want to be and then be that person, the rest wont matter and you will truly succeed. Best wishes.



posted on Sep, 4 2012 @ 07:49 AM
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I was going to just pots a picture of a fork on the road, but your words speak volumes to me buddy so i'll leave out the whitty childish crap.

I'm young my self and have just under another life time of mine to reach your age, but I feel like the existance I have now will be something that will be with me for ever, I see no chances of great changes to the circumstances I'm in. I live from month to month on a wage that barley gets me through the month.

I have noticed that it isnt the wage I get thats the problem, the problem is the price of everything and how much I get Taxed or taken away for my National Insurance. I'm on a low wage of £14,800 a year, after tax and NI I come out, at the end of the year with around £10,900. Thats a whole heap taken away for many things I do not use or agree with. Anyway I'm derailign youre thread and I don't want that to happen, just understand that the majority of people are in the exact same position.

I would finish by saying just keep persuing happnies and maybe you will prevail and 'succeed' in your chosen career, but hey - The picutre been painted by our leaders makes me say buckle up and get ready for a umpoy ride, its only going to get worse



posted on Sep, 4 2012 @ 07:55 AM
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reply to post by AQuestion
 


I am voting this as the best answer given to any question ever posted on ATS. True wisdom has been spoken here. Thank you for your honest and heart-felt reply.



posted on Sep, 4 2012 @ 08:01 AM
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reply to post by nobody you know
 


Dear by nobody you know,

Hugs. I think I always fail, but, I always try.



posted on Sep, 4 2012 @ 08:02 AM
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reply to post by AQuestion
 


that was #ing brilliant. thanks



posted on Sep, 4 2012 @ 02:04 PM
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reply to post by AQuestion
 


Thanks for that. In a lot of ways, I believe I am being the person I want to be. I'm known as good at what I do, and get along with all levels of the organization. When I go home, I am home. Work does not follow. I've been the guy telling others what to do, and I've been the guy rewiring control boxes, and I've been the guy grabbing 15 minutes of sleep in a conference room on day 2 of a three-day software deployment (come to work on Friday Morning, and leave Sunday night). My major motivation, through most of this was the desire to know enough about every topic to be dangerous. (I think that helps with Software testing, and that part of my personality does not turn off. I take things apart in my spare time to figure out how they work... or why they don't.)

Honestly, one would think software testing would be the perfect spot for me. It's constantly changing, requires deep analysis of expected behaviours, personal interactions, and the complexities of system interconnections. You have to think on your feet. Naturally, whenever I grow weary of the need to think on my feet, I yearn for the days of driving forklifts, crawling around in 40' high racks and counting inventory.

I know I can't make big changes without impact... but I'd like to find a way to figure out what change I need, then make it... without divorce, unintentional job loss, or collection of life insurance.
Yes. It's a lot to ask at a time when I should be happy to be employed. (Having spent 6 months unemployed fairly recently, I can say with much certainty that I am very happy to be employed, by the way...)





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