I need a miracle, I need some life changing advice. American with Russian GF.

oo boy, talk about going at the end of your comfort zone. I guess this is where my ego death occurs, if by some chance, I pull off a miracle.

First off, I wasn't looking for a relationship, To be very honest with you I didn't expect any of this. I met her through spiritual groups on facebook, and we've been talking for quite a few months. We became friends, and found we had alot in common. A very intelligent woman, who loves nature as much as I do. I normally do not go for long distance relationships , in fact, this was the first time I ever tried anything like this. But there was something about her I found benevolent. Normally I could pick up peoples intentions like the back of my hand, especially negative one's. It happens every time I met someone, I could sense the mask, but yet could also sense their good side, though most of the time people keep this hidden. However with her, I did not sense any of this, this if the first time a girl made me feel safe, and I allowed my guards to drop.

Early this month, we acknowledged feelings towards each other, where a few events took place, but due to privacy I will leave that out, but the end result was her making a choice to be with me. Now, this took me by surprise, however as much as my heart resisited many women the past 7 years (I avoided relationships like a plague, I prefered world of warcraft to be honest than to have a gf lmao, im not kidding... 2 failed relationships filled with drama, sparked this of me, however, I guess when the heart decides on something, the heart eventually overrides the mind.

When it was over, I found myself inside a relationship with her. Well... I don't really like the label "relationship" so as me and her agreed on, we're just loving partners :p. without the label. The love we have is also unconditional we just happen to share it with eachother.

Now, as to my dilema and my realization after the dust settled. I am 30 years old, with no money, no bank accounts. I owe close to 4k in student loans, I havent even payed for my credit card which an agency has been calling my house to get me to pay which i never due since I have no job.

The only thing I have working for me is

2 Years worth of university level English major (non graduate)
I am writing a novel
Photoshop skills, (visual art/photoedits/Design (art) websites.)
Keen to psychology (self taught/read books)
No criminal record



I read the requirements for visa's in the U.S and it seems they are... extremely difficult to get. Same vice versa in russia.

System blockages (visa) (U.S side)

You need to have 8,000 in the bank.
have met least once the past 2 years

Plus quite a few trips to moscow for paper work. And back to the U.S.


Total cost: probably around 15k


System blockages (visa) (Russia side)

yea um... I wont even say what that is, but its worse than the U.S.



So, im actually thinking about another option, which is to meet in ecuador. (place seems much easier to live) however, I still have to atleast gather close to 9k. Good news is, Ecuador needs teachers who teach english, who atleast have a few years of college. hmm.. guess what I have

However, I still want to have faith I can pull off meeting her in U.S soil, I need a miracle guys,

I live in puerto rico btw, unfortunately, on the country side of the island, where getting a job is extremely difficult. Did I mention I don't have a car? I do love her though, And she does mean alot to me, she helped awaken my heart. So I guess I gotta do what I gotta do.

I need a comeback lmao!

Your situation in and of it self seems like reason enough to avoid pursuing this relationship.

Get yourself straightened out before you try to import a GF, who honestly maybe using you to come here.

I maybe cynical though, my Best Friend, met this wonderful women from Ireland , she was awesome all his friends liked her ( Me not so much) . As soon as they where married and settled (she came over, they dated for a year), they went through the process of getting her citizenship.

AS soon as she had everything settled she kicked my friend to the curb, turns out she was just in a really really #ty situation, my friend was her way out and she took it, he bank rolled every step of the process to get her over.

So really just be cautious.

reply to post by benrl


Naw she is not like that. Based on our conversations we have everyday she doesnt want to be in neither russian soil nor U.S soil. She sees past the veil and knows the banking system is what controls most of the world. It was her idea to go somewhere else, and be together. She knows my situation very well. She even went as far as to say she would gladly live in a tent as long as we are together. Her dreams is to help build communicates based on spirituality, and also help build them with free energy.

So ecuador seems to be the ideal place to go. (since both russians and U.S are welcomed there). Her university level credentials would make it easy for her to get a job in ecuador. She actually has more than one diploma. And to be honest, for me, looking at how the U.S is basicaly a sinking ship, it seems there's no better time to bail out.

However, I need to find a way to gather enough $. She is already ahead of me working full time in russia, while... im still a step behind lmao.

reply to post by benrl


I disagree. Maybe this relationship is the catalyst and source of motivation he needs to get his life going (no offense OP).

I'm not trying to sound naive, and trust me, naive is not one of my traits.. but love finds a way. Love is the ultimate trip, it's probably the reason we're all here. If you have a chance at it, do what you have to do to give it a shot. And if it doesn't work out, well at least it was a journey in the process. And at least it'll get your head out of the whole WOW thing for a while.

I wish moving to Russia wasn't filled with so many bureaucratic obstacles. It's a fascinating place. I used to want to go to college there.

reply to post by RisenAngel77


Well than by all means, follow your heart.

I met my wife when I was 19 and she was 18, we both worked crappy jobs part time, barley making 100 a week each.

Now we are 31 and 30, and we just closed on a home in Oregon (im moving tomorrow).

No one knows what the future holds, if your willing to make the effort anything is possible.

I wish you the best of luck.

ETA.

My wife and I also have looked at property in Ecuador (one of her friends lives there, moved after HS) as a possible retirement location, seems to be very ex-pat friendly.

reply to post by RisenAngel77


Warning: A number of these seemingly innocent encounters with Russian women online that develop into long-distance relationships are a scam.

You may not think it's a scam, but, probabilities when it comes to coincidentally finding the love of your life online, and that person also claiming to be from Russia, likelihood is that you're in for a ride and at the end, you'll find nothing but failure and disappointment.

It doesn't matter if you don't have money. You're an easy mark, and if there's anything to motivate a man to find money, it's a girl.

You may want to read some info in the following links as a precaution:
Online Safety and Your New Russian Woman
Russian Bride Scams

Hopefully, none of such is the case with your girl, but, it doesn't hurt to do some research and look for the classical warning signs.

Я желаю Вам лучше всего удачу!

I have a few things to say.

I think that you should focus on improving your life before pursuing a girlfriend, make sure you have some income, a place of your own, a car, internet access, a cell phone, and some hobbies and friends are good too.

A lot of people our age do gaming still, and you don't need to be as super rich as in the past, but a steady job and a place of your own and a car are good.

I have a college education, but am living with my parents looking for work. The economy is hard. I have a car. I am going to either move into my own place in town and get a job here within the next two months, or move in with a friend who just bought a house over in Idaho.

At the moment, if I was going to look for a girlfriend, I would have to look for one in a similar situation to me - one that is living with her parents and / or just starting out in life - for it to work the best.

I found one yesterday who is a few minor steps ahead of me, but she is okay with this.

It might lead to me getting more motivated to move out of my parents' house and get a job, although I have been pretty motivated already, it always helps to have someone else to move forward with.

----------

I can see how your living situation could make you turn to online dating in order to find love. If you want to, I suggest moving to Ecuador in order to teach English and see if she wants to move with you - I will warn you, though, one of my rules is to NEVER move somewhere JUST for a girl. If things go south, you will be completely isolated.

If it isn't going to work out, continue the online relationship but also work on improving your life. I would recommend using Skype, they are also coming out with this Skype sex toy for the Wii.

Are you kidding? What about a few dates with the girl next door?

Don't go into more debt for a project like this.

I'll say this first and i mean no disrespect to your gf but make sure she isn't only into you for a VISA to get into the US. I have seen this happen quite a few times to really nice guys who thought this Russian chick wanted them but all they wanted was to be in the US. Once the minimal time passed for her to be allowed to stay she divorced him. I know of 3 guys this happened to...all Russian chicks and I know one who had a Philippino woman do the same. They just wanted the piece of paper to stay here.

Just make sure there aren't ulterior motives...

Now as far as your job, you can get a job teaching English in Russia. Russia is one of places on every list I looked at for teaching English overseas. I was looking to teach in France, my favorite place.

I'd start looking into teaching in Russia, that way you can see her on her own grounds and how she acts. You wont be there permanent but long enough to get to know each other better than just via internet. I would just take things slow to make sure. You don't want to have another drama filled relationship, just be careful and good luck.

Not that you have a bad life, but better it first.

Do it for yourself first and foremost. Being destined to be together is one thing, but with the financial and legal obstacles you have to face, you need to be realistic about them. It's sad, but sometimes money and legalities can trump love. Be one of the few who can overcome that. It's something I'm working on myself.

Even if she turns out to be scamming you, and I'm not saying she is, you still had bettered your life in the process.

The best way to make sure that she's not using you is to find the least expensive way for you two to meet IRL and agree that you will both split the cost of everything.

I hope everything works out for you.

I suggest you research how such relationships end.
Hint: They want to get to the US and then rob you via the divorce process.
Even if you have no material wealth, she will have gained what she wanted most--not you--the US.

Get serious and run. She knows your weakness and will capitalize on it and you will find yourself doing stupid acts such as sending her money when you let your own expense slide.

Of course, you won't heed these words, you've probably had on-line sex with her the promise of the real stuff coming later. Consider why she isn't pulling her own strings in this affair but seems to be relying upon you for making things happen.

reply to post by 4DuecesWild


Thats the agreement.

As to those saying she is scaming me she is not. Not everything turns out to be scams and having been fooled by people in the past, I have developed a keen eye and abilities to know when someone is lying. . We did not meet through a dating site. We met through facebook, spiritual groups. And she was not looking for a relationship at the time either. It just happened, we were friends first.

trust me, I also studied body language and we speak on skype video chat every chance we get. And I seen nothing but genuine feelings from her. Her mom knows about me, though she is not in agreement with the Union and she lets me know this through the arguements she has with her daughter.

If she was after a visa only, she would only insist on coming to the U.S. And she made it clear she didn't want to be part of neither U.S or Russian territory. The U.S territory was my idea, her idea was meeting in a place where no visa is required and unite enough $ to live there together.


Also, what we have been thinking in doing is both volunteering to projects in Ecuador, since that also seems like the cheapest way to see eachother, and help people in ecuador in the process. I see no scam here. She knows im basicaly stuck atm, im in zero mode. If she was after something else other than love, she would see no hope.

Instead she is being extremely optimistic, and has faith that we will meet. What do we plan to do? Live away from the system.

We both recognize the ship is sinking and neither of us wants to be on it when it finally does.


Ecuador would actually be what I need, to get back my life together, since its basically a starting over from zero in a new country.


anywhom, what I ask is for advice on how I can get out of the stuckness I am in.





Oh btw, neither of us wants to get married either, because we both do not believe in labels.

Something else to consider as a cost-free way of testing if the girl is legitimate:

Create a different online profile. Pretend you're from the UK, Australia, or any other country where you speak the language. If you know Spanish, your false identity can be from Spain for instance.

Make friends with her under this new online personality, and try to start making a relationship.
At the same time, continue your relationship under your real identity.
Make your fake identity just a little bit better than you, but not too much. Pretend you have a decent mid-level job doing something you know something about so when you talk about it you sound like you know what you are talking about. Pretend you own your own house, but nothing big, just a small 2 bedroom cottage.

Be friendly with the fake profile but never ever make moves to advance the relationship. Leave that to her. If she makes moves to try advancing the relationship with your fake identity, then, you can be certain that she's not at all serious about your real identity.

At that time, it's best just to block the girl and move on. Attempting to confront her or causing drama isn't going to effect her at all because, to her, if she is a scammer, it's just a job and it isn't going to mean anything at all to her.

If girl does not make advances with fake identity, then she's just being friendly in corresponding.

I have quite a few Russian friends, and all of them are extremely nice people, surprisingly well educated in the classical tradition, sociable and all together wonderful people.

Thus, hopefully, all is well with this girl and there's nothing to worry about.

Best of luck to you and much happiness.

reply to post by Druscilla



No need, she already passed the tests my ego placed in front of her subconciously. You are talking to someone who has true malice. I trust her more than I do my own mother, lol and that is saying alot. as I said in my previous post, she does not want to get married to anyone. She does not want the label. And neither do I.

Also, what better test than the one being done by fate? In my stuckness, I am basicaly a deadbeat. A scammer would have moved on by now. ^_-. If she was after scaming people, she would not waste time on me due to the uncertainty of my future. Instead she motivates me to stay positive, and have faith.


So my stuckness in life is actually a blessing in disguise.

Ever read the story of the frog prince? Thats a nice metaphor

reply to post by sonofonehunlo


been there done that, not judging all the girls in this island, but 99% of the women in this island are not awaken to the reality of this world, and I honestly cannot stand the feminist mindset and manipulative attitudes. I vowed never to date those types of women again. (In fact, i came close to becoming asexual because of them) Not judging them, its simply chemistry. My mindset will not allow me to be with someone who is egotistical. I've been through too much drama to go through that again.


I know when a woman is legit with her feelings or simply wearing a mask. And I am goooooooooood at unmasking people. . I talk to women every day, I am friends with alot of women, but what I looked for I only found it in one. And she happens to be living in Russia. Someone with a caring heart.

heres some advice... dump her and get a real girlfriend. someone local.

If it were my daughter, I would strongly object to this unequal relationship going any further than online. I would ask her why with her degrees she is wanting to take up with someone who dropped out of college and didn`t get the job done. That is a huge deal in terms of what the picture looks like beyond the horizon and says much about him. (Is he merely an idealist who rationalizes everything and tries to make it look rosy, maybe even passing the buck onto God and saying He will provide?) The two are not matched in terms of accomplishments and responsibility and income. I would stongly urge her to not pursue this any further, unless of course Mother Russia wants it to come about...

Sorry to be blunt. Not trying to be hurtful, but rather honest. You have not yet "launched" whereas she has. It is not an equal partnership.

Originally posted by RisenAngel77

 

Wow this just reminds me of dating site scammers

.. Not saying your girl is but be very careful with your money. You may not see it again and the same with her..If she starts asking for money to come to you,get the hell out of there brother...

edit on 31-8-2012 by DarknStormy because: (no reason given)