Can You Love Someone Who is NOT Physically Attractive To You?

Originally posted by nixie_nox
reply to post by DeepImpactX

 

You can also form deep relationships to have the person dissappear on you.

Yeah, that is a tough one to handle. I guess you just have to keep yourself from getting too emotional about someone you can't see in real life. Otherwise, you're just falling for a persona and that can't be healthy.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you fall in love with who they are, on the inside, the outside doesn't seem to matter any more. Physical attributes fade with time, both the good and the bad and sometimes change entirely. What may be a very attractive 20-something can be a very unattractive 40-something. Some "bloom" later and grow into something quite beautiful.

I say don't let the physical be your determining factor, let the inner beauty shine through (or lack thereof).


of course you may throw the physical aside and take the chance there is more to it, then things fall apart and you look back at old pictures and ask "What the heck was I thinking?!?!!".

Love is a gamble regardless of the path you take.

Originally posted by nixie_nox
reply to post by SaturnFX

 

Agree 100%.

My husband has been described as shockingly handsome. If he was fit, he could model. But he is very bipolar and maybe slightely autistic and a terrible person to deal with. I still love him, but there is no physical attraction.

One thing I will say about online relationships is that they have changed teh way people meet each other. But I went and researched what happens once people meet. Couples that have been dating online for years even, have finally met in person and have both been like: meh. And went on to be friends

Nature designed humans to breed like the rest of the animal kingdom. There is a chemistry going on that we are not concious of, and sometimes pheremones simply don't mix.

True
But
If you do connect well in person, chemistry lets say, then you also are comforted in the many aspects shared together also.
Also, it depends on how you meet...going to say, a dating website, well, thats not sharing any interest. However, if you met through some mutual hobbies..some game you both play or the like, then you can start sharing proper interests like that...basically, if the format isn't meant to be dating, but an actual discussion, hobby, etc..then that is a lot more favorable than a liars contest.

I have never had a bad meeting of people I talked to online beforehand. I am sure some have. Maybe I am just lucky..but then again, I am single, so maybe not so much.

Well, I'm gonna keep it real here: If you mean love in a romantic sense...I don't really know. They would have to be very charismatic depending on what they looked like. We are all attracted to different things. Now, I know it's possible to find love when you are unattractive (not saying you are) as I am most certainly not a pantie-dropper (so always keep hope). I will say, I don't know if I could have sex with someone I found ugly. Yes, that makes me sound vain, but it is what it is. I've always been pretty open with my own husband concerning that. I'm pretty stern about "not letting myself go" because I am sure there will be a point in that downward spiral where my husband wouldn't find me attractive anymore. I'm actually overweight, have a lot of acne scarring and a crazy eye. My husband still finds me attractive for some reason. I always try though.

Of course, I might get knocked for that, but physical needs are not somehow less important than other needs. A lot of people get in trouble with this in relationships. While you can't base a romantic relationship entirely on physical aspects you can't just pretend it doesn't matter at all. I can't tell you how many people I know who live in sexless marriages where they don't even try anymore.

As for love in general, of course you can love someone you are not physically attracted to.

When you are in love, you begin to minimize the other person's flaws and even imagine them as having some hidden strengths where they are actually quite weak. If they are sexy, you begin to see them as smart. If they are smart, you begin to find them sexually irresistible. Gold-diggers get a far worse reputation than they deserve, because there are rose-colored glasses that cloud every person's vision at some point.

As a man, imagine you hook up with a lady because you found her to be unspeakably hot. It turns out after the initial encounter that, even though she's an exotic dancer, that she's a sweet, giving person who is a joy to be around and who really does see the best within each person. Because you are beginning to love her, you try to tell your friends that she is actually quite intelligent "in her own way," and although she knows nothing about your field of expertise she is learning quickly, and would have mastered your field years ago if only someone had been their to teach her... like you're doing now....

I have personally experienced the opposite, and found it to be incredibly intoxicating. There was a female who was not physically outstanding to me or most other men by any means. She and I were rivals in the work place, and debating with her as a verbal sparring partner brought out the very best in me as a a public speaker. Her brain worked incredibly fast, and she always had a brilliant and funny response for any argument you could make. Many co-workers noticed that during these heated exchanges, we both got very worked up, in an obviously physical dimension. Rumors flew around the office-place that we were having an affair, or at the least had a major crush on one another.

Indeed I did find myself powerfully drawn to her intellect. She was my equal in every intellectual sense, and I often found by pulse racing and I would begin blushing when we "got into it" in front of upper management. I found myself sexually attracted to her eventually, and had to transfer to a different setting where our paths no longer crossed. I was single back then, but she was engaged and eventually married top management; I left before the inevitable occurred. I found myself consumed with her, every waking moment. I thought she was a mental AND physical goddess....

It was hell and I absolutely loved it.

reply to post by NoRegretsEver


Depends on how old you are. I've found that physical attractiveness is much less important, the older I get. I've definitely dated women in the past who weren't my physical ideal, but I enjoyed them as a person, so was willing to see where it would go.

reply to post by NoRegretsEver


If their not physically attracted to you most likely you wasn't in a relationship with them in the first place. And I doubt unless you grew up together that you know them enough to love them. As their wouldn't be enough intimate or emotionally touching moments with them to cause the brain to release dopamine.

But I will say this for the good. My soul mate is not what I would build in a build a g/f scenario. But at the same time that's why she is perfect.

well as long as i got eyes to see, no... without physical attraction there is no love. Most people who are gifted with eyes will not find it easy to love someone who is not attractive to him. it's only easy for people who are blind though. no offence to any blind, in fact i think we should learn and be like them, you love a person because of a kind heart not because of having blue eyes or a fit body. (i 'm a sucker of blue eyes while i have very common brown eyes. lol

It is what it is, and if you say, "It's not fair!" you're wrong. It's completely fair. If you are ugly and don't have some sort of compensatory trait, like money, for example, then you'll have to settle for someone as ugly as you are because they can't get anyone attractive either. Ugly marries ugly. Fat marries fat. Too bad for you, BUT.....

I had this friend in school. His name was John, but we all called him "Proboscis" because of his unusually prominent nose. Plus he was very short and thin, and he didn't do well in school. He also wore thick black-rimmed glasses. He didn't do well in sports. Proboscis didn't do well in brains, or in looks, but he would always have the most beautiful girlfriends you have ever seen--true knockouts, 10's with luscious bodies and wonderful personalities that would make most men drool.

So one day after seeing him drop off his latest gorgeous girl, the raven haired, utterly captivating Bobbie, I went up to him and said,

"John. I don't understand. How do you do it?" He knew exactly what I meant. He looked up at me with this s***-eating grin on his ugly face, and said,

"Charm."

Yes!

Aslong as they have some attractiveness. If you know misery then looks won't matter it's the one who takes care of you.

Think "Pretty Woman" with Julia Roberts. She doesn't want to be a prostitute and Richard Gere is the only one willing to help her!

For me there is the 'normal' attraction between a man and a woman. You date, you have sex, you leave each other...nothing special. Then there is that INTENSE physical attraction. The kind that when you enter a room and your eyes meet and something happens to your entire body...it's like this powerful magnetic force that hits you out of nowhere. Your throat constricts, your body tenses and you simply cannot take your eyes off that person. It's an overwhelmingly seductive feeling that I have personally only felt twice in my lifetime and I'm 38yrs old. If you were ever lucky enough to feel that connection with someone, then you will know it leads to mind-blowing sex and the real possibility of falling in love. For me, after having felt this connection...I can't and won't accept mediocrity in my life. I believe two people need this kind of attraction to be content, satisfied and happy in and out of the bedroom. Cheers from New Zealand

As a guy, the only two things that turn me off looks-wise are obesity and a refusal to shave any and all body hair, ie forest-in-the-armpit hippies.
Aside from those two things, I really could care less what a girl looks like or what clothes she wears. Attractiveness to me is personality, not looks.

reply to post by NoRegretsEver


well dang NRE, I didnt realized you felt this way about me

If you love them you will learn to appreciate who they are. When you think about how they are, you will link it to their individual appearance cause that is who they are. You will be attracted to them. a reply to: NoRegretsEver

originally posted by: Gazrok
reply to post by NoRegretsEver

 

Depends on how old you are. I've found that physical attractiveness is much less important, the older I get. I've definitely dated women in the past who weren't my physical ideal, but I enjoyed them as a person, so was willing to see where it would go.

^^^I think and feel the same.

I am older and I have been married and I have changed the way I see relationships.
Sex is amazing, great for the body and spirit, but without love is not important.

Lust is only a temporary thing. Love is forever.

Yes you can OP.

I love my Mum and I am not attracted to her so yes

Varies from person to person, obviously. Some can't live without the physical, while others can look past it. Luckily for me, I met my fiance on an online game and it was personality attraction first before physical. Had it been the other way around I probably wouldn't have even given him a second glance, and the same goes for him.

I love my fiance and would never trade him for anyone, despite him not meeting my attractive standards when we first met. (I eventually came to overlook them and they no longer matter to me.) I always envisioned myself hooking up with someone taller than me and not asian and with a better hairline. But that's all in the past now.

For him, he always envisioned himself marrying a girly-girl who wore all the high and latest fashions and wore make-up and did her hair and nails, never belched or had gas around him, etc etc. (LOL)
Instead, he ended up with me. A girl who is opposite of that in every way. (I do, however, try to dress up for him for those special days we go out to a nice restaraunt.)

After we managed to get over these ideals we had set-up for ourselves, we came to learn just how much of a great match we are. He likes my down-to-earth, laid-back attitude, and for me he's as every bit of a man, if not more, than what I originally envisioned. It just took some work on both our parts to tear down this fantasy we had built up over time, and that in itself did cause conflict between us at first (him trying to push his ideals on what a girl was supposed to look and act like on me and me making it obvious I wished he was taller.)

Ofc, we still poke fun at each other. He calls me a "hobo" around the house and I always offer to wax his head once he goes bald so he can become a buddhist monk.

Currently we've been together for 4 years, having known each other for 5, and we're going strong.