Can You Love Someone Who is NOT Physically Attractive To You?

Girls dont want guys who are loving and caring (such as myself), they prefer hot guys who drive ferraris and are jerks. Fact of life, and thats why i doubt ill ever date again.

Anyway, i could date a girl who is not physically attractive to me, and ive dated several that arent attractive to others. I dont believe in mainstream beauty though.

Personally i think love has to be unconditional. it cannot just be physical. but as long as i am concerned sex plays and important role in a relationship. but being able to love someone unconditionally without expecting anything in returns is pure love. so the answer to your question is, YES. you can love someone who is not physically attracted to you. but it'll be hard. and that is unconditional love. i have this article which describes more about unconditional love, please read it.

www.worldtransformation.com...

Originally posted by phroziac
Girls dont want guys who are loving and caring (such as myself), they prefer hot guys who drive ferraris and are jerks. Fact of life, and thats why i doubt ill ever date again.

No, girls want guys that are confident and make things happen for them. Girls want a man that acts like a man, not a guy that has let feminists guilt him into giving up his masculinity.

reply to post by NoRegretsEver


I think basing your opinion of another person on what society has told us is attractive is complete b/s!

Less attractive people are the ones with the great personalities, who have so much love to give. The "pretty people" have their heads up their own a** so far it ruins their inner beauty, IMO.

I think if you only go for the good looking person, you are really going to miss out on what a wonderful relationship is all about. It's about who we are... not what we look like.

Not to say that all pretty people are self-absorbed, but they are rare indeed! To have both inner and outer beauty is a true gem that's hard to find.

I believed in unconditional love. Yet when your love for someone is given unconditionally its not going to be returned.

I could love someone not based on physical attraction
That person would have to really be in sync with me though.
To have a real connection I think is a more major factor.

When you get into it for looks and sex it can be good for a while but will die in the long-term.

reply to post by NoRegretsEver


Funny stuff OP.

Well here's what I always say. To me, attraction depends on the 'after'. The AFTER i get to know you that is. I can me someone and think WOW, and then ten minutes later have no attraction what so ever.

THEN I can meet someone who never even conjured up a second thought. BUT later I may find myself thinking WOW, yumm!!! But really it has nothing to do with looks.

Beauty IS in the eye of the beholder.

Originally posted by phroziac
Girls dont want guys who are loving and caring (such as myself), they prefer hot guys who drive ferraris and are jerks. Fact of life, and thats why i doubt ill ever date again.

This is what the OP meant about people having a bad attitude towards others because of their experiences with other people.
It's a really bitter attitude to have, because women aren't all the same, and you're tarring an entire population because of a very small percentage of people you've met.

I've only ever dated one guy who drove, incidentally, he became a jerk and I chucked him. Been with my guy who is loving and caring for five years now.
The funny thing was, when we met, I thought he was the dogs dangly bits, I thought he was utterly gorgeous, but as time went by, and he became more nasty, he became physically repugnant to me.

In relation to the first post, I've dated guys who were not good looking. I've dated guys who were good looking. Funnily enough, there were no relationships that were better than others, no men who stood out as being a knight in shining armour and paragons for their pigeonhole.
One of the 'most not so good looking' guys I dated had some kind of thing about him which made him really attractive to women. It worked to such an extent for him, that he was totally ok about cheating on me.
One of the better looking guys was also very loving and caring, to such a degree he was smothering, and actually threw a full on tantrum, throwing himself down and beating his hands and feet on the floor because I didn't text him back as much as he would have liked. (My mum was going into renal failure and so I wasn't always available immediately).

The question itself - Can You Love Someone Who is NOT Physically Attractive To You?...
I think the answer lies entirely within each person.
I know people who absolutely hate what they call 'ugly people'. They don't like to even talk to them. This in itself is an unattractive trait in someone.
Being able to see past an unconventional exterior is a blessing.
I don't care what anyone says, people these days are very superficial about how people look.
Sometimes it's not always obvious why we like someone, sometimes it's obvious from the very start.
Attraction is felt with more than the eyes. It's felt with the heart. *gag*

Originally posted by Hefficide

About a decade ago a good friend of mine came to my aid at a time when I was deep in the hole and sort of lost. She was not attractive to me in the least and definitely not my type.

But... after she stood up for me when nobody else seemed very interested in doing so, things began to change and I found myself beginning to see her in a different light. She became attractive to me based upon who she was and not what she looked like. The who part overpowered the what... after awhile I found her utterly stunning and beautiful.

~Heff

I've been there. Still am in a way

I was going through some personal issues with another woman a few years back, had to separate after many years together, and at the same time here came this other woman on the scene. She gave me everything the other woman didn't. Mainly trust and confidence. Now, it may be true that she only did that for the sake of work, but I don't think it was only that. It's also true that I may have been on the rebound, but I've never felt that way before or since. This woman could do no wrong and, in my eyes, was ( and still is) the most beautiful woman in the world. And yes, the thought crossed my mind and she saw that I was vulnerable and played that to try to get what SHE wanted. But since I love her, I don't want to see that.

She is attractive on the outside, but I wasn't in love with her body. I was in love with who she was. Just the sweetest thing God made. We're apart now and hopefully she'll feel the same way I do, maybe she does but is just too shy to say it, so we can be together. There's nothing I want more.

It's funny. One of the most physically attractive women I've ever met in my life made me realize that sex isn't everything. She made me grow up. How can you not love a woman who does that?.........whether she tried to or not.

Most men categorize women in three groups.... 1-The ones you want just for sex,,they can look and age and act anyway they wish as long as you are sexually attracted to them!...2-The ones you are planing a friendship with,,they have to be smart funny,good sense of humor and have similar interests....3- The ones you are planing to marry,,They should be sexually attractive ,kind,loving,generous,and be able to maintain their innocence,as much as the ability of being wild every once in a while... being fit to be a good mother,physically and spiritually is also a must.....So yes physical looks are important if you want to wake up next to somebody for the next 50 years or so,and so is having a good personality.

love ya and ya story ... lots and lots of admiration and inspiration !!!!! xxxxx

Originally posted by shapur
So yes physical looks are important if you want to wake up next to somebody for the next 50 years or so,and so is having a good personality.

I have to disagree. I'm hung up on this girl now that is totally NOT my type. Too slim. But getting to know her has been amazing. She's caring, talented, I'll stop there before I make an ass out of myself. The physical attraction came as a result of a connection that is definitely not physical but it's there now.

reply to post by intrepid

Definition of the physical attraction varies depending on one's preference on,age,race,personality,etc....An absolute turn on to me might not suit you very well or otherwise.But the fact that you should be somehow attracted to someone to spend your life with ,remains the same.

reply to post by SaturnFX


Agree 100%.

My husband has been described as shockingly handsome. If he was fit, he could model. But he is very bipolar and maybe slightely autistic and a terrible person to deal with. I still love him, but there is no physical attraction.

One thing I will say about online relationships is that they have changed teh way people meet each other. But I went and researched what happens once people meet. Couples that have been dating online for years even, have finally met in person and have both been like: meh. And went on to be friends

Nature designed humans to breed like the rest of the animal kingdom. There is a chemistry going on that we are not concious of, and sometimes pheremones simply don't mix.

Originally posted by nixie_nox
reply to post by SaturnFX

 

One thing I will say about online relationships is that they have changed teh way people meet each other. But I went and researched what happens once people meet. Couples that have been dating online for years even, have finally met in person and have both been like: meh. And went on to be friends

/quote]

That's true.The online thing can be deceiving. You can go too far with the truth for example, then when you finally meet it can be a watered down version of what you imagined. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Offline works better in the long run though because there is a physicality that comes into play. It helps keep things real.

reply to post by phroziac


Bull.

That is the excuse you tell yourself so you don't have to get hurt.

Originally posted by DeepImpactX

That's true.The online thing can be deceiving. You can go too far with the truth for example, then when you finally meet it can be a watered down version of what you imagined. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Offline works better in the long run though because there is a physicality that comes into play. It helps keep things real.

I am not denying what you are saying. But this was more about relationships that went on a long time online. They did plenty of video, pictures, so they know about family history, friends, activities and hobbies and daily life.

I think you could know more about a person through online than your rl friends, but no matter how many pics you send, or videos you take, there is a certain mystery when it comes to chemistry.

I have a best friend whome I have talked to everyday online for over 5 years. I know his habits, his family, his work, everything. I know more about him and understand him than anybody else in his life. But we have never met. Now, since it has been SO LONG, it is hard to believe that we have never met, but I know him that well.

I am hoping to get enough money from my accident settlement to actually fly to meet him and have our families meet finally. (we have children the same ages)

I rely on him for emotional support more than any other person. He knows me that well.
If we cannot reach each other for any reason, we actually feel lost and panicky.

15 years ago, we would of never have known each other without the internet, it is strange to think about.
But now the internet opens doors that would of never have been there before. It is sad to think of all the missed opportunities before.

But I am sure that when we finally meet in rl, it might be strange. But I can't wait till I can give him a hug

Originally posted by nixie_nox

Originally posted by DeepImpactX

Originally posted by nixie_nox
reply to post by SaturnFX

 

That's true.The online thing can be deceiving. You can go too far with the truth for example, then when you finally meet it can be a watered down version of what you imagined. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Offline works better in the long run though because there is a physicality that comes into play. It helps keep things real.

I am not denying what you are saying. But this was more about relationships that went on a long time online. They did plenty of video, pictures, so they know about family history, friends, activities and hobbies and daily life.

I think you could know more about a person through online than your rl friends, but no matter how many pics you send, or videos you take, there is a certain mystery when it comes to chemistry.

I have a best friend whome I have talked to everyday online for over 5 years. I know his habits, his family, his work, everything. I know more about him and understand him than anybody else in his life. But we have never met. Now, since it has been SO LONG, it is hard to believe that we have never met, but I know him that well.

I am hoping to get enough money from my accident settlement to actually fly to meet him and have our families meet finally. (we have children the same ages)

I rely on him for emotional support more than any other person. He knows me that well.

But I am sure that when we finally meet in rl, it might be strange. But I can't wait till I can give him a hug.

edit on 1-1-2013 by nixie_nox because: (no reason given)

Um......could you edit that please? I have to put my "reader cheaters" on to read that. I think you did a typo with the quote brackets to where what you replied is VERY small.

Not a big deal, just very hard to read is all.

edit on 1-1-2013 by DeepImpactX because: (no reason given)

Never mind.

edit on 1-1-2013 by DeepImpactX because: (no reason given)

reply to post by DeepImpactX


*laughs* it only took me about 5 tries to fix it.

Happy new year to you!

reply to post by DeepImpactX


I forgot to add that it can create some problems too. Out of inflated or fake personalities as you have mentioned. But you can also form deep relationships to have the person dissappear on you.

I was very close to an ATSer. He was my best friend here. He is in another country, and dissappeared on me, and I have been searching for him for almost 2 years now. Any mail was returned unforwarded, and I have no idea how to reach him.

Some peoplle have become wrapped in their online relationships so much that they lose their real life lives. There are stories of lonely people even committing suicide after their online virtual partner, say in Second Life, simply dissappeared on them.

Originally posted by nixie_nox

Originally posted by DeepImpactX

That's true.The online thing can be deceiving. You can go too far with the truth for example, then when you finally meet it can be a watered down version of what you imagined. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Offline works better in the long run though because there is a physicality that comes into play. It helps keep things real.

I am not denying what you are saying. But this was more about relationships that went on a long time online. They did plenty of video, pictures, so they know about family history, friends, activities and hobbies and daily life.

I think you could know more about a person through online than your rl friends, but no matter how many pics you send, or videos you take, there is a certain mystery when it comes to chemistry.

I have a best friend whome I have talked to everyday online for over 5 years. I know his habits, his family, his work, everything. I know more about him and understand him than anybody else in his life. But we have never met. Now, since it has been SO LONG, it is hard to believe that we have never met, but I know him that well.

I am hoping to get enough money from my accident settlement to actually fly to meet him and have our families meet finally. (we have children the same ages)

I rely on him for emotional support more than any other person. He knows me that well.
If we cannot reach each other for any reason, we actually feel lost and panicky.

15 years ago, we would of never have known each other without the internet, it is strange to think about.
But now the internet opens doors that would of never have been there before. It is sad to think of all the missed opportunities before.

But I am sure that when we finally meet in rl, it might be strange. But I can't wait till I can give him a hug

edit on 1-1-2013 by nixie_nox because: I suck at quoting quotes

I can relate so well to that. Some people can talk more freely about things online then they could IRL for different reasons. One concern I have though is privacy. Other people catching wind of our conversations that neither of us want. Some people, like me, are overly cautious as to who see's these types of conversations because they are of a personal nature. Admitting you love someone online is one thing, the reasons why are quite another. Real life conversations though, you don't have to worry about because you can better dictate how private it all is.

I guess you just have to take the good with the bad when you're online doing these sorts of things until the time comes that you can meet in person.