Advice needed

I have a really nasty conspiracy theory, which concerns my own life ...

I think I'm a subject of a "hate crime". The reason I say so, is that my wife is getting a lot of "bad advice", which is affecting our lives in a negative manner.

We've been trying to conceve, and my wife had a planned ovulation this month. About 5 days after she started to experience some bladder pressure, and other symptoms. Her friends told her, she probably had urine infection, but she didn't have any temperature rise. She took her friends advice and went to the doctor who gave her anti-biotics. And almost immediately after taking it, her ovary ruptured ... over a week early.

Earlier, I've been worried about her friends, and family ... giving her advice that I'm bad for her. Introducing her to "other men", so to speek. I'd been worried, but not too bad ... but this time, it really hurts ... we've spent tens of thousands of dollars on trying to conceve, and been trying for years.

Now, I don't know what to do .... anyone who has an advice, of what to do. I don't think I'll ever be able to have a child, when I look at it ... and things are getting worse, every day. Outer influence is effecting our lives negatively, and it's getting worse and worse.

1. Relax.
2. ignore all friends and family.. it's got nothing to do with them.
3. get together with your wife and talk, openly and with your heart.
4. use the internet to calmly go over many of the possible ways to achieve your goal.
5. come to a decission together as to which ones to try.
6. have fun.

all this will, or should , strengthen the bond you two have, the commtiment you made to each other.
I hope you get to see what I'm saying and that it might inspire you to think of other options along similar lines.

Stress is a big bedroom killer..worry and panic do nothing to help your situation.
They say "mind over matter".. I'm quite a believer in that.. so get your minds together.. calm down, talk, be with, and for, each other and keep trying.. just don't let it take over your lives..

What will be will be and with a combined effort you shoul be able to achieve anything.

just my opinion

Only you and your wife know what works for your marriage.

People love to give advice, especially when they are not in your situation.

My wife and I both tried to get as far as way from "helpful" family members, it can really kill a marriage.


With that being said, I now give some of my own advice.

we've spent tens of thousands of dollars on trying to conceve, and been trying for years

My wife and I are both 30, we have been together since we were 18, once we got married we have done nothing to prevent conception.

Yet here we are years later and no kids, We have both discussed this at length.

The conclusion we have come to is a simple one, if we don't have kids naturally we will adopt.

when there are so many parent-less children out there that need a loving home, if the time comes where we have to have a child and have yet to we plan to adopt.

It is our view that who are we to so selfishly demand our genetics carry on, spending money that could go to raise a child just to have one.

reply to post by bjarneorn



Im going to say something rotten.. but I really do mean it. If your wife is showing you so little respect as to listen to others over you and she is not discussing things between you both or is allowing even the hint of going along with friends/family introducing her to other men.. you have a lot more problems than the inability to conceive. KWIM?? Id be outrageously offended.. and damned pissed off... if anyone I called a friend much less family interfered in my marriage enough so as to inject men not my husband into the mix. Ive NEVER heard of an antibiotic effecting ovulation in that manner.. BC pills effectiveness sure, but ovulation? Nope. One of my aunts couldnt conceive. After they ruled the husbands sperm count and motility out as being the problem.. they put her on Clomid and in a few months she was pregnant. Her issue was her hormonal phases were off kilter. If your wife hasnt been to a decent OB/GYN or an endocrinologist concerning the inability to conceive.. I wonder where youre spending all the money! LOL!

Anyway, I guess you and your wife have a choice.. deal with your issues between yourselves or invite a whole slew of idiot opinions and problems into your life.

Good luck!!!

reply to post by bjarneorn





Old saying

The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry!


Everybody makes plans and they don't always work out as planned....My best advice to you

is relax and deal with what life dishes out to you as you are doing, you have already taken

steps to deal with the difficulties of your wife conceiving.

When i said 'relax' to you it's because i know of couples who when the strain was taken away

they conceived. For example one couple decided to go the adoption route and put their

energies into that and then within months the wife became pregnant. the second couple

decided that if they couldn't have their own children they would work with under privilaged

children etc. and it wasn't long before the wife became pregnant herself..


There are things in life we can control and there are things in life we simply can't that's

just the way it is My daughter has a saying which i often remind myself of when i think

lifes being unfair "Whats for you won't go by you" It works for me!


So Relax and don't take things so personally and Good Luck to both of you...

Yeah, take advice with a grain of salt, you know? Only you two know exactly what is going on and what feels right. Also, if you're having trouble conceiving, would adoption be an option for you folks? I and my two younger brothers were adopted, all from different birth parents, and we were brought up in a very loving, giving, warm and nurturing family. We knew we were adopted as soon as we could understand what it meant and we never loved them less or wanted to find our birth parents at all. If you're open to any race, maybe look into adoption of a little girl from China. I saw a vid yesterday that broke my heart called 'The killing rooms'. The population control there of one child only has people tossing their new born baby girls away and some end up in orphanages completely abused and neglected fully. A small few take care of the baby girls but most are just ignored, treated like things and if they die, oh well.

maybe look into that for another option? Saving a blessed life would enrich not only that little girl but yours as well

reply to post by bjarneorn


Screw that buddy, her friends need to find something else to entertain their pathetic minds. As for the rest of what you are going through, I wish you all the best.

Originally posted by Advantage
you have a lot more problems than the inability to conceive. KWIM??

That's what I'm thinking too.

Ive NEVER heard of an antibiotic effecting ovulation in that manner.. BC pills effectiveness sure, but ovulation?

Anti-biotics are basically cell killers ... and the first week, any fetus is an invasion to a womans body.

but it's not the ovulation that got mixed with ... ovulation happened 24-36 hours after the orvitrelle (or is it orgalutran, I mix them up) intake.

But just two days after starting on the anti-biotics, and just 5-6 days after ovulation ... she got bleeding. And that's the end of it ... there is no question, that it's the anti-biotics. I also went online to check ... and yes, anti-biotics can kill the fetus, if it's just a week old.

If your wife hasnt been to a decent OB/GYN or an endocrinologist concerning the inability to conceive.. I wonder where youre spending all the money! LOL!

I wonder that too ... we can't keep on doing this, spending money like that ... I just gotta say no to it.

idiot opinions and problems into your life.

Hard choices aren't easy ...

Some good advice given here about relaxing, depending on each other, staying close and having fun. It is not unusual for couples involved with fertility issues to become obsessed with conception and forget that the love they have for each other comes first and matters most.

If your wife had an infection and the doctor prescribed antibiotics, they were needed. It has nothing to do with the advice of her friends if the doctor confirmed the infection. And while it may have ended a pregnancy, you don't know she was pregnant. Just because you're taking fertility meds doesn't mean you're going to get pregnant right away. I've been taking them for half a year now, and still no go. So don't jump to the conclusion she miscarried, or that the advice was bad.

Others have said it well. Perhaps you have more to worry about than conceiving at this time. Perhaps counseling is in order? At the very least, be honest with your wife. Tell her how you feel; don't assume she can read your mind. Explain your thinking and see how she reacts. If she brushes you off and continues with her behavior, then you need to know that. Or she may realize how her actions hurt you and take pains to change. If so, you need to know that too.

Best of luck to you both...

reply to post by bjarneorn


Hmm, as Extralien says (very succintly).

I have had a couple of friends in similar positions (regarding kids rather than the family, they sound horrible). All have ended up conceiving when they have basically just forgotten about the pressures involved and had a "drunken fumble" - well put it this way, it can't hurt trying it can it?

Originally posted by smyleegrl
If your wife had an infection and the doctor prescribed antibiotics, they were needed. It has nothing to do with the advice of her friends if the doctor confirmed the infection. And while it may have ended a pregnancy, you don't know she was pregnant. Just because you're taking fertility meds doesn't mean you're going to get pregnant right away.

We've been taking them for a long long long time ... and the doctor didn't find anything, just a bit of red and white blood in her urine (spotting), and gave her the medication more for prevention than any infection.